Grocery Shopping With The Noyes'
I just got finished eating heartily after a long and taxing day of grocery shopping with Andrew's mother & sister. I went with them to make sure that they came back with actual food rather than belts, shirts, purses, and other generic crap that they don't need.
Now, I say that I went grocery shopping and you think, "Oh, they picked up milk, eggs, and bread and called it a day." No, my friends. Shopping at Meijer (our local supermarket) with the Noyes family is an ALL-DAY-EVENT. Let me explain...
Linda Noyes does not go grocery shopping. Ever. I mean literally, EVER. The last time she went grocery shopping for this household of 5 people was October 2009. It is now almost February 2010. The reason I know that the last time she went grocery shopping for his house was in October was because I. Was. There. So after months of licking dirt off the floor and hoping for sustainment, Lauren and I finally convinced Linda that we needed to go shopping again. We made a list beforehand and everything. There was literally No. Food. In. This. House. I mean, not even the hopeful can of baked beans. Literally nothing.
So we make our way to Meijer after clearing schedules to do so. We left the house around noonish today. We get there and immediately grab 2 carts. Don't be shocked. It doesn't end here. We split off into two groups. Me & Lauren take the list as we both know that we will be the main food grabbers. Linda took a cart of her own and went off in some direction to get something. I think maybe toilet paper or something. God knows we needed everything. Lauren and I immediately make for the feminine products isle and stock up on a years supply of tampons, pads, and panty liners. Then we make our way towards the drinks and grab 3 two liter bottles of coke, 3 8 packs of coke bottles, 1 8 pack of coke cans, 4 bottles of Diet A&W Root Beer, 2 24 packs of Powerade bottles (the blue kind of course :) ), 2 large bottles of apple juice, 2 6 packs of small grape juice bottles,and 1 6 pack Vernor's Ginger Ale (the big bottles). We were very thirsty. Lauren and I continued shopping in this fashion until we had overstuffed our cart and then found another cart to stuff as well. When it was all said and done, we had 3 very full carts of food, drink, and merriment. It was pretty embarrassing to be quite honest. But I was even more hungry than I was self-conscious. You see, Lauren and I are well aware that if we do not shop as if we are expecting an up and coming holocaust and will have to live for several months in a hole, we are not doing our jobs correctly and will be very sad in the upcoming months. My motto for shopping with the Noyes' is, "Get it now, because there is no way you'll be able to get it later."
So we finally finish stuffing our last minute decisions in the nooks and crannies of our cart mountains and make our way to the line where some poor, unexpecting cashier has to deal with us. After about 30 minutes of ringing and finding a place to put the food back in our carts after they've been bagged, we finally finish. The final price of this food purchasing extravaganza? Just under $1000.00. We pile all of our bags into the Mariner with just enough room for me to curl up in the fetal position for the ride home. I had absolutely no leg room. We got home, put what we could of the food away and realized that we couldn't fit it all into the freezer. No problem there for the Crazy Noyes Family. WE'LL JUST BUY A NEW FREEZER!!
And so we did. Immediately Linda and I headed out to the local Appliance Warehouse and purchased a fully functioning stand alone freezer. With a smile. We loaded that up, brought it home and immediately hid the receipt from Andrew's Father. Ahh, I love the smell of deceit in the afternoon.
It is now almost 6pm and only now did our super awesome fun day of grocery shopping come to a close.
Somebody kill me please?
Now, I say that I went grocery shopping and you think, "Oh, they picked up milk, eggs, and bread and called it a day." No, my friends. Shopping at Meijer (our local supermarket) with the Noyes family is an ALL-DAY-EVENT. Let me explain...
Linda Noyes does not go grocery shopping. Ever. I mean literally, EVER. The last time she went grocery shopping for this household of 5 people was October 2009. It is now almost February 2010. The reason I know that the last time she went grocery shopping for his house was in October was because I. Was. There. So after months of licking dirt off the floor and hoping for sustainment, Lauren and I finally convinced Linda that we needed to go shopping again. We made a list beforehand and everything. There was literally No. Food. In. This. House. I mean, not even the hopeful can of baked beans. Literally nothing.
So we make our way to Meijer after clearing schedules to do so. We left the house around noonish today. We get there and immediately grab 2 carts. Don't be shocked. It doesn't end here. We split off into two groups. Me & Lauren take the list as we both know that we will be the main food grabbers. Linda took a cart of her own and went off in some direction to get something. I think maybe toilet paper or something. God knows we needed everything. Lauren and I immediately make for the feminine products isle and stock up on a years supply of tampons, pads, and panty liners. Then we make our way towards the drinks and grab 3 two liter bottles of coke, 3 8 packs of coke bottles, 1 8 pack of coke cans, 4 bottles of Diet A&W Root Beer, 2 24 packs of Powerade bottles (the blue kind of course :) ), 2 large bottles of apple juice, 2 6 packs of small grape juice bottles,and 1 6 pack Vernor's Ginger Ale (the big bottles). We were very thirsty. Lauren and I continued shopping in this fashion until we had overstuffed our cart and then found another cart to stuff as well. When it was all said and done, we had 3 very full carts of food, drink, and merriment. It was pretty embarrassing to be quite honest. But I was even more hungry than I was self-conscious. You see, Lauren and I are well aware that if we do not shop as if we are expecting an up and coming holocaust and will have to live for several months in a hole, we are not doing our jobs correctly and will be very sad in the upcoming months. My motto for shopping with the Noyes' is, "Get it now, because there is no way you'll be able to get it later."
So we finally finish stuffing our last minute decisions in the nooks and crannies of our cart mountains and make our way to the line where some poor, unexpecting cashier has to deal with us. After about 30 minutes of ringing and finding a place to put the food back in our carts after they've been bagged, we finally finish. The final price of this food purchasing extravaganza? Just under $1000.00. We pile all of our bags into the Mariner with just enough room for me to curl up in the fetal position for the ride home. I had absolutely no leg room. We got home, put what we could of the food away and realized that we couldn't fit it all into the freezer. No problem there for the Crazy Noyes Family. WE'LL JUST BUY A NEW FREEZER!!
And so we did. Immediately Linda and I headed out to the local Appliance Warehouse and purchased a fully functioning stand alone freezer. With a smile. We loaded that up, brought it home and immediately hid the receipt from Andrew's Father. Ahh, I love the smell of deceit in the afternoon.
It is now almost 6pm and only now did our super awesome fun day of grocery shopping come to a close.
Somebody kill me please?