I Can Be Reasonable... Sorta...
"It is so bad that I keep fantasizing that one of us is dying of cancer so that I don't have to break up with her."
- Charlie (The Perks of Being A Wallflower)
I would like to start this entry by saying I've always imagined myself reasonable but, that's kinda a lie and I have an overly active imagination. I am not reasonable. Never have been and I will probably draw my last breath just as unreasonable as the unreasonable ones I'm heaving in right now.
Where is this coming from? Well, today, David kindly informed me that Kyle, he and NB had a nice little pow wow about me or should I say "the lack of me". Now, for those of you who have been keeping up, my friendship with Kyle has been dying out like insurgents in Irag since Kyle opened his stupid mouth and told Grandmammy Whoreface that I was after him (Me... Yes, this totally happened. See the tag 'Fuck Kyle He's A Selfish Little Shit' if you feel the need to brush up on the beginning of the end) and he has been trying to get rid of me for YEARS. Now, personally, if someone tells me to get lost, I must admit, it is one of my most redeemable qualities. It doesn't take much for me to stop talking to people. Since no one uttered such words in my direction, I didn't know my presence was no longer desired. Colored me oh so very embarrassed. Now, after that infraction, I tried to block out my anger and still hang in there since I gave Brittney my word and so on and so forth. (And David begged me to drop it cuz ya know, he's David)
Well, as mentioned, Sunday I shimmied on over there and guess what? It didn't suck donkey dick. BUT see, Kyle and NB started hanging out with Grandmammy Whoreface. They swear they are done with that but, by the time they came to that conclusion, I no longer gave a shit. My give a damn had run out. Plus, I am a firm believer that you cannot force a person to stop hanging out with another but I am also aware if I can ever get my hands on a shovel, some acid and black trash bags... *coughs* Ya know... I kid, I kid. (Not really) Could just feed her to some hogs. They eat everything, even the bones and they are, after all, practically cousins. To me, if Kyle and I were ever friends... Wait, wait... Bah! I have got to stop with the if Kyle and I were friends whine sessions. We were never friends. I was his friend but, he never... Well, I dunno. I expect so much from people. Up until Grandmammy Whorebag, much to David's annoyance, I always said he's the only person who's always been 100% with me no matter what.
I dunno. I guess I wish... SA says this whole situation is the biggest lost cause he's ever seen and he doesn't understand why I give a shit. Then again, SA hates Kyle's guts and... Ya know, he's SA. It's his thing.
I'm trying to think reasonable thoughts here and it's just not working. I kinda just wish...
Well, you know what I wish.
I wish it everyday and no matter what I do, it doesn't come true.
Later
PS: I honestly don't know if I could be real, unfiltered friends with NB simply because being in her vicinity makes me feel like I'm pissing on Brittney's ashes or some shit. Yes, I am aware that makes no sense. I am VERY aware actually. I am also aware that just about every move I've made since that day makes no sense but, seeing as how I haven't killed anyone, let's not invest too much in the time I waste.
PS2: David says Kyle told NB I place weird values on friendships. I thought that was kinda cute because with that one line, I remembered how close we used to be but, that's the thing about the past. It's back there for you to marvel at. You look at it and you can decide where you go from there. Then you remind yourself that no matter how much you may want to, you can never get back what is lost. Especially if you burn bridges. Kyle not only burned our bridge, he torched the country it led to. Or maybe I'm just a bitter little crybaby. BUT... And here's some food for thought ---> Even if I am, it's not like I've been calling him, texting him and showing up at his house like some desperate groupie. I've actually been getting my life right. Not completely %100 but, just enough that my personalities aren't at war anymore.
- Charlie (The Perks of Being A Wallflower)
I would like to start this entry by saying I've always imagined myself reasonable but, that's kinda a lie and I have an overly active imagination. I am not reasonable. Never have been and I will probably draw my last breath just as unreasonable as the unreasonable ones I'm heaving in right now.
Where is this coming from? Well, today, David kindly informed me that Kyle, he and NB had a nice little pow wow about me or should I say "the lack of me". Now, for those of you who have been keeping up, my friendship with Kyle has been dying out like insurgents in Irag since Kyle opened his stupid mouth and told Grandmammy Whoreface that I was after him (Me... Yes, this totally happened. See the tag 'Fuck Kyle He's A Selfish Little Shit' if you feel the need to brush up on the beginning of the end) and he has been trying to get rid of me for YEARS. Now, personally, if someone tells me to get lost, I must admit, it is one of my most redeemable qualities. It doesn't take much for me to stop talking to people. Since no one uttered such words in my direction, I didn't know my presence was no longer desired. Colored me oh so very embarrassed. Now, after that infraction, I tried to block out my anger and still hang in there since I gave Brittney my word and so on and so forth. (And David begged me to drop it cuz ya know, he's David)
Well, as mentioned, Sunday I shimmied on over there and guess what? It didn't suck donkey dick. BUT see, Kyle and NB started hanging out with Grandmammy Whoreface. They swear they are done with that but, by the time they came to that conclusion, I no longer gave a shit. My give a damn had run out. Plus, I am a firm believer that you cannot force a person to stop hanging out with another but I am also aware if I can ever get my hands on a shovel, some acid and black trash bags... *coughs* Ya know... I kid, I kid. (Not really) Could just feed her to some hogs. They eat everything, even the bones and they are, after all, practically cousins. To me, if Kyle and I were ever friends... Wait, wait... Bah! I have got to stop with the if Kyle and I were friends whine sessions. We were never friends. I was his friend but, he never... Well, I dunno. I expect so much from people. Up until Grandmammy Whorebag, much to David's annoyance, I always said he's the only person who's always been 100% with me no matter what.
I dunno. I guess I wish... SA says this whole situation is the biggest lost cause he's ever seen and he doesn't understand why I give a shit. Then again, SA hates Kyle's guts and... Ya know, he's SA. It's his thing.
I'm trying to think reasonable thoughts here and it's just not working. I kinda just wish...
Well, you know what I wish.
I wish it everyday and no matter what I do, it doesn't come true.
Later
PS: I honestly don't know if I could be real, unfiltered friends with NB simply because being in her vicinity makes me feel like I'm pissing on Brittney's ashes or some shit. Yes, I am aware that makes no sense. I am VERY aware actually. I am also aware that just about every move I've made since that day makes no sense but, seeing as how I haven't killed anyone, let's not invest too much in the time I waste.
PS2: David says Kyle told NB I place weird values on friendships. I thought that was kinda cute because with that one line, I remembered how close we used to be but, that's the thing about the past. It's back there for you to marvel at. You look at it and you can decide where you go from there. Then you remind yourself that no matter how much you may want to, you can never get back what is lost. Especially if you burn bridges. Kyle not only burned our bridge, he torched the country it led to. Or maybe I'm just a bitter little crybaby. BUT... And here's some food for thought ---> Even if I am, it's not like I've been calling him, texting him and showing up at his house like some desperate groupie. I've actually been getting my life right. Not completely %100 but, just enough that my personalities aren't at war anymore.