We Can Do/Be Better...
*starts spray painting knowing damn well it's not meant for inside projects* "Welp, we're getting high…"
- Me
"Ah, smells like rehab."
- Mo
"😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣"
- Me
Before I start lecturing myself…
BTS has yet another concert coming up, this time in Vegas. That reminds me, I have yet to receive my tickets from the Soeul concert. I need to find out about that like, pronto.
And now…
I need to do better. What do I mean?
I clearly remember myself putting the library/writing in general in this year's dead-ed box cuz I was tired of wasting my talents. I also CLEARLY remember saying that last year would be my last continuously getting off work only to hop in the bed. I was off to a great start then I got in my head again and BAM! Off the rails, again. You should see my room. I got it all nice and clean only to go back to the same ol' shit. Ugh, Jesus… Gross…
There has to be another way. There just has to be. I can't tank my business. It isn't for me. I wanna leave my kids with a legacy. I want nothing more than for them to see that it can be done so that they'll grow up wanting their own achievements. Having a shut in as a mother is bad enough. Having a shut in as a mother who does absolutely nothing to better herself ain't it. It is known. I think I need to set a deadline for Agents Of Chaos to be up and ready to go on Amazon. No more pussy footing around. The only way to combat depression is to push myself and I am accountable enough to admit that as of last month, I've been coasting through life.
I went sailing right back into an existence and not because I wanted to. Oh no no no. This is more about my mental health. When that cold kiss of depression starts to climb the base of my spine, I get crippled despite knowing better. Like, I'll literally be at work thinking about what I need to do once I get home then walk in the door and do the exact opposite. It's not even that it's easier. Cuz for me, writing used to be how I cope. It's my release. You know what?
Balance. I am off balance therefore a part of me is missing/craving it. Alot of what has triggered me is on me, but then there are the parts that let me know I am better off in my bubble. At least for now. Not forever, ya know?
You didn't notice, but it's been a few days and guess what?! It's a good thing. Starting this entry gave me the kick in the ass that I needed. So, what did we do?
Good question! Good question!
First, I cleaned our hamster cage cuz it was starting to look horrible back here. This included putting the stripper pole back up cuz Max has an idea for a photoshoot he's been tinkering with and I'm kinda into it so we're definitely doing that. (Speaking of shoots, still need to post those others… Gah, it has been a lazy existence all around)
Second, we FINALLY completed the ottoman project…
^What it took to make this happen
Mo was back here while I was finishing up and was like: "Now you gotta make one with me and everybody else." I was like: "But then y'all will argue over who gets which side cuz two of the sides are bigger." She goes: "No we won't cuz Zyi' doesn't like to take pics so he would automatically get one of the smaller sides." In the end, it has been decided if I ever manage to get another box this size, I might just do one of the kids with Mo and Laurynn taking the larger sides. Without further ado…
^I'm a genius! To quote that random dude from Queer As Folk who was in denial about how gay he actually was: "Can you stand it?! Can you stand it?!" (Y'all remember when Emmett tried to force himself to be straight? Dark time, my friends. Those were some dark days)
Wanna see all the way around? Of course you do!
^I'm mad proud of not only this, but myself. I knew it was gonna be epic cuz Max's ideas usually turn out to be good ones, but this… I didn't see this coming. So here's what I've decided: I think when I get off, up until chore time, (Which is at 7) I need to have some (My phone just kept trying to turn "some" into "sex" Bruh, even my phone knows my vagina has become a vacant lot 😂😂😂) sort of project to complete. It still gives me about 2hrs to lay around, but with about 3hrs of productivity depending on what time I get off work. That's fair, right?
Of course it is!
Ah, how I do love a good compromise
Later
PS: I bought my tickets for Permission To Dance On Stage Las Vegas!!! It's next Saturday and I've already purchased my concert merch piece! It's a button that looks like a casino chip. I loved it the second I saw it 💜💜💜
PS2: Player 456 has been texting me for 3days now. It's so weirdly random, but hey, when that man bothers to try, I let it happen cuz there's no telling how long it'll last. It is known
PS3: Talking to my brother (Gabriel's in the hospital again... Ya know, hearing about his experiences makes me wanna shut up about mine sometimes. It's the perspective of it all) about collaborating on an ottoman for him made me start wondering how I would feel about doing this professionally
^Hmmmm 🤔🤔🤔
- Me
"Ah, smells like rehab."
- Mo
"😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣"
- Me
Before I start lecturing myself…
BTS has yet another concert coming up, this time in Vegas. That reminds me, I have yet to receive my tickets from the Soeul concert. I need to find out about that like, pronto.
And now…
I need to do better. What do I mean?
I clearly remember myself putting the library/writing in general in this year's dead-ed box cuz I was tired of wasting my talents. I also CLEARLY remember saying that last year would be my last continuously getting off work only to hop in the bed. I was off to a great start then I got in my head again and BAM! Off the rails, again. You should see my room. I got it all nice and clean only to go back to the same ol' shit. Ugh, Jesus… Gross…
There has to be another way. There just has to be. I can't tank my business. It isn't for me. I wanna leave my kids with a legacy. I want nothing more than for them to see that it can be done so that they'll grow up wanting their own achievements. Having a shut in as a mother is bad enough. Having a shut in as a mother who does absolutely nothing to better herself ain't it. It is known. I think I need to set a deadline for Agents Of Chaos to be up and ready to go on Amazon. No more pussy footing around. The only way to combat depression is to push myself and I am accountable enough to admit that as of last month, I've been coasting through life.
I went sailing right back into an existence and not because I wanted to. Oh no no no. This is more about my mental health. When that cold kiss of depression starts to climb the base of my spine, I get crippled despite knowing better. Like, I'll literally be at work thinking about what I need to do once I get home then walk in the door and do the exact opposite. It's not even that it's easier. Cuz for me, writing used to be how I cope. It's my release. You know what?
Balance. I am off balance therefore a part of me is missing/craving it. Alot of what has triggered me is on me, but then there are the parts that let me know I am better off in my bubble. At least for now. Not forever, ya know?
You didn't notice, but it's been a few days and guess what?! It's a good thing. Starting this entry gave me the kick in the ass that I needed. So, what did we do?
Good question! Good question!
First, I cleaned our hamster cage cuz it was starting to look horrible back here. This included putting the stripper pole back up cuz Max has an idea for a photoshoot he's been tinkering with and I'm kinda into it so we're definitely doing that. (Speaking of shoots, still need to post those others… Gah, it has been a lazy existence all around)
Second, we FINALLY completed the ottoman project…
^What it took to make this happen
Mo was back here while I was finishing up and was like: "Now you gotta make one with me and everybody else." I was like: "But then y'all will argue over who gets which side cuz two of the sides are bigger." She goes: "No we won't cuz Zyi' doesn't like to take pics so he would automatically get one of the smaller sides." In the end, it has been decided if I ever manage to get another box this size, I might just do one of the kids with Mo and Laurynn taking the larger sides. Without further ado…
^I'm a genius! To quote that random dude from Queer As Folk who was in denial about how gay he actually was: "Can you stand it?! Can you stand it?!" (Y'all remember when Emmett tried to force himself to be straight? Dark time, my friends. Those were some dark days)
Wanna see all the way around? Of course you do!
^I'm mad proud of not only this, but myself. I knew it was gonna be epic cuz Max's ideas usually turn out to be good ones, but this… I didn't see this coming. So here's what I've decided: I think when I get off, up until chore time, (Which is at 7) I need to have some (My phone just kept trying to turn "some" into "sex" Bruh, even my phone knows my vagina has become a vacant lot 😂😂😂) sort of project to complete. It still gives me about 2hrs to lay around, but with about 3hrs of productivity depending on what time I get off work. That's fair, right?
Of course it is!
Ah, how I do love a good compromise
Later
PS: I bought my tickets for Permission To Dance On Stage Las Vegas!!! It's next Saturday and I've already purchased my concert merch piece! It's a button that looks like a casino chip. I loved it the second I saw it 💜💜💜
PS2: Player 456 has been texting me for 3days now. It's so weirdly random, but hey, when that man bothers to try, I let it happen cuz there's no telling how long it'll last. It is known
PS3: Talking to my brother (Gabriel's in the hospital again... Ya know, hearing about his experiences makes me wanna shut up about mine sometimes. It's the perspective of it all) about collaborating on an ottoman for him made me start wondering how I would feel about doing this professionally
^Hmmmm 🤔🤔🤔