Food For Thought...
"It wasn't a bad message remember that she loves you She had to tell you that it was okay and you have another god child and this is what he looks like she made you see."
- Teri (Via text)
I'm feeling a lot better. I talked it out with Teri last night and today I'm doing focal points. Like, I'm glad I created the focal point system. It's a band aide. I am aware. I dunno, I guess just the knowledge that I was lying here not wanting to move, I knew I could not do that.
So today I took the kids out and we made paper airplanes. Flying them and stuff: AWESOME. I love that they enjoyed it as much as they did and they didn't argue the whole time like they do when they're playing with the Wii. I wrote Mo Mo and Kylee's names on theirs so they were readily identifiable upon landing. Today I chose to spend time with my kids. I told Teri being around them (genetic or otherwise) makes me very happy yet, I still don't like kids. It gives me a warm, tingly feeling. Maybe it's gas. Yes, I told Teri this. She said it's totally gas.
*sighs* That reminds me: I was supposed to call Amanda when I got off work yesterday. I can push people away but, not her. Never her.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on this island all alone. I've tried flare guns and smoke signals. I've even resorted to screaming and waving my arms yet somehow, when the dust settles, I am still on this island.
These thoughts that plague us all...
At least I'm feeling better
Later
PS: Kylee asked me earlier if when she moves away to go to college, will I still see her the same. I told her she would still be my daughter. She asked even after she has her own kids and I was like "Yeah, cuz then you'll make me a grandma." She was like "Cool" then she ran out the door.
Thank you Brittney for Kylee. I will always keep my promise.
- Teri (Via text)
I'm feeling a lot better. I talked it out with Teri last night and today I'm doing focal points. Like, I'm glad I created the focal point system. It's a band aide. I am aware. I dunno, I guess just the knowledge that I was lying here not wanting to move, I knew I could not do that.
So today I took the kids out and we made paper airplanes. Flying them and stuff: AWESOME. I love that they enjoyed it as much as they did and they didn't argue the whole time like they do when they're playing with the Wii. I wrote Mo Mo and Kylee's names on theirs so they were readily identifiable upon landing. Today I chose to spend time with my kids. I told Teri being around them (genetic or otherwise) makes me very happy yet, I still don't like kids. It gives me a warm, tingly feeling. Maybe it's gas. Yes, I told Teri this. She said it's totally gas.
*sighs* That reminds me: I was supposed to call Amanda when I got off work yesterday. I can push people away but, not her. Never her.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on this island all alone. I've tried flare guns and smoke signals. I've even resorted to screaming and waving my arms yet somehow, when the dust settles, I am still on this island.
These thoughts that plague us all...
At least I'm feeling better
Later
PS: Kylee asked me earlier if when she moves away to go to college, will I still see her the same. I told her she would still be my daughter. She asked even after she has her own kids and I was like "Yeah, cuz then you'll make me a grandma." She was like "Cool" then she ran out the door.
Thank you Brittney for Kylee. I will always keep my promise.