Remember Me!?!: The Beginning of the End--LAST CHAPTER: Stupid Liar: PART ONE [Hurt Me]
Remember Me!?!
Chapter 34/34!!!!: Stupid Liar
Part One: Hurt Me
Part Two: When Superman Crashed [Crash and Burn]
Part Three: Stupid Pabo
Epilogue: Eggs
Couple: JongKey vs. MinKey
Genre: DRAMA, ANGST, Romance, TRIANGLE
Rated: PG15
Summary: Everything comes to an end. Even the hope of ever being able to love him again.
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!!!!
The large, soft, white downy comforter on the bed fluffed up as two smiles disappeared away together under the small tent they had made from it, in order to hide away from the bright and warm morning sun. The sound of quiet laughter filled the supposed-to-be empty house, and for once the small and quiet house seemed more like a home.
Minho chuckled softly as he escaped down under the fluff of the downy comforter in the little tent he had created by supporting the roof with his shoulders, as he glanced down at the beautiful smiling face under him, allowing for his nose to brush gently against the other’s blushing cheeks, his breaths hitting against the laughing breaths of the one below him. He couldn’t stop the breath from being knocked out of his chest as he glanced at the beautiful boy under him.
A soft, white feather escaped from the puffed up downy comforter and fluttered down from the roof that Minho was supporting, fluttering down slowly in gentle turns until it finally landed lightly onto Kibum’s dark bangs, the diva not even noticing it, as his eyes continued to stay connected with Minho’s above him.
No words were exchanged aside from happy chuckles against each other’s breaths as Minho gently leaned down to pick the feather off of Kibum’s forehead, shoulders leaning down, causing for the roof to lower and for the space that was housing the two to suddenly become so much more intimate.
Kibum laughed lightly and half-closed his eyes as Minho leaned his face closer to his own, lightly taking the feather off his bangs gently as if he were made of glass, and their cheeks brushed against each other shortly before their lips ghosted over each other’s again.
“Minho-yah…” Kibum breathed out quietly, as Minho’s lips hesitantly left his own, and the younger reopened his eyes slowly, gazing down at the face under his own.
“Hmn…?” Minho hummed quietly, far too happy to speak, almost too happy to breathe, most definitely too happy to believe this was real.
“I love you…” Kibum whispered quietly, as he searched under the comforter to find Minho’s hand and entwine his fingers with his own.
Minho could only smile with his signature sweet smile gently as he heard Kibum’s words, trying to find his voice in his happiness to reply to the smaller man. “I love you too, Key. So much…so much…” He whispered softly, before his lips were ghosting over Kibum’s again.
Kibum smiled softly as he kissed Minho back chastely, squeezing his hand gently, before reopening his eyes and gazing at him softly, gaze saddening with reality. “Minho-yah, I love you….but…let’s go back.” He ended up saying quietly, voice deeper than before, seeming heavy on the light mood of the morning, lingering in the room for too long.
Minho seemed to wake up from his dream a little as he heard Kibum’s words, and let out a quiet breath before nodding slowly. “Right…I’m sure Jonghyun is worried about you.” He said quietly, leaning up from his place above Kibum, opening up the tent up back to the rest of the world.
Kibum softened a little before sitting up on the bed and hugged Minho tightly from behind for a long moment. “I’m worried about him. I love you, Minho-yah…but…y-you have to understand...” He sighed softly against Minho’s back, saddened to hear the disappointed tone in his lover’s voice.
Minho sighed heavily as he heard the little bits of unhappiness in Kibum’s voice due to his reaction to his words, and glancing over his shoulder slowly, sending Kibum a gentle smile.
“Don’t worry like this anymore. I understand completely. I won’t be selfish…I can’t selfishly keep you here to myself.” He joked quietly, causing for Kibum to chuckle lightly against his shoulder and hug him tightly again from behind.
“I love you…” Kibum muttered quietly, giving Minho a soft but quick kiss on his forehead as he saw the understanding expression in Minho’s soft eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The loud noises of barking, screaming, and shattering glass is what Jonghyun found himself waking up to, pillow damp and eyes sore and swollen from losing too many tears the night before. His head was throbbing, and yet it was left unhelped by the loud screaming of his roommate, as Onew threw himself into the bedroom desperately, Roo growling viciously as she continued to gnaw on the leg of his pants.
“Jonghyun! Help! Help me! Your dog is crazy! She’s gone insane! She’s trying to kill me!!” Onew squeaked desperately, as he clung onto the door frame as Roo began viciously trying to yank him away from her Daddy’s bedroom and bring him back into the kitchen, where she could continue trying to eat him.
Jonghyun groaned quietly at the sight of Onew’s desperate face as he begged him to save him, and stood up groggily from his bed, rubbing his sore eye-sockets in the process.
“Roo, c’mere. Come to Appa, don’t kill Onew.” Jonghyun groaned apathetically (he was far too physically and emotionally spent to use much of his limited energy first thing in the morning).
Roo glanced up from gnawing at Onew’s ankle once she heard her daddy’s exhausted voice, and immediately began wagging her tale as she dropped Onew’s pajama pant-leg and ran over to Jonghyun happily, licking his face happily after being welcomed into his arms shortly after she reached him.
Onew’s jaw dropped as he watched the sight in front of him, hardly believing that the vicious little killer that had woke him up at six that morning by grabbing his hand in her sharp little teeth and had just literally chased him around the whole entire dorm, including in the bathroom and on top of tables, was now gently and cutely licking Jonghyun’s face playfully like an innocent little angel.
Roo whined quietly as she looked at the tear-stains on her daddy’s cheeks, leading to swollen and sad-looking eyes and leaned forwards to lick them gently, hoping that it would cause for him to smile again. She knew he stayed up all night last night crying, but she didn’t know what caused it (so she blamed it on Onew, whether or not she really thought he was the cause), and she wanted to see him happy again. She just wished Kibummie-eomma would come back and make her appa happy like he had always done before when they were all younger.
Jonghyun sighed softly as he noticed the way Roo was licking his tear-stains, before rubbing her head gently, sending her a soft smile. “Appa’s okay, Roo. He actually knows what he’s doing this time…because of that…Appa will be okay soon.” He assured, but frowned again as he heard Roo whine quietly.
“Hmn…you look so bored today…do you want me to take you for a walk? When was the last time I walked you? The last time Kibummie came to the dorm to make us breakfast, huh? I know…that was a long time ago already…” Jonghyun said quietly, ignoring Onew’s whines as he tended to his bleeding ankle, and walked with Roo slowly to the living room to get her ready for her walk.
“I’M OKAY, BY THE WAY!” Onew yelled from his place in the bedroom, as Jonghyun made his way out of the dorm to walk Roo.
As he escaped from the quiet and constricted dorm he had locked himself up in all night the night prior to escape from his falling tears, Jonghyun let out a quiet breath and turned his head up towards the sky. It was dark and blanketed with black and grey heavy looking clouds, and Jonghyun damned himself for immediately wondering if Kibum had an umbrella. He was losing his place to be the one responsible to worry about little things like that for Kibum, and he knew that rightfully, as he was no longer Kibum’s only lover, he would have to learn to leave such responsibilities to Minho. But it was hard. Hard to even think about. All his entire life, Jonghyun had been the one who was supposed to take care of Kibum and stay by his side. Even just telling himself that it was no longer his place to do even the little things like that for Kibum hurt him more than he ever could have imagined before.
Sometimes…Jonghyun really wished that he just ignored Kibum’s mother four years ago. Wished that he could have not feared what she would have done to him if he had flat out denied her threats, and wished he did not fear what would happen to Kibum if he hadn’t forced himself to let him go right then for the sake of his family. He wished he secretly had gone back to their childhood homes, secretly proposed to Kibum and took him far away from everyone else so that they only had each other. But that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Kibum for him to choose his destiny, and he knew what he had done was right, because if he had never left Kibum in the first place….he never would have met Minho. And Minho was the thing that made Kibum happiest now-instead of him.
~~~~
Kibum glanced up at the sky for a moment, before glancing back at Minho again, as the taller man met up with him again after changing into his soccer uniform, while Kibum continued to wait nearby the soccer field at the University, watching Yunho and Jaejoong continued going on and on with their long goodbye.
“Are you sure today’s a good day for the team to have soccer practice? It looks like the sky’s about ready to fall at any moment, and I think I heard thunder while you were in the bathroom. If you guys get rained on, you’re all going to catch colds. I think we should just go get something to eat first…” Kibum began complaining, as soon as Minho returned to his side again after changing.
Minho chuckled quietly at Kibum’s complaints before glancing back towards the other players already stretching on the field. “We’ll be alright, Key. But thank you for worrying. We haven’t had a practice for a long time already, so we don’t really have a choice to not play in this weather.” He explained.
Kibum crossed his arms as he heard Minho’s response but walked with him back towards the soccer field. “The weather was even nicer in Seoul. If I didn’t have to worry about Jonghyunnie so much, I would have liked to stay there with you instead.” He muttered stubbornly, not noticing the light-hearted smile that slipped onto Minho’s grateful face as the younger was reminded of their time together in Seoul.
“I-I wish we could have stayed there together too…forever…” Minho muttered quietly, glancing back at Kibum slowly. “…but I have to be understanding as to why you came back here. Regardless of me being so lucky as to have had last night…I know that Jonghyun means a lot to you too, and I have to try not to be selfish and let you spend time with him too…” He muttered, more like reminding himself as he was tempted just to ditch practice all together to be able to spend more time with Kibum again.
Kibum stopped for a moment, before looking back at Minho slowly with a truly thankful expression painted on his face. “Minho-yah…you have no idea how much your understanding about Jonghyun and I means to me…really, I have no idea how I managed to be so lucky as to have someone like you. ‘I love you’ doesn’t even seem to completely explain how much you mean to me.” He found himself saying quietly, staring up at Minho’s eyes sincerely.
It was true. He had no words to express all that Jonghyun meant to him, and no words to tell Minho the truth about his feelings about him. They were so complex that Kibum could barely even understand them himself. And yet…Minho understood them. Minho understood them and trusted him regardless of Kibum’s lack of words to explain them. And for that, he had no way of expressing how thankful he truly was.
Minho paused for a long moment before swallowing, a soft blush pushing its way onto his cheeks slowly before looking at Kibum hesitantly. “K-Key….would it be alright…if I kissed you here?” He found himself asking quietly, damning himself as he realized how quickly he had gotten addicted to the soft feeling of Kibum’s lips under his own. Kissing Kibum was more addictive than the world’s worst drug.
Kibum stopped completely for a long moment as he thought over Minho’s hesitant words. He couldn’t stop himself from longing to feel Minho’s gentle lips caressing his own once again. Whenever Minho kissed him, the entire world seemed to disappear and somehow he had some way of knowing that everything was going to be alright. Minho’s lips were the ultimate comfort, and he couldn’t find himself saying “no”. And so he found himself nodding slowly, unable to find any words, but giving Minho a soft smile as he closed his eyes slowly when Minho’s lips fit perfectly in his own again.
Suddenly, however, the moment that Kibum’s eyes closed, eye-lashes fluttering down closed against Minho’s warm cheeks, the moment his heart felt lightest, he was suddenly yanked away from the happiness brought by the other’s lips by the loud and anxious noise of barking. Not just any barking, though. Without opening his eyes, without turning and looking at the small black and brown dog behind him, Kibum knew what dog it was. And he knew who the dog belonged to…
Minho, who couldn’t recognize the owner of the dog just through the noise of barking, tried not to be surprised or hurt when Kibum suddenly yanked him away from his lips again, his eyes flashing, looking scared and guilty. He shifted his gaze up slowly to where Kibum was staring, just barely in time to see the silhouette of a recognizable back disappearing down the hill leading back towards the dorms, to catch the sight of the man’s girly little dog barking her head off as if she wanted to chase him down and kill him for going near Kibum.
Kibum couldn’t even begin to try to swallow the huge lump in his throat as he watched Jonghyun disappearing down the hill and out of his sight again, obviously in a hurry to stop Roo from barking, but trying so hard to walk slowly so that no one would notice how desperate he was to get away. How desperate he was not to let anyone to see the tears Kibum knew he was shedding.
Kibum forced himself to take a breath as he tore his eyes off of Jonghyun’s direction and looked up at Minho helplessly. He couldn’t find his voice, knowing the lump in his throat was too big for him to be able to speak without his throat hurting him beyond repair, but felt a slight comfort as he was met with Minho’s understanding eyes as the taller nodded in Jonghyun’s general direction, telling him to follow. Kibum wanted to smile in thanks towards Minho’s wordless understanding, but couldn’t even force one when he thought of the tears slipping from Jonghyun’s eyes, and as his own eyes suddenly fall onto the staring eyes of Jaejoong, wordlessly watching him with a look of disbelief.
“Go ahead, Key.” Minho said quietly, finally breaking the long and heavy silence that was slowly choking Kibum. “I understand. Go talk to him.” He finally said, which was just enough to release Kibum from his guilt towards Minho, and allow for him to escape Jaejoong’s unintentionally cold stare.
~
Jonghyun whipped around the corner sharply, slamming himself against the wall of one of the nearest buildings to escape the best he could from the main path he had been on, just in case anyone was going to follow him. He found himself sliding down the building feebly, using pathetic attempts to stop Roo from barking and snarling at Minho anymore, just trying to disappear. He thought he’d be able to do it. He really thought he would be able to let Kibum go. He thought he would be able to give him to Minho. Thought he was strong enough to hand another man his entire world for as long as he could remember, and yet, as he stood there, looking from the outside, and saw the way that Kibum smiled so happily and carelessly up at the other before his lips were met softly with Minho’s gentle and deserving lips-he felt his entire world starting to crumble. He felt all the strength he had thought he was able to summon enough to allow for this to happen for Kibum to break. Break, crumble and tumble down on top of him.
Roo struggled a little in her daddy’s strengthless arms, trying to escape from his feeble attempts to keep her quiet and still. Regardless of how much she had come to like the tall man who had come to her and her daddy’s home in the mornings with her eomma, it was her daddy who was supposed to kiss her eomma. It was her daddy who needed him, not that other guy. It was her daddy who was weak and crying, and she needed to bring Kibum back right then. She could lick the tears off of her daddy’s face, but only Kibum was the single person who could dry them, who could stop them from falling. Jonghyun put his finger weakly to his lips to try to keep her quiet as she let out a saddened whine.
Suddenly, however, something broke the silence Jonghyun had somehow managed to push over Roo and his own sobbing, which only made his heart twist and knot harshly in his chest.
“Jonghyun! Jonghyun, where are you!? Damn it, Jonghyun, come out already! Please let me see you! Please let me talk to you! Jonghyun!?” Kibum called quickly, as he ran down from the hill he had been on, looking around in every direction, desperate to find Jonghyun as quickly as possible.
“C’mon, Jjong, just let me talk to you! Please…” Kibum all-but-begged desperately as he turned around to look all around him, desperate to find Jonghyun before another moment of this could continue on. He wasn’t ashamed of what he had done-wasn’t ashamed of telling Minho his feelings and kissing him-he was simply ashamed of how Jonghyun had found out. He was ashamed of how he was not able to face his feelings enough to talk to Jonghyun about it before. Ashamed of being too much of a coward to try to go forwards with his new relationship with Jonghyun, instead of just staying in the past. Ashamed that he had allowed himself to hurt Jonghyun too.
Jonghyun pressed himself as flat against the stone wall of the building he had hidden behind, having to raise a hand against his mouth, clasping his mouth shut to muffle his sobs, closing his eyes tightly to try to make himself as invisible as he wished he could be. He couldn’t face Kibum right then. He couldn’t. He felt as if his whole world and tumbled down and was now suffocating him, and he was too weak and afraid to even pretend to be strong in front of Kibum. He just wanted to be alone. Just wanted to disappear into his pain for as long as he was allowed to.
“Jjong, please. I need to talk to you. I-I know…it’s…it’s my fault. I should have talked to you earlier about this, b-but…I was too weak. Jjong, please, just let me see you! Please…let’s just talk this out first. Don’t be like this, p-please?” Kibum asked quietly and helplessly, as he began wandering in whatever direction his feet brought him in, eyes scanning desperately for any trace of Jonghyun, until suddenly, something small and unsure caught his eye.
“Roo…” Kibum whispered as he noticed Roo sticking her head out from around a corner hesitantly, looking so much like she was unsure if revealing herself to Kibum was a good thing or not.
Kibum swallowed harshly as he stood still and listened carefully for a moment, just long enough to hear Jonghyun’s muffled sniffles coming from behind the building Roo was next to. He took a deep breath to try to keep himself strong and composed as he hesitantly walked forwards towards the small dog, clenching the spare cloth of his shirt tightly in his first to try to keep himself calm.
However, the moment that Kibum turned the corner and looked upon Jonghyun’s completely strenghtless expression as the strong older man he had always looked up to looked completely broken, he felt his own breath being knocked out of him, and he had no way of stopping the guilty gasp that snuck out of his lips.
The second that Jonghyun heard Kibum’s gasp, he reopened his eyes quickly, looking up at Kibum with large and helpless eyes for just a second before forcing himself to scramble onto his feet again, even though he wondered how he managed, due to the fact that he felt no strength.
“Jjong-ah!” Kibum stuttered out quickly, as he looked at the weak man he had created in front of him, as Jonghyun’s pitiful and helpless expression suddenly turned cold and angry.
Jonghyun quickly whipped around, turning his back towards Kibum immediately, willing to do anything to stop himself from letting his weakness and hurt feelings out on the innocent boy in front of him. Desperate to do anything to stop Kibum from seeing the selfish and strengthless tears that would not stop escaping his eyes.
“Go away, Kibum.” Jonghyun forced himself to say coldly, as he turned his face from Kibum’s gaze, wondering how he had managed to summon his voice enough to make coherent words.
Kibum shivered a little as he heard Jonghyun’s deep and cold voice, sounding nearly unfeeling, despite the tears he had seen cascading down the older man’s cheeks. “J-Jjong-ah, don’t. Don’t try to send me away. We’ve spent too long away from each other, hiding our feelings from each other. We have to talk about it; otherwise it’s only going to go worse and worse! Jonggie, talk to me, please!” He tried quickly, taking a few steps towards the older man desperately.
Jonghyun immediately jerked away from Kibum as the younger man took a few steps towards him. “Go away, Kibum! I don’t want to talk to you! I don’t want anything to do with you right now, just let me be alone!” He forced himself to say again harshly, voice raising and harshening in tone in his desperateness to get away. He knew if he was to be forced to face Kibum right then, he would lose all the strength he had forced himself to gain so far, and all his work of trying to find a way to allow himself to give up Kibum and allow him to go to Minho would be useless.
Kibum swallowed hard as he heard Jonghyun’s harsh tone, but wouldn’t take no as an answer. He had learned how to be strong enough to face Minho with his true feelings-he knew he could do it with Jonghyun. Jonghyun was the one he had spent his entire life with, and he would trust his life with him. He knew he could do it if only he forced himself to be strong enough. And if he didn’t force himself to be strong right then, they would only hurt each other again. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.
“No! I’m not going away! I’m always going away, or you’re always leaving! I’m not going to let that happen anymore, Jonghyun! We’re going to talk about this, and work it out! Running away isn’t going to help anything anymore!” Kibum said sternly, stepping forwards towards Jonghyun until he had managed to corner the older man against the wall of the building, forcing him to stay still with nowhere to go.
“Not now, Kibum! Leave me alone right now! Talking isn’t going to help you right now! Just get away from me!” Jonghyun shouted desperately, as he found himself forced back against the wall again, but still turned his face from Kibum’s gaze, turning his back on the younger, trying to slip away again.
“Damn it, Jonghyun! I’m not going to leave you alone right now! I’m so tired of this! I’m so tired of taking turns hurting each other! We love each other, don’t we!? We promised we would always-no matter what happens in the future. Don’t you remember that!? Then why the hell are we hurting each other like this!? Why can’t we just face each other!? We’re not afraid of each other-we’re both afraid of ourselves, so just stop this and talk with me! Let me explain everything to you-let me in-and everything will be repaired. Jonghyun, we’re both making this harder on ourselves!” Kibum retorted quickly, taking another quick step towards the older man.
“Get away from me, Kibum! I won’t-I won’t face you right now! Just get the hell away from me right now!” Jonghyun shouted desperately, his heart too weak, in too much pain to dare face the younger man again. He knew if he did, he’d act selfishly. He’d try to take him back due to the pain in his chest, and ruin the destiny that Kibum had found on his own. Ruin his destiny with Minho.
Kibum ground his teeth with annoyance as he heard Jonghyun denying him again, before quickly grabbing Jonghyun’s strong arm tightly, forcing him still and yanking him around to look in his eyes again. “Look at me!” He found himself yelling quickly, before all of a sudden Jonghyun’s helpless face flashed cold.
“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, KIBUM!” Jonghyun suddenly shouted in a last desperate attempt to escape, finding himself pushing his arm forwards harshly, knocking against Kibum’s chest, forcing for the younger male to drop his hold on him as he stumbled down onto the ground due to the impact.
All words and breath were knocked out of Kibum as he found himself falling backwards onto the ground, staring up at Jonghyun with completely and utterly shocked eyes. For all his life he had spent with Jonghyun, after so many years, this was the first time Jonghyun had ever physically hurt him. The first time the older man had ever even made any sort of serious gesture of violence against him, and he had no idea how to deal with it. No idea how to even cope it. The force of Jonghyun’s muscular arm had made his chest ache, but not as much as it had hurt his heart. He let out a shaky breath as he stared up at Jonghyun with teary eyes, too surprised to even be able to think.
Jonghyun immediately trembled as he realized what he had done, his first falling immediately, strong arms immediately shaking with shock in himself, his head was still spinning. He had done it. Done the one thing he promised himself he would never do in his entire life no matter what came to happen. He had physically hurt Kibum. He had already done the one thing he had beat so many other guys up for doing in the past, and done the one thing that could make him hate himself more than anything else in the entire world. He didn’t deserve it-didn’t deserve to talk to Kibum. Didn’t deserve to be his friend-didn’t even deserve to take up the smallest space in his memory. He was already the worse scum in all of the world, and he had to force himself away. Had to force himself away from Kibum forever this time.
“JONGHYUN!” Kibum shouted quickly; voice gaspy due to the fact he had nearly had the wind knocked out of him, but too desperate to stop the older man to care how his chest ached with his yell, stretching out his arm quickly to try to catch the older man again, before he took off as quickly as he could, leaving Kibum alone again on the ground.
“Jjong-ah…” Kibum tried again quietly, as he watched Jonghyun disappear from him again, his breaths still uneasy and weak, hot tears spilling off of his burning cheeks. His chest ached, but he didn’t even look away from Jonghyun’s direction once until there was suddenly a familiar shout from behind him.
“Kibum-Key!” Minho suddenly shouted as he finally found the strength to make his feet move forwards, running to Kibum as quickly as he could.
“Key! Are you okay!?” Minho asked quickly, dropping onto his knees next to the smaller man once he reached him, immediately scanning over his body for any signs of serious injury. He hadn’t seen everything. He hadn’t seen how hard Jonghyun had hit him, or really where he had managed to hit him, but he had seen the gesture, and just that was enough.
Kibum didn’t take his eyes off of Jonghyun’s direction until the older man was long gone, then slowly turned his gaze back towards Minho, allowing for his tears to fall freely. “M-Minho-yah…” He stuttered out weakly, his breath in short gasps, the tears not helping him at all at catching his breath again.
“It’s okay, Key. I’m here for you…” Minho whispered softly as he supported Kibum securely against his chest, allowing for the smaller man to drop his head against his shoulder, and dropped his hand gently against the other man’s head. “Just stay here for a minute…don’t do anything else. Just catch your breath. It’s all going to be okay. I promise you…” He cooed softly into Kibum’s ear, allowing for the smaller to sigh exhaustedly, as his breath came back to his chest, muscles relaxing in Minho’s warm embrace.
Minho sighed and allowed for himself to calm down a little (though his blood was still boiling with a want to knock Jonghyun senseless for what he had just done), dropping a few soft butterfly kisses on his jaw while doing so.
“Are you alright…?” Minho finally muttered quietly, as they both caught their breaths again, and he pulled out of Kibum’s embrace only enough to scan the other boy’s eyes and face for any indication of physical pain. “Did he hurt you?” He asked, trying not to let Kibum notice the way his voice deepened with tinges of anger as he thought of Jonghyun harming the other.
Kibum sniffed slightly, giving Minho a broken smile but a smile nonetheless, wiping a few tears from his eyes as he shook his head slowly. “Mn-ngh. He didn’t…he wouldn’t-he didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean for it to happen. It was my fault. I-I shouldn’t have acted like that. I shouldn’t have forced him like that. I should have listened-I was just so scared. I was so scared that I’d lose him-but I’ve only made it worse now. I’ve only made it worse between the two of us….” He said quietly, voice trembling, but not light and weak as it had been before.
Minho shook his head quickly as he securely took Kibum’s chin in his hands, making Kibum look straight into his eyes. “It’s not your fault! It’s never your fault! You never deserve to be hit or hurt like that, Kim Kibum! Promise me you understand that!” He said sternly, voice losing its softness for the first time since he had come back to Kibum’s side.
Kibum half smiled sadly at Minho’s words and nodded his head slowly, but his eyes were saddened by them as well, placing his hand on his cheek to make him look in his eyes as well. “Jjongie’s not like that, Minho-yah. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose-wh-whether we’re the way we used to be or not, he’s not the physically violent type of person. He promised me that after his father left……he’s just upset. I…it’s really my fault that he got hurt so much to the point where he was like that. Please…don’t hate him. I know he’s hard to understand…but he’s a good person.” He said quietly, eyes a bit sad, but a melancholy smile slipping onto his face as he spoke.
“He’s my best friend, whether or not we will ever go back to being the way we were before he left-he’ll always be my best friend like he was when we were kids. I want the person I’m in love with to love him too-even though you two have had fights in the past. They were all because of me-a-and I feel terrible for it.” He added quietly.
Minho was left silent at Kibum’s words, but simply brought him close against him, hugging him tightly again. “As long as he never hurts you again, Key…” He whispered quietly, nuzzling Kibum’s head under his own.
Kibum half smiled and hugged Minho back, but couldn’t stop himself from glancing over his shoulder in the direction Jonghyun had left in, his smile slipping off of his face again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Fuck it.” Jonghyun growled quietly into his half-empty bottle of soju, even as the smell of the bitter alcohol made his stomach churn and his aching head spin. “Fuck it, Jonghyun. You lost it. You lost him. That was your last and biggest mistake, and you’ve already made it. That was your last fucking chance and you fucked it, so just let him go already. Just do him a favor and get out of his heart, head, and life already!” He had been trying to convince himself for the last three hours of the same things, but no matter what, it didn’t work. It didn’t even work as he drowned himself with strong booze, even though he knew he would become sick and most likely throw up his kidney because of it later. If there was even a later…
“Why-why the hell can’t I just let him go!? Why the hell am I so selfish!? I’ve already-I’ve already hurt him so many ways. I’ve already lied to him too many times. I’ve already screwed any chances I deserve with him-I don’t even deserve to be a memory in his beautiful mind anymore. Fuck, for all I’ve done, I deserve to die. I want to die-I would die if it wouldn’t hurt him. Losing him like this….fuck, it makes me want to die…” He found himself sobbing, dropping onto the ground next to the water he had been staring at; hating the drunken reflection of someone he himself didn’t even recognize anymore staring up at him hatefully. “…I want to die without you…” He sobbed quietly, losing every ounce of strength he had ever possessed. Too drunk with pain and booze to even think straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Damn it, ouch…” Kibum hissed quietly, quickly moving his hand away from the onions he had been chopping to hide his tears from Minho, dropping his knife to tend to the blood that leaked out of the new cut.
Minho glanced up quickly from what he was doing to help the other with dinner, looking at Kibum quickly as he rushed to his side and quickly took his hand gently in his own, immediately grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding.
“Key! Are you okay? Did you cut yourself!?” He asked quickly, as he applied a little pressure to the thin line leaking blood from Kibum’s hand, looking up at Kibum’s eyes quickly, noticing the tears falling from his eyes, but doubting that they were due to the cut on his finger.
Kibum struggled to swallow and not choke on his tears as he didn’t even look into Minho’s eyes, simply staring over his shoulder as his chest grew too tight for him to even be able to breathe properly.
“Minho-yah, I’m scared…”
Minho glanced back at Kibum’s face quickly from tending to his cut, his face painted with worry as he looked into Kibum’s teary eyes. “Wh-what…what are you scared of, Kibum?” He asked quietly, dropping his normal nickname he used for Kibum, his heart suddenly heavy as he noticed the goosebumps that crawled over Kibum’s arms.
Kibum closed his eyes tightly, allowing for the tears to slip out of his eyes again. “I’m scared. I’m worried about Jonghyun. I’m scared-everything feels wrong. I’m scared for him-a-and I need to find him.” He found himself whispering quietly, eyes still not meeting with Minho’s concerned ones.
“R-right…I’ll help you find him.” Was all Minho could say quietly, unable to find any other words to try to comfort Kibum with.
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A/N: Okay, let me fill you in on the posting schedule for the last chapter...
...For me, it's very rare and strange for me to complete something, let alone a freaking long series that's been going on for a year already (yes, this fic is far over a year old), so just telling you now, this last chapter is long. And I mean LONG. (43 pages, guys, no joking, you're about to suffer through 43 pages of depression...) And therefore, in order not to over burden you with page after page, I'm going to post this last chapter in parts, starting tonight. Each part should be around 10-13 pages worth each (while normal 2-part chapters for this story are 20 pages....yes, you DO read that much every chapter if you read them all at once), and will continue on for the next 4 nights. I thought that would be better than dumping them all at once.
So, this is the first part. And let me tell you, the happiest part. this is a damn ANGSTY chapter, dear ones, so enjoy the happiness while it lasts!!!
Last chapter guys, so last chance to comment. I apperciate them SOOOOOO much!
Tomorrow evening I'll post the 2nd part.
Chapter 34/34!!!!: Stupid Liar
Part One: Hurt Me
Part Two: When Superman Crashed [Crash and Burn]
Part Three: Stupid Pabo
Epilogue: Eggs
Couple: JongKey vs. MinKey
Genre: DRAMA, ANGST, Romance, TRIANGLE
Rated: PG15
Summary: Everything comes to an end. Even the hope of ever being able to love him again.
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!!!!
The large, soft, white downy comforter on the bed fluffed up as two smiles disappeared away together under the small tent they had made from it, in order to hide away from the bright and warm morning sun. The sound of quiet laughter filled the supposed-to-be empty house, and for once the small and quiet house seemed more like a home.
Minho chuckled softly as he escaped down under the fluff of the downy comforter in the little tent he had created by supporting the roof with his shoulders, as he glanced down at the beautiful smiling face under him, allowing for his nose to brush gently against the other’s blushing cheeks, his breaths hitting against the laughing breaths of the one below him. He couldn’t stop the breath from being knocked out of his chest as he glanced at the beautiful boy under him.
A soft, white feather escaped from the puffed up downy comforter and fluttered down from the roof that Minho was supporting, fluttering down slowly in gentle turns until it finally landed lightly onto Kibum’s dark bangs, the diva not even noticing it, as his eyes continued to stay connected with Minho’s above him.
No words were exchanged aside from happy chuckles against each other’s breaths as Minho gently leaned down to pick the feather off of Kibum’s forehead, shoulders leaning down, causing for the roof to lower and for the space that was housing the two to suddenly become so much more intimate.
Kibum laughed lightly and half-closed his eyes as Minho leaned his face closer to his own, lightly taking the feather off his bangs gently as if he were made of glass, and their cheeks brushed against each other shortly before their lips ghosted over each other’s again.
“Minho-yah…” Kibum breathed out quietly, as Minho’s lips hesitantly left his own, and the younger reopened his eyes slowly, gazing down at the face under his own.
“Hmn…?” Minho hummed quietly, far too happy to speak, almost too happy to breathe, most definitely too happy to believe this was real.
“I love you…” Kibum whispered quietly, as he searched under the comforter to find Minho’s hand and entwine his fingers with his own.
Minho could only smile with his signature sweet smile gently as he heard Kibum’s words, trying to find his voice in his happiness to reply to the smaller man. “I love you too, Key. So much…so much…” He whispered softly, before his lips were ghosting over Kibum’s again.
Kibum smiled softly as he kissed Minho back chastely, squeezing his hand gently, before reopening his eyes and gazing at him softly, gaze saddening with reality. “Minho-yah, I love you….but…let’s go back.” He ended up saying quietly, voice deeper than before, seeming heavy on the light mood of the morning, lingering in the room for too long.
Minho seemed to wake up from his dream a little as he heard Kibum’s words, and let out a quiet breath before nodding slowly. “Right…I’m sure Jonghyun is worried about you.” He said quietly, leaning up from his place above Kibum, opening up the tent up back to the rest of the world.
Kibum softened a little before sitting up on the bed and hugged Minho tightly from behind for a long moment. “I’m worried about him. I love you, Minho-yah…but…y-you have to understand...” He sighed softly against Minho’s back, saddened to hear the disappointed tone in his lover’s voice.
Minho sighed heavily as he heard the little bits of unhappiness in Kibum’s voice due to his reaction to his words, and glancing over his shoulder slowly, sending Kibum a gentle smile.
“Don’t worry like this anymore. I understand completely. I won’t be selfish…I can’t selfishly keep you here to myself.” He joked quietly, causing for Kibum to chuckle lightly against his shoulder and hug him tightly again from behind.
“I love you…” Kibum muttered quietly, giving Minho a soft but quick kiss on his forehead as he saw the understanding expression in Minho’s soft eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The loud noises of barking, screaming, and shattering glass is what Jonghyun found himself waking up to, pillow damp and eyes sore and swollen from losing too many tears the night before. His head was throbbing, and yet it was left unhelped by the loud screaming of his roommate, as Onew threw himself into the bedroom desperately, Roo growling viciously as she continued to gnaw on the leg of his pants.
“Jonghyun! Help! Help me! Your dog is crazy! She’s gone insane! She’s trying to kill me!!” Onew squeaked desperately, as he clung onto the door frame as Roo began viciously trying to yank him away from her Daddy’s bedroom and bring him back into the kitchen, where she could continue trying to eat him.
Jonghyun groaned quietly at the sight of Onew’s desperate face as he begged him to save him, and stood up groggily from his bed, rubbing his sore eye-sockets in the process.
“Roo, c’mere. Come to Appa, don’t kill Onew.” Jonghyun groaned apathetically (he was far too physically and emotionally spent to use much of his limited energy first thing in the morning).
Roo glanced up from gnawing at Onew’s ankle once she heard her daddy’s exhausted voice, and immediately began wagging her tale as she dropped Onew’s pajama pant-leg and ran over to Jonghyun happily, licking his face happily after being welcomed into his arms shortly after she reached him.
Onew’s jaw dropped as he watched the sight in front of him, hardly believing that the vicious little killer that had woke him up at six that morning by grabbing his hand in her sharp little teeth and had just literally chased him around the whole entire dorm, including in the bathroom and on top of tables, was now gently and cutely licking Jonghyun’s face playfully like an innocent little angel.
Roo whined quietly as she looked at the tear-stains on her daddy’s cheeks, leading to swollen and sad-looking eyes and leaned forwards to lick them gently, hoping that it would cause for him to smile again. She knew he stayed up all night last night crying, but she didn’t know what caused it (so she blamed it on Onew, whether or not she really thought he was the cause), and she wanted to see him happy again. She just wished Kibummie-eomma would come back and make her appa happy like he had always done before when they were all younger.
Jonghyun sighed softly as he noticed the way Roo was licking his tear-stains, before rubbing her head gently, sending her a soft smile. “Appa’s okay, Roo. He actually knows what he’s doing this time…because of that…Appa will be okay soon.” He assured, but frowned again as he heard Roo whine quietly.
“Hmn…you look so bored today…do you want me to take you for a walk? When was the last time I walked you? The last time Kibummie came to the dorm to make us breakfast, huh? I know…that was a long time ago already…” Jonghyun said quietly, ignoring Onew’s whines as he tended to his bleeding ankle, and walked with Roo slowly to the living room to get her ready for her walk.
“I’M OKAY, BY THE WAY!” Onew yelled from his place in the bedroom, as Jonghyun made his way out of the dorm to walk Roo.
As he escaped from the quiet and constricted dorm he had locked himself up in all night the night prior to escape from his falling tears, Jonghyun let out a quiet breath and turned his head up towards the sky. It was dark and blanketed with black and grey heavy looking clouds, and Jonghyun damned himself for immediately wondering if Kibum had an umbrella. He was losing his place to be the one responsible to worry about little things like that for Kibum, and he knew that rightfully, as he was no longer Kibum’s only lover, he would have to learn to leave such responsibilities to Minho. But it was hard. Hard to even think about. All his entire life, Jonghyun had been the one who was supposed to take care of Kibum and stay by his side. Even just telling himself that it was no longer his place to do even the little things like that for Kibum hurt him more than he ever could have imagined before.
Sometimes…Jonghyun really wished that he just ignored Kibum’s mother four years ago. Wished that he could have not feared what she would have done to him if he had flat out denied her threats, and wished he did not fear what would happen to Kibum if he hadn’t forced himself to let him go right then for the sake of his family. He wished he secretly had gone back to their childhood homes, secretly proposed to Kibum and took him far away from everyone else so that they only had each other. But that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Kibum for him to choose his destiny, and he knew what he had done was right, because if he had never left Kibum in the first place….he never would have met Minho. And Minho was the thing that made Kibum happiest now-instead of him.
~~~~
Kibum glanced up at the sky for a moment, before glancing back at Minho again, as the taller man met up with him again after changing into his soccer uniform, while Kibum continued to wait nearby the soccer field at the University, watching Yunho and Jaejoong continued going on and on with their long goodbye.
“Are you sure today’s a good day for the team to have soccer practice? It looks like the sky’s about ready to fall at any moment, and I think I heard thunder while you were in the bathroom. If you guys get rained on, you’re all going to catch colds. I think we should just go get something to eat first…” Kibum began complaining, as soon as Minho returned to his side again after changing.
Minho chuckled quietly at Kibum’s complaints before glancing back towards the other players already stretching on the field. “We’ll be alright, Key. But thank you for worrying. We haven’t had a practice for a long time already, so we don’t really have a choice to not play in this weather.” He explained.
Kibum crossed his arms as he heard Minho’s response but walked with him back towards the soccer field. “The weather was even nicer in Seoul. If I didn’t have to worry about Jonghyunnie so much, I would have liked to stay there with you instead.” He muttered stubbornly, not noticing the light-hearted smile that slipped onto Minho’s grateful face as the younger was reminded of their time together in Seoul.
“I-I wish we could have stayed there together too…forever…” Minho muttered quietly, glancing back at Kibum slowly. “…but I have to be understanding as to why you came back here. Regardless of me being so lucky as to have had last night…I know that Jonghyun means a lot to you too, and I have to try not to be selfish and let you spend time with him too…” He muttered, more like reminding himself as he was tempted just to ditch practice all together to be able to spend more time with Kibum again.
Kibum stopped for a moment, before looking back at Minho slowly with a truly thankful expression painted on his face. “Minho-yah…you have no idea how much your understanding about Jonghyun and I means to me…really, I have no idea how I managed to be so lucky as to have someone like you. ‘I love you’ doesn’t even seem to completely explain how much you mean to me.” He found himself saying quietly, staring up at Minho’s eyes sincerely.
It was true. He had no words to express all that Jonghyun meant to him, and no words to tell Minho the truth about his feelings about him. They were so complex that Kibum could barely even understand them himself. And yet…Minho understood them. Minho understood them and trusted him regardless of Kibum’s lack of words to explain them. And for that, he had no way of expressing how thankful he truly was.
Minho paused for a long moment before swallowing, a soft blush pushing its way onto his cheeks slowly before looking at Kibum hesitantly. “K-Key….would it be alright…if I kissed you here?” He found himself asking quietly, damning himself as he realized how quickly he had gotten addicted to the soft feeling of Kibum’s lips under his own. Kissing Kibum was more addictive than the world’s worst drug.
Kibum stopped completely for a long moment as he thought over Minho’s hesitant words. He couldn’t stop himself from longing to feel Minho’s gentle lips caressing his own once again. Whenever Minho kissed him, the entire world seemed to disappear and somehow he had some way of knowing that everything was going to be alright. Minho’s lips were the ultimate comfort, and he couldn’t find himself saying “no”. And so he found himself nodding slowly, unable to find any words, but giving Minho a soft smile as he closed his eyes slowly when Minho’s lips fit perfectly in his own again.
Suddenly, however, the moment that Kibum’s eyes closed, eye-lashes fluttering down closed against Minho’s warm cheeks, the moment his heart felt lightest, he was suddenly yanked away from the happiness brought by the other’s lips by the loud and anxious noise of barking. Not just any barking, though. Without opening his eyes, without turning and looking at the small black and brown dog behind him, Kibum knew what dog it was. And he knew who the dog belonged to…
Minho, who couldn’t recognize the owner of the dog just through the noise of barking, tried not to be surprised or hurt when Kibum suddenly yanked him away from his lips again, his eyes flashing, looking scared and guilty. He shifted his gaze up slowly to where Kibum was staring, just barely in time to see the silhouette of a recognizable back disappearing down the hill leading back towards the dorms, to catch the sight of the man’s girly little dog barking her head off as if she wanted to chase him down and kill him for going near Kibum.
Kibum couldn’t even begin to try to swallow the huge lump in his throat as he watched Jonghyun disappearing down the hill and out of his sight again, obviously in a hurry to stop Roo from barking, but trying so hard to walk slowly so that no one would notice how desperate he was to get away. How desperate he was not to let anyone to see the tears Kibum knew he was shedding.
Kibum forced himself to take a breath as he tore his eyes off of Jonghyun’s direction and looked up at Minho helplessly. He couldn’t find his voice, knowing the lump in his throat was too big for him to be able to speak without his throat hurting him beyond repair, but felt a slight comfort as he was met with Minho’s understanding eyes as the taller nodded in Jonghyun’s general direction, telling him to follow. Kibum wanted to smile in thanks towards Minho’s wordless understanding, but couldn’t even force one when he thought of the tears slipping from Jonghyun’s eyes, and as his own eyes suddenly fall onto the staring eyes of Jaejoong, wordlessly watching him with a look of disbelief.
“Go ahead, Key.” Minho said quietly, finally breaking the long and heavy silence that was slowly choking Kibum. “I understand. Go talk to him.” He finally said, which was just enough to release Kibum from his guilt towards Minho, and allow for him to escape Jaejoong’s unintentionally cold stare.
~
Jonghyun whipped around the corner sharply, slamming himself against the wall of one of the nearest buildings to escape the best he could from the main path he had been on, just in case anyone was going to follow him. He found himself sliding down the building feebly, using pathetic attempts to stop Roo from barking and snarling at Minho anymore, just trying to disappear. He thought he’d be able to do it. He really thought he would be able to let Kibum go. He thought he would be able to give him to Minho. Thought he was strong enough to hand another man his entire world for as long as he could remember, and yet, as he stood there, looking from the outside, and saw the way that Kibum smiled so happily and carelessly up at the other before his lips were met softly with Minho’s gentle and deserving lips-he felt his entire world starting to crumble. He felt all the strength he had thought he was able to summon enough to allow for this to happen for Kibum to break. Break, crumble and tumble down on top of him.
Roo struggled a little in her daddy’s strengthless arms, trying to escape from his feeble attempts to keep her quiet and still. Regardless of how much she had come to like the tall man who had come to her and her daddy’s home in the mornings with her eomma, it was her daddy who was supposed to kiss her eomma. It was her daddy who needed him, not that other guy. It was her daddy who was weak and crying, and she needed to bring Kibum back right then. She could lick the tears off of her daddy’s face, but only Kibum was the single person who could dry them, who could stop them from falling. Jonghyun put his finger weakly to his lips to try to keep her quiet as she let out a saddened whine.
Suddenly, however, something broke the silence Jonghyun had somehow managed to push over Roo and his own sobbing, which only made his heart twist and knot harshly in his chest.
“Jonghyun! Jonghyun, where are you!? Damn it, Jonghyun, come out already! Please let me see you! Please let me talk to you! Jonghyun!?” Kibum called quickly, as he ran down from the hill he had been on, looking around in every direction, desperate to find Jonghyun as quickly as possible.
“C’mon, Jjong, just let me talk to you! Please…” Kibum all-but-begged desperately as he turned around to look all around him, desperate to find Jonghyun before another moment of this could continue on. He wasn’t ashamed of what he had done-wasn’t ashamed of telling Minho his feelings and kissing him-he was simply ashamed of how Jonghyun had found out. He was ashamed of how he was not able to face his feelings enough to talk to Jonghyun about it before. Ashamed of being too much of a coward to try to go forwards with his new relationship with Jonghyun, instead of just staying in the past. Ashamed that he had allowed himself to hurt Jonghyun too.
Jonghyun pressed himself as flat against the stone wall of the building he had hidden behind, having to raise a hand against his mouth, clasping his mouth shut to muffle his sobs, closing his eyes tightly to try to make himself as invisible as he wished he could be. He couldn’t face Kibum right then. He couldn’t. He felt as if his whole world and tumbled down and was now suffocating him, and he was too weak and afraid to even pretend to be strong in front of Kibum. He just wanted to be alone. Just wanted to disappear into his pain for as long as he was allowed to.
“Jjong, please. I need to talk to you. I-I know…it’s…it’s my fault. I should have talked to you earlier about this, b-but…I was too weak. Jjong, please, just let me see you! Please…let’s just talk this out first. Don’t be like this, p-please?” Kibum asked quietly and helplessly, as he began wandering in whatever direction his feet brought him in, eyes scanning desperately for any trace of Jonghyun, until suddenly, something small and unsure caught his eye.
“Roo…” Kibum whispered as he noticed Roo sticking her head out from around a corner hesitantly, looking so much like she was unsure if revealing herself to Kibum was a good thing or not.
Kibum swallowed harshly as he stood still and listened carefully for a moment, just long enough to hear Jonghyun’s muffled sniffles coming from behind the building Roo was next to. He took a deep breath to try to keep himself strong and composed as he hesitantly walked forwards towards the small dog, clenching the spare cloth of his shirt tightly in his first to try to keep himself calm.
However, the moment that Kibum turned the corner and looked upon Jonghyun’s completely strenghtless expression as the strong older man he had always looked up to looked completely broken, he felt his own breath being knocked out of him, and he had no way of stopping the guilty gasp that snuck out of his lips.
The second that Jonghyun heard Kibum’s gasp, he reopened his eyes quickly, looking up at Kibum with large and helpless eyes for just a second before forcing himself to scramble onto his feet again, even though he wondered how he managed, due to the fact that he felt no strength.
“Jjong-ah!” Kibum stuttered out quickly, as he looked at the weak man he had created in front of him, as Jonghyun’s pitiful and helpless expression suddenly turned cold and angry.
Jonghyun quickly whipped around, turning his back towards Kibum immediately, willing to do anything to stop himself from letting his weakness and hurt feelings out on the innocent boy in front of him. Desperate to do anything to stop Kibum from seeing the selfish and strengthless tears that would not stop escaping his eyes.
“Go away, Kibum.” Jonghyun forced himself to say coldly, as he turned his face from Kibum’s gaze, wondering how he had managed to summon his voice enough to make coherent words.
Kibum shivered a little as he heard Jonghyun’s deep and cold voice, sounding nearly unfeeling, despite the tears he had seen cascading down the older man’s cheeks. “J-Jjong-ah, don’t. Don’t try to send me away. We’ve spent too long away from each other, hiding our feelings from each other. We have to talk about it; otherwise it’s only going to go worse and worse! Jonggie, talk to me, please!” He tried quickly, taking a few steps towards the older man desperately.
Jonghyun immediately jerked away from Kibum as the younger man took a few steps towards him. “Go away, Kibum! I don’t want to talk to you! I don’t want anything to do with you right now, just let me be alone!” He forced himself to say again harshly, voice raising and harshening in tone in his desperateness to get away. He knew if he was to be forced to face Kibum right then, he would lose all the strength he had forced himself to gain so far, and all his work of trying to find a way to allow himself to give up Kibum and allow him to go to Minho would be useless.
Kibum swallowed hard as he heard Jonghyun’s harsh tone, but wouldn’t take no as an answer. He had learned how to be strong enough to face Minho with his true feelings-he knew he could do it with Jonghyun. Jonghyun was the one he had spent his entire life with, and he would trust his life with him. He knew he could do it if only he forced himself to be strong enough. And if he didn’t force himself to be strong right then, they would only hurt each other again. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.
“No! I’m not going away! I’m always going away, or you’re always leaving! I’m not going to let that happen anymore, Jonghyun! We’re going to talk about this, and work it out! Running away isn’t going to help anything anymore!” Kibum said sternly, stepping forwards towards Jonghyun until he had managed to corner the older man against the wall of the building, forcing him to stay still with nowhere to go.
“Not now, Kibum! Leave me alone right now! Talking isn’t going to help you right now! Just get away from me!” Jonghyun shouted desperately, as he found himself forced back against the wall again, but still turned his face from Kibum’s gaze, turning his back on the younger, trying to slip away again.
“Damn it, Jonghyun! I’m not going to leave you alone right now! I’m so tired of this! I’m so tired of taking turns hurting each other! We love each other, don’t we!? We promised we would always-no matter what happens in the future. Don’t you remember that!? Then why the hell are we hurting each other like this!? Why can’t we just face each other!? We’re not afraid of each other-we’re both afraid of ourselves, so just stop this and talk with me! Let me explain everything to you-let me in-and everything will be repaired. Jonghyun, we’re both making this harder on ourselves!” Kibum retorted quickly, taking another quick step towards the older man.
“Get away from me, Kibum! I won’t-I won’t face you right now! Just get the hell away from me right now!” Jonghyun shouted desperately, his heart too weak, in too much pain to dare face the younger man again. He knew if he did, he’d act selfishly. He’d try to take him back due to the pain in his chest, and ruin the destiny that Kibum had found on his own. Ruin his destiny with Minho.
Kibum ground his teeth with annoyance as he heard Jonghyun denying him again, before quickly grabbing Jonghyun’s strong arm tightly, forcing him still and yanking him around to look in his eyes again. “Look at me!” He found himself yelling quickly, before all of a sudden Jonghyun’s helpless face flashed cold.
“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, KIBUM!” Jonghyun suddenly shouted in a last desperate attempt to escape, finding himself pushing his arm forwards harshly, knocking against Kibum’s chest, forcing for the younger male to drop his hold on him as he stumbled down onto the ground due to the impact.
All words and breath were knocked out of Kibum as he found himself falling backwards onto the ground, staring up at Jonghyun with completely and utterly shocked eyes. For all his life he had spent with Jonghyun, after so many years, this was the first time Jonghyun had ever physically hurt him. The first time the older man had ever even made any sort of serious gesture of violence against him, and he had no idea how to deal with it. No idea how to even cope it. The force of Jonghyun’s muscular arm had made his chest ache, but not as much as it had hurt his heart. He let out a shaky breath as he stared up at Jonghyun with teary eyes, too surprised to even be able to think.
Jonghyun immediately trembled as he realized what he had done, his first falling immediately, strong arms immediately shaking with shock in himself, his head was still spinning. He had done it. Done the one thing he promised himself he would never do in his entire life no matter what came to happen. He had physically hurt Kibum. He had already done the one thing he had beat so many other guys up for doing in the past, and done the one thing that could make him hate himself more than anything else in the entire world. He didn’t deserve it-didn’t deserve to talk to Kibum. Didn’t deserve to be his friend-didn’t even deserve to take up the smallest space in his memory. He was already the worse scum in all of the world, and he had to force himself away. Had to force himself away from Kibum forever this time.
“JONGHYUN!” Kibum shouted quickly; voice gaspy due to the fact he had nearly had the wind knocked out of him, but too desperate to stop the older man to care how his chest ached with his yell, stretching out his arm quickly to try to catch the older man again, before he took off as quickly as he could, leaving Kibum alone again on the ground.
“Jjong-ah…” Kibum tried again quietly, as he watched Jonghyun disappear from him again, his breaths still uneasy and weak, hot tears spilling off of his burning cheeks. His chest ached, but he didn’t even look away from Jonghyun’s direction once until there was suddenly a familiar shout from behind him.
“Kibum-Key!” Minho suddenly shouted as he finally found the strength to make his feet move forwards, running to Kibum as quickly as he could.
“Key! Are you okay!?” Minho asked quickly, dropping onto his knees next to the smaller man once he reached him, immediately scanning over his body for any signs of serious injury. He hadn’t seen everything. He hadn’t seen how hard Jonghyun had hit him, or really where he had managed to hit him, but he had seen the gesture, and just that was enough.
Kibum didn’t take his eyes off of Jonghyun’s direction until the older man was long gone, then slowly turned his gaze back towards Minho, allowing for his tears to fall freely. “M-Minho-yah…” He stuttered out weakly, his breath in short gasps, the tears not helping him at all at catching his breath again.
“It’s okay, Key. I’m here for you…” Minho whispered softly as he supported Kibum securely against his chest, allowing for the smaller man to drop his head against his shoulder, and dropped his hand gently against the other man’s head. “Just stay here for a minute…don’t do anything else. Just catch your breath. It’s all going to be okay. I promise you…” He cooed softly into Kibum’s ear, allowing for the smaller to sigh exhaustedly, as his breath came back to his chest, muscles relaxing in Minho’s warm embrace.
Minho sighed and allowed for himself to calm down a little (though his blood was still boiling with a want to knock Jonghyun senseless for what he had just done), dropping a few soft butterfly kisses on his jaw while doing so.
“Are you alright…?” Minho finally muttered quietly, as they both caught their breaths again, and he pulled out of Kibum’s embrace only enough to scan the other boy’s eyes and face for any indication of physical pain. “Did he hurt you?” He asked, trying not to let Kibum notice the way his voice deepened with tinges of anger as he thought of Jonghyun harming the other.
Kibum sniffed slightly, giving Minho a broken smile but a smile nonetheless, wiping a few tears from his eyes as he shook his head slowly. “Mn-ngh. He didn’t…he wouldn’t-he didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean for it to happen. It was my fault. I-I shouldn’t have acted like that. I shouldn’t have forced him like that. I should have listened-I was just so scared. I was so scared that I’d lose him-but I’ve only made it worse now. I’ve only made it worse between the two of us….” He said quietly, voice trembling, but not light and weak as it had been before.
Minho shook his head quickly as he securely took Kibum’s chin in his hands, making Kibum look straight into his eyes. “It’s not your fault! It’s never your fault! You never deserve to be hit or hurt like that, Kim Kibum! Promise me you understand that!” He said sternly, voice losing its softness for the first time since he had come back to Kibum’s side.
Kibum half smiled sadly at Minho’s words and nodded his head slowly, but his eyes were saddened by them as well, placing his hand on his cheek to make him look in his eyes as well. “Jjongie’s not like that, Minho-yah. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose-wh-whether we’re the way we used to be or not, he’s not the physically violent type of person. He promised me that after his father left……he’s just upset. I…it’s really my fault that he got hurt so much to the point where he was like that. Please…don’t hate him. I know he’s hard to understand…but he’s a good person.” He said quietly, eyes a bit sad, but a melancholy smile slipping onto his face as he spoke.
“He’s my best friend, whether or not we will ever go back to being the way we were before he left-he’ll always be my best friend like he was when we were kids. I want the person I’m in love with to love him too-even though you two have had fights in the past. They were all because of me-a-and I feel terrible for it.” He added quietly.
Minho was left silent at Kibum’s words, but simply brought him close against him, hugging him tightly again. “As long as he never hurts you again, Key…” He whispered quietly, nuzzling Kibum’s head under his own.
Kibum half smiled and hugged Minho back, but couldn’t stop himself from glancing over his shoulder in the direction Jonghyun had left in, his smile slipping off of his face again.
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“Fuck it.” Jonghyun growled quietly into his half-empty bottle of soju, even as the smell of the bitter alcohol made his stomach churn and his aching head spin. “Fuck it, Jonghyun. You lost it. You lost him. That was your last and biggest mistake, and you’ve already made it. That was your last fucking chance and you fucked it, so just let him go already. Just do him a favor and get out of his heart, head, and life already!” He had been trying to convince himself for the last three hours of the same things, but no matter what, it didn’t work. It didn’t even work as he drowned himself with strong booze, even though he knew he would become sick and most likely throw up his kidney because of it later. If there was even a later…
“Why-why the hell can’t I just let him go!? Why the hell am I so selfish!? I’ve already-I’ve already hurt him so many ways. I’ve already lied to him too many times. I’ve already screwed any chances I deserve with him-I don’t even deserve to be a memory in his beautiful mind anymore. Fuck, for all I’ve done, I deserve to die. I want to die-I would die if it wouldn’t hurt him. Losing him like this….fuck, it makes me want to die…” He found himself sobbing, dropping onto the ground next to the water he had been staring at; hating the drunken reflection of someone he himself didn’t even recognize anymore staring up at him hatefully. “…I want to die without you…” He sobbed quietly, losing every ounce of strength he had ever possessed. Too drunk with pain and booze to even think straight.
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“Damn it, ouch…” Kibum hissed quietly, quickly moving his hand away from the onions he had been chopping to hide his tears from Minho, dropping his knife to tend to the blood that leaked out of the new cut.
Minho glanced up quickly from what he was doing to help the other with dinner, looking at Kibum quickly as he rushed to his side and quickly took his hand gently in his own, immediately grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding.
“Key! Are you okay? Did you cut yourself!?” He asked quickly, as he applied a little pressure to the thin line leaking blood from Kibum’s hand, looking up at Kibum’s eyes quickly, noticing the tears falling from his eyes, but doubting that they were due to the cut on his finger.
Kibum struggled to swallow and not choke on his tears as he didn’t even look into Minho’s eyes, simply staring over his shoulder as his chest grew too tight for him to even be able to breathe properly.
“Minho-yah, I’m scared…”
Minho glanced back at Kibum’s face quickly from tending to his cut, his face painted with worry as he looked into Kibum’s teary eyes. “Wh-what…what are you scared of, Kibum?” He asked quietly, dropping his normal nickname he used for Kibum, his heart suddenly heavy as he noticed the goosebumps that crawled over Kibum’s arms.
Kibum closed his eyes tightly, allowing for the tears to slip out of his eyes again. “I’m scared. I’m worried about Jonghyun. I’m scared-everything feels wrong. I’m scared for him-a-and I need to find him.” He found himself whispering quietly, eyes still not meeting with Minho’s concerned ones.
“R-right…I’ll help you find him.” Was all Minho could say quietly, unable to find any other words to try to comfort Kibum with.
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A/N: Okay, let me fill you in on the posting schedule for the last chapter...
...For me, it's very rare and strange for me to complete something, let alone a freaking long series that's been going on for a year already (yes, this fic is far over a year old), so just telling you now, this last chapter is long. And I mean LONG. (43 pages, guys, no joking, you're about to suffer through 43 pages of depression...) And therefore, in order not to over burden you with page after page, I'm going to post this last chapter in parts, starting tonight. Each part should be around 10-13 pages worth each (while normal 2-part chapters for this story are 20 pages....yes, you DO read that much every chapter if you read them all at once), and will continue on for the next 4 nights. I thought that would be better than dumping them all at once.
So, this is the first part. And let me tell you, the happiest part. this is a damn ANGSTY chapter, dear ones, so enjoy the happiness while it lasts!!!
Last chapter guys, so last chance to comment. I apperciate them SOOOOOO much!
Tomorrow evening I'll post the 2nd part.