Remember Me!?! Chapter 25: Hear Your Voice
Remember Me!?!
Chapter 25: Hear Your Voice
Couple: JongKey/MinKey
Genre: Romance, Triangle, Drama, Angst, Fluff, Humor
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own any bands/groups and/or their songs that I mention in this fanfiction. Songs belong to rightful owners, Idol’s images belong to their companies, and Idols themselves are not owned by anyone. The plot is my making, but I do not claim ownership over names/characters. *All songs used belong to their rightful owners, performers, and labeling companies. No copyright intended.
Summary: All the words he wished he could say, all the emotions he had hidden from the other, and all the memories bundled into a few soft words in a melody, a heartfelt freestyle, the threats and promises that they had made and received.
“…Hyun? Jonghyun-ah? Are okay?” The noise of Onew’s slightly nasally voice sounded quietly in Jonghyun’s ears, but he didn’t move. He was too tried to move. He just continued to lay lazily where he was and stay half-passed out. “Jonghyun-ah, wake up already. Otherwise you’re going to be really late. Are you breathing still…? Seriously, you haven’t shown any signs of life for the last few hours….Jonghyun-ah, can you hear me?? Do I have to try to revive you? Say something quickly!” Onew said quickly.
Jonghyun’s brain wasn’t functioning, and because of this fact he might had screamed and tried to escape from the “revival” that Onew was offering him, if it were not for the fact that he had sat with his ear to the wall all night long, trying to hear and any and everything that he could from his new “neighbors” (which was only a few clanks of dishes around dinner time, and Kibum’s way too loud of laughter cracking at the noise that sounded like the television). If not for the fact that Jonghyun had stayed in that exact spot, listening to everything he could until he finally fell over dead with the noise of his “neighbors” both laughing together when nothing funny had been said. If perhaps he had slept instead of his tormenting mind going over and over again about what they could have been laughing at together, perhaps he would have been able to be more prepared for the strange feeling of something warm and fleshy poking into his closed mouth suddenly.
Jonghyun’s eyes snapped open quickly with utter shock as he suddenly recalled Onew threatening to “revive” him if he showed no signs of breathing. To be revived probably meant that Onew was going to try-Jonghyun shot up like a living man out of a grave before his allowed his mind to go any further.
“OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!” Jonghyun screamed as loudly as he could, spitting the warm and fleshy thing that had just been stuffed into his mouth out. “YOU SICKO!! Wha-wha-what did you just do!?! What did you just do to me-??” He was cut off by Onew’s dweeby smile and a half-slobbered on chicken drumstick falling onto his lap (what he had just spat out).
Onew smiled widely as Jonghyun looked down at the drumstick before looking back at him with big eyes. “You’re alive! Hurray! I knew that the power of chicken would save you! I’m sad to lose a piece, but as long as you’re alive and well, I guess it’s worth it.” Onew answered, as he continued to smile dorkily.
Jonghyun shivered and glanced back down at the piece of chicken next to him. Well, it could have been worse, right? God, what a wake up-he wasn’t awake for three minutes yet and he already felt like he escaped death. Waking up to thinking that Lee Onew was trying to attempt to give you CPR wasn’t the most graceful wakeup. What happened to when he would wake up with his head on Kibum’s lap-Jonghyun’s eyes widened as he realized what he thought and looked away quickly, mentally kicking himself.
“Ugh...what do you want, Onew? It’s Monday today, and I skipped class today because I have a gig later. What’s the point of waking me up so early? Why is it so dark in here? Why have you woken me so early?” Jonghyun finally made himself groan after a long minute of rubbing his temples.
Onew glanced over his shoulder at the small chicken-shaped clock he had hung in the bedroom the day before, before glancing back at Jonghyun again. “U-ugh…well, it’s already six….and you have your gig at seven, right? I-it’s already evening.” He muttered, after a moment.
Jonghyun shot out of his bed as quickly as anyone could, big eyed. “What!?” He screeched. “And you didn’t remind me!?! Augh, what’s the point in telling you if you DON’T REMIND ME!?” He snapped quickly, only getting a face from Onew as a reply.
“W-well, I had classes until an hour or so ago, and you looked so comfortable sleeping there on the floor…I didn’t want you to get mad at me for waking you…” Onew muttered, after a long moment.
Jonghyun sighed as he rubbed his temples and stood up slowly from where he had been laying. “Alright, alright, I didn’t mean to snap at you-I’m just tired. At least, thanks for waking me up this early, but-SHIT! I have to dress nicely tonight if I want it to go well. Damn, I hate planning outfits. Ugh, now I’m going to be late-huh, what’s that?” He was interrupted by Onew handing him a small shopping bag.
“Key dropped this off for you this morning when he stopped by. He figured you’d oversleep and left you some lunch in the fridge and set this out for you, saying that he bought it so you could look good for your gig tonight. You’re set for getting ready.” Onew answered after a moment, smiling.
Jonghyun sighed and glanced into the bag slowly, where he saw a neat stack of brand-named clothes and a couple of accessories placed inside, with a yellow sticky note that read “fighting!” in Kibum’s recognizable cute handwriting. At least he could always rely on Kibum for picking out complimentary clothes for him. He sighed before picking up the jacket Kibum had picked out for him, glancing it over before his eyes suddenly fell on the price tag, a uncommonly huge amount on it. “Damn, they’re expensive! Stupid Kibum-don’t waste so much money on clothes…” He muttered to himself, before slowly glancing back towards Onew. “He just brought these here and left? Where is he himself?” He asked quietly, after a slight moment.
Onew smiled as he eyed the sleeping puppy who had made her way to Jonghyun’s pillow and was now sleeping soundly, the cute pink ribbon Kibum had tied around her neck half in her mouth as she played with it before she fell asleep. “He and Minho stopped by this morning before their classes started. Key said that he only wanted to see you really quickly so we didn’t wake you up. He also dropped off some more food for Roo and made you some food as well.” He answered, after a moment.
Jonghyun sighed quietly as he went through the clothes again. “U-um….how…how was he?” He found himself asking after a long moment. “…was…he really upset with me because of yesterday?” He added, curiously.
Onew sighed and glanced back at Jonghyun after a long moment, frowning sorrowfully. “Honestly…I don’t know how he feels right now. He seemed fine this morning-still happy and talking and calling me Ori and beautiful, and cute, and sexy, an-” He stopped himself as he was met with a warning-filled glare from Jonghyun. “ugh, I mean…he was as he normally is this morning. But…when you stormed out yesterday…you really made him cry, you know. If Minho wasn’t there with him to comfort him…I really don’t know what I could have done-he was really, really upset.” He muttered, after a moment.
Jonghyun stopped and sighed quietly, smoothing his hands over the newly brought clothes and glancing over the sticky note. “I’m sorry….” He whispered quietly. “I really shouldn’t have said that to him. I was just…so upset. I didn’t know how to deal with it. How to deal with…Mi-him.” He thought slowly, before sighing and walking over to change into the clothes that Kibum had bought him, as well as trying to remember where he left his wallet so he could slip at least half of what they cost under Kibum’s door without him knowing who it was from.
~*~*~
Kibum sighed as he listened to the music playing and as Minho next to him prepared his rap. It seemed like forever since he and Minho had actually had time to practice rapping together like they used to, and even longer since they had written anything together. Kibum used to enjoy rapping with Minho so much, and yet it seemed like forever since he had. After Jonghyun left, Kibum used to lose himself against the steady beats of the music and Minho’s deep and steady voice, and used to be able to just breathe out again and get his feelings expressed in a way that only he and Minho could understand. He used to let all the pain and stress out through lyrics, rather than bottling them. Yet, since he had come to Daegu he hadn’t had a chance to just lose himself. He had so much emotion bottled inside of him, that as he heard the solid beats and the steady voice of Minho, he found himself closing his eyes and relax.
As Kibum listened to Minho’s smooth voice easing over the words, he felt himself become again at ease and slipped into the feeling Minho’s words brought him. Allowed himself to fall back to all the emotion, all the memories, all the feelings he had left of Jonghyun, and made him think of everything he wished he could tell him, and yet would not allow himself to say. However, there, in front of only Minho-the only one that Kibum could open his heart to since Jonghyun left-he could say everything he felt, as the words came spilling out easily.
*“Your unforgettable love,
The final tears
Are ripping away at my chest
Leaving only scars that will never heal
Leaving me as my miserable self
I'm so distressed, what do I do?”
Minho stopped from their rapping, and glanced up at Kibum as he heard the words escaping from the other boy’s mouth. He had always known that Kibum was a good singer and a talented rapper, but he had never heard him honestly freestyle like this before. He had written little bits of works with him before, and he knew that he was a good writer, but the way that the shorter boy stared down at his feet, eyes glazed over with a soft and lonely stare as the words came from not his vocal chords, but his heart, Minho was almost pushed to where Kibum was feeling, his heart suddenly ached in his chest as he heard the words. He could tell just by hearing Kibum’s voice that he meant every single word that had left his lips. His words flowed easily, and his voice when he preformed it was so strong-just so raw with emotion that it stopped Minho in his tracks and he found himself unable to swallow as he stared at Kibum, instead of continuing on with the rap.
Kibum felt his heart tremble a little as the words explained the emotions that he had been bottling for so long escaped and disappeared into the music. He had waited for so long to say those words-say them to Jonghyun and make him understand how much he still loved him-how much he hurt. At the thought, he held his breath and closed his eyes as he felt them become stingy with tears. He must have poured out too much emotion-he hadn’t meant to cry and make Minho see him like this. However, as he hid his face away from the taller boy, he immediately felt a warm arm rapping around him and holding him close. He stifled a tear before burying his face in the comforting jacket of the one he now trusted most, disappearing into the comforting smell of the other boy.
~<3~
Jonghyun sighed as he kept his gaze down on the guitar in his arms, as he continued to strum the strings quietly, lost in thought. He knew that he wasn’t doing himself any good by locking himself in the backstage area of where he was to be performing his gig, thinking over things that he wished he could just forget, but he couldn’t stop himself anymore. All he could think about was the sight of Kibum’s beautiful crystal tears falling off his cheeks and falling towards the ground as he cried. All he could hear was Onew’s words to him, over and over reminding himself of what an asshole he was.
“…When you stormed out yesterday…you really made him cry, you know. If Minho wasn’t there with him to comfort him…I really don’t know what I could have done-he was really, really upset.”
Jonghyun closed his eyes tightly as the words left imprints on his heart again. He held his breath as he had always sworn to hate anyone who could make Kibum cry and not comfort him after, or at least apologize-and, here he was, knowing that he was exactly the kind of person who he used to claim to hate. “Oh god….I’m such an idiot…” He found himself thinking slowly. “…such a hypocritical idiot. All my life, I have claimed to hate nothing more than the kind of person that I’ve already become. Perhaps…just perhaps it would be better if I was to end up always being alone…I’m ending up-I’m ending being just like my father.” He sighed and pushed his bangs up from his eyes and dropped his forehead into his palm. “I shouldn’t treat him the way that I do. A-and I shouldn’t treat Tiffany the way that I do, either. Heck, I shouldn’t even treat Onew the way I do. Why should I deserve to be loved by Kibum still? I’ve turned out to be nothing. Nothing but someone who deserves to be left alone.” He thought, sadly.
“The way I’ve treated him…how could he still care about me? I’ve said things meant as nothing more than to make him hate me. I’ve been the biggest asshole towards him-even when he doesn’t deserve it. But…” He sighed again quietly and dropped his head more into his palm, closing his eyes tightly as harsh emotions began erupting inside of him. “But I still can’t help it. Wh-when I saw him and M-Minho…when they were so close to each other. T-touching each other like that….when I learned that he was the one who has been at Kibum’s side this whole time…I-I didn’t mean to yell at him the way I did. I didn’t mean to do anything of it-I was just so….so…jeal-upset. Aih….I’m such an idiot who can’t hold my temper…” He thought miserably.
Jonghyun sighed again quietly, and continued to strum his guitar softly. For some reason, words seemed to float around in his mind, soft and slow and sweet, a melody already tied into it. He hadn’t been able to compose for so long-his mind was always swept somewhere else and he couldn’t find the emotion behind the words of love and happiness. But, now, as he sat and thought of everything he felt for Kibum still-everything he wanted to express, even if he knew that he could never say the words to Kibum ever again-they were all there, on the tip of his tongue. Only if he would allow himself to say them. It was like he could speak to Kibum again easily-Kibum minus all the distractions, all the emotions he was too scared to express, minus all the people around them, minus Minho and minus…Kibum’s eomma.
*“So many days I had
Everything of you.
But why is it (baby why)
That now (tell me why)
That I can't find you?
I'm so frightened that
In the places where our memories are deeply embedded
That I may (I know) see you there with the perfect man.
I trusted that I would meet a love like you again
The pain of you branded in my heart is death
What do I do?”
At that moment, as all the words finally spilled from Jonghyun’s lips, and he was finally able to express all the feelings he had kept to himself for four years, and thought of the very reason why it was completely impossible for he and Kibum to ever be together again, and felt tears prickling at his eyes, he was interrupted by the noise of the door of the backstage area being opened, and the eyes of his employer staring at him.
“Ugh, are you still going to perform? We’re ready for you.” Jonghyun’s employer asked uneasily after a moment, as Jonghyun hastily did his best to wipe away all the tears that started to make their way to his cheeks, and stood up quickly, nodding. There was no point in crying about it right then. There was nothing that he could do at the moment-things were forced to be the way that they were. Jonghyun at this time did not have any control of how he and Kibum’s relationship at the current moment was, no matter how much he hated it. No matter how much he began to feel the same angry pain budding in his stomach as he thought of the words Kibum’s mother had left him just a week after he was forced to move away. No matter how much he didn’t want to obey such commands…..he wiped all his tears off his cheeks and walked out of the area and onto stage to perform again in front of the club.
~*~*~*~
A/N: SUPRISE! The truth unfolds! Soon we'll get to understand more about why Jonghyun started ignoring Kibum in the first place, but I promise you there'll be plenty of MinKey too! Thank you so much for reading! Inspired by SHINee's song "Romantic". Gosh that song fits so well with the mood I was going for, and is SO sad.
PS. Sorry for the late update. I came up with a new plan for updating, and that is that the chapters will be shorter but more often posted. Does that sound good or rather the longer wait and longer chapters? I hope you enjoyed either way!~