(no subject)
I don't even know what to say.
It's been a whirlwind of emotions the past two weeks.
But when something like this happens, it just puts your own shit in perspective.
Yeah, I did get bitched out at work for being a no-call, no-show for the last two hours of my shift. But what made him snap so much that it meant he had nothing else to live for?
Yeah, my best friend did get dumped via text message, but when did he think that he didn't have anybody who cared for him enough to stop him?
Yeah, I am stressed about my car, but why did he feel like he had to kill himself and there was no other choice?
I didn't know him. I'm not taking his death personally. I just want to know what drove him to kill himself.
And then I want to turn back time and tell Grant, Aaron or Nick to save him.
It's not fair.
Suicide affects so many people, and it effects people who don't even know you. If you think that no one cares - you've never been more wrong in your life.
All the people that I hate - if they ended their lives tomorrow, I'd be torn because I had so many opportunities to make amends and I didn't take any of them. I know it probably wouldn't be my complete fault for anybody ending their own life because I'm not that big of a deal, but the aftermath is what we all fear. Yes, we fear the act of somebody taking their own life, but we fear how we have to deal with the rest of our lives wondering what it is that we could've done to save them.
I didn't know him, but I'm sitting here wondering what I could've done to tell Beth, Grant or Aaron 24 hours ago to talk to him.
And now, I don't have that option. All I can do is be here for them. I always will be, but I wish I didn't have to.
And so goes the selfish part of this incident in my book ...
It's been a whirlwind of emotions the past two weeks.
But when something like this happens, it just puts your own shit in perspective.
Yeah, I did get bitched out at work for being a no-call, no-show for the last two hours of my shift. But what made him snap so much that it meant he had nothing else to live for?
Yeah, my best friend did get dumped via text message, but when did he think that he didn't have anybody who cared for him enough to stop him?
Yeah, I am stressed about my car, but why did he feel like he had to kill himself and there was no other choice?
I didn't know him. I'm not taking his death personally. I just want to know what drove him to kill himself.
And then I want to turn back time and tell Grant, Aaron or Nick to save him.
It's not fair.
Suicide affects so many people, and it effects people who don't even know you. If you think that no one cares - you've never been more wrong in your life.
All the people that I hate - if they ended their lives tomorrow, I'd be torn because I had so many opportunities to make amends and I didn't take any of them. I know it probably wouldn't be my complete fault for anybody ending their own life because I'm not that big of a deal, but the aftermath is what we all fear. Yes, we fear the act of somebody taking their own life, but we fear how we have to deal with the rest of our lives wondering what it is that we could've done to save them.
I didn't know him, but I'm sitting here wondering what I could've done to tell Beth, Grant or Aaron 24 hours ago to talk to him.
And now, I don't have that option. All I can do is be here for them. I always will be, but I wish I didn't have to.
And so goes the selfish part of this incident in my book ...