Remember Me!?!: The Beginning of the End--LAST CHAPTER: Stupid Liar: PART 2 [When Superman Crashed]
Remember Me!?!
Chapter 34/34!!!!: Stupid Liar
Part One: Hurt Me
Part Two: When Superman Crashed [Crash and Burn]
Part Three: Stupid Pabo
Epilogue: Eggs
Couple: JongKey vs. MinKey
Genre: DRAMA, ANGST, Romance, TRIANGLE
Rated: PG15
Summary: Everything comes to an end. Even the hope of ever being able to love him again.
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!!!!
Every memory of Kibum played through his head as he simply stared down at the water swirling below him.
Every single image, from the innocent baby whose head was too big for his tiny body, to the silly toddler with a purple ribbon tied in his hair, to the awkward child who chose rather to play princess than soccer, to the beautiful teenager who attracted everyone’s attention just by walking into the room.
Every moment, from when the little baby decided to use the head of Jonghyun’s favorite action figure as a pacifier, from having to give up his favorite cookies to make the little toddler stop crying when he ate his own too quickly, to playing prince to the world’s most demanding princess, to tousled hair, swollen lips and longing eyes staring up at him when he would sneak through the younger’s bedroom window late at night.
The way he would dance to the music of his favorite girl-groups, the way he would demand choosing out Jonghyun’s outfits for him, the way he would complain when the sun was too hot, the way he would cuddle close under Jonghyun’s jacket when the snow was too cold, the way he laughed at Jonghyun when he grew facial-hair long before the older did, the way he would hide in Jonghyun’s room for days when he got in fights with his parents, the way he would chase away any girl who flirted with the older, the way said girls would scowl at him when they noticed how much more beautiful he was than them, the way the boy could wear eyeliner perfectly without looking too girly, the way he would whisper softly gentle nothings to the older as they tried to keep themselves awake late at night just so they could stare at each other….
The way those harsh and betrayed crystal tears slipped down those beautiful cheeks that were supposed to be showing his smiling dimples. The way he would grab onto Jonghyun’s hand desperately, not being able to find words due to pain, but eyes begging for him not to leave. The way his voice cracked when he pleaded for the older boy to stay with him. The way that that beautiful and once innocent face was weighed down with so much worry, pain and stress that he was barely recognizable. The way his eyes were closed tightly when he was pushed harshly to the ground, staring up at the older man with completely shocked and devastated eyes as he realized he had been physically hurt for the first time. The way he still called for him, and Jonghyun still left him wordlessly.
The way he closed his eyes lightly and hummed against another’s lips the way he used to do with him. The way his beautiful and careless smile that Jonghyun used to give him suddenly slipped back onto his face again-whenever he was near Minho. The way that Minho took care of him, willing to do anything to keep him from letting Jonghyun hurt him again. The force in Minho’s fist as it slammed against Jonghyun’s jaw, finally knocking sense into the stupid oldest. The way that Minho deserved Kibum so much, while Jonghyun didn’t deserve shit.
The way that Kibum would spend the rest of his life being rightfully pampered, treasured and loved by the most deserving man, and the way that if Jonghyun were to continue to stay in his life-he would do nothing but weigh him down. Do nothing but hurt him while the entire reason he left him in the first place was to keep him from ever being hurt again.
The way he knew that without the beautiful boy he had spent his entire life loving, he knew that he would have nothing. Knew that there would be nothing to live for and the way he knew he’d hate himself more than anyone if he knew he kept hurting him by selfishly staying in his life.
Jonghyun nearly choked as he downed another swig of the soju straight from the bottle, not standing to sit in his misery for any longer. The swirling deep water below him suddenly seemed more and more inviting as he realized that his existence was nothing but a pain for Kibum. He wasn’t Kibum’s Superman anymore, he just was trash. He was a hurtful, stupid liar and that’s all he would continue to be to be in Kibum’s life if he stayed with him. He wished-he knew-he would rather die and stay that perfect Superman in Kibum’s memory forever than live and become such a painful and pitiful liar in his life.
“I wish I could have kissed you goodbye…as your Superman, not as the shit I’ve become…” Jonghyun found himself whispering quietly, crashing and burning as he realized how drastically he had fallen from glory into the sewer. “But he can do that for you. He’ll take care of you. Much better care of you than I ever had or could have…” He added bitterly, not caring about how tears slipped down his face into the water, distorting his reflection in the water that was barely visible in the moon-less night.
“…But…I don’t want to hurt you anymore. If this means I’ll only ever hurt you one more time again…I think I’d rather it be this way…” Jonghyun found himself whispering darkly, staring down at the deep murky-blue water below him, leaning forwards a little. It was true, he was drunk and had lost his mind, but his feelings were real. He didn’t want to keep living this life if all it would do was hurt Kibum. “I love you…I wish I told you that before…I love you, Kibummie.” He added quietly, dropping his soju bottle on the wet grass next to him.
“Don’t you dare.”
Jonghyun froze at first when he heard Kibum’s solid and stern voice behind him, keeping his back turned to the younger man he knew was standing behind him, feeling his stern eyes on his back, but said nothing. He didn’t deserve for Kibum to try to stop him. He didn’t deserve for Kibum to save him. Didn’t deserve Kibum to love him.
“Don’t you dare, Jonghyun! Get away from there right now, come here.” Kibum said again, his voice unfaltering, solid and serious as he took a few steps forwards towards Jonghyun again, as the older man ignored his presence and looked back towards the water again.
“Why’d you have to come here now, Kibum? Why the hell couldn’t you have just stayed happily with your Minho-yah tonight, huh? Why the hell can’t you just leave me alone like I deserve to be? Things would be a lot easier for the both of us if you’d just leave me alone.” Jonghyun finally spoke quietly, his voice weak and slightly slurred due to the alcohol he had consumed, but finding himself unable to ignore the younger’s presence.
Kibum swallowed as he looked at Jonghyun with saddened eyes. “Because we need each other.” Was all that he said simply, stopping Jonghyun for a moment as he thought over the words. “Because I could feel in my heart that you needed me right now, and no matter what has happened or what you may think-Jjong, I need you too. No matter how good Minho is at taking care of me-I need you with me.” He explained after a long moment.
Jonghyun froze for a long minute as his heart wrenched in his chest and he continued to stare at the water, where he could see the reflection of Kibum standing behind him, seeing the obvious worry painted on the younger man’s face, but still not willing to allow himself to turn back to him.
“You need me?” Jonghyun finally asked quietly, voice raw and dripping with sarcasm, before he finally broke in a dark and painful laugh. “You need me to hurt you every day without even trying? You need me to constantly destroy the things that could make you happy? You need me to continuously hurt you over and over while I try to do the very opposite? I don’t think so, Kibum. You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. Especially now that I’m just shit.” He muttered quietly.
Kibum’s eyebrows arched upwards as he heard Jonghyun’s words, his heart wrenching as he looked at the tears still escaping the older man’s red and puffy eyes, slightly saggy from drinking too much, but honest behind it all.
“No, Jjong, I need you. I need Kim Jonghyun. I need the Kim Jonghyun I grew up with. I need my Superman.” He finally found his voice to say, trying hard to remain calm and stern, though seeing Jonghyun drunk and in such a state was new and terrifying to him.
At this Jonghyun laughed quickly and sarcastically, causing for Kibum to frown even deeper, even as he heard Jonghyun choke on his own tears. “Fuck, Kibum, I’m not your Superman! I’ve never been your Superman! It’s all something you created yourself to put me in a higher light than I belong! Our entire childhood I used to love to play your knight in shining armor, I used to like to pretend to be the strong hero in your eyes that would always save you from pain-but I was a fucking villain in disguise. I always tried to save you from all hurt and pain-but now look at me, Kibum. I’m the single person who has hurt you the most. All my stupid, blind attempts to keep you from getting hurt have only hurt you more and more, over and over. The road to hell is really paved with good intentions. All the things I have done-all the stupid lies I’ve told to try to protect you-they have only hurt you more. All I’ve done to protect you has only turned me into the villain I had set out to destroy-a stupid liar that doesn’t even deserve to be in your memory. I’m the villain, not your Superman, Kibum!” He said quickly and sharply, as he took his eyes away from his reflection hatefully, sickened to look at himself anymore.
Kibum struggled to keep his tears in his eyes as he quickly shook his head from side to side, taking steps towards the other man slowly, careful not to push him off the edge, but desperate to hug the older man close against himself again.
“No, Jjong! No, Jonghyun, you’re wrong! You’re so wrong. You are my Superman. You’ve always been. E-even though I can’t lie-you’ve hurt me more than I ever thought I could hurt-but you also have always been the one I could trust. You’re my best friend in this entire world, and I love you more than I could ever express. Jjong-ah, I learned something in the last four years that I’ll never forget-Love isn’t perfect. Sometimes, the truer the love is, the more it hurts you. I love you, Jjongie. The pain you’ve given me can never change that. I need you-Jjongie. Please…please don’t talk like this…” Kibum said quickly at first, but softened a little as he reached the end of statement, once he reached Jonghyun again.
Jonghyun stopped for a long minute, before slowly dropping his head down, doing nothing to hold back the loud sob that finally escaped him. “Love me…?” He finally asked brokenly, closing his eyes tightly as he spoke, his head down. “H-how? After everything I’ve done to you…after all the tears and lies I’ve given you…how could you love me? H-how could you still love me?” He asked helplessly, trying to make his warm tears stop escaping, but failing as his entire body trembled.
Kibum let out a quiet and soft breath before finally kneeling next to Jonghyun and wrapped his arms tightly around the trembling older man’s chest. Wrapped his arms so tightly against him that Jonghyun could feel his heart beating against his back, and Kibum felt as if they got any closer, they would somehow morph into one. So tightly that he could never let go.
“Because you’re the love of my life, Jjongie. Because you’re my soul mate, and we both love each other. Because we’ll love each other forever, no matter what happens…remember?” He asked quietly, as he hugged Jonghyun as closely as he could against his chest, feeling the older man trembling weakly in his arms.
Jonghyun trembled as he failed at suppressing his tears anymore, becoming weak in the younger man’s arms, losing his strength and reserve again, too torn apart to care about the promise he had made to Kibum’s mother four years ago, care about Tiffany or the other stupid lies he had tried so hard to make them both of them believe. All he could feel was Kibum’s arms around him, his heart beating against Kibum’s as he felt himself suddenly being turned around to look into Kibum’s eyes again.
Kibum swallowed as he was met with Jonghyun’s helpless and pitiful eyes, but allowed for a soft smile to fall onto his face as he realized the older man wasn’t going to struggle or protest anymore, and simply let go of him just enough to look down and unbutton the first button on his shirt, finding a small silver chain and pulling it out of his shirt until the small rings attached to it were visible.
“Do you…remember these, Jjongie?” He asked quietly, as he looked down at the two small rings hanging from the chain in his hands, holding them out for Jonghyun to see.
Jonghyun’s heart shuttered as he looked at the small, crummy, old, plastic and rubber, falling apart little ring attached to the chain that was around Kibum’s neck, as the memory of the first time he had ever seen it came back to him perfectly clear.
Jonghyun turned the little ring over in his palm, before looking at the one Kibum had stuffed without warning onto his finger. He thought for a moment before looking back at Kibum. “Ah, Kibum, why do you want to get married anyway? I don’t wanna be like appa already, I like being a kid still!” He asked, after a moment.
Kibum bit his lip as his almond eyes shook. “We have to get married, Jjong-ah! When people are married, they get to be together for the rest of their lives, and nothing can make them be away from each other again!” He said quickly.
Jonghyun swallowed as he glanced up at Kibum slowly, noticing the other, small, silver-gold, considerably nicer, reflective ring that hung next to it.
Jonghyun half smiled sadly again before slowly looking back at the silver box. “I contemplated for a long time whether or not I should get you this, but...” He slowly glanced back at Kibum was he lifted up the little box’s lid to show him a shiny silver ring. “...I wanted to give this to you so badly. A-as a revival of my promise. Th-the gumball machine ring you so forcibly made me stuff onto your finger wasn’t good enough.” He said, quietly.
Kibum’s eyes shined as tears overflowed. Jonghyun half smiled as he took Kibum’s soft hand gently before slipping off the breaking gumball machine ring that he still wore, and slipping the silver ring onto his thin and pale finger. “I didn’t forget my promise, you know.” He said quietly, staring at the ring on Kibum’s finger.
“Do…you remember what they represent? Not just marriage-but the real promise that went along with them, Jjongie?” Kibum asked quietly, still staring closely at Jonghyun, as the older raised his eyes slowly and sadly to connect their gazes. “What did we really mean when we said marriage back then? We were too young to understand everything marriage is-like sharing bills, sleeping together, doing what couples do-do you remember that what these really mean is what marriage really should be? We both said it-forever love. Unconditional love to each other, no matter what else happens to us. Do you remember…Jjong-ah?” He asked quietly, eyes soft but a bit shaky as he spoke in a quiet voice. “I still wear these rings…I never broke my promise. I love you, Jjong-ah. N-no matter what else.” He added quietly.
Jonghyun swallowed hard as he allowed a few tears to slip from his eyes when he glanced up at Kibum helplessly from the two rings. “B-but…you…I thought that you love him. You do love him, don’t you…?” He asked quietly and uncertainly, voice barely above a whisper.
Kibum sighed lightly as he placed his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder again, becoming a little weaker, but hugged him close to him again. “I do love him, Jjongie…b-but…I love you too. Perhaps they’re different types of loves, perhaps they mean different things….I don’t know. I don’t know anything but that I love you so much, I still love you so much. As I always have all my life. I love you, Jjongie. I always will. Just like these rings represent.” He said quietly, hugging him tightly.
Jonghyun choked a little on his tears as he heard Kibum’s words, his head spinning and heart aching in his chest. He found himself unable to say anything in reply, his throat too dry to speak, but had to reply to Kibum regardless. “B-Bummie…” He managed to whisper quietly, tapping on Kibum’s shoulder to get the other’s attention.
Kibum squeezed him a little bit before pulling back, looking back at him, but was stopped as he noticed that he was holding something out in his hand. “J-Jjongie, you…” He started quietly, as tears filled his eyes as he noticed the small and equally crummy gumball ring in Jonghyun’s hand-the same he had stuffed onto his finger fourteen years ago already. “…you…still have yours too? You haven’t thrown it away yet? B-but I thought you decided to move on with Tiffany…?” He started quietly.
Jonghyun swallowed hard as Kibum reminded him of the lies he had stuffed down both of their throats since he had fist received Kibum’s mother’s threats years ago. “I…never stopped loving you, Kibummie. I may be nothing now but useless shit…but you’ve always had my useless love, and no one else has. I’m…sorry…I’m sorry th-that almost everything I’ve told you…it’s all been a lie. I-it’s all been a stupid lie I thought would protect you…b-but has only hurt you in the process. It seems like…hurting you is all I’m capable of doing anymore. Every time I try to protect you, it only burdens you more. But…e-even now…I can’t. I can’t tell you the truth, even when I have nothing else left to live for. Bummie…I want you to be happy. I want to see that careless smile on your face, like you used to have when you were five and would hold my hand while we walked around in the zoo. I want to see you truly happy again, without the hurt stupid people like me have to deal with-that’s why I lied. That’s why I still lie to you…even when it only breaks my heart more and more every time I have to...” He whispered quietly, finding a quiet voice, his head spinning and his thoughts still a little impaired due to the alcohol he was surprised his body hadn’t rejected yet, not caring if he didn’t make sense anymore.
Kibum stopped for a long moment, staring down at the little ring in Jonghyun’s palm, trying to think through and understand his words the best that he could. “Y-you’ve been lying…j-just to protect me? Y-you…you’ve been lying to me, th-thinking that it would make me happy? J-Jjong-ah, I…I don’t understand. Wh-why would you lie? What could possibly make you lie like this?” He asked quietly, barely able to think with his confusion as he tried to process through Jonghyun’s words. He knew there was something Jonghyun was hiding still. Something he still would not tell him...but he had no idea what it was. Why would Jonghyun lie to him for so many years already? It wasn’t just because of Minho.
Jonghyun sniffed deeply as he slowly moved to wrapping his arms around Kibum’s shoulders tightly, his large arms heavy on top of the younger man’s shoulders as he dropped his head against his collar strengthlessly.
“Th-there are some things in this world that some people shouldn’t know about, Bummie. Some things that no matter how stupid I realize I am for keeping from you and wanting to play the damned hero who keeps troubles from your mind….some secrets I won’t tell you. Some things I’m going to lie about forever-because I never want to see you cry like that. I never want to see it happen to you…” Jonghyun whispered quietly, his head suddenly feeling light and his stomach twisting as he thought of Kibum’s mother’s harsh threats, and everything she had called the two of them for simply loving each other. How he felt sick to think that she would do the things she said to her own son for something that was completely his fault. He wouldn’t allow for Kibum to know the betrayal of his own family. Not when it was his fault.
Kibum felt his heart tremble with dread and confusion as he heard Jonghyun’s words. What was it that Jonghyun was keeping from him!? What was it that was so terrible that he couldn’t tell him about? He thought of everything it could possibly be, and yet none of it seemed to make sense. Nothing seemed to fit. The fact that there was something scared him greatly though, and he ripped out of Jonghyun’s arms quickly in order to look into his face sincerely.
“J-Jjong, tell me! I’m scared about it now….Jjong, I’m not a kid anymore, you can tell me. You can tell me anything! I’ll love you no matter what happens…p-please…tell me the truth. Please…Jjong…” He started desperately, but was suddenly interrupted when Jonghyun winced harshly and grabbed his stomach quickly, affects of the alcohol obviously taking over.
“B-Bummie…I-I…” Jonghyun moaned quietly after a moment, clenching his stomach tightly. He had known when he first started drinking how poorly his body reacted to alcohol, and yet he had drunk half a bottle of soju anyway. He had thought he had nothing left-so what did it matter if he suffered over it later? “A-ah, Bummie, I-I…” He started again, before suddenly pushing away from Kibum enough to get away from him to release his body’s rejection of the alcohol into the water near them.
“Jjong-ah! Are you okay!?” Kibum asked quickly, crawling over to Jonghyun’s side again to help steady his shaky body, trying to keep the older man from falling into the water. Whatever it was that Jonghyun was keeping from him still scared him more than he could explain, but seeing Jonghyun weak and in pain as he was then was enough to make him focus on helping him for the time.
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Minho sighed heavily as he stared down at the half-chopped onions and carrots he and Kibum had been making for dinner before Kibum had cut himself while worrying over Jonghyun. He did everything to understand Kibum. He did everything to understand his feelings for Jonghyun, and did everything not to be selfish when he would leave his side to be with him. But he couldn’t help himself from worrying about him while he was away from his side. He couldn’t stop himself from still wishing he could have followed him there, even when he knew that this was something that he and Jonghyun had to work out by themselves. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to follow him everywhere and do everything for him, even when he knew that Jonghyun was going to be there with him. He worried about him still, as he glanced over at the little towel he had used to stop the other man’s bleeding, thinking he should have given him just a little more than a hurried forehead kiss before he left again.
Suddenly, however, there was a slight knocking noise on the door that suddenly took his mind off of his worry. He held his breath as he walked slowly from the kitchen to answer the door. Half of him wished it would be Kibum returning to him again, while half of him worried about why he would be returning again so quickly. He let out a quiet breath as he reached out and turned the doorknob, trying to hold back his surprised expression as his eyes fell onto an extremely worried looking Onew.
“Minho! Minho-yah! Is Key here!? Tell me that Key is here! I’m really worried! I’m really worried about Jonghyun-where’s Key!? I need to talk to him now!!” Onew shouted quickly as he pushed his way into their dorm, carrying a large cardboard box in his arms as he looked around the entry way of the dorm desperately. “Where’s Key, this is an emergency!” He repeated himself.
Minho glanced up from the cardboard box in Onew’s arms with curiosity as he looked back into the older man’s eyes again. “H-he left earlier looking for Jonghyun…he was worried about him too. Wh-what’s the matter? Why are you worried about him, Hyung?” He asked worriedly, walking over to where Onew had put down the cardboard box on the coffee table so he could began biting his knuckles to keep in his worry. Onew looked up at Minho with desperate eyes as he heard him questioning him, before swallowing heavily. “He’s really scaring me. Minho-yah-I think he’s going to commit suicide! Earlier he was acting really strange, and told me that I had to take care of his evil animal a-and…okay, I know it was really, really terrible and I shouldn’t have done it-but…look. He wrote this last night when he thought that I was asleep…i-it’s for Key. Actually-this entire box is for Key. B-but look at the end of the letter-it’s scaring me!” He screeched worriedly, grabbing a neatly written letter from on top of the cardboard box he had carried in, quickly handing it to Minho so he could continue chewing on his knuckles.
Minho paused for a long moment as he looked down at the little letter he had been handed, written on neat but old looking origami paper, written considerably neat to be Jonghyun’s handwriting.
Dear Kibum,
This the last letter I’m going to write to you, that I know that I’ll never have the strength to send.
Minho swallowed at just the first sentence but did as Onew had told him to and glanced down at the bottom of the long letter, looking at the last sentence.
The truth is, Kibum, I love you. I always have, always will. I love you more than anything else-more than life itself. But…I know now that I will never be able to be with you again. I hope that I can stop hurting you, and that you’ll continue on with life happily without me as your lover. I hope he makes you happy the way I wished I could have. I hope every day you wake up smiling, and go to sleep with that same smile you had when you were younger. Promise me you’ll be happy forever….
…I love you….
….for the last time…
…Goodbye.
Minho glanced up quickly as he read the last sentence and glanced back towards Onew. “He wrote this last night? When last did you see him!? Where did he go?” He asked quickly, as Onew just looked back at him helplessly.
Onew stopped biting his knuckles but shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know…I don’t know! He just came back to the dorm this afternoon telling me that I was in charge of taking care of his little monster, and then told me that he’s going out again! I don’t know where he went! All he told me when I asked was that he was going somewhere where he wouldn’t be able to hurt Key anymore…Minho-yah, I’m really worried! I’m really scared!! I don’t know where he is!! Where’s Key!? I have to tell Key! Key’s the only one who’ll be able to stop him!” He squeaked desperately, now starting to run around in little circles, venting on and on, even as Minho turned away from him to pull his cellphone out of his pocket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
“Jjongie…” Kibum whispered as he rubbed small circles onto the older man’s back as the older continued to clench his stomach harshly, trying to stop barfing. “Jjongie, why’d you go and drink so much!? You know you’re weak to alcohol-you could have really hurt yourself!” He cried quietly, as he took the weak older man into his arms again, immediately using the sleeve of his favorite sweater to help clean the other man’s mouth as he fell weakly into his arms again.
“I know…I knew this would happen…” Was all that Jonghyun was able to pant out strengthlessly against Kibum’s chest as he surrendered into his arms, eyes falling closed weakly.
Kibum froze for a moment as he heard Jonghyun’s words before looking down at him quickly. “Wh-what!? Wh-why? Why would you do it if you know it’d hurt you so much!?” He asked quickly, trying to make Jonghyun look in his eyes again, but didn’t succeed as the older man only buried himself into his chest again, letting out quiet and shaky breaths.
“I wanted it to hurt me…th-the way I hurt you. Today I’ve done the one thing I promised I’d never do-physically hurt you….I wanted to punish myself because of it. I wanted to suffer for it…” Jonghyun whispered exhaustedly, closing his eyes tightly with the pain in his stomach, but stayed still in Kibum’s arms.
Kibum’s breath was pushed out of him in a sharp gasp as he heard Jonghyun’s words, and he quickly whacked his head angrily as he accepted him into his arms, allowing for tears to slip from his eyes again. “Y-you….P-pabo! Stupid, stupid, stupid pabo!!! How could you!? How could you dare hurt yourself because of me!? Pabo!!” He shouted quickly, feebly whacking Jonghyun’s back as the older collapsed onto him again.
“Sorry…I’m sorry…Bummie. I was being selfish again…not considering that hurting myself would hurt you again….damn it, Kibum…why does everything I do hurt you? Wh-why do I always hurt you? Wh-why?” Jonghyun finally panted out strengthlessly against Kibum’s chest, as he hugged him closer yet to him, tears slipping from his tired eyes, trying to disappear into the younger man’s embrace.
Kibum stopped whacking him as he heard his words and only allowed for himself to soften a little, taking Jonghyun more comfortably against him, nuzzling him close. “Sh-shh, stop it, Pabo…don’t talk like that anymore. Stop that…j-just…promise me you’ll never do it again. P-promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself because of me again…” He whispered softly into the older man’s ear as he held him closely, feeling the older becoming weak again, nearly falling asleep in his arms.
“Stupid Jjongie…I love you…why would you hurt yourself?” Kibum whispered quietly, as Jonghyun fell asleep against his chest, losing all strength due to the alcohol’s affect on his body. “Pabo…” He whispered again, looking at Jonghyun’s pain-filled expression, trying to push his bangs from his face and make him more comfortable.
Suddenly, there was a soft buzzing noise coming from his jean pocket, and he glanced down slowly to see his phone ringing quietly. He glanced back at the sleeping Jonghyun for a moment before kissing his forehead softly, then leaning down to pull his phone from his pocket, still keeping the sleeping older man in his arms as he held the phone up to his ear.
“Minho-yah,” Kibum answered softly, carefully to be quiet enough not to wake Jonghyun again with his voice.
“Key! Where are you? Have you found Jonghyun-t-tell me you’ve found Jonghyun already.” Minho asked hurriedly on the other line quickly, causing for Kibum to glance back towards his phone curiously due to the amount of urgency in the other’s voice.
“Y-yes, I found him already. He…he’s fallen asleep now. He drank too much and his body doesn’t accept alcohol well….wh-why? What’s the matter? Is everything okay, Minho-yah?” He asked quietly, still careful not to wake the other.
Minho let out a relieved breath on the other line as he heard Kibum’s words and looked at the nervous Onew knowingly, giving him a soft nod to express Jonghyun’s wellbeing.
“Onew and I were worried about him. A-and you….I was worried about you too…where are you now? Are you two okay?” Minho finally replied calmly, relaxing a little and softening his tone a bit.
Kibum sighed softly as he stroked the hair out of Jonghyun’s face again, gazing down at him softly. Even though Jonghyun was older than him and had always been the one who had cared for him, when he was tired or sick, he seemed so small and innocently needy. He looked young still, despite their age difference.
“We’re still outside, by the water in Sincheon Park. He fell asleep here because the alcohol had a really bad effect on him…” He said softly, continue to play with Jonghyun’s bang softly as he spoke, making sure the older was warm against his chest.
“You’re in Sincheon Park? Isn’t it cold outside? Do you need help?” Minho asked after a moment on the other line, Kibum easily picking up the tones of worry in his voice.
Kibum half smiled down at Jonghyun, figuring that he would be much more comfortable if he got him home where he could be under a blanket in a bed, and drink some water to settle his stomach. “I didn’t bring any bus money with me…maybe you could come and help me bring him home…?” He asked quietly.
Minho smiled as he heard Kibum’s words before nodding slowly, even though he knew Kibum couldn’t see him. “Yes, I’ll be there really soon, okay? Are you guys in a safe place right now?” He asked, quickly making his way towards the door, slipping on his shoes and jacket again.
“We’re fine. I’m just worried about him. He drank a lot while even just a little makes him sick. I’m probably worrying too much, but I’m worried he’ll get alcohol poisoning or something if we don’t do something. I want to bring him home.” Kibum answered calmly on the other line, as Minho signaled to Onew that he was leaving.
“Don’t worry too much, he’ll be alright, Key.” Minho said, chuckling softly as he made his way down the dorm’s stairs. “Alright, I’m leaving now. I’ll be there soon, so stay put.” He added.
Kibum let out a quiet and calm breath after a moment. “Thank you, Minho-yah. For coming to get us…a-and…for letting me go to him. Things are better now because of it.” He said quietly, causing for Minho to smile softly at his words.
“You don’t need to thank me, Key. I know how important he is to you. I understand you had to go to him. I’m glad that you found him…Onew and I were both worried about him as well.” He answered softly, smiling a bit more when Kibum hummed lightly in appreciation.
“I…love you, Minho-yah. I really can’t thank you enough.” Kibum said quietly and softly after a moment.
“I love you too, Key. You never have to thank me…I’m already in debt to you.” Minho said quietly, as he slipped out into the city again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Kibum couldn’t stop himself from chuckling quietly as he stood back to catch a better glimpse of Minho carrying a knocked-out Jonghyun on his back, Jonghyun unintentionally wrapping his arms around his neck and snuggling against his neck in his sleep, causing for Minho to shiver a little uncomfortably.
“I must say…seeing you two like this…it’s really adorable.” Kibum teased quietly, as he watched Minho trying to move his head a little to escape from the suddenly snuggly Jonghyun.
Minho playfully glared at him as he heard Kibum’s teasing but allowed a small smile to slide onto his face as he saw the thankful expression on Kibum’s face. “Is he always this cuddly?” He asked quietly, as Jonghyun moved to snuggle his face in his shirt in his sleep.
Kibum chuckled again and nodded quickly. “You should see him when he’s actually trying to snuggle! God, you can’t even breathe under those heavy arms of his!” He laughed quietly, though his eyes still were soft with thankfulness and admiration for the two men in front of him. Jonghyun, for being so true to him this entire time that he was willing to sacrifice so much just to make him happy-and Minho for…simply being the normal overly perfect Minho. When he had asked Minho to help him, he had expected him to bring them bus-fare, not carry Jonghyun the entire way back to the dorms. “But…you’re too sweet carrying him like this. You know I didn’t expect you to.” He added lightly, laughing softly.
Minho let out a quiet breath along with a soft smile as he glanced over his shoulder at Jonghyun’s sleeping face. “Whether I dislike him or not, you seem to love him…so he can’t be all that bad, can he?” He joked quietly as he glanced back at Kibum from Jonghyun.
Kibum chuckled quietly before slipping next to Minho’s side, taking his spare hand and began walking close to his side again. “Hmn, no. He’s not all that bad at all. He’s a good person, Minho-yah. If circumstances had been different…I’d almost say you two would have been friends.” He said quietly, glancing at Jonghyun’s face softly before looking back at Minho and smiling.
Minho laughed quietly at this before looking back in front of them. “I wouldn’t go that far…” He muttered quietly under his breath, but didn’t miss the quiet giggle it produced from Kibum. “…though I admit I have judged him unfairly. I treated him wrong before. He really does love you, Key. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to him…” He muttered quietly and honestly, looking down slowly.
Kibum smiled lightly as he heard Minho’s words, squeezing Minho’s hand softly in thanks, before looking forwards again. “I really do love you two…” He muttered quietly, more to himself.
Minho smiled lightly, but suddenly felt a lump raise in his throat as he remembered a sentence in the small letter that Jonghyun had written to Kibum that he had glanced over earlier, and remembered the true reason why Jonghyun wouldn’t take him back. He wondered if Kibum himself had any idea why.
“Key…Kibum…you know that if you still love him….it’s not going to change our friendship at all, right?” He found himself said quietly, his voice just above a hesitant and unsure whisper in the city’s night noises, but still caught Kibum’s attention.
Kibum frowned as he heard Minho’s words, and looked back at him with serious eyes. “Minho-yah…why won’t you just believe me when I tell you that I love you? I love both of you so much…but I’m in love with you. I want to be with you, why won’t you believe me?” He asked quietly, as he looked into Minho’s eyes sincerely.
Minho sighed quietly as he glanced down at the ground again, propping Jonghyun more up onto his back properly, not helping but think, “Because you don’t know all that he’s given up for you to be happy…”, as he thought about the one who was currently snuggling warmly against his back and all he had selflessly given up just so that Kibum could have the freedom to choose who he wanted to love.
“I just want you to be truly happy…” He whispered honestly, after a long minute. “I’m worried that because you found out about my feelings, you were worried that if you didn’t return them-I would leave. But I won’t leave, Key. No matter what. Even if you choose this snuggly bastard…” He said seriously, but choked as he hoisted Jonghyun more onto his back again.
Kibum chuckled at Minho’s joke before dropping his head against his shoulder, even though he could feel Jonghyun’s breaths on his hair as he did so. “I didn’t act just because of your feelings, Minho-yah. For once, I feel so happy like this. Everything’s so close to being perfect…between us, I wouldn’t change a single thing.” He said quietly, glancing back up to Minho’s soft eyes as the taller man let out a small and relieved smile.
“But you still need to know the truth. Everything about Jonghyun before you can truly say you love me…” Minho thought slowly and slightly sadly, but didn’t stop himself from squeezing Kibum’s hand and smiling back at him, enjoying their time together while it lasted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Alright, just in case you didn't catch the last memo, this isn't the last part. There's still 2 more. ^^
I hope enjoyed this little part though. We're getting close!
Comments=love. Seriously.
Chapter 34/34!!!!: Stupid Liar
Part One: Hurt Me
Part Two: When Superman Crashed [Crash and Burn]
Part Three: Stupid Pabo
Epilogue: Eggs
Couple: JongKey vs. MinKey
Genre: DRAMA, ANGST, Romance, TRIANGLE
Rated: PG15
Summary: Everything comes to an end. Even the hope of ever being able to love him again.
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!!!!
Every memory of Kibum played through his head as he simply stared down at the water swirling below him.
Every single image, from the innocent baby whose head was too big for his tiny body, to the silly toddler with a purple ribbon tied in his hair, to the awkward child who chose rather to play princess than soccer, to the beautiful teenager who attracted everyone’s attention just by walking into the room.
Every moment, from when the little baby decided to use the head of Jonghyun’s favorite action figure as a pacifier, from having to give up his favorite cookies to make the little toddler stop crying when he ate his own too quickly, to playing prince to the world’s most demanding princess, to tousled hair, swollen lips and longing eyes staring up at him when he would sneak through the younger’s bedroom window late at night.
The way he would dance to the music of his favorite girl-groups, the way he would demand choosing out Jonghyun’s outfits for him, the way he would complain when the sun was too hot, the way he would cuddle close under Jonghyun’s jacket when the snow was too cold, the way he laughed at Jonghyun when he grew facial-hair long before the older did, the way he would hide in Jonghyun’s room for days when he got in fights with his parents, the way he would chase away any girl who flirted with the older, the way said girls would scowl at him when they noticed how much more beautiful he was than them, the way the boy could wear eyeliner perfectly without looking too girly, the way he would whisper softly gentle nothings to the older as they tried to keep themselves awake late at night just so they could stare at each other….
The way those harsh and betrayed crystal tears slipped down those beautiful cheeks that were supposed to be showing his smiling dimples. The way he would grab onto Jonghyun’s hand desperately, not being able to find words due to pain, but eyes begging for him not to leave. The way his voice cracked when he pleaded for the older boy to stay with him. The way that that beautiful and once innocent face was weighed down with so much worry, pain and stress that he was barely recognizable. The way his eyes were closed tightly when he was pushed harshly to the ground, staring up at the older man with completely shocked and devastated eyes as he realized he had been physically hurt for the first time. The way he still called for him, and Jonghyun still left him wordlessly.
The way he closed his eyes lightly and hummed against another’s lips the way he used to do with him. The way his beautiful and careless smile that Jonghyun used to give him suddenly slipped back onto his face again-whenever he was near Minho. The way that Minho took care of him, willing to do anything to keep him from letting Jonghyun hurt him again. The force in Minho’s fist as it slammed against Jonghyun’s jaw, finally knocking sense into the stupid oldest. The way that Minho deserved Kibum so much, while Jonghyun didn’t deserve shit.
The way that Kibum would spend the rest of his life being rightfully pampered, treasured and loved by the most deserving man, and the way that if Jonghyun were to continue to stay in his life-he would do nothing but weigh him down. Do nothing but hurt him while the entire reason he left him in the first place was to keep him from ever being hurt again.
The way he knew that without the beautiful boy he had spent his entire life loving, he knew that he would have nothing. Knew that there would be nothing to live for and the way he knew he’d hate himself more than anyone if he knew he kept hurting him by selfishly staying in his life.
Jonghyun nearly choked as he downed another swig of the soju straight from the bottle, not standing to sit in his misery for any longer. The swirling deep water below him suddenly seemed more and more inviting as he realized that his existence was nothing but a pain for Kibum. He wasn’t Kibum’s Superman anymore, he just was trash. He was a hurtful, stupid liar and that’s all he would continue to be to be in Kibum’s life if he stayed with him. He wished-he knew-he would rather die and stay that perfect Superman in Kibum’s memory forever than live and become such a painful and pitiful liar in his life.
“I wish I could have kissed you goodbye…as your Superman, not as the shit I’ve become…” Jonghyun found himself whispering quietly, crashing and burning as he realized how drastically he had fallen from glory into the sewer. “But he can do that for you. He’ll take care of you. Much better care of you than I ever had or could have…” He added bitterly, not caring about how tears slipped down his face into the water, distorting his reflection in the water that was barely visible in the moon-less night.
“…But…I don’t want to hurt you anymore. If this means I’ll only ever hurt you one more time again…I think I’d rather it be this way…” Jonghyun found himself whispering darkly, staring down at the deep murky-blue water below him, leaning forwards a little. It was true, he was drunk and had lost his mind, but his feelings were real. He didn’t want to keep living this life if all it would do was hurt Kibum. “I love you…I wish I told you that before…I love you, Kibummie.” He added quietly, dropping his soju bottle on the wet grass next to him.
“Don’t you dare.”
Jonghyun froze at first when he heard Kibum’s solid and stern voice behind him, keeping his back turned to the younger man he knew was standing behind him, feeling his stern eyes on his back, but said nothing. He didn’t deserve for Kibum to try to stop him. He didn’t deserve for Kibum to save him. Didn’t deserve Kibum to love him.
“Don’t you dare, Jonghyun! Get away from there right now, come here.” Kibum said again, his voice unfaltering, solid and serious as he took a few steps forwards towards Jonghyun again, as the older man ignored his presence and looked back towards the water again.
“Why’d you have to come here now, Kibum? Why the hell couldn’t you have just stayed happily with your Minho-yah tonight, huh? Why the hell can’t you just leave me alone like I deserve to be? Things would be a lot easier for the both of us if you’d just leave me alone.” Jonghyun finally spoke quietly, his voice weak and slightly slurred due to the alcohol he had consumed, but finding himself unable to ignore the younger’s presence.
Kibum swallowed as he looked at Jonghyun with saddened eyes. “Because we need each other.” Was all that he said simply, stopping Jonghyun for a moment as he thought over the words. “Because I could feel in my heart that you needed me right now, and no matter what has happened or what you may think-Jjong, I need you too. No matter how good Minho is at taking care of me-I need you with me.” He explained after a long moment.
Jonghyun froze for a long minute as his heart wrenched in his chest and he continued to stare at the water, where he could see the reflection of Kibum standing behind him, seeing the obvious worry painted on the younger man’s face, but still not willing to allow himself to turn back to him.
“You need me?” Jonghyun finally asked quietly, voice raw and dripping with sarcasm, before he finally broke in a dark and painful laugh. “You need me to hurt you every day without even trying? You need me to constantly destroy the things that could make you happy? You need me to continuously hurt you over and over while I try to do the very opposite? I don’t think so, Kibum. You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. Especially now that I’m just shit.” He muttered quietly.
Kibum’s eyebrows arched upwards as he heard Jonghyun’s words, his heart wrenching as he looked at the tears still escaping the older man’s red and puffy eyes, slightly saggy from drinking too much, but honest behind it all.
“No, Jjong, I need you. I need Kim Jonghyun. I need the Kim Jonghyun I grew up with. I need my Superman.” He finally found his voice to say, trying hard to remain calm and stern, though seeing Jonghyun drunk and in such a state was new and terrifying to him.
At this Jonghyun laughed quickly and sarcastically, causing for Kibum to frown even deeper, even as he heard Jonghyun choke on his own tears. “Fuck, Kibum, I’m not your Superman! I’ve never been your Superman! It’s all something you created yourself to put me in a higher light than I belong! Our entire childhood I used to love to play your knight in shining armor, I used to like to pretend to be the strong hero in your eyes that would always save you from pain-but I was a fucking villain in disguise. I always tried to save you from all hurt and pain-but now look at me, Kibum. I’m the single person who has hurt you the most. All my stupid, blind attempts to keep you from getting hurt have only hurt you more and more, over and over. The road to hell is really paved with good intentions. All the things I have done-all the stupid lies I’ve told to try to protect you-they have only hurt you more. All I’ve done to protect you has only turned me into the villain I had set out to destroy-a stupid liar that doesn’t even deserve to be in your memory. I’m the villain, not your Superman, Kibum!” He said quickly and sharply, as he took his eyes away from his reflection hatefully, sickened to look at himself anymore.
Kibum struggled to keep his tears in his eyes as he quickly shook his head from side to side, taking steps towards the other man slowly, careful not to push him off the edge, but desperate to hug the older man close against himself again.
“No, Jjong! No, Jonghyun, you’re wrong! You’re so wrong. You are my Superman. You’ve always been. E-even though I can’t lie-you’ve hurt me more than I ever thought I could hurt-but you also have always been the one I could trust. You’re my best friend in this entire world, and I love you more than I could ever express. Jjong-ah, I learned something in the last four years that I’ll never forget-Love isn’t perfect. Sometimes, the truer the love is, the more it hurts you. I love you, Jjongie. The pain you’ve given me can never change that. I need you-Jjongie. Please…please don’t talk like this…” Kibum said quickly at first, but softened a little as he reached the end of statement, once he reached Jonghyun again.
Jonghyun stopped for a long minute, before slowly dropping his head down, doing nothing to hold back the loud sob that finally escaped him. “Love me…?” He finally asked brokenly, closing his eyes tightly as he spoke, his head down. “H-how? After everything I’ve done to you…after all the tears and lies I’ve given you…how could you love me? H-how could you still love me?” He asked helplessly, trying to make his warm tears stop escaping, but failing as his entire body trembled.
Kibum let out a quiet and soft breath before finally kneeling next to Jonghyun and wrapped his arms tightly around the trembling older man’s chest. Wrapped his arms so tightly against him that Jonghyun could feel his heart beating against his back, and Kibum felt as if they got any closer, they would somehow morph into one. So tightly that he could never let go.
“Because you’re the love of my life, Jjongie. Because you’re my soul mate, and we both love each other. Because we’ll love each other forever, no matter what happens…remember?” He asked quietly, as he hugged Jonghyun as closely as he could against his chest, feeling the older man trembling weakly in his arms.
Jonghyun trembled as he failed at suppressing his tears anymore, becoming weak in the younger man’s arms, losing his strength and reserve again, too torn apart to care about the promise he had made to Kibum’s mother four years ago, care about Tiffany or the other stupid lies he had tried so hard to make them both of them believe. All he could feel was Kibum’s arms around him, his heart beating against Kibum’s as he felt himself suddenly being turned around to look into Kibum’s eyes again.
Kibum swallowed as he was met with Jonghyun’s helpless and pitiful eyes, but allowed for a soft smile to fall onto his face as he realized the older man wasn’t going to struggle or protest anymore, and simply let go of him just enough to look down and unbutton the first button on his shirt, finding a small silver chain and pulling it out of his shirt until the small rings attached to it were visible.
“Do you…remember these, Jjongie?” He asked quietly, as he looked down at the two small rings hanging from the chain in his hands, holding them out for Jonghyun to see.
Jonghyun’s heart shuttered as he looked at the small, crummy, old, plastic and rubber, falling apart little ring attached to the chain that was around Kibum’s neck, as the memory of the first time he had ever seen it came back to him perfectly clear.
Jonghyun turned the little ring over in his palm, before looking at the one Kibum had stuffed without warning onto his finger. He thought for a moment before looking back at Kibum. “Ah, Kibum, why do you want to get married anyway? I don’t wanna be like appa already, I like being a kid still!” He asked, after a moment.
Kibum bit his lip as his almond eyes shook. “We have to get married, Jjong-ah! When people are married, they get to be together for the rest of their lives, and nothing can make them be away from each other again!” He said quickly.
Jonghyun swallowed as he glanced up at Kibum slowly, noticing the other, small, silver-gold, considerably nicer, reflective ring that hung next to it.
Jonghyun half smiled sadly again before slowly looking back at the silver box. “I contemplated for a long time whether or not I should get you this, but...” He slowly glanced back at Kibum was he lifted up the little box’s lid to show him a shiny silver ring. “...I wanted to give this to you so badly. A-as a revival of my promise. Th-the gumball machine ring you so forcibly made me stuff onto your finger wasn’t good enough.” He said, quietly.
Kibum’s eyes shined as tears overflowed. Jonghyun half smiled as he took Kibum’s soft hand gently before slipping off the breaking gumball machine ring that he still wore, and slipping the silver ring onto his thin and pale finger. “I didn’t forget my promise, you know.” He said quietly, staring at the ring on Kibum’s finger.
“Do…you remember what they represent? Not just marriage-but the real promise that went along with them, Jjongie?” Kibum asked quietly, still staring closely at Jonghyun, as the older raised his eyes slowly and sadly to connect their gazes. “What did we really mean when we said marriage back then? We were too young to understand everything marriage is-like sharing bills, sleeping together, doing what couples do-do you remember that what these really mean is what marriage really should be? We both said it-forever love. Unconditional love to each other, no matter what else happens to us. Do you remember…Jjong-ah?” He asked quietly, eyes soft but a bit shaky as he spoke in a quiet voice. “I still wear these rings…I never broke my promise. I love you, Jjong-ah. N-no matter what else.” He added quietly.
Jonghyun swallowed hard as he allowed a few tears to slip from his eyes when he glanced up at Kibum helplessly from the two rings. “B-but…you…I thought that you love him. You do love him, don’t you…?” He asked quietly and uncertainly, voice barely above a whisper.
Kibum sighed lightly as he placed his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder again, becoming a little weaker, but hugged him close to him again. “I do love him, Jjongie…b-but…I love you too. Perhaps they’re different types of loves, perhaps they mean different things….I don’t know. I don’t know anything but that I love you so much, I still love you so much. As I always have all my life. I love you, Jjongie. I always will. Just like these rings represent.” He said quietly, hugging him tightly.
Jonghyun choked a little on his tears as he heard Kibum’s words, his head spinning and heart aching in his chest. He found himself unable to say anything in reply, his throat too dry to speak, but had to reply to Kibum regardless. “B-Bummie…” He managed to whisper quietly, tapping on Kibum’s shoulder to get the other’s attention.
Kibum squeezed him a little bit before pulling back, looking back at him, but was stopped as he noticed that he was holding something out in his hand. “J-Jjongie, you…” He started quietly, as tears filled his eyes as he noticed the small and equally crummy gumball ring in Jonghyun’s hand-the same he had stuffed onto his finger fourteen years ago already. “…you…still have yours too? You haven’t thrown it away yet? B-but I thought you decided to move on with Tiffany…?” He started quietly.
Jonghyun swallowed hard as Kibum reminded him of the lies he had stuffed down both of their throats since he had fist received Kibum’s mother’s threats years ago. “I…never stopped loving you, Kibummie. I may be nothing now but useless shit…but you’ve always had my useless love, and no one else has. I’m…sorry…I’m sorry th-that almost everything I’ve told you…it’s all been a lie. I-it’s all been a stupid lie I thought would protect you…b-but has only hurt you in the process. It seems like…hurting you is all I’m capable of doing anymore. Every time I try to protect you, it only burdens you more. But…e-even now…I can’t. I can’t tell you the truth, even when I have nothing else left to live for. Bummie…I want you to be happy. I want to see that careless smile on your face, like you used to have when you were five and would hold my hand while we walked around in the zoo. I want to see you truly happy again, without the hurt stupid people like me have to deal with-that’s why I lied. That’s why I still lie to you…even when it only breaks my heart more and more every time I have to...” He whispered quietly, finding a quiet voice, his head spinning and his thoughts still a little impaired due to the alcohol he was surprised his body hadn’t rejected yet, not caring if he didn’t make sense anymore.
Kibum stopped for a long moment, staring down at the little ring in Jonghyun’s palm, trying to think through and understand his words the best that he could. “Y-you’ve been lying…j-just to protect me? Y-you…you’ve been lying to me, th-thinking that it would make me happy? J-Jjong-ah, I…I don’t understand. Wh-why would you lie? What could possibly make you lie like this?” He asked quietly, barely able to think with his confusion as he tried to process through Jonghyun’s words. He knew there was something Jonghyun was hiding still. Something he still would not tell him...but he had no idea what it was. Why would Jonghyun lie to him for so many years already? It wasn’t just because of Minho.
Jonghyun sniffed deeply as he slowly moved to wrapping his arms around Kibum’s shoulders tightly, his large arms heavy on top of the younger man’s shoulders as he dropped his head against his collar strengthlessly.
“Th-there are some things in this world that some people shouldn’t know about, Bummie. Some things that no matter how stupid I realize I am for keeping from you and wanting to play the damned hero who keeps troubles from your mind….some secrets I won’t tell you. Some things I’m going to lie about forever-because I never want to see you cry like that. I never want to see it happen to you…” Jonghyun whispered quietly, his head suddenly feeling light and his stomach twisting as he thought of Kibum’s mother’s harsh threats, and everything she had called the two of them for simply loving each other. How he felt sick to think that she would do the things she said to her own son for something that was completely his fault. He wouldn’t allow for Kibum to know the betrayal of his own family. Not when it was his fault.
Kibum felt his heart tremble with dread and confusion as he heard Jonghyun’s words. What was it that Jonghyun was keeping from him!? What was it that was so terrible that he couldn’t tell him about? He thought of everything it could possibly be, and yet none of it seemed to make sense. Nothing seemed to fit. The fact that there was something scared him greatly though, and he ripped out of Jonghyun’s arms quickly in order to look into his face sincerely.
“J-Jjong, tell me! I’m scared about it now….Jjong, I’m not a kid anymore, you can tell me. You can tell me anything! I’ll love you no matter what happens…p-please…tell me the truth. Please…Jjong…” He started desperately, but was suddenly interrupted when Jonghyun winced harshly and grabbed his stomach quickly, affects of the alcohol obviously taking over.
“B-Bummie…I-I…” Jonghyun moaned quietly after a moment, clenching his stomach tightly. He had known when he first started drinking how poorly his body reacted to alcohol, and yet he had drunk half a bottle of soju anyway. He had thought he had nothing left-so what did it matter if he suffered over it later? “A-ah, Bummie, I-I…” He started again, before suddenly pushing away from Kibum enough to get away from him to release his body’s rejection of the alcohol into the water near them.
“Jjong-ah! Are you okay!?” Kibum asked quickly, crawling over to Jonghyun’s side again to help steady his shaky body, trying to keep the older man from falling into the water. Whatever it was that Jonghyun was keeping from him still scared him more than he could explain, but seeing Jonghyun weak and in pain as he was then was enough to make him focus on helping him for the time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minho sighed heavily as he stared down at the half-chopped onions and carrots he and Kibum had been making for dinner before Kibum had cut himself while worrying over Jonghyun. He did everything to understand Kibum. He did everything to understand his feelings for Jonghyun, and did everything not to be selfish when he would leave his side to be with him. But he couldn’t help himself from worrying about him while he was away from his side. He couldn’t stop himself from still wishing he could have followed him there, even when he knew that this was something that he and Jonghyun had to work out by themselves. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to follow him everywhere and do everything for him, even when he knew that Jonghyun was going to be there with him. He worried about him still, as he glanced over at the little towel he had used to stop the other man’s bleeding, thinking he should have given him just a little more than a hurried forehead kiss before he left again.
Suddenly, however, there was a slight knocking noise on the door that suddenly took his mind off of his worry. He held his breath as he walked slowly from the kitchen to answer the door. Half of him wished it would be Kibum returning to him again, while half of him worried about why he would be returning again so quickly. He let out a quiet breath as he reached out and turned the doorknob, trying to hold back his surprised expression as his eyes fell onto an extremely worried looking Onew.
“Minho! Minho-yah! Is Key here!? Tell me that Key is here! I’m really worried! I’m really worried about Jonghyun-where’s Key!? I need to talk to him now!!” Onew shouted quickly as he pushed his way into their dorm, carrying a large cardboard box in his arms as he looked around the entry way of the dorm desperately. “Where’s Key, this is an emergency!” He repeated himself.
Minho glanced up from the cardboard box in Onew’s arms with curiosity as he looked back into the older man’s eyes again. “H-he left earlier looking for Jonghyun…he was worried about him too. Wh-what’s the matter? Why are you worried about him, Hyung?” He asked worriedly, walking over to where Onew had put down the cardboard box on the coffee table so he could began biting his knuckles to keep in his worry. Onew looked up at Minho with desperate eyes as he heard him questioning him, before swallowing heavily. “He’s really scaring me. Minho-yah-I think he’s going to commit suicide! Earlier he was acting really strange, and told me that I had to take care of his evil animal a-and…okay, I know it was really, really terrible and I shouldn’t have done it-but…look. He wrote this last night when he thought that I was asleep…i-it’s for Key. Actually-this entire box is for Key. B-but look at the end of the letter-it’s scaring me!” He screeched worriedly, grabbing a neatly written letter from on top of the cardboard box he had carried in, quickly handing it to Minho so he could continue chewing on his knuckles.
Minho paused for a long moment as he looked down at the little letter he had been handed, written on neat but old looking origami paper, written considerably neat to be Jonghyun’s handwriting.
Dear Kibum,
This the last letter I’m going to write to you, that I know that I’ll never have the strength to send.
Minho swallowed at just the first sentence but did as Onew had told him to and glanced down at the bottom of the long letter, looking at the last sentence.
The truth is, Kibum, I love you. I always have, always will. I love you more than anything else-more than life itself. But…I know now that I will never be able to be with you again. I hope that I can stop hurting you, and that you’ll continue on with life happily without me as your lover. I hope he makes you happy the way I wished I could have. I hope every day you wake up smiling, and go to sleep with that same smile you had when you were younger. Promise me you’ll be happy forever….
…I love you….
….for the last time…
…Goodbye.
Minho glanced up quickly as he read the last sentence and glanced back towards Onew. “He wrote this last night? When last did you see him!? Where did he go?” He asked quickly, as Onew just looked back at him helplessly.
Onew stopped biting his knuckles but shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know…I don’t know! He just came back to the dorm this afternoon telling me that I was in charge of taking care of his little monster, and then told me that he’s going out again! I don’t know where he went! All he told me when I asked was that he was going somewhere where he wouldn’t be able to hurt Key anymore…Minho-yah, I’m really worried! I’m really scared!! I don’t know where he is!! Where’s Key!? I have to tell Key! Key’s the only one who’ll be able to stop him!” He squeaked desperately, now starting to run around in little circles, venting on and on, even as Minho turned away from him to pull his cellphone out of his pocket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
“Jjongie…” Kibum whispered as he rubbed small circles onto the older man’s back as the older continued to clench his stomach harshly, trying to stop barfing. “Jjongie, why’d you go and drink so much!? You know you’re weak to alcohol-you could have really hurt yourself!” He cried quietly, as he took the weak older man into his arms again, immediately using the sleeve of his favorite sweater to help clean the other man’s mouth as he fell weakly into his arms again.
“I know…I knew this would happen…” Was all that Jonghyun was able to pant out strengthlessly against Kibum’s chest as he surrendered into his arms, eyes falling closed weakly.
Kibum froze for a moment as he heard Jonghyun’s words before looking down at him quickly. “Wh-what!? Wh-why? Why would you do it if you know it’d hurt you so much!?” He asked quickly, trying to make Jonghyun look in his eyes again, but didn’t succeed as the older man only buried himself into his chest again, letting out quiet and shaky breaths.
“I wanted it to hurt me…th-the way I hurt you. Today I’ve done the one thing I promised I’d never do-physically hurt you….I wanted to punish myself because of it. I wanted to suffer for it…” Jonghyun whispered exhaustedly, closing his eyes tightly with the pain in his stomach, but stayed still in Kibum’s arms.
Kibum’s breath was pushed out of him in a sharp gasp as he heard Jonghyun’s words, and he quickly whacked his head angrily as he accepted him into his arms, allowing for tears to slip from his eyes again. “Y-you….P-pabo! Stupid, stupid, stupid pabo!!! How could you!? How could you dare hurt yourself because of me!? Pabo!!” He shouted quickly, feebly whacking Jonghyun’s back as the older collapsed onto him again.
“Sorry…I’m sorry…Bummie. I was being selfish again…not considering that hurting myself would hurt you again….damn it, Kibum…why does everything I do hurt you? Wh-why do I always hurt you? Wh-why?” Jonghyun finally panted out strengthlessly against Kibum’s chest, as he hugged him closer yet to him, tears slipping from his tired eyes, trying to disappear into the younger man’s embrace.
Kibum stopped whacking him as he heard his words and only allowed for himself to soften a little, taking Jonghyun more comfortably against him, nuzzling him close. “Sh-shh, stop it, Pabo…don’t talk like that anymore. Stop that…j-just…promise me you’ll never do it again. P-promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself because of me again…” He whispered softly into the older man’s ear as he held him closely, feeling the older becoming weak again, nearly falling asleep in his arms.
“Stupid Jjongie…I love you…why would you hurt yourself?” Kibum whispered quietly, as Jonghyun fell asleep against his chest, losing all strength due to the alcohol’s affect on his body. “Pabo…” He whispered again, looking at Jonghyun’s pain-filled expression, trying to push his bangs from his face and make him more comfortable.
Suddenly, there was a soft buzzing noise coming from his jean pocket, and he glanced down slowly to see his phone ringing quietly. He glanced back at the sleeping Jonghyun for a moment before kissing his forehead softly, then leaning down to pull his phone from his pocket, still keeping the sleeping older man in his arms as he held the phone up to his ear.
“Minho-yah,” Kibum answered softly, carefully to be quiet enough not to wake Jonghyun again with his voice.
“Key! Where are you? Have you found Jonghyun-t-tell me you’ve found Jonghyun already.” Minho asked hurriedly on the other line quickly, causing for Kibum to glance back towards his phone curiously due to the amount of urgency in the other’s voice.
“Y-yes, I found him already. He…he’s fallen asleep now. He drank too much and his body doesn’t accept alcohol well….wh-why? What’s the matter? Is everything okay, Minho-yah?” He asked quietly, still careful not to wake the other.
Minho let out a relieved breath on the other line as he heard Kibum’s words and looked at the nervous Onew knowingly, giving him a soft nod to express Jonghyun’s wellbeing.
“Onew and I were worried about him. A-and you….I was worried about you too…where are you now? Are you two okay?” Minho finally replied calmly, relaxing a little and softening his tone a bit.
Kibum sighed softly as he stroked the hair out of Jonghyun’s face again, gazing down at him softly. Even though Jonghyun was older than him and had always been the one who had cared for him, when he was tired or sick, he seemed so small and innocently needy. He looked young still, despite their age difference.
“We’re still outside, by the water in Sincheon Park. He fell asleep here because the alcohol had a really bad effect on him…” He said softly, continue to play with Jonghyun’s bang softly as he spoke, making sure the older was warm against his chest.
“You’re in Sincheon Park? Isn’t it cold outside? Do you need help?” Minho asked after a moment on the other line, Kibum easily picking up the tones of worry in his voice.
Kibum half smiled down at Jonghyun, figuring that he would be much more comfortable if he got him home where he could be under a blanket in a bed, and drink some water to settle his stomach. “I didn’t bring any bus money with me…maybe you could come and help me bring him home…?” He asked quietly.
Minho smiled as he heard Kibum’s words before nodding slowly, even though he knew Kibum couldn’t see him. “Yes, I’ll be there really soon, okay? Are you guys in a safe place right now?” He asked, quickly making his way towards the door, slipping on his shoes and jacket again.
“We’re fine. I’m just worried about him. He drank a lot while even just a little makes him sick. I’m probably worrying too much, but I’m worried he’ll get alcohol poisoning or something if we don’t do something. I want to bring him home.” Kibum answered calmly on the other line, as Minho signaled to Onew that he was leaving.
“Don’t worry too much, he’ll be alright, Key.” Minho said, chuckling softly as he made his way down the dorm’s stairs. “Alright, I’m leaving now. I’ll be there soon, so stay put.” He added.
Kibum let out a quiet and calm breath after a moment. “Thank you, Minho-yah. For coming to get us…a-and…for letting me go to him. Things are better now because of it.” He said quietly, causing for Minho to smile softly at his words.
“You don’t need to thank me, Key. I know how important he is to you. I understand you had to go to him. I’m glad that you found him…Onew and I were both worried about him as well.” He answered softly, smiling a bit more when Kibum hummed lightly in appreciation.
“I…love you, Minho-yah. I really can’t thank you enough.” Kibum said quietly and softly after a moment.
“I love you too, Key. You never have to thank me…I’m already in debt to you.” Minho said quietly, as he slipped out into the city again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Kibum couldn’t stop himself from chuckling quietly as he stood back to catch a better glimpse of Minho carrying a knocked-out Jonghyun on his back, Jonghyun unintentionally wrapping his arms around his neck and snuggling against his neck in his sleep, causing for Minho to shiver a little uncomfortably.
“I must say…seeing you two like this…it’s really adorable.” Kibum teased quietly, as he watched Minho trying to move his head a little to escape from the suddenly snuggly Jonghyun.
Minho playfully glared at him as he heard Kibum’s teasing but allowed a small smile to slide onto his face as he saw the thankful expression on Kibum’s face. “Is he always this cuddly?” He asked quietly, as Jonghyun moved to snuggle his face in his shirt in his sleep.
Kibum chuckled again and nodded quickly. “You should see him when he’s actually trying to snuggle! God, you can’t even breathe under those heavy arms of his!” He laughed quietly, though his eyes still were soft with thankfulness and admiration for the two men in front of him. Jonghyun, for being so true to him this entire time that he was willing to sacrifice so much just to make him happy-and Minho for…simply being the normal overly perfect Minho. When he had asked Minho to help him, he had expected him to bring them bus-fare, not carry Jonghyun the entire way back to the dorms. “But…you’re too sweet carrying him like this. You know I didn’t expect you to.” He added lightly, laughing softly.
Minho let out a quiet breath along with a soft smile as he glanced over his shoulder at Jonghyun’s sleeping face. “Whether I dislike him or not, you seem to love him…so he can’t be all that bad, can he?” He joked quietly as he glanced back at Kibum from Jonghyun.
Kibum chuckled quietly before slipping next to Minho’s side, taking his spare hand and began walking close to his side again. “Hmn, no. He’s not all that bad at all. He’s a good person, Minho-yah. If circumstances had been different…I’d almost say you two would have been friends.” He said quietly, glancing at Jonghyun’s face softly before looking back at Minho and smiling.
Minho laughed quietly at this before looking back in front of them. “I wouldn’t go that far…” He muttered quietly under his breath, but didn’t miss the quiet giggle it produced from Kibum. “…though I admit I have judged him unfairly. I treated him wrong before. He really does love you, Key. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to him…” He muttered quietly and honestly, looking down slowly.
Kibum smiled lightly as he heard Minho’s words, squeezing Minho’s hand softly in thanks, before looking forwards again. “I really do love you two…” He muttered quietly, more to himself.
Minho smiled lightly, but suddenly felt a lump raise in his throat as he remembered a sentence in the small letter that Jonghyun had written to Kibum that he had glanced over earlier, and remembered the true reason why Jonghyun wouldn’t take him back. He wondered if Kibum himself had any idea why.
“Key…Kibum…you know that if you still love him….it’s not going to change our friendship at all, right?” He found himself said quietly, his voice just above a hesitant and unsure whisper in the city’s night noises, but still caught Kibum’s attention.
Kibum frowned as he heard Minho’s words, and looked back at him with serious eyes. “Minho-yah…why won’t you just believe me when I tell you that I love you? I love both of you so much…but I’m in love with you. I want to be with you, why won’t you believe me?” He asked quietly, as he looked into Minho’s eyes sincerely.
Minho sighed quietly as he glanced down at the ground again, propping Jonghyun more up onto his back properly, not helping but think, “Because you don’t know all that he’s given up for you to be happy…”, as he thought about the one who was currently snuggling warmly against his back and all he had selflessly given up just so that Kibum could have the freedom to choose who he wanted to love.
“I just want you to be truly happy…” He whispered honestly, after a long minute. “I’m worried that because you found out about my feelings, you were worried that if you didn’t return them-I would leave. But I won’t leave, Key. No matter what. Even if you choose this snuggly bastard…” He said seriously, but choked as he hoisted Jonghyun more onto his back again.
Kibum chuckled at Minho’s joke before dropping his head against his shoulder, even though he could feel Jonghyun’s breaths on his hair as he did so. “I didn’t act just because of your feelings, Minho-yah. For once, I feel so happy like this. Everything’s so close to being perfect…between us, I wouldn’t change a single thing.” He said quietly, glancing back up to Minho’s soft eyes as the taller man let out a small and relieved smile.
“But you still need to know the truth. Everything about Jonghyun before you can truly say you love me…” Minho thought slowly and slightly sadly, but didn’t stop himself from squeezing Kibum’s hand and smiling back at him, enjoying their time together while it lasted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Alright, just in case you didn't catch the last memo, this isn't the last part. There's still 2 more. ^^
I hope enjoyed this little part though. We're getting close!
Comments=love. Seriously.