Thoughts And Observations...
"The person who is unwilling to celebrate your come up is probably awaiting your downfall."
- Me
Today is Drag Race day!!! *applause* *confetti* *glitter*
This isn't a review entry tho'. This is an entry for thoughts and observations.
So yesterday Delores was telling us that all the guys at our job can't wear earrings. It took a moment of back and forth between Sigrid and I to piece together that this is a McDonald's rule... Not DHEC. So why? Who cares? Apparently, it's a silent kind of discrimination. Because we are not corporate owned, there are several rules that our higher ups infuse into our burger farm... Like no oddballed hair colors, no nail polish... Shit like that. Now, I've always known this but the earrings? Why? Sigrid said because they see it as a signal that you're gay. Stop the presses! Wait... what? I called bullshit at 1st but one conversation with Delores revealed that Sigrid was correct and I was livid. I mean, since when does a piece of jewelry control your sexual orientation? Like, what in the actual fuck?
Cut to this morning where Mr. Leon joins our ragtag group of burger inmates wearing pink NIKE'S and Delores was going on and on about his shoes and again... huh?
Colors are just that: Colors. We are taught that colors should be assigned to girl or boy when we're little. We are taught this to be true for years, we blindly followed suit without the understanding that the majority of the ideals we take on are learned traits. Even our words. One of my favorite quotes from Infinity War is: "All words are made up." I've been saying it for years... Especially when people would try to correct how I speak... when I use words I've created... So seeing it voiced by someone else was refreshing. Kudos to the writers for that one. In life, we get so caught up in what we are taught that sometimes we forget to respect other people's differences. I have seen many a time where people hold fast on an opinion because they were taught something and it's sad because you could miss out on the best of a person because you are too busy focusing on what you believe to be the worst.
And why? Why are we taught so many things are wrong, wrong, wrong and then we force those opinions on others? Christianity is supposed to be the most welcoming, least judgmental religion and sadly, more times than not, they are the 1st to pass down hate then get mad when no one wants to be near them. You can't force someone to see through your eyes. The most you can do is offer a new perspective and if they accept it, they do... If they don't, fine. Shouting your opinions from the rooftops doesn't make you right. It just means you're super loud... and your ass still could be wrong. Funny how these things work out, huh? Basically, I was shocked and a little disappointed at how it uncoiled cuz as a people, our community has come so far but that whole "situation" reminded me of how much more we have to go.
Since I brought up forcing opinions on others, Erica and I still aren't talking. Back in the day, I woulda texted her by now apologizing even if I knew I didn't do anything wrong. That me is long gone. I really did grow tired of always being attacked, downgraded and belittled and every time I would say it offends me, not even a simple apology... As if it didn't matter. I would even send her screenshots and she would sail across them as if I were making my feelings up... And then would be like: "I have feelings for you." Girl, bye. She would get so irritated when I compared her to David but this was the same shit he used to do. He would show his ass and then later wanna brush it away. I am not a fucking dry erase board. For years I would remain silent on my own feelings, opinions and thoughts but that me and the me I am now no longer eat at the same tables... Nor do they need to. All that silence made me so toxic. I became a toxic person and I didn't like her. Not one bit but for some reason, it didn't stop me. Which is just fucking gross.
So yeah, I dunno. Without a sincere apology and real, unfiltered changes, I believe this is the end of our story. She's not good for me. A person who is always dragging you and never wants to see the good in you is toxic to a person who is trying to change and grow and as time went on, I started feeling as if she was looking at the person I was, not who I am. That does me no favors because at the end of the day, I not only needed a change, I craved it. She's not a bad person... Like, at all. She's just bad for me, ya know? She's just so negative. Plus that, the comparing herself to others got old... The constant unwarrented jealousy got annoying. The fact that even when I would go outta my way to include her, she would later act as if it didn't happen when she was trying to pick a fight with me. As a matter of fact, she flat out said she doesn't see the measures I make on her behalf... which hurt me but I didn't make a big deal outta it. I mean, to say she claims to love me so much, she is always belittling me and if her opinion of me is shitty at best, why stay in my life? Why put yourself through that? I mean, she aways projecting her insecurities on me and I lived with David doing that for years so I decided to remove what she said said herself was the issue: Me... Since I was the problem, I solved it.
I removed myself
Later