(no subject)

[shilene]

Saw a girl who meant a lot to me in middle school and high school (especially senior year) tonight. She was actually a high school crush who married an elementary/middle school crush. Anyway, I hadn't seen either one of them since I graduated high school 6 1/2 years ago. Come to find out, she still has my senior picture up on her bulletin board at home. I know that's something really insignificant to most people, but to me it means quite a bit (and it has nothing to do with a stupid "crush"...come on, I'm 24). I was so happy to see her, and it was like no time had passed. And he seemed really excited to see me, and that made me feel exceptional. I don't know why. I guess for some reason (much deeper than those dumb adolescent crushes), I appreciated both of them. Gene was sort of my saving grace in high school. Rusty was sort of the guy who had known me most of my life, but never revealed that he cared. Awww, it was great.

But the best part of the night was seeing Joanna. Man, I didn't realize how much I missed her. She's so.....I don't know. Special. And that's got to be the worst word to use, but damn...there's nobody in this world like Joanna. We weren't best friends, even though I wanted to be...with her and Mary...but we did share a lot, and seeing her and spending time with her tonight really took me back to a comfortable place in my life. Shooting the shit with her and Mary really reminded me how I got through high school. And middle school, for that matter.

And I know you're reading this Mary...I hope it's not making you feel weird. I've never been secretive with my feelings.

God, it's hard to let go of what's comfortable.