SBB 2016 Entry #23: Before Dawn (3/3)
Title: Before Dawn
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Genre: Supernatural, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Mention of abuse, Slight Violence
Final Word Count: 26 612 Words
“Jinki.”
Jinki looks up from the document in his hands and raises a brow at the happy grin on Minho’s face.
“What are you working on?” He asks almost cheekily, peeking over his shoulder and Jinki sighs.
“How about you don’t start pestering me and get to what you want to tell me?” He says and Minho exaggerates a pout and Jinki rolls his eyes.
“Rude.” He mutters. “Jonghyun wants to see you.” The human drops and Jinki freezes because out of all the silly things he expected to come out of Minho’s mouth, this wasn’t even an option.
“Don’t play like that.” He says seriously and Minho suddenly looks very genuine.
“I wouldn’t. Poor guy thought you were mad at him.” He says, shaking his head more to himself and Jinki feels his heart tug.
“Then I’m not going.” He declares and Minho’s face falls as he looks at him quietly for a moment.
“Why not?” He questions and Jinki sighs.
“He needs to heal. I’m not going in there and making him feel anything other than what he’s feeling at the moment. It’s been doing great on his health and I won’t change that and create a setback.” He says with finality and Minho frowns a little but he knows him well and understands that it’s pointless to try and argue.
“Fine…Just know that he’s ready.” Minho says, squeezing his shoulder before leaving.
As soon as the library doors fall shut, Jinki rubs his face and pushes his hand into his hair. He wants to see Jonghyun so badly, he wants to apologize to him and tell him everything that happened but he’s scared. He’s scared Jonghyun will take one look at him and only be reminded of that monster that he truly is. That he will only be fearful in his presence and regret everything that’s happened between them that lead up to that moment.
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Jinki tries to go back to work, tries to push back down the guilt slowly eating him up inside. He wasn’t always so in control before. He’s attacked people he cared for but it’s been decades since the last time something like that happened and he can’t quite wrap his mind around the fact that it had to be the one person who managed to find his into his heart.
Forcing himself to focus on the papers in front of him, Jinki manages to push through his thoughts after a while. He succeeds in getting a few things done and he knows he’s been hiding in there for hours and doesn’t want to be bothered but his head still snaps up when he hears slow footsteps outside the doors. Picking up Jonghyun’s scent, Jinki shoots out of his seat and hurries toward the door. When he swings it open, he can see Jonghyun standing there, his shivering frame wrapped in a blanket with Taemin’s arm around his waist for support and his other hand extended to knock on the door.
“He said he’d come see you on his own if I didn’t help him.” Taemin says immediately when he sees the glare directed at him and Jinki sighs, moving back to let them in.
“Thank you for helping him.” He says toward Taemin, knowing his brother did the best thing he could and the younger gives him a small smile before he leaves.
Jinki moves his eyes back to Jonghyun and he looks too pale and sick as he wobbles forward a little and worry spikes up in Jinki as he reaches to support him.
“No wait, I - I wanted to talk to you.” Jonghyun mumbles but Jinki ignores him and gently picks him up to carry him to the back of the library and place him in his favorite armchair.
Jinki kneels in front of him to try to look at his face, try to see if he’s truly feeling bad of simply tired from walking the distance between his bedroom and the library. Jinki freezes when he does so because Jonghyun’s arms go around his neck, resting heavily on his shoulders as he plays with his hair, eyes failing to stay open as he’s clearly falling asleep again.
“Don’t…Don’t go away. Don’t leave me too…I…I love you.” He says and the last part is all slurred and Jonghyun is slowly starting to fall forward against him and his arms feel heavier too but it still makes Jinki’s heart squeeze tightly.
“I’m not sure you mean that Love.” He whispers, pressing his lips against Jonghyun’s forehead before picking him up again and traveling back to his room to put him in bed.
-----
When Jonghyun wakes up, he feels a little better. He remembers wanting to go to the library and Taemin taking him there but everything after that is a complete blur. He has no idea if he actually got there or if they had to turn around. Rubbing his eyes and looking toward the nightstand, he feels like pouting a little when he doesn’t see any plate of food - his appetite has come back quite strongly in the past two days.
It’s only when he tries to sit up that Jonghyun hears the door open. Looking up, he’s surprised to see Jinki coming in, plate of foot in his hand and hesitant smile on his face and Jonghyun feels his heartbeat pick up a little but he smiles back.
“Can I come in?” He asks and Jonghyun nods, ignoring the slight nervousness he feels.
Jinki slowly walks up to him and hands him the food before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Jonghyun hums pleasantly at the food and Jinki stares at him for a moment with a puzzled expression.
“Are you…really not scared of me?” He asks and Jonghyun can hear the hopeful lilt in his voice he’s trying to hide and he grins.
“You brought me food so, no, I’m not scared of you.” He replies lightly but Jinki frowns at him.
“Jonghyun -”
“I’m not.” He cuts him off seriously. “I don’t feel scared.” He pushes and Jinki sighs, letting it go.
“Last night.” He starts instead and Jonghyun pokes at his food to distract himself. “You came to see me in the library and you told me something.” He says a little guarded and Jonghyun looks at him curiously as he swallows his food.
“Did I make a fool of myself?” He asks, his memory of the previous night still not coming back to him.
“No you…You told me you loved me.” He says softly and Jonghyun feels his face burn as he stuff his mouth with more food.
“I can’t even confess properly.” He mutters, face scrunching up slightly at the thought.
“Jonghyun…” Jinki whispers and Jonghyun twists his body to face him completely.
“I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.” He starts bluntly and Jinki looks down guiltily. “That…while you attacked me and after I woke up I was scared but I’m not now. Taemin told me everything that happened to you. And while I really didn’t plan to confess, Minho did tell me you haven’t really left the library if only to check up on me while I slept and he did very much hinted that you might…love me too.” He explains quickly, voice losing its strength toward the end at the words and implication leaving his mouth and he blames it on still being a little out of it for being so honest. But then Jinki is looking at him with something akin to regret and Jonghyun’s heart starts to sink in his chest at the hovering rejection.
“Jonghyun, first, I…I’m truly sorry about what I did.” He whisper and the sincerity in his voice makes Jonghyun’s eyes widen for a second but before he can say anything, Jinki continues. “But you’re not in love with me.” He says back slowly, the words feeling like they’re hitting right in his heart as he frowns at the elder.
“How would you know?” He asks, somewhat offended at the dismissal of his feelings.
“The love you feel isn’t real. You said it, I’m a monster.” Jinki starts, the frown deepening on the Jonghyun’s face. “I’m a predator Jonghyun. Predators have way to lure people back in. After the first time…Once I bit you, it released something akin to a venom in your body, making you trust me and want to stay with me…As long as I don’t hurt you too much and keep biting you on a regular basis, you’d always come back to me. It forces your brain to release lots of oxytocin and it’s much like being hypnotized.” He explains, looking as if the words are hurting him to say and Jonghyun feels like he might be explaining this against what he wants. But instead of feeling like he just learned his feelings have been taken advantage of and are technically not real, Jonghyun lets out a scoff.
“You think I didn’t notice that?” He asks and Jinki stares silently at him. “I didn’t know the…process or what it was but I could feel it. It would be especially strong after you’d bite me. It’s different. It’s an overwhelming need to please and need for more and I’d feel it for a while after but then…even when I’m alone, away from you I’d just start thinking about you and my feelings and…it’s just different, okay?” He suddenly stops, cheeks darkening, realizing how much he just said. “Also you haven’t fed from me for over a week so how would I still feel it?” He pushes before Jinki can say anything and the vampire’s mouth falls shut.
“I…you wouldn’t” He ends up saying, eyes boring into his.
Jinki is clearly trying to find any trace of hesitation or setback but for once Jonghyun is steadily holding his gaze and if it wasn’t for how his hands are becoming clammy and the nervous swallow, he would probably believe his own façade.
“I should let you sleep.” Jinki says suddenly standing up but Jonghyun’s hand shoots out to hold onto his and keep him from leaving.
“Don’t do this. Don’t act like I didn’t just admit my feelings to you.” He says quietly and Jinki looks so much like he’s battling with himself for a moment but he simply squeezes and tries to let go.
“You need your rest.” He says again but Jonghyun doesn’t budge.
“Can you stay here then? This is your room after all.” He asks softly knowing he only had to push a little more to get the other to cave him when Jinki sighs and closes his eyes for a moment before he nods.
When Jinki lies down next to him, Jonghyun can feel how tense he is and he surprises even himself a little when he moves closer to him, resting his head on his chest.
“Ever since I’ve been here,” Jonghyun starts quietly, closing his eyes again with sleepiness. “I’ve known you’re a vampire and except for the first day or so when everything was so new and unfamiliar, I’ve never been scared of you. I’ve never seen you as the monster the people back in my village described you to be. You’re the one that saved me from the abuses of my father and the dark future I was about to be thrown into, you’ve always been so kind and gentle with me that…even with you feeding on me, I started forgetting what you are. I started seeing you as just…you. But that day…” Jonghyun trails off, frowning a little at the blurry memories. “I couldn’t recognize you, you were suddenly the monster I had been ignoring all along and I was so terrified.” He whispers the last word, closed eyes stinging with tears and he can feel Jinki’s arms wrapping around him and holding him tightly.
“I’m so sorry I -”
“But,” Jonghyun interrupts him softly with a sniffle. “I mean it when I say I don’t feel scared and…I’m not really sure why I’m telling you all this. It happened, it made me realized that I need to remember there’s always that part of you but…This…This is the real you. And I’m okay.” He says with a choked little laugh as he wraps his arm around Jinki’s waist and pushes his face in his neck.
“I still feel horrible for what I put you through, you shouldn’t have to endure something like that.” Jinki says back but he hold onto him just as tight and it makes Jonghyun feels like everything is going to be okay.
“I guess what I was trying to say is…For a moment, it scared me how much the thought that you could see me as nothing more than your next meal hurts.” He admits, cheeks feeling a little warm at how much he’s admitting. “I know I shouldn’t even want to see you but here I am holding onto you and realizing that even with proof that you can kill me in a few minutes, I’m not even scared to be with you.” He finishes quietly, trying to fight off sleep but he’s so comfortable and tired that it doesn’t take long before his consciousness is pulled from him completely.
-----
“Hey, your bath is ready.” Jinki says, poking his head in the bedroom and Jonghyun smiles at him, standing from the bed, not needing any help to go around anymore.
Jinki turns back into the bathroom to light some candles because he knows how much Jonghyun loves them and when the younger enters, he’s already discarded his clothes. When he passes him by, Jinki grazes his fingers down his spine, feeling the places where his skin is slightly risen because of his scars and while he halts his steps, Jonghyun doesn’t flinch away from his touch and Jinki smiles at him.
“Do you want me to stay or you’d rather be alone?” He asks knowing that sometimes Jonghyun enjoys soaking alone with his thoughts.
“I’d rather you stay.” He hums, stepping into the tub and sighing at the warmth surrounding him. “Actually…” He mutters, staring at his hands under the surface of the water, cheeks flushed and lower lip caught between his teeth. “Will you join me?” He finishes quietly, warm eyes twinkling with the candles placed around the tub and Jinki is pretty sure his heart stops for half a second.
“Are you sure?” He still asks, walking closer to him - he doesn’t want to push too much in the little personal space this brings him.
Jonghyun gives him a soft smile and nods, sliding himself further from the middle of the tub to give him space. Not refusing the offer, Jinki rids himself of his own clothing and steps behind Jonghyun, the water rising dangerously close to the edge.
As soon as he settles, Jonghyun moves back so that he’s leaning against his chest, water sloshing around and Jinki smiles to himself, loosely wrapping his arms around his waist to rub at his stomach. When Jonghyun relaxes more against him, Jinki frowns a little when he can feel the scars on Jonghyun’s back pressing against his skin. Eyes moving down to see the one that reaches the top of his right shoulder, Jinki leans in to press his lips against it.
Jonghyun freezes for a second before he reaches for the hands on his stomach and play with his fingers as he rests his head back on Jinki’s shoulder.
“You know, apparently there was a time my father was kind.” Jonghyun says quietly and Jinki swallows, breath hitching a little because he’s never talked about his family before.
Jinki kisses the side of his neck to show him that he’s willing to listen and in a silent encouragement and Jonghyun’s eyes shift to him for a second before he licks his lips nervously.
“I think you guessed as much but…My mother died years ago. She died while giving birth to me.” He starts again softly. “Apparently I was born too early, too fast and it…It killed her. I killed her and father always blamed me for that.” He admits, stopping for a second to take a deep breath and Jinki knows he isn’t used to talking about it. “And my brothers blamed me for taking away their mother, for breaking the family but at least they’re pretty big guys, always working for my father and being useful but I…I was never like them, I was never good enough for anything to him. Always too small. Always too weak. So I became his anger management outlet I guess…” He trails off with a small sniff. “My grandmother, she told me so much about my mother, told me so many things that I could almost feel like I got to know her a few years. She was the only one who I trusted, the only kind person around me, the only one to give me a chance to make me feel something else than fear and worthlessness but when she died…It was like a part of me died with her. Everything became so meaningless and I remember wishing for my father to hit me harder, hit me until I wouldn’t wake up again.” He trails off, voice shaking and chin quivering and Jinki can feel so much pain and suffering in that small body and yet he feels like there’s exactly nothing he can do about it.
“I’m so sorry, Love.” He whispers, feeling close to tears himself, holding him that much closer and Jonghyun turns so he can hide his face in his neck and curl more onto him.
“It’s become so normal for me to be hated and thrown around. I had a hard time believing I could mean anything to you and for a while I was so scared and wanted to ignore so much what I felt for you.” He admits, voice meek and cracking toward the end and Jinki can feel the knot tighten in his stomach.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize anything sooner.”
“You…You made me feel appreciated. You made me feel like I mattered and…I meant it in the library when I said I loved you and I mean it again the next day.” He whispers and Jinki can hear all the insecurities in his voice as he lifts his hand to brush his fingers against Jonghyun’s cheek to get him to look up at him again - now he can see the insecurities and it’s so much harder to think clearly. “Do you love me too?” He questions with a broken whimper and Jinki can almost feel his heart cracking.
Leaning in to kiss his tears away, Jinki tries to hold himself together for a bit longer so he can at least give him a proper answer this time and not avoid the subject again.
“I do - God - I do. I love you. In all my years I’ve never felt so strongly about someone.” He admits, voice thick with emotions and it feels good to finally let the words leave him but the strangled sob leaving Jonghyun makes it even harder to keep it together.
Before any more words can be spoken, Jonghyun is pushing off of him just enough so he can crash their lips together, kissing him as if his life depends on it. Jinki kisses him back just as bruising, both trying to convey their feelings but then Jonghyun is pulling back with a hiccup, his fingers going up to knot into Jinki’s hair.
“Please don’t leave.” He blurts out, pressing their foreheads together and Jinki presses a much softer kiss to his lips.
“I won’t.” He replies honestly, not wanting to let him go anywhere.
“Everything…Everything good always gets taken from me…Please don’t be the same.” He breathes out and Jinki shakes his head as much as he can in the position.
“I promise I won’t, Love.”
-----
Once they’ve moved back to the bedroom, Jonghyun lies on his side, eyes moving lazily over the vampire’s profile. Jinki is sitting next to him, back against the headboard, a book propped against his lap and considering all that happened, Jonghyun only feels a little foolish and naïve for thinking how right and comfortable this feels.
“Stop staring and get some sleep.”
Jonghyun startles a little at the words but he can’t quite take them seriously when he spots the shadow of a smile playing on the vampire’s lips.
“I’ve missed this.” He whispers because while having the other three buzzing around the room constantly he didn’t feel quite this content.
Jinki turns his head to look down at him and Jonghyun can’t really decipher the slightly troubled look on his face - there’s a moment he worries he might regret what they said earlier - but then he extends an arm toward him and slowly combs cool fingers through his hair and Jonghyun sighs appreciatively.
“Before everything you told me, I thought I’d lost you...Or at least that I wouldn’t be able to have you like this again. That even if you were okay with it that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.” Jinki admits and Jonghyun is caught off guard by the emotions layering the vampire’s words - guilt and pain plaguing his face. “I thought…even if you’d survive…I thought you’d run away for sure.” He adds and Jonghyun gives him a faint smile.
“I must be a fool for it to not have crossed my mind once.” He whispers.
“Maybe a little.” He chuckles and Jonghyun hesitantly reaches out to grasp at his shirt and pull himself closer against him, moving his head from the pillow to the elder’s thigh, facing away from him.
“You know…” Jonghyun mutters, closing his eyes at the fingers still running through his hair. “Despite everything, I’m thankful your father kidnapped me that night.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the atmosphere but he feels Jinki tense slightly.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t have a normal happy life.” He whispers after a moment.
“Accidents will always happen, I could’ve been dead by my father’s hands but…I’m happy now.” He says back, hearing the sigh leaving the vampire’s mouth.
“I kind of forced you into it.” He says and Jonghyun turns to his back to look up at him again.
“You’ve done more for me in those months than that man did in all my years…So does it really matter?” He shoots back and Jinki gives him a look.
“I guess not.” He ends the subject, eyes moving to his neck and Jonghyun touches the still reddish marks on his skin.
“Does it still hurt?” He asks and Jonghyun shakes his head - it’s still a little tender but he doesn’t want to make him feel worse.
“Will you lie down with me?” He asks instead and Jinki gives him a small smile and a nod before they both shift and Jonghyun turns his back to him because he’s missed feeling the other’s arms holding him protectively.
Jinki brushes his lips against the back of his neck and Jonghyun swallow thickly at the emotions rising in his chest because he truly thought he wouldn’t feel secure again like this. Feeling his eyelids becoming heavier, Jonghyun moves back a little and grabs Jinki’s hand from around his waist to hold it up against his chest - the quiet ‘I love you’ being spoken into his ear makes him feel a lot more at ease and lets him know that he’s not going to wake up alone.
-----
“Hey, have you seen Jonghyun?” Jinki asks Minho tiredly when he enters the library and sees his friend sitting there.
“I saw him back there earlier.” He replies and Jinki raises a brow because Minho is pointing to his little corner - exactly where he left him hours ago.
“Thanks.” He smiles but falters a little when he starts walking. “Would you…Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit? He asks and Minho looks like he’s about to start teasing but then he just smiles and gathers his things.
“Sure, no problem.” He chuckles and Jinki is somewhat grateful that he doesn’t pry.
Walking toward the back of the library, Jinki smiles fondly when he spots Jonghyun hunched over a book - the one he had been reading when he left probably finished long ago - and Jinki clears his throat to catch his attention.
Jonghyun looks up to him and smiles, straightening his back and making a face as the popping sounds when he stands up, he comes to wrap his arms around his waist and place a short kiss to his lips.
“How was your day?” He asks cutely and all the bad feelings seem to leave Jinki completely as he pushes Jonghyun’s hair from his face.
“Pretty bad actually. I had to go to this village where people are all suspicious of each other and it’s just really tiring.” He chuckles and Jonghyun kisses him again.
“Can I do anything to help?” He asks and Jinki hums.
“Actually, will you read for me?” He request and Jonghyun looks at him with wider eyes.
“Read for you?” He asks back and Jinki shrugs a little.
“I want to read but my eyes hurt from being out today.” He explains because while he wasn’t in direct sunlight, it still tires him out a little.
Jonghyun peck his cheek and moves to grab his hands, pulling him toward the armchair before he nudges him to sit down. Jinki does so and watches Jonghyun wrapping himself in his soft blanket before he sits himself on his lap, turning to his side and letting his legs tangle over the arm of the chair. Jinki smiles and sneaks a hand under the blanket and around his waist, pushing his fingers under his shirt so he can rub little circles on his hipbone and he doesn’t miss the smile it gets out of the younger when he pushes his nose against his neck.
“Are you comfortable?” Jonghyun asks and Jinki hums, pursing his lips against his skin and Jonghyun lets out a ticklish giggle.
Picking up his book again with one hand, Jonghyun pushes the fingers of the other one through Jinki’s hair, slowly playing with the strands. The vampire can feel the fluttering feeling in Jonghyun’s heartbeat and all the nice things he’s feeling as he reads but it faintly shifts after a few minutes, his voice constricting a little and Jinki stops moving his thumb to listen more carefully. Letting his other hand come up to Jonghyun’s face, Jinki gently holds his chin to have him look his way before he kisses him slowly.
“You okay?” He whispers, gentle eyes trying to see more than what Jonghyun is letting on.
“Will you ever bite me again?” He asks and it catches him off guard for a moment and he stares at the younger silently for a few seconds before averting his eyes.
“I - Jonghyun, I’m scared to.” He says honestly because he feels like at least Jonghyun deserves to know his feelings.
“Why?” He pushes with a whisper and Jinki lets out a small sigh.
“You keep saying you’re fine and everything and I can see it. I can feel that you’re happy with me but…I’m scared…scared that if we go back there, that if I bite you, you’re going to feel like that time again and I can’t…I can’t handle seeing you looking at me like that again.” He confesses and Jonghyun moves a little on his lap and for the first time Jinki feels so small.
“Look at me.” He whispers, holding a quiet authority and Jinki feels like he has to. “I love you. I’m not scared of you and you can feel guilty all you want but it’s not going to change how I feel.” He says and he sounds so sure of himself that Jinki can only smile a little, blinking away the tears with a sniffle.
“Okay.” He says and Jonghyun smiles at him, leaning down to kiss him.
“Bite me.” He says against his lips before pulling back and Jinki gives him a cautious look. “Not much, like the first time you did.” He adds, picking up his hand and bringing it close to his mouth.
Jinki’s eyes shift from his delicate wrist to his face a few times before he gently holds his hand - the craving for the younger being stronger now that it’s offered to him like this so freely. Jonghyun’s fingers are still running smoothly through his hair and it’s helping him see how calm he is. Kissing the tender skin of his wrist, Jinki sends one last look to his face before he punctures the skin, the warm taste he’s been depriving himself of, running against his tongue. Frowning a little, Jinki forces himself to pull back after a minute to not take too much and show Jonghyun that he can trust him. When he pulls back, he realizes Jonghyun’s fingers have tightened against his scalp but other than that, the younger is looking at him with a soft smile, his chest only heavy slightly.
“See? I’m not scared.” He whispers and Jinki nods
He’s not scared.
-----
“How does one even understand this writing?” Jonghyun frowns, holding the journal closer to his face, brows furrowed and tongue peeking out in concentration and Jinki smiles at him from the armchair.
“Maybe the one who wrote it.” He replies with a chuckle and when Jonghyun looks up, Jinki extend a hand for the journal.
“You wrote this?” Jonghyun mumbles, clearly a little skeptical as he stands from his spot in the sunlight and walks over to him.
“I’m not sure which one this is but I kept a few journals like that years ago, yes. Collections of my thoughts and other things like that.” He hums, slipping an arm around Jonghyun’s waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder when he sits on his lap.
Jonghyun leans back against him to get more comfortable before he opens the journal at a random page. Jinki does have to squint a little, the ink having been smudged and faded and his handwriting may have changed quite a bit over the years too.
“What does this say?” Jonghyun asks, pointing to a part that’s written a lot messier than the rest but Jinki picks up a few words and remembers what it says.
“Both hands tremble as I remember the cold love memories, now it’s getting weirder. I don’t wish to reject you, but I just know that no matter how close we are, I know that I can’t love you anymore. I can’t miss you, waiting for you makes me tired. I can’t endure anymore and I can’t realize this.” He recites quietly and Jonghyun runs his fingertips over the words.
“That…oddly poetic.” He replies and Jinki laughs.
“That’s my oldest journal, I wrote that after I turned, when I finally got all my senses back.” He explains and Jonghyun hums.
“There was someone you loved dearly, right?” He asks and Jinki shrugs a little, hand moving to grab Jonghyun’s.
“I guess I did. Back then if you were seen with night creatures you were considered no better than them and stoned or burned. I remember not wanting that to happen to them but to be completely honest…I’m not even sure I remember their face or just the memory of them. I was quite the dramatic one.” He chuckles but Jonghyun turns his head to look at him and it’s one of the few times Jinki can’t read his expression at all.
Turning sideways on his lap, Jonghyun wraps his arm around his shoulders and with the other, presses his fingers against his jaw to guide his face closer to him and kiss him.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers and Jinki frowns in confusion.
“Why?” He replies lowly, not entirely sure what created the shift in Jonghyun’s emotions.
“You always go on about how you wish I could have a better life and all but…You certainly didn’t have it easy either.” He explains and Jinki feels a smile pull at his mouth.
“I think I didn’t end up so bad.” He smiles, squeezing his waist a little and Jonghyun kisses him again.
“Me too.” The younger shoots back almost cheekily, showing a little smile of his own and Jinki moves the journal from between them so he can hold him that much closer. He can feel affection spread in his chest and he just wants to bask in the feelings he has for the younger - feelings he hasn’t felt for many people before - but then he picks up a scent and groans.
“Are you serious?” He mutters pecking Jonghyun’s cheek before urging him to stand up.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, obviously confused.
“You can come in Father.” He says instead, the first knock barely having resonated in the library and Jonghyun immediately goes back to the windowsill - Jinki knows he feels safer there.
“Jinki I’m going to need you to come down for dinner.” The man says as soon as he comes in alone - apparently not needing his assistant to go around today - and Jinki raises a brow, arms crossed against his chest.
“Since when are we doing family dinners?” He asks and the man grins.
“We have a few guests from surrounding villages and since you’re the one who’s been doing runs for a while, they want you there and so do I.” He explains and Jinki sighs.
“Fine. Will Taemin be there too?” He asks because at least his brother could make this bearable by joking around and making the guests slightly uncomfortable.
“Of course. I talked to him just now.” He nods. “Now if you’ll escort me back down.” He adds, offering his arm and Jinki wants to scoff but he simply shakes his head to himself.
“Give me a minute.” He replies, turning back toward Jonghyun.
The human lifts his head as soon as he does, fingers nervously tapping on his legs and Jinki walks toward him with a smile. When Jonghyun shows to stand up from the windowsills, Jinki lifts a hand and walks into the faintest part of the sunlight.
“I take it as you listened to everything he just said.” He smiles and Jonghyun nods silently, eyes moving from the window to his face. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying in the direct sunlight for long enough and it’s already late, it won’t affect me.” He reassures and Jonghyun gives him a little smile as he stares at him for a moment.
“Your eyes are very pretty.” He whispers and Jinki admits that it’s one of the rare times he actually feels a little flustered because of the unexpected compliment.
“Are you going to stay here?” He asks, unable to keep his smile down and Jonghyun nods again - a lot more at ease now.
“I’m going to try to decipher these. Maybe I can find some embarrassing things about you to bring back later.” He says playfully and Jinki chuckles.
“You probably will.” He says because he doesn’t remember half the things he wrote in these journals. “I’ll make sure someone brings you food. I’ll be back later, Love.” He whispers, pressing a kiss to Jonghyun’s forehead and walking back to his father.
Jinki offers his arm to the man so he can guide him away from the library, looking back once to see Jonghyun waving at him.
“You’re a lot closer with that boy than I thought.” His Father says as soon as they’re in the hallway.
“Can we not talk about my personal life please?” He sighs loudly.
“Well I’m just curious what’s so special about him.” The man laughs and Jinki stays silent because he truly doesn’t feel like pouring his heart out to a man that will only make disobliging remarks after.
“You mean a human?” He says instead.
“Caught me.” He grins. “Blood is not the problem we can get some anywhere with our connections…And I had winds of what happened a while ago.” He finishes and Jinki clenches his jaw.
“Can we just get to your guests?” He replies through clenched teeth, putting a smile on his face when they turn toward the dining room filled with chatter.
There’s already some food on the table and the guests are standing around, obviously waiting for them. Jinki lets go of his father’s arm and greets the people. He doesn’t particularly enjoy their company because of how they think they’re always better than everyone and once these gatherings are over they talk behind each other’s backs.
“Can we skip the formalities and just get to the food?”
Jinki holds back his laugh when Taemin’s voice is heard. There’s a few murmuring around, a frown full of reproach from their father but then everyone settles around the table. Taemin sends a playful wink at him and Jinki hangs his head to not smile too much because it’s obvious his brother is in a mood to mess around.
As he reaches for a plate, Jinki frowns because two seats on the other side of the table are empty but plates and glasses are there.
“Are we missing people?” He asks, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.
“Oh that’s right! They said since your father was taking so long, they wanted to go look for your grandfather’s memoirs in the library.”
As soon as the words leave the woman, Jinki bolts out of his chair, barely registering the few surprised gasps and Taemin’s steps right behind him. As soon as he gets at the top of the stairs and closer to the library, Jinki’s mind clouds with fear when the smell of blood fills his senses - he hears Taemin falters and knows he can smell it too by now.
“No, no, no.” He mutters to himself, heart already stuck in his throat as they bust through the library door - Minho hunched over the other human’s lifeless body a sadly too familiar sight.
“They -” Minho chokes, his head snapping toward them. “Kibum and I were coming to the library and they…they were there, keeping him from calling for help, trying to make as little of a mess as possible.” He blabbers quickly, hands shaking for not knowing which side of his neck to press on.
Looking at the scene, Jinki can see that it’s a lot less gruesome than his own crazed attack which makes him even angrier because they were careful, thoughtful, they planned this attack.
“Where are they?” He asks and he can hear the growl in his own voice, Minho blinking back wetly at him for a moment.
“Kibum took them…The empty room next to ours.” He replies. “We wanted to get you but…We didn’t want to make a scene.” He adds, moving aside a little when Taemin drops down next to him.
“I’m going to kill them.” He seethes but just as he’s about to leave, Minho stands and grabs his wrist with a blood-covered hand.
“Jinki.” He warns shakily. “Jonghyun won’t make it this time.” He says, the words spoken by his brother weeks prior too fresh in his memory and he can feel his blood boil. “Even if he was feeling great, his body surely wasn’t fully recovered and I can’t give him the amount of blood he needs. Not nearly enough even to just keep him steady.” He explains and despite the shakiness of his voice, he sounds so sure of himself.
Wrenching his hand from Minho’s grip, Jinki marches toward the said room as fast as he can. When he gets close, Kibum comes out of his own room and presses a hand against his chest.
“Jinki. Don’t. You’re only going to cause more trouble.” He tries to say and Jinki glares at him.
“Are you defending them?” He asks through clenched teeth and the other takes a step back, eyes a little wider.
“No of course not, I just -”
Jinki doesn’t listen to the rest of his words as he steps beside him, kicking the door open. The man and woman look toward him in shock as he approaches them. He can recognize them, he’s seen them around at the mansion a few times and it’s making him even more livid.
“What right did you think you had?” He growls, blood boiling, fists tight as he spots the little splotches of red on their clothes.
“He - he was just there already with bite marks on him so we thought he was open for -”
“Since when has it worked that way here?” He asks.
“He’s a human surrounded by vampires how long did you think he was going to last? Your father was speaking of a human you were keeping for a while and we thought how great he must taste if you didn’t -”
Jinki hears the horrified gasp of the woman before he even realizes his hand has shot up through the man’s chest and pulled his heart out.
“P-please, I told him we shouldn’t but he insisted.” She cries but he doesn’t want to hear it - he can smell Jonghyun’s blood all over her and it’s making him see red.
Grabbing her by the neck, he throws her into an empty dresser, wood shards flying everywhere. Jinki picks up a sharp one and pulls her up by the collar of her shirt, stabbing her right in the heart, feeling her body grow tense as he drops her back on the floor.
“Jinki -”
Spinning around, the vampire sees his brother in the doorway, Kibum right behind him, both with a slightly disturbed look on their faces.
“We’re losing him really fast, you have to hurry if you want to do something.” Taemin says quickly and like a snap of fingers, the boiling rage fades back to fear and he runs back to the library where he sees Minho trying to patch up the other.
“How long?” He croaks out, kneeling next to Jonghyun and placing a hand on his neck for a pulse he can barely hear - he ignores the way Minho obvious looks at his bloodied state.
“Maybe an hour or two, I’m not sure. They took more than you did…They took too much.” He whispers the last part and Jinki feels like his heart is about to explode - he doesn’t even have enough time to think of something.
“You have to turn him.” Kibum voices and Jinki tenses.
“I can’t…I…We’ve never…” He trails off, sitting on the floor and gently guiding Jonghyun’s head onto his lap. “We’ve never talked about this. What if he doesn’t want to become…this.” He mutters with a frown and Taemin places a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re going to lose him if you don’t try.” His brother says and Jinki’s frown deepens.
“If I do that, how am I any better than Father?” He whispers. “How am I better than what he did to Mother? You know she’s never forgave him and she avoids him like the plague. She’s been miserable for centuries because of what he did to her…What if he feels the same way about me?” He questions - he needs too many answers in too little time.
“Don’t compare yourself to him.” Taemin replies sternly. “Father did it for selfish reasons, he planned everything…If you do it, you do it for him…it’s only to give him a second chance, he’ll understand. He loves you Jinki.” He adds, trying to convince him.
“I’ve never done it, I don’t have any time to prepare. I might just end up killing him.” He says, eyes glued to Jonghyun’s pale face.
“Well he’s going to die now anyway.” Minho shoots harshly. Jinki knows how close he’s gotten with Jonghyun over time and it works like a slap to the face.
“I…okay.” He whispers, pushing a hand through his hair, trying to get his mind to clear up. It shouldn’t happen that way, everything is going too fast, they should have had time to discuss this and then he could prepare Jonghyun by telling him everything that would happen to him but he knows he doesn’t have that luxury.
“You don’t have much time.” Taemin presses.
“I know.” Jinki snaps. “And I’m doing this alone.” He says as he stands and picks up Jonghyun to carry him back to his bedroom - he can feel the disapproving and worried stares on him. “I don’t want you guys to be there if he doesn’t make it.” He mutters more to himself.
Placing Jonghyun on his bed, he sits beside him, the silence feeling too crushing and making him try to swallow back his emotions.
“I’m sorry I have to do this to you, Love.” He whispers, pressing his lips against his forehead.
Jinki knows the part of the work where he has to get Jonghyun on the verge of death has been done by those two vampires. But he still has to get some of his own blood in Jonghyun’s system and kill him before his blood acts like poison and infects his body - he’s scared he might not be able to do that.
Taking a deep breath and knowing he’s running low on time to spare, Jinki brings his own wrist to his mouth the pierce the skin, placing it against Jonghyun’s mouth and squeezing his hand to make sure enough goes down his throat. Waiting a few seconds, Jinki cradles Jonghyun’s head between his hands and for a moment he’s pretty sure he’s not going to be able to do it, but then he sees the black of the poison running inside the vein on the side of Jonghyun’ neck and he knows he has to do it now. Clenching his eyes tight, Jinki lets out a small shout as he snaps his neck just enough so he can hear a distinctive crack.
Letting out choked noise, he brings Jonghyun’s body against his and feels tears bubbling up at his eyes and his heart beating wildly because he has no idea if he did things right but he knows now the only thing he can do is wait. He has no idea either how long it’s supposed to take but as the seconds tick by, he has a feeling everything has been done wrong.
Jinki isn’t sure how long he stays there, unmoving, holding the younger against him but now his skin feels cool and his heart has long since stopped beating - he doesn’t even the footsteps in the hallways before the door opens.
“It usually doesn’t take that long.”
Jinki startles and looks toward his father, quietly nuzzling against Jonghyun’s hair. “You and your brother woke up barely an hour after we killed you.” He says and Jinki closes his eyes to keep his anger in check.
“Why are you here?” He whispers, feeling completely drained and not in the mood to pick a fight.
“To apologize.” His father utters and Jinki admits that the words surprise him. “I’m the one who told my guests about Jonghyun. I wanted you to see how fragile humans are but they weren’t supposed to go this far.” He says and Jinki laughs humorlessly.
“You think I didn’t realize that when I almost killed him myself?” He spits back and his father chuckles.
“I didn’t realize how much he truly meant to you, son. But…when I was there in the library…I could feel it. I could feel how much you love him…I can still feel it now even if he’s dead.” He says with a soft smile and Jinki closes his eyes.
“I’m not in the right mind to have this discussion with you. Just know that I’m going to tell Jonghyun about what you did. And if he didn’t want to become like this and wants to rip your head off, I’m not going to stop him.” He informs and his father shakes his head.
“I think you’re underestimating me. I might be blind but I’m very capable.” He says.
“And I think you’re forgetting how strong and fast a newly-turned can be.” He shoots back and his father nods.
“Very well I’ll leave you to it, tell me if he wakes up.”
The ‘if’ makes Jinki’s stomach sink because he’s been pushing the idea of Jonghyun not making it out of his mind for the past few hours but it’s starting to become a little too nagging. Jinki pushes his nose against the crook of his neck and it takes another few minutes but he almost burst into tears when he feels Jonghyun’s body slowly stiffen in his arms and he’s convinced that it didn’t work and that he’s simply dead. But then there’s fingers on his arms squeezing him and he’s never moved his head back faster than that.
“Jonghyun?” He whispers in a short breath, refusing to blink in case the beady black eyes looking at him disappear.
Jonghyun stares at him blankly for a few moments, lips parting slowly and hands squeezing harder, nails digging into his skin. For a split second, Jinki thinks Jonghyun just might try to attack him but then he’s frowning a little.
“My neck hurts.” He croaks and Jinki laughs. He feels tears running down his face, sobs wracking his body but he’s laughing.
“It worked, you made it, Love.” He sniffs, face turning into a crying frown as Jonghyun tries to straighten up a little, looking completely confused.
“Am I like you?” He whispers and when Jinki finally comes back from his relief, he is so baffled because he’s never heard of anyone being this calm after changing - he thinks he might be dreaming a little.
“Yes, Love I’m…I’m sorry I had to.” He forces out, voice shaky.
“Everything…Everything feels too much.” Jonghyun frowns, closing his eyes and Jinki feels bad because he knows exactly what Jonghyun is feeling right now and he knows he should probably move back from him but all he can do is hold the other closer to him again and rocking him slightly.
“I know I’m sorry, I’ll get you some blood to drink and it’ll be better, it really works immediately.” He explains and Jonghyun nods.
Jinki knows he should be glad about how calm Jonghyun is but it’s unsettling. He can’t shake the feeling that something is not right and he truly doesn’t want to let him out of his sight.
Carefully standing up, Jinki walks to the door and calls for Taemin, the younger appearing in a mere second - as if he had been waiting for that call.
“He’s awake.” Jinki simply says and Taemin raises a brow.
“No scream?” He mutters, trying to peek in the room and Jinki shakes his head.
“No but if he doesn’t get blood soon he might just try to bite me and you know his first drink has to be human blood.” He says and Taemin nods.
“I’m on it, I’ll bring it in a minute.” He replies, already moving down the hallway.
Jinki turns back to look at Jonghyun and the other’s eyes are glued to him once again. Barely having time to blink, Jinki jumps because Jonghyun is standing right in front of him. Jinki thinks he’s about to have to fight him back, but then the younger’s mouth is crashing against his and he’s pushing him back against the wall in a bruising kiss.
Letting out a surprised noise, Jinki still wraps his arms around Jonghyun because his mouth and hands are moving a little frantic over him and he feels like he needs to settle him down.
“Jonghyun - wait.” He manages between two kiss, pulling back just enough, but then he sees Jonghyun’s eyes completely black and his fangs are peeking out and the next second he’s snapping at him.
Jinki tries to hold him back but his strength is really no joke at this point and he quickly knocks him off balance.
“Taemin!” He shouts, hoping that his brother will be back soon with something to drink.
Instead of his brother, Jinki spots Kibum opening the door, his eyes growing wider at the sight as he quickly tries to pull back Jonghyun by the shoulders.
“He’s a lot stronger than us right now we need Taemin to bring the blood.” He groans, barely holding the other far enough from his face and feeling his nails dig painfully into his shoulders.
“Taemin!” Kibum yells in turn, the other vampire finally appearing back in the doorway.
“Hey buddy got something for you.” He sings, walking close and bringing the glass close enough so that Jonghyun can smell it even in his state but he’s too determined to bite Jinki.
“You’re going to have to get him off me so I can leave the room, he’s too focused on my scent.” He grunts because it’s been a long time since he’s had to fight off someone like this. “I’ll push, you pull.” He says toward Kibum and as soon as they get Jonghyun off of him, Jinki runs out, slamming the door behind himself.
“I heard he woke up?” Minho stands there in the hallways, clearly unsure of what to do.
“You might want to wait a bit to see him.” He pants, hearing struggling behind the door until it falls completely silent and Jinki guesses Jonghyun is finally drinking.
Breathing a little sigh of relief, Jinki lets everything wash over him and he rapidly feels overcome with emotions.
“He’s awake.” He mutters, eyes filling with tears again and Minho grins at him.
“Tell me when it’s safe for me to see him…I mean, after it’s safe for you.” He frowns and Jinki’s chuckle is a little wobbly as he nods.
“Just a few more minutes should be fine for me. He just needed blood in his system.” He says and as if on cue, the door slowly opens behind him and Jinki sees Kibum smiling at him.
“It still amazes me how quickly that works.” He chuckles both him and Taemin leaving the room.
“You should be able to talk to him now.” Taemin beams, jabbing his finger in his side.
When Jinki walks back inside of his room, Jonghyun is already sitting in bed, looking straight at him.
“Hey…How are you feeling now?” He asks with a small smile.
“Better…I guess now that I don’t want to attack you.” He starts with a small frown. “I could hear you breathing outside and I knew it was you…This is weird.” He lets out a small whine.
“It’s normal, it’ll take a few days for your senses to settle down a little and you’ll get used to it. He explains, and Jonghyun nods quietly, the atmosphere in the room suddenly becoming a lot heavier.
“What…What happened? Why did you..?” He trails off, voice a little too hurt to be neutral and Jinki feels the guilt he knew would happen, filling his chest.
“Father, he…he had some guests and two of them…they attacked you. We were out of options, you were dying and it was the only thing I could try.” He explains and Jonghyun frowns at him.
“Why didn’t you let me die?” He asks quietly. “You could’ve gotten another human and start over like you did with me.” He replies and Jinki feels like he’s just been punched in the heart.
“Jonghyun.” He starts seriously, sitting on the bed and grabbing one of the younger’s hands - only stalling for a second when he doesn’t feel the familiar warmth. “Do you really believe I think like that of you?” He asks back and Jonghyun shrugs.
“Wasn’t I just some easy blood source?” He scoffs, avoiding his eyes. “Now that I’m…like this. I must be worth nothing anymore.” He whispers the last part and Jinki finally understands.
“Love…While it’s true that this is why you were initially brought to me, it’s been a long time that it’s been a lot more than that. I couldn’t let you go so easily, I couldn’t let them take you away from me. You know I love you. I fought with myself so hard but you still worked your way up here.” He says unsurely, unsure if he’s allowed to say those words again just yet but Jonghyun finally looks back at him, eyes wet and brows furrowed.
“What the hell, I’m dead and I’m still crying.” He grumbles, the first tear rolling down his cheek.
“I’m sorry, you emotions too will be a little all over the place.” Jinki says, trying to hide a little smile.
“I know.” Jonghyun whines. “I didn’t even mean what I just said, I know I’m more than that to you.” He sniffs, rubbing at his tears.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t lose you.” He says again, making sure his point is really getting across and Jonghyun stares at him quietly for a few seconds before he scoots closer to him and press a short kiss to his lips.
“I mean…I wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast but I…I didn’t want to be replaced…ever and…If you help me with everything…It might not be so bad.” He says and Jinki suddenly feels like the anxiety knotting his stomach suddenly evaporates and he almost tackles Jonghyun back.
“I was so scared you were going to hate me forever.” He confesses, voice muffled by Jonghyun’s skin but the younger simply presses a kiss to his cheek and holds his face between gentle hands to look at him - everything somehow still feeling the same.
“I thought I told you I love you, it’s going to take a whole lot more to make me hate you.”
Return to Part Two
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Genre: Supernatural, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Mention of abuse, Slight Violence
Final Word Count: 26 612 Words
“Jinki.”
Jinki looks up from the document in his hands and raises a brow at the happy grin on Minho’s face.
“What are you working on?” He asks almost cheekily, peeking over his shoulder and Jinki sighs.
“How about you don’t start pestering me and get to what you want to tell me?” He says and Minho exaggerates a pout and Jinki rolls his eyes.
“Rude.” He mutters. “Jonghyun wants to see you.” The human drops and Jinki freezes because out of all the silly things he expected to come out of Minho’s mouth, this wasn’t even an option.
“Don’t play like that.” He says seriously and Minho suddenly looks very genuine.
“I wouldn’t. Poor guy thought you were mad at him.” He says, shaking his head more to himself and Jinki feels his heart tug.
“Then I’m not going.” He declares and Minho’s face falls as he looks at him quietly for a moment.
“Why not?” He questions and Jinki sighs.
“He needs to heal. I’m not going in there and making him feel anything other than what he’s feeling at the moment. It’s been doing great on his health and I won’t change that and create a setback.” He says with finality and Minho frowns a little but he knows him well and understands that it’s pointless to try and argue.
“Fine…Just know that he’s ready.” Minho says, squeezing his shoulder before leaving.
As soon as the library doors fall shut, Jinki rubs his face and pushes his hand into his hair. He wants to see Jonghyun so badly, he wants to apologize to him and tell him everything that happened but he’s scared. He’s scared Jonghyun will take one look at him and only be reminded of that monster that he truly is. That he will only be fearful in his presence and regret everything that’s happened between them that lead up to that moment.
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Jinki tries to go back to work, tries to push back down the guilt slowly eating him up inside. He wasn’t always so in control before. He’s attacked people he cared for but it’s been decades since the last time something like that happened and he can’t quite wrap his mind around the fact that it had to be the one person who managed to find his into his heart.
Forcing himself to focus on the papers in front of him, Jinki manages to push through his thoughts after a while. He succeeds in getting a few things done and he knows he’s been hiding in there for hours and doesn’t want to be bothered but his head still snaps up when he hears slow footsteps outside the doors. Picking up Jonghyun’s scent, Jinki shoots out of his seat and hurries toward the door. When he swings it open, he can see Jonghyun standing there, his shivering frame wrapped in a blanket with Taemin’s arm around his waist for support and his other hand extended to knock on the door.
“He said he’d come see you on his own if I didn’t help him.” Taemin says immediately when he sees the glare directed at him and Jinki sighs, moving back to let them in.
“Thank you for helping him.” He says toward Taemin, knowing his brother did the best thing he could and the younger gives him a small smile before he leaves.
Jinki moves his eyes back to Jonghyun and he looks too pale and sick as he wobbles forward a little and worry spikes up in Jinki as he reaches to support him.
“No wait, I - I wanted to talk to you.” Jonghyun mumbles but Jinki ignores him and gently picks him up to carry him to the back of the library and place him in his favorite armchair.
Jinki kneels in front of him to try to look at his face, try to see if he’s truly feeling bad of simply tired from walking the distance between his bedroom and the library. Jinki freezes when he does so because Jonghyun’s arms go around his neck, resting heavily on his shoulders as he plays with his hair, eyes failing to stay open as he’s clearly falling asleep again.
“Don’t…Don’t go away. Don’t leave me too…I…I love you.” He says and the last part is all slurred and Jonghyun is slowly starting to fall forward against him and his arms feel heavier too but it still makes Jinki’s heart squeeze tightly.
“I’m not sure you mean that Love.” He whispers, pressing his lips against Jonghyun’s forehead before picking him up again and traveling back to his room to put him in bed.
-----
When Jonghyun wakes up, he feels a little better. He remembers wanting to go to the library and Taemin taking him there but everything after that is a complete blur. He has no idea if he actually got there or if they had to turn around. Rubbing his eyes and looking toward the nightstand, he feels like pouting a little when he doesn’t see any plate of food - his appetite has come back quite strongly in the past two days.
It’s only when he tries to sit up that Jonghyun hears the door open. Looking up, he’s surprised to see Jinki coming in, plate of foot in his hand and hesitant smile on his face and Jonghyun feels his heartbeat pick up a little but he smiles back.
“Can I come in?” He asks and Jonghyun nods, ignoring the slight nervousness he feels.
Jinki slowly walks up to him and hands him the food before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Jonghyun hums pleasantly at the food and Jinki stares at him for a moment with a puzzled expression.
“Are you…really not scared of me?” He asks and Jonghyun can hear the hopeful lilt in his voice he’s trying to hide and he grins.
“You brought me food so, no, I’m not scared of you.” He replies lightly but Jinki frowns at him.
“Jonghyun -”
“I’m not.” He cuts him off seriously. “I don’t feel scared.” He pushes and Jinki sighs, letting it go.
“Last night.” He starts instead and Jonghyun pokes at his food to distract himself. “You came to see me in the library and you told me something.” He says a little guarded and Jonghyun looks at him curiously as he swallows his food.
“Did I make a fool of myself?” He asks, his memory of the previous night still not coming back to him.
“No you…You told me you loved me.” He says softly and Jonghyun feels his face burn as he stuff his mouth with more food.
“I can’t even confess properly.” He mutters, face scrunching up slightly at the thought.
“Jonghyun…” Jinki whispers and Jonghyun twists his body to face him completely.
“I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.” He starts bluntly and Jinki looks down guiltily. “That…while you attacked me and after I woke up I was scared but I’m not now. Taemin told me everything that happened to you. And while I really didn’t plan to confess, Minho did tell me you haven’t really left the library if only to check up on me while I slept and he did very much hinted that you might…love me too.” He explains quickly, voice losing its strength toward the end at the words and implication leaving his mouth and he blames it on still being a little out of it for being so honest. But then Jinki is looking at him with something akin to regret and Jonghyun’s heart starts to sink in his chest at the hovering rejection.
“Jonghyun, first, I…I’m truly sorry about what I did.” He whisper and the sincerity in his voice makes Jonghyun’s eyes widen for a second but before he can say anything, Jinki continues. “But you’re not in love with me.” He says back slowly, the words feeling like they’re hitting right in his heart as he frowns at the elder.
“How would you know?” He asks, somewhat offended at the dismissal of his feelings.
“The love you feel isn’t real. You said it, I’m a monster.” Jinki starts, the frown deepening on the Jonghyun’s face. “I’m a predator Jonghyun. Predators have way to lure people back in. After the first time…Once I bit you, it released something akin to a venom in your body, making you trust me and want to stay with me…As long as I don’t hurt you too much and keep biting you on a regular basis, you’d always come back to me. It forces your brain to release lots of oxytocin and it’s much like being hypnotized.” He explains, looking as if the words are hurting him to say and Jonghyun feels like he might be explaining this against what he wants. But instead of feeling like he just learned his feelings have been taken advantage of and are technically not real, Jonghyun lets out a scoff.
“You think I didn’t notice that?” He asks and Jinki stares silently at him. “I didn’t know the…process or what it was but I could feel it. It would be especially strong after you’d bite me. It’s different. It’s an overwhelming need to please and need for more and I’d feel it for a while after but then…even when I’m alone, away from you I’d just start thinking about you and my feelings and…it’s just different, okay?” He suddenly stops, cheeks darkening, realizing how much he just said. “Also you haven’t fed from me for over a week so how would I still feel it?” He pushes before Jinki can say anything and the vampire’s mouth falls shut.
“I…you wouldn’t” He ends up saying, eyes boring into his.
Jinki is clearly trying to find any trace of hesitation or setback but for once Jonghyun is steadily holding his gaze and if it wasn’t for how his hands are becoming clammy and the nervous swallow, he would probably believe his own façade.
“I should let you sleep.” Jinki says suddenly standing up but Jonghyun’s hand shoots out to hold onto his and keep him from leaving.
“Don’t do this. Don’t act like I didn’t just admit my feelings to you.” He says quietly and Jinki looks so much like he’s battling with himself for a moment but he simply squeezes and tries to let go.
“You need your rest.” He says again but Jonghyun doesn’t budge.
“Can you stay here then? This is your room after all.” He asks softly knowing he only had to push a little more to get the other to cave him when Jinki sighs and closes his eyes for a moment before he nods.
When Jinki lies down next to him, Jonghyun can feel how tense he is and he surprises even himself a little when he moves closer to him, resting his head on his chest.
“Ever since I’ve been here,” Jonghyun starts quietly, closing his eyes again with sleepiness. “I’ve known you’re a vampire and except for the first day or so when everything was so new and unfamiliar, I’ve never been scared of you. I’ve never seen you as the monster the people back in my village described you to be. You’re the one that saved me from the abuses of my father and the dark future I was about to be thrown into, you’ve always been so kind and gentle with me that…even with you feeding on me, I started forgetting what you are. I started seeing you as just…you. But that day…” Jonghyun trails off, frowning a little at the blurry memories. “I couldn’t recognize you, you were suddenly the monster I had been ignoring all along and I was so terrified.” He whispers the last word, closed eyes stinging with tears and he can feel Jinki’s arms wrapping around him and holding him tightly.
“I’m so sorry I -”
“But,” Jonghyun interrupts him softly with a sniffle. “I mean it when I say I don’t feel scared and…I’m not really sure why I’m telling you all this. It happened, it made me realized that I need to remember there’s always that part of you but…This…This is the real you. And I’m okay.” He says with a choked little laugh as he wraps his arm around Jinki’s waist and pushes his face in his neck.
“I still feel horrible for what I put you through, you shouldn’t have to endure something like that.” Jinki says back but he hold onto him just as tight and it makes Jonghyun feels like everything is going to be okay.
“I guess what I was trying to say is…For a moment, it scared me how much the thought that you could see me as nothing more than your next meal hurts.” He admits, cheeks feeling a little warm at how much he’s admitting. “I know I shouldn’t even want to see you but here I am holding onto you and realizing that even with proof that you can kill me in a few minutes, I’m not even scared to be with you.” He finishes quietly, trying to fight off sleep but he’s so comfortable and tired that it doesn’t take long before his consciousness is pulled from him completely.
-----
“Hey, your bath is ready.” Jinki says, poking his head in the bedroom and Jonghyun smiles at him, standing from the bed, not needing any help to go around anymore.
Jinki turns back into the bathroom to light some candles because he knows how much Jonghyun loves them and when the younger enters, he’s already discarded his clothes. When he passes him by, Jinki grazes his fingers down his spine, feeling the places where his skin is slightly risen because of his scars and while he halts his steps, Jonghyun doesn’t flinch away from his touch and Jinki smiles at him.
“Do you want me to stay or you’d rather be alone?” He asks knowing that sometimes Jonghyun enjoys soaking alone with his thoughts.
“I’d rather you stay.” He hums, stepping into the tub and sighing at the warmth surrounding him. “Actually…” He mutters, staring at his hands under the surface of the water, cheeks flushed and lower lip caught between his teeth. “Will you join me?” He finishes quietly, warm eyes twinkling with the candles placed around the tub and Jinki is pretty sure his heart stops for half a second.
“Are you sure?” He still asks, walking closer to him - he doesn’t want to push too much in the little personal space this brings him.
Jonghyun gives him a soft smile and nods, sliding himself further from the middle of the tub to give him space. Not refusing the offer, Jinki rids himself of his own clothing and steps behind Jonghyun, the water rising dangerously close to the edge.
As soon as he settles, Jonghyun moves back so that he’s leaning against his chest, water sloshing around and Jinki smiles to himself, loosely wrapping his arms around his waist to rub at his stomach. When Jonghyun relaxes more against him, Jinki frowns a little when he can feel the scars on Jonghyun’s back pressing against his skin. Eyes moving down to see the one that reaches the top of his right shoulder, Jinki leans in to press his lips against it.
Jonghyun freezes for a second before he reaches for the hands on his stomach and play with his fingers as he rests his head back on Jinki’s shoulder.
“You know, apparently there was a time my father was kind.” Jonghyun says quietly and Jinki swallows, breath hitching a little because he’s never talked about his family before.
Jinki kisses the side of his neck to show him that he’s willing to listen and in a silent encouragement and Jonghyun’s eyes shift to him for a second before he licks his lips nervously.
“I think you guessed as much but…My mother died years ago. She died while giving birth to me.” He starts again softly. “Apparently I was born too early, too fast and it…It killed her. I killed her and father always blamed me for that.” He admits, stopping for a second to take a deep breath and Jinki knows he isn’t used to talking about it. “And my brothers blamed me for taking away their mother, for breaking the family but at least they’re pretty big guys, always working for my father and being useful but I…I was never like them, I was never good enough for anything to him. Always too small. Always too weak. So I became his anger management outlet I guess…” He trails off with a small sniff. “My grandmother, she told me so much about my mother, told me so many things that I could almost feel like I got to know her a few years. She was the only one who I trusted, the only kind person around me, the only one to give me a chance to make me feel something else than fear and worthlessness but when she died…It was like a part of me died with her. Everything became so meaningless and I remember wishing for my father to hit me harder, hit me until I wouldn’t wake up again.” He trails off, voice shaking and chin quivering and Jinki can feel so much pain and suffering in that small body and yet he feels like there’s exactly nothing he can do about it.
“I’m so sorry, Love.” He whispers, feeling close to tears himself, holding him that much closer and Jonghyun turns so he can hide his face in his neck and curl more onto him.
“It’s become so normal for me to be hated and thrown around. I had a hard time believing I could mean anything to you and for a while I was so scared and wanted to ignore so much what I felt for you.” He admits, voice meek and cracking toward the end and Jinki can feel the knot tighten in his stomach.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize anything sooner.”
“You…You made me feel appreciated. You made me feel like I mattered and…I meant it in the library when I said I loved you and I mean it again the next day.” He whispers and Jinki can hear all the insecurities in his voice as he lifts his hand to brush his fingers against Jonghyun’s cheek to get him to look up at him again - now he can see the insecurities and it’s so much harder to think clearly. “Do you love me too?” He questions with a broken whimper and Jinki can almost feel his heart cracking.
Leaning in to kiss his tears away, Jinki tries to hold himself together for a bit longer so he can at least give him a proper answer this time and not avoid the subject again.
“I do - God - I do. I love you. In all my years I’ve never felt so strongly about someone.” He admits, voice thick with emotions and it feels good to finally let the words leave him but the strangled sob leaving Jonghyun makes it even harder to keep it together.
Before any more words can be spoken, Jonghyun is pushing off of him just enough so he can crash their lips together, kissing him as if his life depends on it. Jinki kisses him back just as bruising, both trying to convey their feelings but then Jonghyun is pulling back with a hiccup, his fingers going up to knot into Jinki’s hair.
“Please don’t leave.” He blurts out, pressing their foreheads together and Jinki presses a much softer kiss to his lips.
“I won’t.” He replies honestly, not wanting to let him go anywhere.
“Everything…Everything good always gets taken from me…Please don’t be the same.” He breathes out and Jinki shakes his head as much as he can in the position.
“I promise I won’t, Love.”
-----
Once they’ve moved back to the bedroom, Jonghyun lies on his side, eyes moving lazily over the vampire’s profile. Jinki is sitting next to him, back against the headboard, a book propped against his lap and considering all that happened, Jonghyun only feels a little foolish and naïve for thinking how right and comfortable this feels.
“Stop staring and get some sleep.”
Jonghyun startles a little at the words but he can’t quite take them seriously when he spots the shadow of a smile playing on the vampire’s lips.
“I’ve missed this.” He whispers because while having the other three buzzing around the room constantly he didn’t feel quite this content.
Jinki turns his head to look down at him and Jonghyun can’t really decipher the slightly troubled look on his face - there’s a moment he worries he might regret what they said earlier - but then he extends an arm toward him and slowly combs cool fingers through his hair and Jonghyun sighs appreciatively.
“Before everything you told me, I thought I’d lost you...Or at least that I wouldn’t be able to have you like this again. That even if you were okay with it that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.” Jinki admits and Jonghyun is caught off guard by the emotions layering the vampire’s words - guilt and pain plaguing his face. “I thought…even if you’d survive…I thought you’d run away for sure.” He adds and Jonghyun gives him a faint smile.
“I must be a fool for it to not have crossed my mind once.” He whispers.
“Maybe a little.” He chuckles and Jonghyun hesitantly reaches out to grasp at his shirt and pull himself closer against him, moving his head from the pillow to the elder’s thigh, facing away from him.
“You know…” Jonghyun mutters, closing his eyes at the fingers still running through his hair. “Despite everything, I’m thankful your father kidnapped me that night.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the atmosphere but he feels Jinki tense slightly.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t have a normal happy life.” He whispers after a moment.
“Accidents will always happen, I could’ve been dead by my father’s hands but…I’m happy now.” He says back, hearing the sigh leaving the vampire’s mouth.
“I kind of forced you into it.” He says and Jonghyun turns to his back to look up at him again.
“You’ve done more for me in those months than that man did in all my years…So does it really matter?” He shoots back and Jinki gives him a look.
“I guess not.” He ends the subject, eyes moving to his neck and Jonghyun touches the still reddish marks on his skin.
“Does it still hurt?” He asks and Jonghyun shakes his head - it’s still a little tender but he doesn’t want to make him feel worse.
“Will you lie down with me?” He asks instead and Jinki gives him a small smile and a nod before they both shift and Jonghyun turns his back to him because he’s missed feeling the other’s arms holding him protectively.
Jinki brushes his lips against the back of his neck and Jonghyun swallow thickly at the emotions rising in his chest because he truly thought he wouldn’t feel secure again like this. Feeling his eyelids becoming heavier, Jonghyun moves back a little and grabs Jinki’s hand from around his waist to hold it up against his chest - the quiet ‘I love you’ being spoken into his ear makes him feel a lot more at ease and lets him know that he’s not going to wake up alone.
-----
“Hey, have you seen Jonghyun?” Jinki asks Minho tiredly when he enters the library and sees his friend sitting there.
“I saw him back there earlier.” He replies and Jinki raises a brow because Minho is pointing to his little corner - exactly where he left him hours ago.
“Thanks.” He smiles but falters a little when he starts walking. “Would you…Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit? He asks and Minho looks like he’s about to start teasing but then he just smiles and gathers his things.
“Sure, no problem.” He chuckles and Jinki is somewhat grateful that he doesn’t pry.
Walking toward the back of the library, Jinki smiles fondly when he spots Jonghyun hunched over a book - the one he had been reading when he left probably finished long ago - and Jinki clears his throat to catch his attention.
Jonghyun looks up to him and smiles, straightening his back and making a face as the popping sounds when he stands up, he comes to wrap his arms around his waist and place a short kiss to his lips.
“How was your day?” He asks cutely and all the bad feelings seem to leave Jinki completely as he pushes Jonghyun’s hair from his face.
“Pretty bad actually. I had to go to this village where people are all suspicious of each other and it’s just really tiring.” He chuckles and Jonghyun kisses him again.
“Can I do anything to help?” He asks and Jinki hums.
“Actually, will you read for me?” He request and Jonghyun looks at him with wider eyes.
“Read for you?” He asks back and Jinki shrugs a little.
“I want to read but my eyes hurt from being out today.” He explains because while he wasn’t in direct sunlight, it still tires him out a little.
Jonghyun peck his cheek and moves to grab his hands, pulling him toward the armchair before he nudges him to sit down. Jinki does so and watches Jonghyun wrapping himself in his soft blanket before he sits himself on his lap, turning to his side and letting his legs tangle over the arm of the chair. Jinki smiles and sneaks a hand under the blanket and around his waist, pushing his fingers under his shirt so he can rub little circles on his hipbone and he doesn’t miss the smile it gets out of the younger when he pushes his nose against his neck.
“Are you comfortable?” Jonghyun asks and Jinki hums, pursing his lips against his skin and Jonghyun lets out a ticklish giggle.
Picking up his book again with one hand, Jonghyun pushes the fingers of the other one through Jinki’s hair, slowly playing with the strands. The vampire can feel the fluttering feeling in Jonghyun’s heartbeat and all the nice things he’s feeling as he reads but it faintly shifts after a few minutes, his voice constricting a little and Jinki stops moving his thumb to listen more carefully. Letting his other hand come up to Jonghyun’s face, Jinki gently holds his chin to have him look his way before he kisses him slowly.
“You okay?” He whispers, gentle eyes trying to see more than what Jonghyun is letting on.
“Will you ever bite me again?” He asks and it catches him off guard for a moment and he stares at the younger silently for a few seconds before averting his eyes.
“I - Jonghyun, I’m scared to.” He says honestly because he feels like at least Jonghyun deserves to know his feelings.
“Why?” He pushes with a whisper and Jinki lets out a small sigh.
“You keep saying you’re fine and everything and I can see it. I can feel that you’re happy with me but…I’m scared…scared that if we go back there, that if I bite you, you’re going to feel like that time again and I can’t…I can’t handle seeing you looking at me like that again.” He confesses and Jonghyun moves a little on his lap and for the first time Jinki feels so small.
“Look at me.” He whispers, holding a quiet authority and Jinki feels like he has to. “I love you. I’m not scared of you and you can feel guilty all you want but it’s not going to change how I feel.” He says and he sounds so sure of himself that Jinki can only smile a little, blinking away the tears with a sniffle.
“Okay.” He says and Jonghyun smiles at him, leaning down to kiss him.
“Bite me.” He says against his lips before pulling back and Jinki gives him a cautious look. “Not much, like the first time you did.” He adds, picking up his hand and bringing it close to his mouth.
Jinki’s eyes shift from his delicate wrist to his face a few times before he gently holds his hand - the craving for the younger being stronger now that it’s offered to him like this so freely. Jonghyun’s fingers are still running smoothly through his hair and it’s helping him see how calm he is. Kissing the tender skin of his wrist, Jinki sends one last look to his face before he punctures the skin, the warm taste he’s been depriving himself of, running against his tongue. Frowning a little, Jinki forces himself to pull back after a minute to not take too much and show Jonghyun that he can trust him. When he pulls back, he realizes Jonghyun’s fingers have tightened against his scalp but other than that, the younger is looking at him with a soft smile, his chest only heavy slightly.
“See? I’m not scared.” He whispers and Jinki nods
He’s not scared.
-----
“How does one even understand this writing?” Jonghyun frowns, holding the journal closer to his face, brows furrowed and tongue peeking out in concentration and Jinki smiles at him from the armchair.
“Maybe the one who wrote it.” He replies with a chuckle and when Jonghyun looks up, Jinki extend a hand for the journal.
“You wrote this?” Jonghyun mumbles, clearly a little skeptical as he stands from his spot in the sunlight and walks over to him.
“I’m not sure which one this is but I kept a few journals like that years ago, yes. Collections of my thoughts and other things like that.” He hums, slipping an arm around Jonghyun’s waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder when he sits on his lap.
Jonghyun leans back against him to get more comfortable before he opens the journal at a random page. Jinki does have to squint a little, the ink having been smudged and faded and his handwriting may have changed quite a bit over the years too.
“What does this say?” Jonghyun asks, pointing to a part that’s written a lot messier than the rest but Jinki picks up a few words and remembers what it says.
“Both hands tremble as I remember the cold love memories, now it’s getting weirder. I don’t wish to reject you, but I just know that no matter how close we are, I know that I can’t love you anymore. I can’t miss you, waiting for you makes me tired. I can’t endure anymore and I can’t realize this.” He recites quietly and Jonghyun runs his fingertips over the words.
“That…oddly poetic.” He replies and Jinki laughs.
“That’s my oldest journal, I wrote that after I turned, when I finally got all my senses back.” He explains and Jonghyun hums.
“There was someone you loved dearly, right?” He asks and Jinki shrugs a little, hand moving to grab Jonghyun’s.
“I guess I did. Back then if you were seen with night creatures you were considered no better than them and stoned or burned. I remember not wanting that to happen to them but to be completely honest…I’m not even sure I remember their face or just the memory of them. I was quite the dramatic one.” He chuckles but Jonghyun turns his head to look at him and it’s one of the few times Jinki can’t read his expression at all.
Turning sideways on his lap, Jonghyun wraps his arm around his shoulders and with the other, presses his fingers against his jaw to guide his face closer to him and kiss him.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers and Jinki frowns in confusion.
“Why?” He replies lowly, not entirely sure what created the shift in Jonghyun’s emotions.
“You always go on about how you wish I could have a better life and all but…You certainly didn’t have it easy either.” He explains and Jinki feels a smile pull at his mouth.
“I think I didn’t end up so bad.” He smiles, squeezing his waist a little and Jonghyun kisses him again.
“Me too.” The younger shoots back almost cheekily, showing a little smile of his own and Jinki moves the journal from between them so he can hold him that much closer. He can feel affection spread in his chest and he just wants to bask in the feelings he has for the younger - feelings he hasn’t felt for many people before - but then he picks up a scent and groans.
“Are you serious?” He mutters pecking Jonghyun’s cheek before urging him to stand up.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, obviously confused.
“You can come in Father.” He says instead, the first knock barely having resonated in the library and Jonghyun immediately goes back to the windowsill - Jinki knows he feels safer there.
“Jinki I’m going to need you to come down for dinner.” The man says as soon as he comes in alone - apparently not needing his assistant to go around today - and Jinki raises a brow, arms crossed against his chest.
“Since when are we doing family dinners?” He asks and the man grins.
“We have a few guests from surrounding villages and since you’re the one who’s been doing runs for a while, they want you there and so do I.” He explains and Jinki sighs.
“Fine. Will Taemin be there too?” He asks because at least his brother could make this bearable by joking around and making the guests slightly uncomfortable.
“Of course. I talked to him just now.” He nods. “Now if you’ll escort me back down.” He adds, offering his arm and Jinki wants to scoff but he simply shakes his head to himself.
“Give me a minute.” He replies, turning back toward Jonghyun.
The human lifts his head as soon as he does, fingers nervously tapping on his legs and Jinki walks toward him with a smile. When Jonghyun shows to stand up from the windowsills, Jinki lifts a hand and walks into the faintest part of the sunlight.
“I take it as you listened to everything he just said.” He smiles and Jonghyun nods silently, eyes moving from the window to his face. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying in the direct sunlight for long enough and it’s already late, it won’t affect me.” He reassures and Jonghyun gives him a little smile as he stares at him for a moment.
“Your eyes are very pretty.” He whispers and Jinki admits that it’s one of the rare times he actually feels a little flustered because of the unexpected compliment.
“Are you going to stay here?” He asks, unable to keep his smile down and Jonghyun nods again - a lot more at ease now.
“I’m going to try to decipher these. Maybe I can find some embarrassing things about you to bring back later.” He says playfully and Jinki chuckles.
“You probably will.” He says because he doesn’t remember half the things he wrote in these journals. “I’ll make sure someone brings you food. I’ll be back later, Love.” He whispers, pressing a kiss to Jonghyun’s forehead and walking back to his father.
Jinki offers his arm to the man so he can guide him away from the library, looking back once to see Jonghyun waving at him.
“You’re a lot closer with that boy than I thought.” His Father says as soon as they’re in the hallway.
“Can we not talk about my personal life please?” He sighs loudly.
“Well I’m just curious what’s so special about him.” The man laughs and Jinki stays silent because he truly doesn’t feel like pouring his heart out to a man that will only make disobliging remarks after.
“You mean a human?” He says instead.
“Caught me.” He grins. “Blood is not the problem we can get some anywhere with our connections…And I had winds of what happened a while ago.” He finishes and Jinki clenches his jaw.
“Can we just get to your guests?” He replies through clenched teeth, putting a smile on his face when they turn toward the dining room filled with chatter.
There’s already some food on the table and the guests are standing around, obviously waiting for them. Jinki lets go of his father’s arm and greets the people. He doesn’t particularly enjoy their company because of how they think they’re always better than everyone and once these gatherings are over they talk behind each other’s backs.
“Can we skip the formalities and just get to the food?”
Jinki holds back his laugh when Taemin’s voice is heard. There’s a few murmuring around, a frown full of reproach from their father but then everyone settles around the table. Taemin sends a playful wink at him and Jinki hangs his head to not smile too much because it’s obvious his brother is in a mood to mess around.
As he reaches for a plate, Jinki frowns because two seats on the other side of the table are empty but plates and glasses are there.
“Are we missing people?” He asks, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.
“Oh that’s right! They said since your father was taking so long, they wanted to go look for your grandfather’s memoirs in the library.”
As soon as the words leave the woman, Jinki bolts out of his chair, barely registering the few surprised gasps and Taemin’s steps right behind him. As soon as he gets at the top of the stairs and closer to the library, Jinki’s mind clouds with fear when the smell of blood fills his senses - he hears Taemin falters and knows he can smell it too by now.
“No, no, no.” He mutters to himself, heart already stuck in his throat as they bust through the library door - Minho hunched over the other human’s lifeless body a sadly too familiar sight.
“They -” Minho chokes, his head snapping toward them. “Kibum and I were coming to the library and they…they were there, keeping him from calling for help, trying to make as little of a mess as possible.” He blabbers quickly, hands shaking for not knowing which side of his neck to press on.
Looking at the scene, Jinki can see that it’s a lot less gruesome than his own crazed attack which makes him even angrier because they were careful, thoughtful, they planned this attack.
“Where are they?” He asks and he can hear the growl in his own voice, Minho blinking back wetly at him for a moment.
“Kibum took them…The empty room next to ours.” He replies. “We wanted to get you but…We didn’t want to make a scene.” He adds, moving aside a little when Taemin drops down next to him.
“I’m going to kill them.” He seethes but just as he’s about to leave, Minho stands and grabs his wrist with a blood-covered hand.
“Jinki.” He warns shakily. “Jonghyun won’t make it this time.” He says, the words spoken by his brother weeks prior too fresh in his memory and he can feel his blood boil. “Even if he was feeling great, his body surely wasn’t fully recovered and I can’t give him the amount of blood he needs. Not nearly enough even to just keep him steady.” He explains and despite the shakiness of his voice, he sounds so sure of himself.
Wrenching his hand from Minho’s grip, Jinki marches toward the said room as fast as he can. When he gets close, Kibum comes out of his own room and presses a hand against his chest.
“Jinki. Don’t. You’re only going to cause more trouble.” He tries to say and Jinki glares at him.
“Are you defending them?” He asks through clenched teeth and the other takes a step back, eyes a little wider.
“No of course not, I just -”
Jinki doesn’t listen to the rest of his words as he steps beside him, kicking the door open. The man and woman look toward him in shock as he approaches them. He can recognize them, he’s seen them around at the mansion a few times and it’s making him even more livid.
“What right did you think you had?” He growls, blood boiling, fists tight as he spots the little splotches of red on their clothes.
“He - he was just there already with bite marks on him so we thought he was open for -”
“Since when has it worked that way here?” He asks.
“He’s a human surrounded by vampires how long did you think he was going to last? Your father was speaking of a human you were keeping for a while and we thought how great he must taste if you didn’t -”
Jinki hears the horrified gasp of the woman before he even realizes his hand has shot up through the man’s chest and pulled his heart out.
“P-please, I told him we shouldn’t but he insisted.” She cries but he doesn’t want to hear it - he can smell Jonghyun’s blood all over her and it’s making him see red.
Grabbing her by the neck, he throws her into an empty dresser, wood shards flying everywhere. Jinki picks up a sharp one and pulls her up by the collar of her shirt, stabbing her right in the heart, feeling her body grow tense as he drops her back on the floor.
“Jinki -”
Spinning around, the vampire sees his brother in the doorway, Kibum right behind him, both with a slightly disturbed look on their faces.
“We’re losing him really fast, you have to hurry if you want to do something.” Taemin says quickly and like a snap of fingers, the boiling rage fades back to fear and he runs back to the library where he sees Minho trying to patch up the other.
“How long?” He croaks out, kneeling next to Jonghyun and placing a hand on his neck for a pulse he can barely hear - he ignores the way Minho obvious looks at his bloodied state.
“Maybe an hour or two, I’m not sure. They took more than you did…They took too much.” He whispers the last part and Jinki feels like his heart is about to explode - he doesn’t even have enough time to think of something.
“You have to turn him.” Kibum voices and Jinki tenses.
“I can’t…I…We’ve never…” He trails off, sitting on the floor and gently guiding Jonghyun’s head onto his lap. “We’ve never talked about this. What if he doesn’t want to become…this.” He mutters with a frown and Taemin places a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re going to lose him if you don’t try.” His brother says and Jinki’s frown deepens.
“If I do that, how am I any better than Father?” He whispers. “How am I better than what he did to Mother? You know she’s never forgave him and she avoids him like the plague. She’s been miserable for centuries because of what he did to her…What if he feels the same way about me?” He questions - he needs too many answers in too little time.
“Don’t compare yourself to him.” Taemin replies sternly. “Father did it for selfish reasons, he planned everything…If you do it, you do it for him…it’s only to give him a second chance, he’ll understand. He loves you Jinki.” He adds, trying to convince him.
“I’ve never done it, I don’t have any time to prepare. I might just end up killing him.” He says, eyes glued to Jonghyun’s pale face.
“Well he’s going to die now anyway.” Minho shoots harshly. Jinki knows how close he’s gotten with Jonghyun over time and it works like a slap to the face.
“I…okay.” He whispers, pushing a hand through his hair, trying to get his mind to clear up. It shouldn’t happen that way, everything is going too fast, they should have had time to discuss this and then he could prepare Jonghyun by telling him everything that would happen to him but he knows he doesn’t have that luxury.
“You don’t have much time.” Taemin presses.
“I know.” Jinki snaps. “And I’m doing this alone.” He says as he stands and picks up Jonghyun to carry him back to his bedroom - he can feel the disapproving and worried stares on him. “I don’t want you guys to be there if he doesn’t make it.” He mutters more to himself.
Placing Jonghyun on his bed, he sits beside him, the silence feeling too crushing and making him try to swallow back his emotions.
“I’m sorry I have to do this to you, Love.” He whispers, pressing his lips against his forehead.
Jinki knows the part of the work where he has to get Jonghyun on the verge of death has been done by those two vampires. But he still has to get some of his own blood in Jonghyun’s system and kill him before his blood acts like poison and infects his body - he’s scared he might not be able to do that.
Taking a deep breath and knowing he’s running low on time to spare, Jinki brings his own wrist to his mouth the pierce the skin, placing it against Jonghyun’s mouth and squeezing his hand to make sure enough goes down his throat. Waiting a few seconds, Jinki cradles Jonghyun’s head between his hands and for a moment he’s pretty sure he’s not going to be able to do it, but then he sees the black of the poison running inside the vein on the side of Jonghyun’ neck and he knows he has to do it now. Clenching his eyes tight, Jinki lets out a small shout as he snaps his neck just enough so he can hear a distinctive crack.
Letting out choked noise, he brings Jonghyun’s body against his and feels tears bubbling up at his eyes and his heart beating wildly because he has no idea if he did things right but he knows now the only thing he can do is wait. He has no idea either how long it’s supposed to take but as the seconds tick by, he has a feeling everything has been done wrong.
Jinki isn’t sure how long he stays there, unmoving, holding the younger against him but now his skin feels cool and his heart has long since stopped beating - he doesn’t even the footsteps in the hallways before the door opens.
“It usually doesn’t take that long.”
Jinki startles and looks toward his father, quietly nuzzling against Jonghyun’s hair. “You and your brother woke up barely an hour after we killed you.” He says and Jinki closes his eyes to keep his anger in check.
“Why are you here?” He whispers, feeling completely drained and not in the mood to pick a fight.
“To apologize.” His father utters and Jinki admits that the words surprise him. “I’m the one who told my guests about Jonghyun. I wanted you to see how fragile humans are but they weren’t supposed to go this far.” He says and Jinki laughs humorlessly.
“You think I didn’t realize that when I almost killed him myself?” He spits back and his father chuckles.
“I didn’t realize how much he truly meant to you, son. But…when I was there in the library…I could feel it. I could feel how much you love him…I can still feel it now even if he’s dead.” He says with a soft smile and Jinki closes his eyes.
“I’m not in the right mind to have this discussion with you. Just know that I’m going to tell Jonghyun about what you did. And if he didn’t want to become like this and wants to rip your head off, I’m not going to stop him.” He informs and his father shakes his head.
“I think you’re underestimating me. I might be blind but I’m very capable.” He says.
“And I think you’re forgetting how strong and fast a newly-turned can be.” He shoots back and his father nods.
“Very well I’ll leave you to it, tell me if he wakes up.”
The ‘if’ makes Jinki’s stomach sink because he’s been pushing the idea of Jonghyun not making it out of his mind for the past few hours but it’s starting to become a little too nagging. Jinki pushes his nose against the crook of his neck and it takes another few minutes but he almost burst into tears when he feels Jonghyun’s body slowly stiffen in his arms and he’s convinced that it didn’t work and that he’s simply dead. But then there’s fingers on his arms squeezing him and he’s never moved his head back faster than that.
“Jonghyun?” He whispers in a short breath, refusing to blink in case the beady black eyes looking at him disappear.
Jonghyun stares at him blankly for a few moments, lips parting slowly and hands squeezing harder, nails digging into his skin. For a split second, Jinki thinks Jonghyun just might try to attack him but then he’s frowning a little.
“My neck hurts.” He croaks and Jinki laughs. He feels tears running down his face, sobs wracking his body but he’s laughing.
“It worked, you made it, Love.” He sniffs, face turning into a crying frown as Jonghyun tries to straighten up a little, looking completely confused.
“Am I like you?” He whispers and when Jinki finally comes back from his relief, he is so baffled because he’s never heard of anyone being this calm after changing - he thinks he might be dreaming a little.
“Yes, Love I’m…I’m sorry I had to.” He forces out, voice shaky.
“Everything…Everything feels too much.” Jonghyun frowns, closing his eyes and Jinki feels bad because he knows exactly what Jonghyun is feeling right now and he knows he should probably move back from him but all he can do is hold the other closer to him again and rocking him slightly.
“I know I’m sorry, I’ll get you some blood to drink and it’ll be better, it really works immediately.” He explains and Jonghyun nods.
Jinki knows he should be glad about how calm Jonghyun is but it’s unsettling. He can’t shake the feeling that something is not right and he truly doesn’t want to let him out of his sight.
Carefully standing up, Jinki walks to the door and calls for Taemin, the younger appearing in a mere second - as if he had been waiting for that call.
“He’s awake.” Jinki simply says and Taemin raises a brow.
“No scream?” He mutters, trying to peek in the room and Jinki shakes his head.
“No but if he doesn’t get blood soon he might just try to bite me and you know his first drink has to be human blood.” He says and Taemin nods.
“I’m on it, I’ll bring it in a minute.” He replies, already moving down the hallway.
Jinki turns back to look at Jonghyun and the other’s eyes are glued to him once again. Barely having time to blink, Jinki jumps because Jonghyun is standing right in front of him. Jinki thinks he’s about to have to fight him back, but then the younger’s mouth is crashing against his and he’s pushing him back against the wall in a bruising kiss.
Letting out a surprised noise, Jinki still wraps his arms around Jonghyun because his mouth and hands are moving a little frantic over him and he feels like he needs to settle him down.
“Jonghyun - wait.” He manages between two kiss, pulling back just enough, but then he sees Jonghyun’s eyes completely black and his fangs are peeking out and the next second he’s snapping at him.
Jinki tries to hold him back but his strength is really no joke at this point and he quickly knocks him off balance.
“Taemin!” He shouts, hoping that his brother will be back soon with something to drink.
Instead of his brother, Jinki spots Kibum opening the door, his eyes growing wider at the sight as he quickly tries to pull back Jonghyun by the shoulders.
“He’s a lot stronger than us right now we need Taemin to bring the blood.” He groans, barely holding the other far enough from his face and feeling his nails dig painfully into his shoulders.
“Taemin!” Kibum yells in turn, the other vampire finally appearing back in the doorway.
“Hey buddy got something for you.” He sings, walking close and bringing the glass close enough so that Jonghyun can smell it even in his state but he’s too determined to bite Jinki.
“You’re going to have to get him off me so I can leave the room, he’s too focused on my scent.” He grunts because it’s been a long time since he’s had to fight off someone like this. “I’ll push, you pull.” He says toward Kibum and as soon as they get Jonghyun off of him, Jinki runs out, slamming the door behind himself.
“I heard he woke up?” Minho stands there in the hallways, clearly unsure of what to do.
“You might want to wait a bit to see him.” He pants, hearing struggling behind the door until it falls completely silent and Jinki guesses Jonghyun is finally drinking.
Breathing a little sigh of relief, Jinki lets everything wash over him and he rapidly feels overcome with emotions.
“He’s awake.” He mutters, eyes filling with tears again and Minho grins at him.
“Tell me when it’s safe for me to see him…I mean, after it’s safe for you.” He frowns and Jinki’s chuckle is a little wobbly as he nods.
“Just a few more minutes should be fine for me. He just needed blood in his system.” He says and as if on cue, the door slowly opens behind him and Jinki sees Kibum smiling at him.
“It still amazes me how quickly that works.” He chuckles both him and Taemin leaving the room.
“You should be able to talk to him now.” Taemin beams, jabbing his finger in his side.
When Jinki walks back inside of his room, Jonghyun is already sitting in bed, looking straight at him.
“Hey…How are you feeling now?” He asks with a small smile.
“Better…I guess now that I don’t want to attack you.” He starts with a small frown. “I could hear you breathing outside and I knew it was you…This is weird.” He lets out a small whine.
“It’s normal, it’ll take a few days for your senses to settle down a little and you’ll get used to it. He explains, and Jonghyun nods quietly, the atmosphere in the room suddenly becoming a lot heavier.
“What…What happened? Why did you..?” He trails off, voice a little too hurt to be neutral and Jinki feels the guilt he knew would happen, filling his chest.
“Father, he…he had some guests and two of them…they attacked you. We were out of options, you were dying and it was the only thing I could try.” He explains and Jonghyun frowns at him.
“Why didn’t you let me die?” He asks quietly. “You could’ve gotten another human and start over like you did with me.” He replies and Jinki feels like he’s just been punched in the heart.
“Jonghyun.” He starts seriously, sitting on the bed and grabbing one of the younger’s hands - only stalling for a second when he doesn’t feel the familiar warmth. “Do you really believe I think like that of you?” He asks back and Jonghyun shrugs.
“Wasn’t I just some easy blood source?” He scoffs, avoiding his eyes. “Now that I’m…like this. I must be worth nothing anymore.” He whispers the last part and Jinki finally understands.
“Love…While it’s true that this is why you were initially brought to me, it’s been a long time that it’s been a lot more than that. I couldn’t let you go so easily, I couldn’t let them take you away from me. You know I love you. I fought with myself so hard but you still worked your way up here.” He says unsurely, unsure if he’s allowed to say those words again just yet but Jonghyun finally looks back at him, eyes wet and brows furrowed.
“What the hell, I’m dead and I’m still crying.” He grumbles, the first tear rolling down his cheek.
“I’m sorry, you emotions too will be a little all over the place.” Jinki says, trying to hide a little smile.
“I know.” Jonghyun whines. “I didn’t even mean what I just said, I know I’m more than that to you.” He sniffs, rubbing at his tears.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t lose you.” He says again, making sure his point is really getting across and Jonghyun stares at him quietly for a few seconds before he scoots closer to him and press a short kiss to his lips.
“I mean…I wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast but I…I didn’t want to be replaced…ever and…If you help me with everything…It might not be so bad.” He says and Jinki suddenly feels like the anxiety knotting his stomach suddenly evaporates and he almost tackles Jonghyun back.
“I was so scared you were going to hate me forever.” He confesses, voice muffled by Jonghyun’s skin but the younger simply presses a kiss to his cheek and holds his face between gentle hands to look at him - everything somehow still feeling the same.
“I thought I told you I love you, it’s going to take a whole lot more to make me hate you.”
Return to Part Two