This Is Just Not My Week...
“Good people plant the seeds to trees of which the shade they will never sit in."
- Matthew (This guy I matched with on Bumble sent me this when I was talking about how 😩😩😩 I find parenting. I like it so I'm keeping it)
Ya know, usually I'm doing something productive right now but for some reason, I woke up with Brittney on my mind.
Well, not for some reason. Scratch that. Today is B01252011
I haven't woken up feeling it this bad in years tho'. It's probably because I've been trying to outrun my depression dragon since Cin'que died and today is the day. It's just not gonna be a good one.
The kids are acting like little assholes. Arguing like, almost everyday over the dumbest shit.
Saturday it was about Zyi' not moving his ass and going to the mailbox when he was told. He was like: "I was on a call" after pointing out that I didn't care, I told him to do something, he gets all heated to the point that I almost flipped out on him cuz I dunno where he thinks he lives but this is not a safe space. I had to gather myself and apologize for yelling and offending him then pointing out that he doesn't have the right to raise his voice at me. At all. He may be an adult but he is still a child in the home. That is not the same thing. Adulting isn't about talking back to your parents nor is it about being able to yell at them. That's childish. Adults communicate. Children throw tantrums. It is known.
Sunday it was Mo being mad cuz Zyi' cussed at her cuz she wasn't listening in the store. "He's not my dad!" (Over and over and OVER) I wasn't there so I covered the parental bases by pointing out that both of them were in the wrong for having a full blown argument behind Elizabeth's head, told Zyi' if he did cuss at Mo, he has no right and told Mo she should have done what Elizabeth said immediately and all of the after was easily avoided. Next thing I know I'm having to listen to how unfair that was. Wait… What?
Mo sees everything as a slight against her no matter what it is cuz Player 456 babied the dog shit outta her. Now that he's gone, she feels like she's outnumbered, especially now with Zyi' becoming an adult. Once you become an adult, in my eyes, your parents are supposed to take on more of a background role so I don't really say as much to Zyi' as I used to cuz it's time for him to forge his own path without me on his ass. It's important that I do this because if not, he'll forever be looking over his shoulder for my opinion and I didn't raise them to be cripples.
Case in point: Yesterday centered around Zyi's whatever the hell she is (Cuz the title keeps changing) sending him DoorDash (Which I was actually impressed by cuz she finally has a job and she didn't for awhile). Whether he asked her for it or she sent it on her own, I didn't see the issue. After a long winding road of complaining, I have come to the conclusion that Mo was jealous. She was like: "If Tyler sent me DoorDash, you would be mad at me." To which I pointed out that she's working on her weight right now. There was ALOT of back and forth that had absolutely nothing to do with the food to say I had to figure out on my own that the problem was that she eats salads on Mondays and Tuesdays and watching Zyi' walking in with food (Which he sat down in front of her) felt like a slight against her. (And it probably was. They both stay trying to one up the other) I told her as long as it's healthy, I wouldn't care if Tyler sent her food. (Cuz it's true. It just is) After listening to her whine because she hates all salads from restaurants (As if she's eaten a salad from every restaurant on the planet 🙄🙄🙄), I pointed out that it could be a sub or something of the sort. It didn't necessarily hafta be a salad. To which she just kept going: "You don't wanna understand. It's not fair." Now, I don't eat in front of Mo cuz I understand how hard a weightloss journey can be. I also understand that Mo only wants Zyi' to be an adult when it's convenient for her.
I don't see a problem with Zyi's lady friend sending him food because their dad used to bring me food all the time when we were younger. Tyler brings her food to school constantly and nobody utters a peep in her direction. When I pointed out this fact, it got flipped to: "But that's food from home, not DoorDash." And there it was.
That's when I got angry. She was jealous. None of this had anything to do with Zyi's gf sending him food and everything to do with her wanting to eat DoorDash too. She blew it into a bigger thing so that she would get her way. It was manipulative. She only cares about what's fair if there's some benefit to her. It's gross. I remind them all the time that she has bad qualities from not only me, but her dad. We aren't perfect people.
This is a bad quality that she inherited from her dad. Imma call it "The Not Fair Gene"... It's only "not fair" because she's not getting anything. It's only "not fair" because she's the one struggling with weight. It's only "not fair" because I'm mindful of what she's eating so she would rather have fast food than do her part.
That's what's "not fair."
I think there needs to be a discussion… Ugh… Again 😩😩😩
Later
PS: I dunno why today is sitting with me the way it is. Maybe it's because I'm tired of always being stuck with the kids. Player 456 left and it became my job to put out fires, wipe their tears, kiss their boo boos and put up with their bullshit. I'm feeling overwhelmed and mentally, I'm translating it into resentment. Yup. There it is. I'm feeling resentful. It happens every once in a while. Peaks and valleys… I mean. I'm fine, then I'm resentful. Back and forth… Hopefully it'll pass cuz I hate what happens next…
PS2: I love you, Brittney. Thought you should know 💜💜💜
PS3: Check this out...
^I really, really like the quote they included with it. That really is Toilyn and Tessa. True until the end. I'm glad I had something positive to write about
- Matthew (This guy I matched with on Bumble sent me this when I was talking about how 😩😩😩 I find parenting. I like it so I'm keeping it)
Ya know, usually I'm doing something productive right now but for some reason, I woke up with Brittney on my mind.
Well, not for some reason. Scratch that. Today is B01252011
I haven't woken up feeling it this bad in years tho'. It's probably because I've been trying to outrun my depression dragon since Cin'que died and today is the day. It's just not gonna be a good one.
The kids are acting like little assholes. Arguing like, almost everyday over the dumbest shit.
Saturday it was about Zyi' not moving his ass and going to the mailbox when he was told. He was like: "I was on a call" after pointing out that I didn't care, I told him to do something, he gets all heated to the point that I almost flipped out on him cuz I dunno where he thinks he lives but this is not a safe space. I had to gather myself and apologize for yelling and offending him then pointing out that he doesn't have the right to raise his voice at me. At all. He may be an adult but he is still a child in the home. That is not the same thing. Adulting isn't about talking back to your parents nor is it about being able to yell at them. That's childish. Adults communicate. Children throw tantrums. It is known.
Sunday it was Mo being mad cuz Zyi' cussed at her cuz she wasn't listening in the store. "He's not my dad!" (Over and over and OVER) I wasn't there so I covered the parental bases by pointing out that both of them were in the wrong for having a full blown argument behind Elizabeth's head, told Zyi' if he did cuss at Mo, he has no right and told Mo she should have done what Elizabeth said immediately and all of the after was easily avoided. Next thing I know I'm having to listen to how unfair that was. Wait… What?
Mo sees everything as a slight against her no matter what it is cuz Player 456 babied the dog shit outta her. Now that he's gone, she feels like she's outnumbered, especially now with Zyi' becoming an adult. Once you become an adult, in my eyes, your parents are supposed to take on more of a background role so I don't really say as much to Zyi' as I used to cuz it's time for him to forge his own path without me on his ass. It's important that I do this because if not, he'll forever be looking over his shoulder for my opinion and I didn't raise them to be cripples.
Case in point: Yesterday centered around Zyi's whatever the hell she is (Cuz the title keeps changing) sending him DoorDash (Which I was actually impressed by cuz she finally has a job and she didn't for awhile). Whether he asked her for it or she sent it on her own, I didn't see the issue. After a long winding road of complaining, I have come to the conclusion that Mo was jealous. She was like: "If Tyler sent me DoorDash, you would be mad at me." To which I pointed out that she's working on her weight right now. There was ALOT of back and forth that had absolutely nothing to do with the food to say I had to figure out on my own that the problem was that she eats salads on Mondays and Tuesdays and watching Zyi' walking in with food (Which he sat down in front of her) felt like a slight against her. (And it probably was. They both stay trying to one up the other) I told her as long as it's healthy, I wouldn't care if Tyler sent her food. (Cuz it's true. It just is) After listening to her whine because she hates all salads from restaurants (As if she's eaten a salad from every restaurant on the planet 🙄🙄🙄), I pointed out that it could be a sub or something of the sort. It didn't necessarily hafta be a salad. To which she just kept going: "You don't wanna understand. It's not fair." Now, I don't eat in front of Mo cuz I understand how hard a weightloss journey can be. I also understand that Mo only wants Zyi' to be an adult when it's convenient for her.
I don't see a problem with Zyi's lady friend sending him food because their dad used to bring me food all the time when we were younger. Tyler brings her food to school constantly and nobody utters a peep in her direction. When I pointed out this fact, it got flipped to: "But that's food from home, not DoorDash." And there it was.
That's when I got angry. She was jealous. None of this had anything to do with Zyi's gf sending him food and everything to do with her wanting to eat DoorDash too. She blew it into a bigger thing so that she would get her way. It was manipulative. She only cares about what's fair if there's some benefit to her. It's gross. I remind them all the time that she has bad qualities from not only me, but her dad. We aren't perfect people.
This is a bad quality that she inherited from her dad. Imma call it "The Not Fair Gene"... It's only "not fair" because she's not getting anything. It's only "not fair" because she's the one struggling with weight. It's only "not fair" because I'm mindful of what she's eating so she would rather have fast food than do her part.
That's what's "not fair."
I think there needs to be a discussion… Ugh… Again 😩😩😩
Later
PS: I dunno why today is sitting with me the way it is. Maybe it's because I'm tired of always being stuck with the kids. Player 456 left and it became my job to put out fires, wipe their tears, kiss their boo boos and put up with their bullshit. I'm feeling overwhelmed and mentally, I'm translating it into resentment. Yup. There it is. I'm feeling resentful. It happens every once in a while. Peaks and valleys… I mean. I'm fine, then I'm resentful. Back and forth… Hopefully it'll pass cuz I hate what happens next…
PS2: I love you, Brittney. Thought you should know 💜💜💜
PS3: Check this out...
^I really, really like the quote they included with it. That really is Toilyn and Tessa. True until the end. I'm glad I had something positive to write about