물 Series: Cold, Dark, Water (Guardian Angel)
물 Series 1:
(Guardian Angel)
Dark, Cold Water
Couple: Jongho
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rated: PG
Discliamer: I do not own SHINee
Summary: There is nothing in this world that Jonghyun fears more than the ocean, and yet, it is the very thing that brought him to the love of his life and guardian angel. (Poor summary, sorry!)
I stand alone on the edge of the old rickety pier, staring out onto the dark, cold and vast ocean’s water. I stay at the cold ocean’s side, watching the forceful grey waves crashing ruthlessly against the small beach’s breakwall, the cold and salty mist spraying onto my face as I stand and stare straight at the unpredictably strong force that is the sea. I watch quietly as the tide begins drawing out quickly before suddenly surging towards me again, dragging behind all that was there before into its vast depths without considering what it is washing away. I notice a small piece of beach wood struggling against the tides, being brought to shore for only a moment’s hope, before being sucked out to the grey, swirling abyss again, just so it can be brought back in the surges and smashed against the grey stones of the shoreline.
I stand safe, above the ocean and its unpredictable forces, and yet, I feel more and more by the day that I am more helpless than the piece of ocean driftwood, being thrashed about against the dark sand and the hard rocks in the ocean’s complete power. Sayless in its own destiny, allowing for its complete fate to lay in the hands of a erratic and mysterious sea.
I stay, and look eye to eye with the one thing I fear more than anything, remaining quiet and calm, although while watching the merciless tide below me take away all that had been on the shoreline before it, the fear of the unknowable force that the ocean is, builds within me. The bitterness of the salt that lingers on the air, I can taste on my tongue and lips, but I do not say a word. The water beneath me is dark under the grey colored sky, and indescribably cold, capriciously swirling and foaming under the old grey wood of the old pier that is remarkably still standing after all of these years.
To think that thirteen years ago, on this same pier, on the same type of cold, dark, winter’s day; an orphan once sat, tears pouring down salty cheeks, cold ocean breeze tousling messy hair, as he tried to slip away from the rest of the world, away from all of the pain that surrounded the small eight year old, who knew of nothing but pain. Thirteen years ago to this very day, in this very spot, that eight-year-old learned something that he would never forget; the world is a cruel and loveless place, surrounded but nothing but pain and longing, the few things he already knew in this world.
And so the orphan stayed, half hidden underneath the old pier’s wooden benches, hugging his knees to his chest, burying his face into their fold with shame, as the shouts, taunts and sneers of the children circling and surrounding him filled his ears,
“I don’t play with dirty street kids!” Some little girl sneered, as she looked at the smaller boy, who had finally found the nerve to ask her to play with him, with the upmost distain.
“Yeah! We don’t play with people like you! We don’t like you!” Another kid chirped in, just as tauntingly as the little girl had been before him.
“Why should we play with you, anyway? We don’t like you, and apparently, your parents didn’t either! That’s why they went and left you all alone! They don’t like you! Nobody does!” A boy sneered, just as maliciously as his little voice and face could muster, all but spitting at the orphan who was now curled into a tight ball, trying to disappear.
“Yeah, nobody likes you, Kim Jonghyun! Not even your own parents liked you enough to stay with you! Why do you think that you can just come over and ask to play with us as if you were one of us? Stupid, you’re so stupid! Maybe your parents left you because you’re so stupid!” Another kid mocked viciously.
“Or maybe they left you because you’re so short~” A different little girl chipped in too from behind the gang of kids. “Either way, we don’t like you! We never want to play with you! We wish you weren’t around!”
“Yeah, we wish you would just disappear!” Some kid piped in, and it seemed to get the whole lot of them going, all getting closer to the hiding and crying orphan, sneering and taunting more brutally than ever before, causing for the little boy to try to crawl backwards in hopes to escape from their anger and hate-filled faces.
“You should just disappear!” One started, and then everyone started chanting it, as one of the taller of the lot began leading them.“If nobody likes you, you should just disappear! We wish you’d disappear! We hate you! We hate you!” The leader yelled as he marched his gang over to the orphan, who had by then, scrambled to his feet, backing up on the old pier in hopes of escaping the gang of the sneering and loathing children.“Go away, go away! We hate you! Go away!” Everyone chanted, as their leader stepped forwards, and suddenly two small hands pushed against the orphan’s shoulders.
The only thing that the orphan could comprehend then was that he was stumbling backwards, having being pushed by the other little boy, and the next thing he knew, he was falling backwards, stumbling off the end of the old pier, falling helplessly towards the swirling cold, dark ocean below him. He did not struggle, nor did he shout; he had no one to call or reach for-no one to save him from falling backwards into the dark abyss that was the sea. So he did not fight it. Just let himself fall into the swirling tide below him, small body smacking against the waves as he allowed the water to fill his little nose and mouth. The late winter’s water that submerged him was so numbingly cold that as his little body fell into it, it penetrated him, freezing him, paralyzing him from even attempting to save himself. He did not know how to swim-he had never had anyone to teach him-and because of that, he had always feared the ocean. And so he only remained, face first into the cold, dark water below him, floating limply as driftwood in the unpredictable tides that carried him.
The children on the pier only stood dead-still in their tracks, staring with large eyes at the limp little body that only floated helplessly in the cold water, floating and bobbing under the freezing cold, dark tide as the waves pushed him around like driftwood. Give it that they were young, and they did not know what they were doing at the time their leader had pushed the smaller boy off of the pier, but at that point they knew that they had wronged, and yet no one even moved to help the orphaned boy in the water, for they did not care enough to even call for help. All they could do was watch, watch as the small body of the one they had pushed floated.
Not a single one of the children had even looked away just once, the single minute that the boy was in the water feeling like it was a lifetime, before there was a sudden shout from the far end of the pier and a blur of longish brown hair pushing past the children, and diving off of the edge of the pier after the orphan’s body.
The orphan had already given up, as the waves pushed him towards the shore tauntingly, before sucking him out again. He remained limp in the numbing water, face in the surge, and just accepted his fate. He had no reason to fight it, if this was his destiny. He had no one to miss, no one to say goodbye to, and, as he nearly-lifelessly floated in the bitter saltiness of the single thing he feared most in the world, he began to wonder if there was even anybody waiting for him after he died. He wondered what he had done to deserve such a lonesome and miserable life, if the only fate for Kim Jonghyun was no more than a lonesome life and a tragic death, but could do nothing of it, so simply accepted it, as the salty water rushed into his mouth and nose.
Suddenly, however, the little boy was suddenly pushed back to reality, forced back to the real world, as he felt something suddenly wrapping around his waist, and his head was suddenly pushed up to the surface. As he reached the surface again, and was once again given a chance to fill his lungs with air, he coughed furiously with the mix of the air and water, barely able to keep himself from choking, unable to notice how he was suddenly drug to shore by another, the cold wind hitting against two wet heads as the taller of the two pulled both bodies onto the damp sand on the beach.
The taller of the two, the boy who had dove into the water after the smaller orphan, let out heavy pants to catch his own breath, but quickly stumbled over to the other boy, lips clumsily falling over the quivering lips of the hardly breathing other, as he breathed air into his mouth, as his father had taught him to do before, until the orphan began to cough again, and spat a mouthful of salt water out.
After feeling air weakly making its way into his lungs again, the little orphan only could drop his head back onto the wet sand, allowing for his chest to rise and fall heavily with each painfully difficult breath, and for himself to stare up at his savior through half-lidded eyes. All he could see was long, wet brown hair, and large, shining black eyes staring comfortingly at him, as his savior worked to catch his own breath. The orphan only stayed still, watching the shine in the other’s dark eyes as the cold salt water dripped off of his long hair, the tingling of the other’s lips on his mouth and the warmth of his breath still circulating through his lungs. He had never before seen this boy, and for a moment, he thought that he must be a guardian angel, if such a thing existed. He wanted to speak, and ask the other who he was, and he wanted to touch him to see if he was really real, but his body was too cold, lungs still too heavy with the dark water, body too weak; so tears just fell from his eyes.
The other boy must have noticed the orphan’s pain somehow, and softened his shining eyes, before moving closer, using what was left of both of their body heat to keep the other boy alive, by moving closer and pushing the orphan’s wet hair out of his face. “I-it’s okay. Y-you’re safe now…” Was all that the orphan heard, before he felt the comfort of the other boy’s arms around him, and for the first time in his life; felt the warmth of another’s compassion. A heavy breath and a weak smile played over the orphan’s lips as he felt warm human contact for the first time, and he passed out heavily into the stranger’s arms.
A wave suddenly crashes against the wooden foundation of the old rickety pier, causing for the legs to moan quietly and sway at the force, and I suddenly grab a hold of the worn wooden handrail in fear of falling. Below me is the same cold, dark water that the orphan had fallen into thirteen years ago, cold and numbing as it has always been at this time of year. As the swaying of the waves stop, and I am able to stand on my own feet again without clinging onto the railing, I drag the back of my wrist across my salt-sprinkled cheeks, wondering why thinking of that old miserable orphan still causes for me to lose tears.
A miserable wretch, that Kim Jonghyun was. Always cold and alone, and going off of the one single hope and ambition of finding someone who would actually love him. He still wondered, every day, from the very day where the ocean had almost taken his life and washed his sorrowful body out into its open abyss, why the boy who had saved him had decided to do so. Why would a stranger, who he had done absolutely nothing for, suddenly risk his own life to save him-and then disappear before the pathetic orphan could even open his eyes the next morning? Yes, before Kim Jonghyun could even reopen his eyes from falling asleep in the first-time-felt kindness of the other, he was alone in a hospital bed, and the one who had saved him was no more than just a dreamy memory. Had the long brown hair, soft voice and shining eyes really been the appearance of his guardian angel? It felt as though it was a dream; a taunting dream that the boy would never be able to forget, for as long as his sad existence remained on this earth.
I sigh heavily as a gull swoops by, preparing for what appears to be a coming storm, and slowly sit down on one of the old salt-laden wooden benches nearest to the edge of the pier, overlooking the grey vastness in front of me.
Four years ago, on this date, as well as the date where he had fallen in before, the very same orphan had stood right beside the very bench I sit on now, staring down at the swerving grey water below him. Nine years might have passed since he had sworn he had seen his guardian angel, but even if just a dream, that Kim Jonghyun never forgot him. Never forgot anything from the fateful day where his life had been plucked out of the hands of his death, not a single moment. Not the warmth of the other boy’s touch, not the tingle of his lips, nor the shine in his eyes. It replayed so vividly in his mind over and over again that it was as if he worked just hard enough, he might be able to reach out and touch that most precious memory, but never feel it.
At seventeen years of age, but in no better of places, Kim Jonghyun stood on wobbly legs, as he glanced at the broken down wooden railing of the pier, which left just a large gap, gaping down at the roaring ocean below him. Angry grey waves below him, like hungry mouths, leaping and splashing up at him to drag him into their absolute grey. He swallowed as his fear for the ocean doubled, staring down at the spitting whitecaps from the choppy surf under him. His stomach churned and begged for him to turn back, stand on solid ground and get away from the angry sea, but as he glanced ahead of him, he realized that there was no turning back.
“I thought I told you to get lost, you little fucker…” One of that miserable wretch’s classmates sneered, as he flicked his wrist from the right to the left just enough for the shorter of the two to be able to catch the reflection of the grey cloud-hooded sunlight against the silver blade of the knife. The pathetic orphan didn’t even know how he had managed to get into acquaintance with the gang of men closing in on him, let alone get them to come after him with knives all out. All he knew was that he was being backed up more and more, getting closer and closer to the gaping hole in the pier’s railing, and before he knew it, he would have to choose between whether he would lose his life to the fearsome grey sea, or the leering faces of the gang in front of him.
The wretch closed his eyes as tightly as anyone possibly could, to try to distract himself from the swirling ocean below him, but it seemed to bring no comfort as he only heard and sneering and chuckling from the gang in front of him. Nine years later, and the same pairs of eyes staring him down, same hateful faces telling him they wanted him gone.
And then, Kim Jonghyun had a choice. The pathetic orphan would have to choose the end to his own tragic life, whether it be by knives, or to fall once again into the cold, dark fate that the ocean had in store for him. Perhaps the reason why he feared the ocean so was that he had always known that it would be where he would end his life, maybe ever since he was young, he had known that the ocean lunged up to take him away forever, and this is how it would end; under the dark clouds, in the dark and frigid waters. There was only time for a tear to fall down his face, a tear for how miserable his life had always been, before he allowed for his fate to be taken once again by the sea, and he fell backwards without a word, fell from the tall pier and everyone standing on it, landing back-first into the ocean.
Once again the frigid water engulfed him, and his body only froze, without a moment’s fight. There was no need to try to swim, because he still never learned how. All he knew how to do, was all he knew how to do before; allow for himself to sink, and be held in the mercy of the waves. As his body sank deeper in the water due to the force he had gained from the drop, the pathetic wretch kept his eyes open, staring up at the surface from under the mask of water, watching the waves move above him.
And, at that time, it came back to him. The reason he had somehow lived this long, and the reason why he had never given himself willingly into the ocean’s power to sweep him away from his sorrowful life-that same guardian angel. The few moments of love and compassion-the only few in his lifetime-and the gentleness of another, aimed only towards him. As a dream the same boy taunted him, and as a memory those same features drove him; the long, wet, brown hair, the shining black eyes, and the soft and warm voice and touches.
It would have been a lie if I said that the pathetic boy didn’t think at least once before that if he were to fall into the ocean again, as he had that day, that perhaps that same guardian angel would return, would save him, and he could be with him once again. But, if there was only one thing about the world that the orphan had ever grown to know, it was that it was cruel and precise, and would never again give him such an opportunity. That the same blessing of a single moment’s gentleness would never be given to him again. But was that enough for him? The few moments of comfort, and the foolish hope of finding the same boy again? It must have been, for that pathetic orphan, because he only allowed his exhausted lungs to release the held breath, and gave completely to the sea.
With the last of his air, the miserable orphan gazed up towards the surface for the last time and began to wonder if there was such thing as heaven. Even if there was, would he be worthy of going there? Or if he would spend the entire of whatever being he may be, being swept by the vast ocean’s powers. Whether either was the case or not, he could not remain in life for any longer, as his lungs desperately caused for him to try to gasp for air, only to be filled with the salty coldness of the ocean around him.
However, the very moment that that miserable wretch was about to give in, the moment that he was about to allow for the water to fill his lungs and for himself to die, the water around him was disturbed from its washy currents, and the next thing that he knew, arms wrapped themselves around him, one around his back, and one that pushed his head up to the cold salty air above him.
For a moment, the wretch thought that he must be dreaming, and the next was that perhaps these were the arms of his angel, pulling him out of the eternity in the sea, to take him to be it heaven or hell, but as his head was pushed to the surface and the pain of the water that still filled his lungs mixing with the thick air which tried to revive him, it all became too real to him. He didn’t move, because he couldn’t move, and all he could do was glance almost sleepily towards the one who was now fighting the choppy waves to pull him to shore. The long, thin arms that wrapped around him, led up to clothed shoulders, with long, wet, brown hair brushing past and over them as the current pushed them both back towards the ocean, intense black eyes burned with dedication as his savior pushed with all his might towards the shore under the pier, using the old wooden legs of it to pull them both closer.
Kim Jonghyun, that pathetic orphaned wretch, could do nothing but remain completely still and quiet as he stared up at the face of his guardian angel; as the taller of the two grunted with force when he broke though the breaking surf and managed to pull both bodies onto the soft sand under the pier. He had never once allowed himself to truly believe that he would ever be so lucky as to ever see the face that gave him strength every day, as anything more than a dream, ever again-and yet, here he was saving him from the mercilessly dark ocean, saving him from being sucked away into the coldness of the salty abyss. He panted and tried to catch his breath past the chokes of salty water coming from his lungs, and remained still in his savior’s arms, as the angel struggled against the tide and Jonghyun’s weight, as they reached the shore, and laid them both out onto the cold and soft grey sand in the shadow of the old wooden pier.
Jonghyun only allowed for his head to flop down against the wet sand under him, as his angel pulled them onto shore just enough to escape from the freezing cold water that the waves brought up to them, heavily panting from diving into the water and pulling the heavier body back to proper gravity to bring him to land. His chest rose and fell heavily in means to catch his breath, but his eyes immediately fell over the orphan’s face, scanning him for injury. Upon finding nothing, he opened his mouth and breathed with more ease, but was suddenly cut off by the wretch below him shakily moving his hand up to touch his cheek.
“Y-you…you came back…” Was all that the orphan could sputter out, breathing even more heavily than his savior, body weak and heavy from the coldness of the water in which he had just been submerged. “Y-you came back, and saved me again…” He repeated, words scattered and separated due to pants, but eyes sincere and dedicated to stay open and upon this angel in front of him.
The angel seemed to let out another heavy breath, but allowed for his lips to fall into a relieved smile as he looked down upon the one who he had saved. “Just because you cannot seem to stay out of the ocean…” He muttered quietly, pushing the wet bangs from the orphan’s face.
Jonghyun only stared at his hand placed against his savior’s cheek, solid, wet and salty skin under his own fingertips, proving that the boy in front of him was real, not an illusion. “A-are…are you an angel? My guardian angel?” He half whispered heavily, his heavy breathing still making it difficult to speak any more than a few words in a raspy whisper.
The boy above him only softened the shine in his incredibly dark eyes and panted out another quietly laughing smile as he gazed down at the juvenile orphan under him. “N-no. I am not an angel…but I will protect you regardless…” He stated quietly, voice softer than the morning sea breeze, large eyes gazing down gently into the staring eyes of the orphan under him.
Kim Jonghyun panted heavily again as his heart thudded against the cage of his chest, upon hearing such soft and tender words being said to him, and tried his best to reach and grab a hold on the other boy’s hand, feeling the warmth of another human’s contact, despite the cold water that still ran down both of their bodies. “I-I’ve…waited for you to come back for so long. D-don’t go…don’t leave me again. I-I need you…” He found himself pleading helplessly, grasping the other’s hand more tightly in his own.
His savior slowly turned his gaze towards the wretch’s hand, holding his own so tightly and desperately in a form of begging for him not to leave him, before slowly and softly moving his own fingers to curl around the cold knuckles of the other.
“It’s alright. You’re save now. I promise you, you’re fin-mnn…” His words were cut off again by the suddenness of the orphan below him moving his head up suddenly, crushing his lips against his own in an ungraceful manner.
“Don’t leave me…I need you…” Was all Kim Jonghyun was able to stutter out at the time, before his clumsy lips found their way to his savior’s again, desperate to feel the warmth of another’s love and passion-something he had never felt before.
The clouds cover the deep colors of the setting sun over the vast ocean’s horizon, and I sigh as I dare myself to lean heavily against the wooden handrail of the pier. Such a fool at his age, Kim Jonghyun had been, staying there under the pier along with his savior, whispering gentle words of love and dependence, under a quiet sunset much like this one. How as the cold day turned into night, their clumsy and new kisses and touches became longing and heated, how he had forgotten about everything else in the world aside from the one alongside him, feeling he had all he had ever wanted in life; filling his touch-deprived skin with each lingering kiss and stutter. Forgetting his fear for the ocean as the sound of the crashing waves soothed the two lovers into softer kisses, and the moaning of the pier in the wind had lullabyed them. How he forgot clinging onto the other boy and begging him not to leave him, filling the silence with kisses, only remembering to ask him one thing.
“Wh-what is your name…?” Kim Jonghyun had whispered quietly, between salty kisses between him and his savior, as the grey light of day disappeared into the ocean, and the moon above them began to take its place, just a dark silver halo from under the clouds in the black sky.
“Minho. Choi Minho.” The other replied, and the fool that that Kim Jonghyun was, only repeated it softly to himself before leaning up to rejoin their lips in another salty kiss, the dampness of the saltwater lingering on their lips as tongues. “Minho…I love you…” He whispered quietly, against his lover’s lips, and for the first time in his life he heard the words that he dreamed so hopelessly of hearing:
“I love you, Kim Jonghyun. I love you so much. I always will…”
I taste bitterness on my tongue as I stand looking towards the sea, trying my best not to let myself notice that the bitterness is a mix of the tears and saltwater that run down my cheeks as the words resound again and again. Such bitter tears I feel building up and trickling down as I think of the occurrences which happened on such a similar night so many years ago, that the tears falling down from my own grown cheeks were so alike the bitterly heartbroken tears that had rolled down the foolish orphan’s cheeks when he awoke alone the next morning, set on the pier’s bench, two blankets wrapped around him-no trace of his said savior anywhere near him.
I cry when I remember that poor heartbroken wretch, and the bitter tears of pure pain and sorrow that fell from his cheeks as he was left alone again, standing on the edge of the pier, allowing for his shattered tears to fall limply into the ocean like he wished he could do himself. Tears that were so cold, salty and bitter-so much like the tears that run down my own eyes as I stand in the same place that that foolish orphan had stood on that morning, my own tears hurling towards the same heartless ocean, my heart torn and broken, just as his had been that day. The memories of the gentleness of his savior, teasing at his broken heart just as cruelly as it does now to me. How he hated himself all the more as he realized that no matter how many pieces Minho had shattered his heart into-he would never forget him, never hate him for what he did.
And the tears of self-hatred still run down his cheeks as, exactly four years later, he still stands in the exact place, as he had for every year since Minho had disappeared from his life, crying to same tears, heart aching from the same pain, memory still teasing him with the same cruelty. It had been exactly four years since he-since I-had seen Minho last. Since this habit of shedding tears on this very date had started, and since my heart had been renewed and broken with the pain and happiness that he had brought to me. Thirteen years ago to this day, I first saw his face. Four years ago, I had held him in my arms and begged for him never to leave me. Thirteen years since my heart has belong to him and him only, and to this day it still remains as so. How the years and memories taunt me.
It was exactly thirteen years ago since my body had first touched the cold, dark water below me. Thirteen years ago since I had dropped my complete being into the unpredictable hands of the erratic and merciless sea. Thirteen years ago that I should have died, if only he had let me.
Suddenly, from above me, the moon bursts free of the clouds that had been holding it captive, and the sudden silver moonlight shines brighter than the sun might have, shining onto the black water below me, and exposes the sight of the same pathetic wretch that I am, standing weakly on the edge of pier’s railings, staring down and the cold, dark water which holds my fate.
I have always belonged to the sea, I had always known. And maybe that is why I had always feared it so much. But as I stand here, on the edge of the only thing keeping me away from being swept into the cold, dark abyss, I feel not a single trace of fear. Ahead of me is my destiny, whatever it may be, and as I move my wobbly legs over the side of the railing, relying only on my arms to keep myself from falling in. Tears still fall from my eyes, and the old handrail of the pier creeks and moans under my weight, but I am not afraid. I only stare down at the black ocean that holds my fate.
When I had fallen into the ocean so many years ago, it had been the start of my new life, when it could have been the end of it. Whether at this point it holds my future or my death, I stand unafraid, though I still do not know how to swim. I do not regret the life I have been given. Two moments of pure happiness had been all the gifts that I had been given, and yet just enough to where I could leave without regret. The wind blows on the wobbly old pier, and its swaying makes it difficult for me to stay on the railing, but I do not hold on any tighter. With each salty spray, I hear the ocean calling my name and I must reply. I just sigh, let out all that had been keeping me clinging onto the pier of my life, before closing my eyes and allowing for my turning white knuckles to release their hold on the railing.
As I fall down, splashing into the cold, dark water, I feel strangely at ease, with the coldness surrounding me and engulfing my body. I somehow turned while in the air, and fall with my back first into the water, keeping my eyes open though they sting with the salt, to watch how at first I sink under the currents. I watch the reflections of the silver moonlight playing on ripples in the black waves, before my unmoving body slowly begins to float again towards the surface. I keep my breath held, though I do not do so in means to save my life-but I want to know this feeling for as long as I might be able to. Want to see the moon in the sky above me as the salty freezing water once again penetrates my skin.
In the hands of my worst nightmare, I am surprisingly calm, as I am pushed up on a surging wave, brought back to the surface to catch a breath of air, before I am unexpectingly dropped back down into the foaming currents, causing for water to rush up my nose quickly. The sea is as cruel and erratic as I had always feared, but I do not feel timorous. I only take breaths as the tides allow me to, and swallow water as I am forced to. Each time I am brought close to shore, and then swept back out to the vastness of the black sea.
I remain still and quiet, floating on my back, as I stare up at the moon, shining down from the glassy heavens above, before something suddenly interrupts my stillness. A black silhouette of something falling, a splash of a body falling next to mine, and before I know it, the feeling of two strong arms are wrapping around my waist.
The faithful pounding my heart makes in my chest is loud enough to be heard across the world as I look up, while my savior pulls me right-side up again, holding my head above the water in the low tides, arms wrapped so forcefully around my waist that I feel as secure as if I was standing on solid ground. My heart wants to sing in rejoice as I feel myself being saved by a guardian angel once again, and yet it drastically falls as I suddenly notice that the arms around me were strong and muscular, and in front of me was someone with short black hair. I take a quick gasp for air, as I feel him notice my body’s reaction to push away, but he suddenly pushes me high enough out of the water for him to be able to take a hand and guide my eyes slowly to his own, shining black irises.
“M-Minho…” I stutter out quietly, lungs for once not filled with water, but nonetheless, I am completely breathless as I look up into his eyes in the first time in what seems like forever. His whole body looks different from the last time I had seen him, and yet, his eyes are the same. The same intense black and shining eyes which I had stared up into the night he had left me. He looks so different, and yet, so do I, when I think of it, and as I look deep into his eyes, I know that it is him, regardless of how different he appears.
“Jonghyun.” He soft voice suddenly says sternly, as serious and stern as I have ever heard him, his arms still wrapped around me so tightly that I swear it’s starting to cut off my blood circulation. “Wh-why?” He asks, voice so filled of confusion that it makes me feel guilty for whatever reason. “Wh-what are you doing, jumping into the ocean like this? D-do…do you know what might have happened if I had not been here by pure chance?” He questions, as I glance down, trying not to notice how both of our bodies are slowly beginning to freeze in the frigid winter’s water. “Jonghyun,” He repeats, pushing up my chin and making me look in his eyes again. “Why?” He questions.
A quiet breath like a laugh escapes my lips before I lean my nose against his, once again feeling the comforting warmth I had missed for so long-that I had dreamed of for every single night, body and soul both aching for him again. “I…told you before that I need you. I need you, Minho. Without you, I’m alone and lost. S-so…when I thought about jumping and risking everything by putting my life in the hands of the ocean, I…I knew you would find me. I…know it was stupid and dangerous, and I really shouldn’t have done it, but…somewhere in me, I knew you would come and save me. J-just as you had all the other times before…” I mutter quietly, averting my eyes from his, but looking anywhere but the cold, black water I knew we were still in.
Minho sighs heavily, and I can feel his warm breath blowing against my cold forehead, but a moment later it is replaced by the gentleness of his cold lips. “You are foolish, Jonghyun…” He starts quietly, as I glance down again, but suddenly notice how we are still in the dark black water, and how he is still fighting against the tide, clutching onto him a bit tighter. He notices before smiling softly, pulling me closer and beginning to make his way through the low tide. “But foolish or not, we’ll both freeze if we stay in this water. Hold onto me, and if you want to actually help, trying kicking those short legs of yours.” He adds, surprising me with his sudden sarcasm. All the times I had been with him before, he had been so serious, but as I hold onto him now and try my best not to try to think about how I’m still within the ocean’s power, he’s suddenly playful. Not cruel and snarky as the others in my life and been, but teasing and playful. His sarcasm almost felt as good as when he said before that he loved me, and I cannot help but smile as we slowly make our way back towards the shore.
However, as we draw ever so near to the shore, almost to where he could reach the bottom again, the smile on my face is suddenly washed off as a wave comes from behind us, and the next thing I know, we’re both pulled under. I desperately try to hold my breath under the ripping currents, but my grasp on his hand suddenly falls, and no matter how desperately I try to reach for him again, I’m sucked backwards into the erratic mess the suddenly shifting tides were becoming behind me. I try to scream for him again, but I’m only pulled under the waves mercilessly, and my mouth fills with the salty water. My fear for the sea is suddenly back, and suddenly stronger than ever before; because for the first time, it finally has something to take me away from. I try my best to hold my breath, and kick with all the force my legs could muster, because now; I suddenly have everything in the world to lose.
I don’t know how, but somehow my head is able to pop out of the breakwater, and I’m able to call for him desperately, though the moon’s bright silver seemed to have been eaten away by a cloud, and the stinging saltwater temporarily blinds my eyes. “Minho-yah!” I scream as loudly as I can, but I’m not sure if he can hear me, as I’m swept back under the thrashing currents, the waves breaking so strong against me that it nearly knocks the somehow managed to be held breath in my lungs. I begin fighting helplessly under the water, kicking, punching, waving my arms, doing everything I could to try to find that surface again. I won’t allow the ocean to take me away. Not now that I finally had something to live for, there was no way I would allow anything to take me away. I struggle with all that I am, and somehow I am thrown back towards the surface, just enough to hear his voice.
“Jonghyun!” I heard his voice yell, as I suddenly feel the breaking water around me being forcibly redirected as a body pushes towards me, and I can suddenly feel his strong arms catching mine, and I’m forcefully pulled out of the surge, coughing loudly to try to breathe the air again. Minho lets out an exhausted breath as he pulls me out, and wraps his arms so tightly around me that it seems impossible for anything to ever pull us apart ever again. “Jonghyun…don’t worry. It’s okay now. I have you.” He whispers, quiet and raspy against the crashing waves around us.
I only sigh and relax the most I can, into his arms, holding onto him for dear life, but trusting my very life in his strong arms as I feel him slowly beginning to swim me back towards the shore. His soft words sound in my ear in gentle whispers, and I forget completely about the fearful ocean we’re trying to escape from. Perhaps it is true that the way he holds and comforts me was tender and delicate as perhaps if I were female, but for my whole life I have never received such gentle comfort that I need it all the more.
“Minho…” I whisper quietly, as I feel my own feet slowly starting to scrape the sandy ground below us, and before I know it, he somehow manages to lay us both back onto shore. He pulls me up a little higher on the soft sand to escape the cold water from reaching us again, but after he does so, he collapses on top of me, breathing heavily, though I do not once let go of my strong hold around his shoulders. “Minho…p-please…th-this time, stay with me. I’m begging you…don’t leave me alone. Don’t go and leave me again! Pl-please Minho, stay with me, or let me stay with you! Don’t leave me again-because I can’t go on without you.” I find myself begging, crying hard as I bury myself under him.
Minho seems to let out a deep breath as he feels me hugging him as closely and as tightly as I possibly can, before I feel his gentle touches again, as he moves my head from burying itself in his chest and makes me look up at him; his shining black eyes all I can see in contrast to the bright silver moon. “J-Jonghyun…I’ll…this time I will stay with you. I promise you, I won’t leave you again. I’ll stay with you forever if you ask me to. I’m sorry I left you the other times before, but I…I’ll stay with you from this point on. I promise…” He whispers softly, and I believe him completely, and lean my head up until our lips once again met.
“I love you, Minho…” I whisper gently against his lips, as he gently moves my bangs from my face, as he had the times where we had been just like this before. “I love you so much…” I add.
He lets out a soft smile, gentle shining eyes glancing down at my own, the softness of the moonlight playing over his face, as his hand finds and slowly entwines with mine. “I love you too, Jonghyun. I always have, and I always will…I promise you.” He promises quietly, before our lips meet again, our two bodies slowly fading into black silhouettes on the moonlight-painted silver of the sand surrounding the ocean.
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A/N: This is the first part to the 물 (Water) Series, though I don't know if I should go further than a sequel. Let me know if you like it. ^_~