Because I Wanted to Be With You.
Because I Wanted to Be With You.
Couple: Jongyu (Slightly hinted MinKey)
Genre: Fluff, Romance, Angst -->(Only in the beginning)
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own any bands/groups and/or their songs that I mention in this fanfiction. Songs belong to rightful owners, Idol’s images belong to their companies, and Idol’s themselves are not owned by anyone. The plot is my making, but I do not claim ownership over names/characters.
Summary: Because of clashing schedules, Jonghyun is forced to separate from the rest of SHINee, barely having any time to see them at all for two months as he desperately tries to juggle his work with SM Ballad, and SHINee, as well as keep up with everything else his management wants him to do. By the time he finally gets a chance to stop and see the four other boys he views as his family, they are all busy being with the ones they love the most. Sick of being alone, Jonghyun begins to wonder if he really means as much to the other members of SHINee as they mean to him-all until a certain Lee Jinki comes stumbling up the stairs, claiming that Jonghyun is the one he loves most.
It was completely silent in the nearly empty dorm, and that was the way the darkness of the unlighted, untouched lamps inside kept it, as the emptiness surrounded the lone boy who sat near the window. Hardly to even be considered as a boy anymore, he had already before his eyes become a young man, developing and changing, forming into a successful man more and more every day. His handsome face and well-built muscles reminded everyone of the fact that he was no longer to be considered anything less than a young man, and yet, deep inside of him he felt no stronger than a lonesome young boy; a homesick and lonely little boy who longed for nothing more than to see his family again, even though they were already far away.
Jonghyun let out a quiet breath, disrupting for the first time the undisturbed silence that had been going on for the last forty minutes since he had returned to the empty dorm. He didn’t make any noise aside from the quiet breaths that puffed out in heavy sighs, and continued to sit by the window outlooking the city below him, arms crossed against the windowsill, chin and upper body rested against them as he watched the busy sidewalk. His eyes were large, soft, and reflected each light of the city as he continued to stare out of the window longingly, looking like a loyal, abandoned dog, who lonesomely looks out of the window, watching each person who walked by with big eyes, hoping and wishing with every new crowd or car that his master-his family-would return home. Yet-no matter how long Jonghyun sat there and waited and hoped and prayed…his family seemed to never return. Not until his eyes became so heavy and sore from keeping them open for too long, and his cheek was dropped on top of his forearms, falling into a quiet and lonely slumber.
And he might have stayed like that in his lonely sleep forever-there was no noise of another being to wake him, no light touch of a friend of lover to shake him awake and bring him to his bed, and his body was too weak and tried to wake on its own-if not for the sudden squeak of the rubber on the bottom of a sneaker skidding against the floor and the noise of two hands being pressed on either side of the stairwell as not to let the one who they belonged to fall flat on his face. Jonghyun looked up quickly at this noise. He could recognize who it was simply from what he had heard, and already he felt a smile fluttering against his empty chest, and his eyes adjusting to the light that the older boy had brought into the once-dark dorm (or, simply turned on so he could see and hopefully not fall more than the necessary for his condition). Jonghyun stayed where he had been seated, but kept his eyes on the stairwell as he waited for the familiar faces of his family to come up the stairs, anxious to see them again after too long.
Jinki smiled with relief as he caught himself from falling flat on his face in the stairwell for the third time in a row. His condition might be something that gets instant adoration from fans, but it was as real as it appeared to be, and it was really quite risky to his own personal safety. He really ought to get in some balance training or do something to help him stay on his own feet more than he normally was. He sighed and fixed his grey vest as he finally reached the top of the stairs, shaking his head to get his long bangs from his face. The dorm was quiet that night, and by the looks of it he was the only one there, or at least the only one awake. Suddenly, however, just as he had thought it, something caught his attention from the back of his eye, and he stopped in his tracks before swallowing slowly and glancing over his shoulder to confirm what his sleepy eyes had seen.
Jonghyun blinked once as their gazes were caught, but neither spoke to each other as they kept staring at each other, looking at each other as if they were inspecting a stranger, even though they had already been closer in bond than best friends for over two years by then. The reason being for their unfamiliarity was the fact that because of Jonghyun’s sudden new scheduling with SM the Ballad, and SHINee’s normal busy schedule clashing, they (not only Jinki, but all of SHINee as well) had not been able to see each other for more than a few minutes in the morning before the SHINee group or Jonghyun would have to depart again and separate. Even though this had only been going on for a little over two months, it already seemed like years since Jinki had looked into Jonghyun’s big and soft eyes they way he was at that moment. Jinki swallowed again before shooting a clumsy and timid smile at the younger boy, finding that they had been eying each other in silence for the last two minutes without a single word.
“H-hey….ugh…I’m back.” Jinki blurted out after a moment, the heavy silence between the two getting the best of him and making him timid under the younger man’s gaze.
Jonghyun swallowed, upon feeling the awkward heaviness as well, and for the first time since his lonely solitude had been broken by the older, glanced down from him slowly. “W-welcome home, Hyung…” He muttered, voice light and slightly cracky from being unused for the last few hours.
Jinki scratched a non-excitant itch on the back of his neck and shot another slightly awkward smile at Jonghyun again, smiling largely until his cheeks squished his eyes shut in an only-Jinki smile. Whether the silence between them was awkward or not, he had to admit that seeing Jonghyun again and speaking even a few awkward words between each other in passing was better than it had been in the last month where he had been able to say perhaps two words to the younger before they were off and gone again, not seeing each other for more than a second for days at a time afterwards.
Jonghyun seemed to lighten under the smile as well before sending back a light smile of his own lips at Jinki for a minute, before he slowly glanced back towards the door, a semi-sad expression painting over his face, causing for the light smile to fall from it. “Is…everyone else home too, Hyung? Why haven’t they come upstairs yet?” He asked, after a moment.
Jinki glanced up from pulling a water bottle out of the refrigerator, filling his cheeks with the liquid and swishing it around before swallowing it and walking back to the living room, where Jonghyun was before answering. “Ah…no, it’s just me tonight. Taemin’s older brother has returned home, so Taemin went to his family’s home after the show tonight, instead of coming back to the dorm. He should be back the day after tomorrow. We have tomorrow off.” He answered, taking a seat not too close and not too far from the other man.
Jonghyun’s face only fell more when he heard the news before glancing out of the window, trying not to notice how heavy the frown that was drug over his own lips was when he spotted himself in the cold glass’s reflection. “Then…what about Kibum? And Minho?” He asked, still not looking back into Jinki’s eyes in hopes it would stop him from seeing the sadness and disappointment building in them.
Jinki glanced down and played with the cap to his water bottle silently, making a face, knowing that the news of Key and Minho were only going to make Jonghyun feel even worse. “Oh well…” He started, quietly. “…Minho went back to his own family’s house too…a-and took Key with him to stay a night, s-since his halmoni won’t come in from Daegu until tomorrow. They all said that if I saw you to say that they’ll see you again tomorrow night…but…for just now…it’s…” His eyes glanced down slowly. “…only me here.” He added, quieter.
As Jinki said the words, Jonghyun knew he had seen how his face fell even more and how he had sharply grasped the blanket draped over the window-seat he was sitting on in order to conceal his hurt emotions. Of course he figured that the other four boys he viewed as his family would have something else that they would be busy with. They were one of Korea’s biggest artists; of course they were going to be busy. It just…hurt. It hurt to have them all gone and busy with their own things and the people that they loved, when he was left alone, missing them more than he had ever missed anything else before in his life. He held his breath to hide his building emotions. “O-oh…I see.” Was all he could muster to say.
Jinki glanced down from Jonghyun after a moment, making a face as his fingers ran smoothly over the sides of his water bottle he was holding in his lap. No matter how hard Jonghyun had tried to hide the hurt and disappointment, he had seen though all his covers, and knew that the younger had taken it personally. “Are…you…okay? We could call them. I’m sure they would all take time to talk to you…” He started after a moment, trying hard to think of a way to cheer the other up. He couldn’t stand to see the way Jonghyun’s soft chocolate eyes shined with the sadness of missing the ones he cared about.
Jonghyun kept his eyes glued to the window, which was in the opposite direction of Jinki. “H-hmn? N-no, it’s okay. Let them be…” He stuttered the best he could, but still hid his face from the other. He couldn’t allow him to see the tears that were building up in them. He held his breath and sank his teeth into his bottom lip as he glanced at his own reflection in the window and saw his tears. Was he crying? Already? He didn’t have any real reason to; he had to keep telling himself. It wasn’t that the other members were trying to avoid him, right? They just simply had other things they wanted to do with their lives. They just…didn’t miss him as much as he missed them. Their separation didn’t hurt them they way it hurt him….they didn’t care as much as he….Jonghyun slumped against the window to hide the tears starting to spill over.
Jinki glanced up quickly and used everything in him to stop himself from immediately getting out of his chair and rushing to the younger as he watched Jonghyun suddenly fall against the window, a muffled sob just barely escaping his lips. He gnawed his own lips as he watched, and forced himself to stay seated, but was on the edge of his chair as he leaned forwards towards Jonghyun. Suddenly, Jonghyun spoke again quietly, voice raw with emotion, and Jinki could tell that he was almost over trying to hide his hurt emotions, as he just stopped to question him. The obvious hurt and disappointment in Jonghyun’s voice hurt Jinki just to listen to, and prevented him from being able to do any more, as he listened to the drowned rich voice of the younger, asking him questions even though his tears.
“Wh-why…?” Jonghyun suddenly found his voice spilling out, after a long moment, even though he still felt the need to let his lonely tears fall. “Th-then why are you here instead of with your loved one or family? Why did you come back here? You know you didn’t have to. You should go to the one you want to spend time with, or to your family. I’m sure you really miss them. Last time you talked to your eomma, didn’t you say you were desperate to visit her? You should have taken that opportunity.” He asked quietly, head still dropped against the cold reflective-black glass of the window.
Jinki stopped where he was as he heard Jonghyun’s words, before glancing down slowly, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to lie. Whether he felt was able to or not…he had to face it and tell Jonghyun the truth. Tell him honestly, before he lost any more tears. “I…” He started, voice skippy and stuttering. “…I…came back here…back home because I….” He sighed and finally spat it out before he stuttered anymore. “I came back here, because I wanted to be with you.” He finally said, glancing back towards Jonghyun slowly as he finished his sentence, eyes sincere as he looked at the younger again.
However, as the words came from Jinki’s lips, Jonghyun’s face only fell even more and he dropped the side of his head against the window with a low thump. “I wish you wouldn’t say that…” He muttered, after a moment. “…you know that you don’t have to do that. It doesn’t matter if I really miss you guys…don’t sacrifice your little free time for me. Go and be with the ones you want to be with-the ones you really miss. I’m sure sooner or later SM will let me start going back on schedules with you guys again…maybe then we can try to see each other again. Take this time to enjoy yourself and spend with the one you love, Hyung. Don’t be so selfless as always.” He muttered, smiling a little brokenly.
Jinki fell back a little at the words, hurt and discouraged by the fact that Jonghyun would not believe him when he said that he wanted to be with him. Reacting personally as Jonghyun’s pain seeped through his voice and words, stinging the fringes of Jinki’s heart, and yet he still couldn’t find himself admitting defeat. As he heard Jonghyun speak such words-he only wanted to be with him more. He only felt those familiar heart-strings of his that Jonghyun had always had wrapped around his fingers, yank towards the younger man more, making him long even more to tell him the truth. “B-but, J-Jonghyun! You don’t understand…I-I….I do want to be here! A-and I do want to be with you.” He found himself stuttering out quickly, now raising from his chair and slowly began drifting towards the younger man across the room from him.
Jonghyun closed his eyes as he heard the words and just kept his head against the cold window. Hearing such words were so soothing, so comforting to his empty feeling heart, and yet he was still stubborn. Maybe it was the emptiness that had been building in his heart for so long while he was alone, and maybe it was bitterness that the loneliness had grown into, but he still found himself refusing to believe the soft and comforting words-refusing to believe the clumsy and honest Jinki in front of him. Maybe it was just his pure loneliness that made him feel that he had to make the other man repeat himself over and over again before he could ever believe it. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he found himself speaking again, rejecting words of denial of the other’s claims-confessions.
“D-don’t worry, Hyung. You don’t have to say these kinds of things to make me feel better. I’m twenty years old, I know how to take care of myself…e-even if I am lonely. You don’t have to stay here and try to take care of me. Please…just make me feel better and do whatever will make you happy, as the other three did. Go and be with the one you love and be happy-that’s what I want more than forcing you to be here with me like this.” He said coldly, after a moment.
Jinki stopped himself from walking closer to the younger man as he heard the words, but as he slowly began to understand them, he was only filled with more fire. More inspiration, more need to say his feelings. To tell the younger the truth. He couldn’t stand it anymore by the time he was in front of Jonghyun and clenched his fists tightly at his sides. “J-Jonghyun! Why are you like this!? Why won’t you listen to me!? Why won’t you believe me when I say that there’s nowhere else in this whole entire world I would rather be at this moment that right here with you!? You should just believe me when I say-I am with the person I love and care about! I’m with him right now, because that person is you! Why won’t you just believe me!? You’re the one person I love and care about the most in this whole entire world, Kim Jonghyun, why won’t you just listen to me!? Nothing would make me happier…th-than being with you again after so long…..” He shouted quickly, but as he reached the end of his sentence and saw the way Jonghyun was looking up at him with huge shining eyes, tears still in the corners of them, chocolaty orbs reflecting the city’s lights as they stared at him, and Jinki felt his voice lower and his words come slower until he finally just began confessing slowly. Honestly and slowly with his entire heart as he stared at the one person he had loved with his whole heart, for what already seemed like his entire life. Staring at the large piece of his heart that he had hardly seen in the last two months. The one who he should have said these words to two years ago when he first started feeling them for his partner in stupidity. The one he should have said the words to every night of their lives.
Jonghyun couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe. All he could do was stay completely still and stare up at Jinki with big eyes, hardly believing the words he had just heard. Perhaps this was all a lonely dream that he was having, still by the windowsill, waiting for his bandmates to return home? He swallowed slowly, as he wondered that if he tried to speak, if he would just wake up, and everything would just fade away from him. “H-Hyung…” He stuttered after a moment, but suddenly noticed that the words did not wipe away the image in front of him; didn’t even try to touch or dissolve the warmth in his heart, and the fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. “Jin…Jinki…hyung…I…you….” He tried again, but nothing changed the image of Jinki standing in front of him, nothing changed the way the words had made him feel inside.
Jinki remained where he had stopped, and let out a few quick breaths as he realized what he had said, and that he had actually said it to Jonghyun after loving him for so long. As he looked in Jonghyun’s eyes, and saw the questioning look in them, all he could do was try to catch his breath and say them again. “It’s you. I-I’m in love with only you. Jonghyun….I love you.” He found himself saying.
Jonghyun couldn’t respond and his breathing only had time to hitch before his stubborn questioning protest was cut off again by Jinki suddenly taking his cheeks in his own hands, and the soft feeling of Jinki’s lips suddenly pressed against him clumsily and hastily, as the older seemed to battle himself over doing it, but it was already too late. Their lips had already messily been pressed together, and Jonghyun had already learned that Jinki was as clumsy when it came to kissing as he was doing…just about everything else he does. It was already too late…because Jonghyun’s eyes had already began to close, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as the tears were pushed out of his eyes. It was already too late because his arms already found a way to wrap themselves around Jinki’s sturdy shoulders as he leaned over him. Too late because he already began to contribute back to the messy kiss.
Jinki made a light hum against Jonghyun’s lips as he felt the other wrap his arms around his neck and felt his lips pressing equally against his own, obviously already expecting to be pushed backwards forcefully from the stronger man, be yelled at for being a ridiculous idiot, obviously taken by surprise by Jonghyun’s soft touches, the way he pulled him tightly into his arms, and how he made Jinki want to wrap his arms around him too. He let out a fluttering nervous breath against Jonghyun’s face after a moment, causing for the latter’s bangs to blow under the slight wind it had created, before glancing back towards the younger man, who still had his arms wrapped around his neck.
Jonghyun held his breath as he looked up at Jinki slowly; arms still on his neck and shoulders, eyes shaking and shining with the comfort the older had pressed into him, with want to feel the other close to him again. With want to hold the one he had bonded with better than anyone else before in his life. He held his breath and waited for Jinki to speak again, because the older man seemed to have taken any words of disbelief or cynicism from him, and he was only left wordless, breathless, waiting for him to kiss him again, waiting for him to prove his words again, waiting for the empty void that had been chipped out of his heart from not seeing his best friend for almost two months to be filled again by the feeling of holding the sturdy other in his arms.
Jinki let out one more breath slowly, before finally building enough courage to look back into Jonghyun’s eyes and smile again with his happy, clumsy and honest smile, making Jonghyun want to smile with him again, before finally speaking once more. “I…love you, Jonghyun. I came here tonight because I heard our manager say that you would be here…I came here because I love you and I missed you more than I could handle. I came here because I wanted to be with you again. P-please let me stay with you. Please let me be the one who comes to you when you’re lonely…you’re my best friend in the whole entire world, Jonggie…and I have loved you for a really long time. Please trust me…” He started after a moment, but never had a chance to say anything more before Jonghyun suddenly shut him up by taking his hand and pressing it against his mouth, stopping him from saying anything more than necessary (something that happens quite often).
“I trust you. I trust you-don’t say anything more!” Jonghyun said quickly, suddenly being able to see how clearly this would turn into another one of Jinki’s clumsy ramblings that went on and on saying the same things over and over as he normally did when he was really happy. “I trust you. Just-I love you too…Hyung.” He said, smiling widely for the first time in what seemed like ages.
Jinki stopped trying to ramble under Jonghyun’s hand when he suddenly heard the words come from the younger man’s lips, and he glanced up to Jonghyun’s eyes quickly, causing the latter’s hand to fall off his mouth. “I-I…y-you do!? Really!?” He asked, quickly and happily, almost bouncing with excitement.
Jonghyun laughed as he watched Jinki. God, he loved this stupid man too much. It was no wonder he missed him so much, this guy was so dumb and unorthodox sometimes that it was just amusing. But, he also knew something else. He and Jinki had always been a couple-a special pair of sorts. He had always been dumb, and Jinki had always been his dumber-a completely unorthodox pair that had always meant to be together forever. All he could do was laugh slightly about how it was no wonder that Jinki could never get himself a girlfriend, let alone keep one, as the older man ruined the moment completely by smiling with a huge dorky smile as he heard he was loved back. He could only sigh at the fact that…yes…it was that exact kind of smile that he missed the most in the last two months. “Yes. I love you, Jinki…” He finally muttered, after a moment.
Jinki only smiled all the wider before Jonghyun was muffled suddenly with another messy and clumsy kiss that only lasted for a few moments before Jinki’s “condition” kicked back in, and the older man leaned in too quickly and too eagerly and ended up tipping Jonghyun back until the two finally ended up falling backwards onto the floor, turning into a laughing ball of limbs and smiles as Jonghyun tried to wriggle out from under Jinki’s heavy thighs to breathe again, only to be caught by messy lips stumbling across his cheek.