Going Down, Chapter Fourteen: Taking Care
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: R/NC-17
Credit: Annie Proulx and Diana Ossana & Larry McMurtry. Thanks also to all the many incredibly talented writers out there who inspired me to finally write something myself-Madlori, Jenna, montana-crows, Cathalin, midwest-girl, debutante9, maidenofthesea, marakeshsparrow, louisev, amtamburo, midget-size, testa-dura, and many others. Finally, thank you very very much to Christine, my friend and beta and fellow ennisjack aficionado.
Feedback: Any and all appreciated, at my lj or at shieldmaid@gmail.com.
Chapter Fourteen: Taking Care
Ennis stood just outside the closed door, trying not to breathe so he could hear the faint voices within. Jack had been in the bedroom with Lureen for nearly an hour now and seemed no closer to a resolution. Ennis doubted they had even come around yet to discussing his own presence in the house, in spite of the fact that he had been entrusted with Bobby’s care for “however long this fuckeroo’s gonna take”-Jack’s words.
As soon as Jack had realized Bobby had been left to his own devices, he had taken him from Ennis’s arms and walked into the kitchen. Ennis had followed, a little hesitantly, and found Jack leaning against the sink, his shoulders shaking and Bobby cradled on his hip.
While Ennis watched, Jack pressed his nose into the soft black down on Bobby’s head and closed his eyes. “Buddy,” he said, in a calm, tender voice completely new to Ennis’s ears. “I’m sorry, buddy, I’m sorry. Where’s Mama, do you know? Where’s Mama?” He kissed Bobby’s head and drew back a little to look in his face. He must have seen something there that hurt him, because his face crumpled suddenly.
Ennis found himself with his arm around Jack’s broad shoulders almost before he realized that his feet were moving. Jack was breathing hard, his chest hitching, tears shining on his cheeks. Bobby, however, was smiling. He looked up at Ennis and laughed. “Dah!” he said.
“Yeah,” Ennis said, his vision blurring in spite of himself. “Daddy’s back.” He held Jack for a few minutes, rubbing his back and murmuring softly, until Jack seemed to get a hold of himself.
“Thanks, Ennis,” Jack said at last, sniffing. “Can’t tell you how glad I am you came with me after all. Would you . . . would you mind lookin’ after Bobby for a little while? Till I can find out what the hell’s goin’ on with Lureen? I’m guessin’ she’s in bed; she was real sick for a while when she was pregnant with Bobby. What I don’t get is why the hell she’d just leave him alone here like this.”
Ennis had fed Bobby some chicken and some peaches in the kitchen-the sight of the tiny glass baby-food jars twisting a knife in his gut as he thought of his own girls-and played with him on the living room floor until Bobby showed signs of needing a nap. Once he had fallen asleep in Ennis’s arms, Ennis had crept up to the second floor and positioned himself outside the bedroom door.
“. . . can’t imagine how he didn’t hurt himself!” Ennis heard now. Jack sounded frustrated and tired. “Musta crawled all the way down them damn stairs, through the livin’ room, ‘n into the kitchen. Not all the sockets’re covered, you know, never did get around to it. Anythin’ coulda happened.”
A low murmur in reply, and Jack’s voice came again, quieter this time. “I know, honey, ‘n I’m sorry you’re feelin’ bad. Wish you hadn’t let it go so long before callin’ me.”
Bobby shifted a little in Ennis’s arms, sighing in his sleep, and Ennis realized with a jolt that he was listening in on a private conversation between a husband and a wife. Jack might love him and not Lureen, but he was still married to her, and Ennis knew that his strong sense of duty and family responsibility would compel him to stay here until the situation was resolved in the best possible manner. He, Ennis, had no business listening in like a child at the keyhole. Best to take himself back downstairs and stay out of it.
Ennis settled Bobby on the couch and covered him with an afghan, then sat beside him with his arms crossed and one leg jiggling nervously. He was wishing for a cigarette but knew his last pack had gotten ruined up on the mountain and of course Jack had quit. He leaned back and closed his eyes, hoping for a nap but doubting that sleep would reach him in this unexpected and unsettling situation. With his mouth clamped shut, he breathed slowly in and out, in and out, trying to trick his body into relaxing. He decided that under no circumstances whatsoever would he go searching through kitchen drawers looking for Lureen’s smokes like some kind of addict. After a time, though, his lips parted slightly and his arms slid down into his lap, the tension smoothing gradually out of his muscles.
A crash from upstairs jerked Ennis out of the light sleep he’d finally achieved, and he sat up, looking toward the stairs, his heart pounding. Heavy footsteps started, got louder until they sounded as though they were directly overhead, stopped, and moved away again. After a minute or two, the bedroom door opened. Ennis could see a thin slice of weak yellow light lying across the carpeted hallway. Jack stepped out, shut the door carefully behind him, and just stood there for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Then he straightened up, gave Ennis a little wave, and took the stairs down two at a time.
“Well, can’t say that was the best hour I ever spent,” Jack said, coming around to perch on the arm of the couch next to Ennis. He sighed, looking more tired than Ennis had ever seen him before. “She’s real sick, yeah, jus’ like last time. Didn’t wanna call her parents for help, didn’t wanna deal with them askin’ where I am, all that stuff. Thought she could handle it but she ain’t been able to hold nothin’ down ‘n she’s feelin’ real weak. That’s why she called me last night.”
Ennis reached out and found Jack’s hand. He took it into both of his, rubbing his thumbs into Jack’s palm and trying to restore some life into the cold, tense flesh. “There anythin’ the doctor can do about it?” he asked.
“That’s what I been thinkin’, need to get her to a doctor ‘n see if they can give her somethin’ so she can eat a little, at least. Last time this didn’t last too long, a couple a weeks it seems like, but she says it’s been more’n two weeks already.” Jack shook his head.
“She never said nothin’ on the phone before?”
“No, though a couple a times I had to call more’n once to get through.” Jack paused, his tongue at the corner of his mouth. “How’d she look when you was here?”
Ennis thought for a moment. “Tired, I guess. All the lights was off when she opened the door, but she had her clothes on-jeans, I mean, not a nightgown or nothin’. She was holdin’ Bobby ‘n playin’ with him while we was talkin’.” He put a hand on Jack’s thigh and squeezed briefly. “Didn’t think nothin’ was wrong ‘cept, well, her husband wasn’t here ‘n she was missin’ him.”
“God, Ennis,” Jack said, covering Ennis’s hand with his own and closing his eyes. “I feel like such a shitheel. How’d I not know this was goin’ on? I only been up there a few weeks. Shouldn’t I a noticed somethin’, ‘fore I left?”
“Sounds like you had some other stuff on your mind,” Ennis replied. He gently disentangled his hand from Jack’s and wrapped an arm around his shoulders instead. “If you’re lookin’ to blame someone, Jack, really it oughta be me. I’m the one couldn’t figure out what you was offerin’ me. I’m the one nearly killed you, bein’ afraid a what might happen if we was to be together.” He gritted his teeth, holding back the pressure in his throat that was threatening to choke him.
“Hey!” Jack pulled away and came around to sit on the coffee table in front of Ennis. “Don’t you ever say nothin’ like that. You’re the person saved my life. Probably still be gettin’ dumped on my ass by bulls every Saturday night if it wasn’t for you. Or gettin’ my skull split by rodeo clowns in bars. Jus’ . . . jus’ kept hearin’ you say how rodeo cowboys is all fuckups, ‘n knew I hadta do somethin’ better while I still had breath in me to try.” He grinned suddenly. “Not that sellin’ farm machinery for a mean old fatass is really what I had in mind, but at least it got me a way to get back to you.”
Ennis put a hand on the back of Jack’s neck, rubbed at the tendons for a moment or two, then brought his head in for a kiss. He wasn’t used to being near Jack for so long without any sort of physical contact, and his skin was hurting without Jack’s particular warmth and texture. Their lips met, and Ennis could feel Jack relax into his arms. Lureen and the difficulties they would still have to face suddenly seemed very far away.
Ennis had just begun to part his legs, shifting against the sudden tightness of his jeans, when a burble from the couch next to him interrupted the slow progress of Jack’s hand up his thigh. They both looked over to see Bobby screwing small fists into his eyes and yawning hugely. Ennis had to laugh. “Looks just like his daddy when he wakes up.”
Jack smiled and reached over to pick Bobby up. “‘N he likes sleepin’ jus as much as Daddy too.” He smoothed Bobby’s rumpled hair and set him on his knee. “Hey, guy, feelin’ sleepy? Have a good nap?”
Bobby responded by burping, looking comically surprised at the noise coming out of his own mouth, and yawning again. His cheek was red where he had been lying against the couch cushions. His eyes closed, and he nestled against Jack.
“He needs to go to bed,” Jack said, standing up and holding Bobby against his chest. “Way past his bedtime. I told Lureen I’d take care of him, that you ‘n me could handle the situation ourselves for now.”
“So you told her I’m here?” Ennis felt nervous immediately, though he’d already been in the house for a good chunk of time.
“Yeah . . . didn’t go over so well as I’d’ve hoped.” Jack sighed and looked down at his sleeping son. “When she found out you was up there with me these last few days she wanted to know why I wasn’t spendin’ my ‘vacation time’ with my family instead. Threw a lamp at me, actually. Didja hear that crash?”
“Yeah.” Ennis tried not to think of Alma’s likely reaction when he had the same conversation with her, but it was difficult. He wouldn’t be able to avoid it for much longer. He rubbed his forehead. “Gonna take her to the doctor, you think?”
“That’s the plan. Told her I was takin’ her tomorrow whether she likes it or not, ‘n you was gonna be watchin’ Bobby ‘less she wants me to call up L. D. ‘n tell him what’s goin’ on.” Jack shifted Bobby onto his hip and kissed the top of his head. “I’d better get him in bed, ‘n then we can talk ‘bout this whole mess a little more.”
Upstairs, Jack settled Bobby into his crib and stood looking down at him. How had he been able to miss this time for the past three weeks? Bobby turned his head and made a small sound, halfway between a word and a sigh. His mouth was slightly open, and Jack could see his wet pink tongue. He pulled the quilt up to cover his son and contented himself with one last caress of Bobby’s smooth cheek before he left the room.
Before he could allow himself to jump back down the stairs and onto the man waiting for him on the couch, Jack knew he should check on Lureen. He pushed open the bedroom door and stuck his head inside, listening. The room was dark and silent and too warm; Lureen had set up a space heater near the window, claiming she’d been feeling cold for days. He didn’t hear anything except Lureen’s deep breathing, so he started to withdraw, then stopped when a plaintive whisper came out of the dark.
“Jack?”
“Yeah, honey? Can I get you somethin’?”
“Could you just come ‘n sit with me for a little while?” Lureen shifted and pushed herself up against her pillows. “How’s Bobby? You ‘n . . . your friend get him off to sleep OK?”
Jack came into the room, pushing the door all the way open behind him in case Ennis got worried about what might be going on in here. He sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Lureen’s arm. “He’s fine. So tired, he practically put himself to bed. You feelin’ any better?”
“Yeah . . . I had some a that soup you brought in here before, think that was a good idea.” She sighed and pushed the hair that had fallen, damp and heavy, across her face. “Remember this was how it was with Bobby, too. Felt like shit for a couple a weeks, seemed like a year, but then everythin’ was OK again. Till I started gettin’ big as a house, that is.”
Jack squeezed her arm gently, then took his hand back and let it rest in his own lap. Lureen had closed her eyes again and was lying back, looking relaxed. This probably wasn’t the best time to raise what was on his mind, but he was damned if he could think of a time that would be better. “Lureen? Hon?”
“Hmm?”
“I was just wonderin’ . . . when you first realized that you were, well, expectin’ again.” Jack cleared his throat. “You never said nothin’ ‘fore I left home, ‘n it’s been a good three weeks since then. Not to mention . . . I know I ain’t exactly been the best husband in attendin’ to certain of your needs. Personal ones, I mean.” His cheeks felt hot, and he was glad the light wasn’t on.
Lureen said nothing for a minute or two, and Jack thought maybe she was asleep. It pained him to think of having to drag these words out into the open again, but he’d do whatever he needed to, and maybe it’d be a little easier the second time. Then he heard a distinct sniff, and he realized she was crying. “Babe,” he said softly. “Don’t cry. We can figure it out. I’m here now, ‘n I ain’t gonna leave you ‘n Bobby alone.” Please, Ennis, he thought, forgive me. I jus need a little time to get things straightened out.
“It’s all my fault,” she wept, barely able to get the words out. “If I hadn’t . . . kept talkin’ to Patrick . . . jus got so lonely after you left. Before, even. Know I told you . . . wouldn’t see him no more . . . but I . . . needed someone.” She wiped one hand across her face and hiccupped. “You know what I mean?”
“Aw, honey,” Jack said, feeling only all too familiar with the pain he saw in her eyes. “I sure do. So sorry I ain’t been what you needed.”
“But maybe you was what I needed, Jack!” Lureen sounded frustrated now. She coughed once, trying to pull herself back together. “You was, but I was never what you needed. Don’t you think I saw that? All them nights I tried to reach out ‘cross this big ol’ bed, tried to touch you. I knew you wasn’t asleep. Jus fakin’, so’s you didn’t hafta pretend somethin’ you didn’t feel.”
Jack looked down at his hands, clenched in his lap. He couldn’t speak.
“What is it, Jack? What do you really need?”
Jack cleared his throat. “I need to know, Lureen. Was you . . . sleepin’ with Patrick? This his baby you’re carryin’?”
Lureen laughed suddenly, a high and wild sound that cut sharply through the heavy air of the bedroom. Jack thought he heard movement from the floor below, a rustle on the stairs, but he couldn’t be sure. “That matter to you, Jack? You find out it’s his kid, you gonna leave me ‘n Bobby high ‘n dry again?”
“No, Lureen, I ain’t gonna leave you like that. Not till we find out what’s best to do. For all a us.” Jack leaned forward until his forearms were propped on his thighs. “Jus give it some time. It’s gonna be OK.”
“No, Jack, I don’t think it’s gonna be all right. Not this time.” Lureen turned onto her side, away from Jack. “I’d better get some sleep now, gotta get up early with Bobby in the mornin’.”
Jack stood up slowly. He looked down at her still form for a moment, then decided they weren’t going to accomplish anything else this night. He left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Ennis was standing at the front window looking out when Jack found him. He had his hands jammed into his jeans pockets, and Jack knew he was wishing for a cigarette. “Ennis,” he said, stopping about five feet away. “You OK?”
Ennis turned to look at him, offered a small smile. “Yeah,” he said. “You? You was up there quite a while.”
Jack felt exhausted, unable to imagine how he’d begin to answer this question. He sat down heavily on the coffee table and stared at the floor. “Lureen ‘n me . . . shoulda talked ‘bout this stuff a long time ago. I knew she was seein’ another guy, but she said nothin’ really happened. Believed her, even though it felt wrong, cause I jus couldn’t deal with her ‘n the whole . . . situation no more.”
“What’re you sayin’, Jack?” Ennis was looking at him keenly, arms crossed over his chest.
“I been wantin’ to . . . tell her. For all these months.” Jack shook his head.
“‘Bout what? You ‘n me?”
“Yeah, though . . . ‘bout broke my heart to think a it. Thought I wasn’t never gonna see you again, after that last time. But I thought it’d show how I-that it ain’t jus her. I ain’t interested in bein’ with her, or with any woman.” Jack looked up at Ennis. His face was shadowed, his back to the moonlight shining in the front window, his expression impossible to read. “You always been the one I wanted, ever since that first day in front a Aguirre’s trailer. Got married cause it seemed the thing to do, ‘n like I said, it put an end to my starvin’ days. But I always had a hard time, bein’ the kind a man Lureen wanted. I know I wasn’t never really there, not as a friend, not as a part a her daddy’s business, not as a part a the family . . . not in the sack, neither. Don’t hardly blame her for cheatin’, seein’s how I had my eye turned elsewhere ‘fore we ever met.” He put his face in his hands for a moment, gathering the strength he needed to finish the conversation, but before he could raise his head again, he felt Ennis’s hand on his shoulder.
“You been the father that Bobby needed,” Ennis said. His lips were very close to Jack’s ear. “I only been here a couple a hours, ‘n I can see that clear as day. ‘N if it turns out this kid ain’t yours, well, I know you. You ain’t gonna just leave her alone to deal with it.” He sat down next to Jack and slipped an arm around his back.
Jack sat very still, not trusting himself to speak just yet. To hear Ennis articulate the very thoughts so lately on his mind seemed like a miracle. It was going to be hard enough dealing with Lureen through this, especially given what he was planning to tell her about him and Ennis. But to know that Ennis wasn’t going to give him any problems on top of that-well, it was about the greatest gift he could have received, and he was grateful.
Ennis rubbed his hand up and down Jack’s back a few times. “You tired?” he asked. “Need to go to bed?”
Jack grinned; he couldn’t help it. “Well, my wife’s sleepin’ in our bed. Somehow I don’t think she’d be too thrilled if I climbed in next to her right now. ‘N we can forget ‘bout the guest room-Lureen’s got her daddy’s account books all set up in there. It’d cost more’n my life’s worth to disturb them.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Guess you could always try bunkin’ on the floor a Bobby’s room, if you don’t mind baby squeaks ‘n farts. Myself, friend, I’m thinkin’ the couch seems like the best option right now.”
“Think there’s room on there for me too?”
“Don’t see why not. It’s a big one, ‘n I don’t need to be too far away from you, if you get my meanin’.” Jack winked at Ennis, before bending over to slide his boots off.
Ennis copied him, then unbuckled his belt and slid it out of the loops. “Can’t sleep with the damn thing on,” he offered as explanation, seeing Jack’s raised eyebrow. “Not thinkin’ . . . a doin’ nothin’, not with Lureen ‘n Bobby right upstairs.”
Jack smiled at him, stretching out on the couch and pulling the afghan over himself. “C’mere, Ennis,” he said. “Kinda chilly in here. Think I might need some help stayin’ warm.”
Ennis lay down on the couch on his side, his back pressed up against Jack’s front. Jack slid an arm around his waist, nuzzled his nose against Ennis’s neck, and draped the afghan over them both. “This is nice,” Ennis said after a minute.
“Yeah,” Jack said, his eyes closed. “Real nice.”
“Sure’s hell never thought I’d be sleepin’ in your livin’ room in Texas, but if it’s gotta happen, this is the way to go.” Ennis shifted slightly, feeling Jack’s groin hard and hot against his ass. He pushed back against him, enjoying the way Jack inhaled sharply and tightened the arm around his waist. Jack’s hand smoothed up and down his torso a few times, then tugged on his shirt to pull it out of the waistband of his jeans. “Hey there,” Ennis said, without any real heat in his voice. “Better not start anythin’ you can’t finish.”
“Jus wanna touch you a little, that’s all,” Jack said, his voice muffled against Ennis’s neck. “Can’t get to sleep without feelin’ you right next to me.” He slid his hand under Ennis’s shirt and stroked his belly softly before running his hand up to tweak his nipples, first one and then the other.
Ennis twisted within Jack’s embrace, arching his back against the fire banked between his legs. Jack’s hand trembled a little against his chest before sliding back down and coming to rest again, cupped firmly against his belly. Ennis closed his eyes, preparing to settle into sleep, but then Jack moved his head forward, nipping at the back of his neck and licking the tender area just beneath his ear. Ennis could no longer resist; he turned over to face Jack, sliding his arms around his back and bringing their mouths together.
Jack sighed into Ennis’s mouth, drawing his tongue along Ennis’s and pressing his hands to the sides of Ennis’s face. “Jus can’t keep my hands off you, cowboy,” he murmured.
Ennis held the back of Jack’s head with one hand and used the other to work on the buttons of his shirt. Once Jack’s chest was bare, Ennis ran his hand across it, tracing circles around the hard pebbles of his nipples, listening to the gasps and hitches of his breathing. He moved his hand lower, feeling Jack’s stomach rising and falling against his hand, seeking out the warmth that only Jack could give him. Fumbling for a moment with Jack’s zipper, he chuckled low in his throat.
“What’s so funny?” Jack asked, the words seeming to catch in his heaving chest. “You got somethin’ there tickles your funnybone?”
“No, it’s jus . . . here we are, makin’ out on the couch like a couple a teenagers. Can’t keep my hands to myself to save my life.” He kissed Jack’s cheek, then slid his mouth along Jack’s jaw line so he could suck on his neck in the way that he knew drove Jack wild. His hand found its way into Jack’s jeans and closed over the hardness waiting there.
Jack groaned softly, angling his hips to allow Ennis’s hand more room. His own hand glided lower, unsnapped and unzipped, and drew Ennis’s cock out into the space between them. They moved together, rocking as one on the narrow shelf of the couch, breathing along one another’s skin and releasing a half-choked chorus of moans and grunts until pleasure overtook them, and they both shot out into the warm and scratchy darkness.
“Whoa,” Jack breathed a few minutes later. “Can’t say I ever did that before in this room.” He leaned in and kissed Ennis’s forehead. “Hold on here, lemme grab a tissue.” Propping himself up on one arm, he reached over Ennis to grope around on the coffee table.
Ennis smiled. “Like I said, couple a teenagers, can’t be trusted to sit in the livin’ room without some kinda chaperone.”
Soon, curled around each other under the afghan, they let sleep take them. Tomorrow would bring its own set of problems and discontents. Let those obstacles trouble later waters; tonight was for being alone. Alone with each other, isolated from the world outside and even upstairs, alone in a guarded pocket of nighttime reverie.
~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed like only a short time later when Ennis awoke with a start and realized Jack was no longer beside him. He sat up, rubbing at his eyes, feeling groggy and disoriented. Was it morning already? If so, he’d better get himself put back together. He had to take care of Bobby today and do his best to make peace with Lureen, a woman who was not only ill and carrying another man’s child but also about to learn the truth about her handsome but evasive husband’s heart. It would not be an easy day for any of them.
Just as Ennis finished buckling his belt, wondering where on earth he had left his hat, Jack came bounding back down the stairs. His eyes were wild and his hair rumpled, sticking straight up on one side. “Ennis!” he said. “I need your help right away. Can you get Bobby up ‘n take him with you in your truck?”
“A course,” Ennis replied, looking at him closely. “You got an appointment with the doc this early?”
“Early? Hell, you got no idea what time it is, do you? It’s four a.m.” Jack ran his hands through his hair. “I was sleepin’, thought I heard somethin’ from upstairs. Went up to check on Lureen ‘n found her lyin’ on the bathroom floor.” He shook his head and put a hand over his eyes. “Somethin’s wrong, Ennis, real wrong. I’m takin’ her to the emergency room at St. John’s. Know where that is? Damn, course you don’t. It’s over on 19th Street, near the entrance to the highway-remember we drove past there when we got off yesterday?”
“Think I can find it.” Ennis’s chest felt tight. It was difficult to breathe. “Yeah, you go ahead. Me ‘n Bobby’ll meet you over there, OK?”
Jack nodded, apparently unable to speak. He was leaning over, hands braced on his thighs, and Ennis was uncomfortably reminded of their bitter parting in Riverton.
“Bud,” Ennis said. “It’s gonna be all right. Doctors can fix jus ‘bout anythin’ these days. You jus take care a Lureen, ‘n . . . well, I’ll do what I can too.” He looked at Jack, not liking the sudden whiteness of his cheeks or the way his hands had begun shaking. “To take care a you, I mean. You don’t gotta worry ‘bout nothin’. I’ll be here.”
Jack straightened and gave him a wan smile. “Thanks, Ennis. It’s true . . . ain’t got the first clue what I’d do if you hadn’t come with me.” He dug in his pocket and found his keys. “Can you get my truck warmed up? I’m gonna hafta get her dressed and carry her out.”
Ennis nodded, and caught the keys when Jack tossed them to him. He started both trucks, Jack’s in the driveway and his own pulled up to the curb in front, then went back inside to scoop Bobby out of the warm nest of blankets in his crib. He barely stirred in his sleep, just whimpered a little in Ennis’s arms before settling again in the car seat Ennis had secured in the passenger’s seat.
Ennis stood at the open door of his truck, watching while Jack brought Lureen out and kicked the front door shut. He lay her down across the seat and stood looking down for a moment, then looked out the back window and caught sight of Ennis. Jack raised his hand briefly, and then they were both starting their engines, turning toward the next fork in the road of their lives. At least this time they were traveling this way together.
Rating: R/NC-17
Credit: Annie Proulx and Diana Ossana & Larry McMurtry. Thanks also to all the many incredibly talented writers out there who inspired me to finally write something myself-Madlori, Jenna, montana-crows, Cathalin, midwest-girl, debutante9, maidenofthesea, marakeshsparrow, louisev, amtamburo, midget-size, testa-dura, and many others. Finally, thank you very very much to Christine, my friend and beta and fellow ennisjack aficionado.
Feedback: Any and all appreciated, at my lj or at shieldmaid@gmail.com.
Chapter Fourteen: Taking Care
Ennis stood just outside the closed door, trying not to breathe so he could hear the faint voices within. Jack had been in the bedroom with Lureen for nearly an hour now and seemed no closer to a resolution. Ennis doubted they had even come around yet to discussing his own presence in the house, in spite of the fact that he had been entrusted with Bobby’s care for “however long this fuckeroo’s gonna take”-Jack’s words.
As soon as Jack had realized Bobby had been left to his own devices, he had taken him from Ennis’s arms and walked into the kitchen. Ennis had followed, a little hesitantly, and found Jack leaning against the sink, his shoulders shaking and Bobby cradled on his hip.
While Ennis watched, Jack pressed his nose into the soft black down on Bobby’s head and closed his eyes. “Buddy,” he said, in a calm, tender voice completely new to Ennis’s ears. “I’m sorry, buddy, I’m sorry. Where’s Mama, do you know? Where’s Mama?” He kissed Bobby’s head and drew back a little to look in his face. He must have seen something there that hurt him, because his face crumpled suddenly.
Ennis found himself with his arm around Jack’s broad shoulders almost before he realized that his feet were moving. Jack was breathing hard, his chest hitching, tears shining on his cheeks. Bobby, however, was smiling. He looked up at Ennis and laughed. “Dah!” he said.
“Yeah,” Ennis said, his vision blurring in spite of himself. “Daddy’s back.” He held Jack for a few minutes, rubbing his back and murmuring softly, until Jack seemed to get a hold of himself.
“Thanks, Ennis,” Jack said at last, sniffing. “Can’t tell you how glad I am you came with me after all. Would you . . . would you mind lookin’ after Bobby for a little while? Till I can find out what the hell’s goin’ on with Lureen? I’m guessin’ she’s in bed; she was real sick for a while when she was pregnant with Bobby. What I don’t get is why the hell she’d just leave him alone here like this.”
Ennis had fed Bobby some chicken and some peaches in the kitchen-the sight of the tiny glass baby-food jars twisting a knife in his gut as he thought of his own girls-and played with him on the living room floor until Bobby showed signs of needing a nap. Once he had fallen asleep in Ennis’s arms, Ennis had crept up to the second floor and positioned himself outside the bedroom door.
“. . . can’t imagine how he didn’t hurt himself!” Ennis heard now. Jack sounded frustrated and tired. “Musta crawled all the way down them damn stairs, through the livin’ room, ‘n into the kitchen. Not all the sockets’re covered, you know, never did get around to it. Anythin’ coulda happened.”
A low murmur in reply, and Jack’s voice came again, quieter this time. “I know, honey, ‘n I’m sorry you’re feelin’ bad. Wish you hadn’t let it go so long before callin’ me.”
Bobby shifted a little in Ennis’s arms, sighing in his sleep, and Ennis realized with a jolt that he was listening in on a private conversation between a husband and a wife. Jack might love him and not Lureen, but he was still married to her, and Ennis knew that his strong sense of duty and family responsibility would compel him to stay here until the situation was resolved in the best possible manner. He, Ennis, had no business listening in like a child at the keyhole. Best to take himself back downstairs and stay out of it.
Ennis settled Bobby on the couch and covered him with an afghan, then sat beside him with his arms crossed and one leg jiggling nervously. He was wishing for a cigarette but knew his last pack had gotten ruined up on the mountain and of course Jack had quit. He leaned back and closed his eyes, hoping for a nap but doubting that sleep would reach him in this unexpected and unsettling situation. With his mouth clamped shut, he breathed slowly in and out, in and out, trying to trick his body into relaxing. He decided that under no circumstances whatsoever would he go searching through kitchen drawers looking for Lureen’s smokes like some kind of addict. After a time, though, his lips parted slightly and his arms slid down into his lap, the tension smoothing gradually out of his muscles.
A crash from upstairs jerked Ennis out of the light sleep he’d finally achieved, and he sat up, looking toward the stairs, his heart pounding. Heavy footsteps started, got louder until they sounded as though they were directly overhead, stopped, and moved away again. After a minute or two, the bedroom door opened. Ennis could see a thin slice of weak yellow light lying across the carpeted hallway. Jack stepped out, shut the door carefully behind him, and just stood there for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Then he straightened up, gave Ennis a little wave, and took the stairs down two at a time.
“Well, can’t say that was the best hour I ever spent,” Jack said, coming around to perch on the arm of the couch next to Ennis. He sighed, looking more tired than Ennis had ever seen him before. “She’s real sick, yeah, jus’ like last time. Didn’t wanna call her parents for help, didn’t wanna deal with them askin’ where I am, all that stuff. Thought she could handle it but she ain’t been able to hold nothin’ down ‘n she’s feelin’ real weak. That’s why she called me last night.”
Ennis reached out and found Jack’s hand. He took it into both of his, rubbing his thumbs into Jack’s palm and trying to restore some life into the cold, tense flesh. “There anythin’ the doctor can do about it?” he asked.
“That’s what I been thinkin’, need to get her to a doctor ‘n see if they can give her somethin’ so she can eat a little, at least. Last time this didn’t last too long, a couple a weeks it seems like, but she says it’s been more’n two weeks already.” Jack shook his head.
“She never said nothin’ on the phone before?”
“No, though a couple a times I had to call more’n once to get through.” Jack paused, his tongue at the corner of his mouth. “How’d she look when you was here?”
Ennis thought for a moment. “Tired, I guess. All the lights was off when she opened the door, but she had her clothes on-jeans, I mean, not a nightgown or nothin’. She was holdin’ Bobby ‘n playin’ with him while we was talkin’.” He put a hand on Jack’s thigh and squeezed briefly. “Didn’t think nothin’ was wrong ‘cept, well, her husband wasn’t here ‘n she was missin’ him.”
“God, Ennis,” Jack said, covering Ennis’s hand with his own and closing his eyes. “I feel like such a shitheel. How’d I not know this was goin’ on? I only been up there a few weeks. Shouldn’t I a noticed somethin’, ‘fore I left?”
“Sounds like you had some other stuff on your mind,” Ennis replied. He gently disentangled his hand from Jack’s and wrapped an arm around his shoulders instead. “If you’re lookin’ to blame someone, Jack, really it oughta be me. I’m the one couldn’t figure out what you was offerin’ me. I’m the one nearly killed you, bein’ afraid a what might happen if we was to be together.” He gritted his teeth, holding back the pressure in his throat that was threatening to choke him.
“Hey!” Jack pulled away and came around to sit on the coffee table in front of Ennis. “Don’t you ever say nothin’ like that. You’re the person saved my life. Probably still be gettin’ dumped on my ass by bulls every Saturday night if it wasn’t for you. Or gettin’ my skull split by rodeo clowns in bars. Jus’ . . . jus’ kept hearin’ you say how rodeo cowboys is all fuckups, ‘n knew I hadta do somethin’ better while I still had breath in me to try.” He grinned suddenly. “Not that sellin’ farm machinery for a mean old fatass is really what I had in mind, but at least it got me a way to get back to you.”
Ennis put a hand on the back of Jack’s neck, rubbed at the tendons for a moment or two, then brought his head in for a kiss. He wasn’t used to being near Jack for so long without any sort of physical contact, and his skin was hurting without Jack’s particular warmth and texture. Their lips met, and Ennis could feel Jack relax into his arms. Lureen and the difficulties they would still have to face suddenly seemed very far away.
Ennis had just begun to part his legs, shifting against the sudden tightness of his jeans, when a burble from the couch next to him interrupted the slow progress of Jack’s hand up his thigh. They both looked over to see Bobby screwing small fists into his eyes and yawning hugely. Ennis had to laugh. “Looks just like his daddy when he wakes up.”
Jack smiled and reached over to pick Bobby up. “‘N he likes sleepin’ jus as much as Daddy too.” He smoothed Bobby’s rumpled hair and set him on his knee. “Hey, guy, feelin’ sleepy? Have a good nap?”
Bobby responded by burping, looking comically surprised at the noise coming out of his own mouth, and yawning again. His cheek was red where he had been lying against the couch cushions. His eyes closed, and he nestled against Jack.
“He needs to go to bed,” Jack said, standing up and holding Bobby against his chest. “Way past his bedtime. I told Lureen I’d take care of him, that you ‘n me could handle the situation ourselves for now.”
“So you told her I’m here?” Ennis felt nervous immediately, though he’d already been in the house for a good chunk of time.
“Yeah . . . didn’t go over so well as I’d’ve hoped.” Jack sighed and looked down at his sleeping son. “When she found out you was up there with me these last few days she wanted to know why I wasn’t spendin’ my ‘vacation time’ with my family instead. Threw a lamp at me, actually. Didja hear that crash?”
“Yeah.” Ennis tried not to think of Alma’s likely reaction when he had the same conversation with her, but it was difficult. He wouldn’t be able to avoid it for much longer. He rubbed his forehead. “Gonna take her to the doctor, you think?”
“That’s the plan. Told her I was takin’ her tomorrow whether she likes it or not, ‘n you was gonna be watchin’ Bobby ‘less she wants me to call up L. D. ‘n tell him what’s goin’ on.” Jack shifted Bobby onto his hip and kissed the top of his head. “I’d better get him in bed, ‘n then we can talk ‘bout this whole mess a little more.”
Upstairs, Jack settled Bobby into his crib and stood looking down at him. How had he been able to miss this time for the past three weeks? Bobby turned his head and made a small sound, halfway between a word and a sigh. His mouth was slightly open, and Jack could see his wet pink tongue. He pulled the quilt up to cover his son and contented himself with one last caress of Bobby’s smooth cheek before he left the room.
Before he could allow himself to jump back down the stairs and onto the man waiting for him on the couch, Jack knew he should check on Lureen. He pushed open the bedroom door and stuck his head inside, listening. The room was dark and silent and too warm; Lureen had set up a space heater near the window, claiming she’d been feeling cold for days. He didn’t hear anything except Lureen’s deep breathing, so he started to withdraw, then stopped when a plaintive whisper came out of the dark.
“Jack?”
“Yeah, honey? Can I get you somethin’?”
“Could you just come ‘n sit with me for a little while?” Lureen shifted and pushed herself up against her pillows. “How’s Bobby? You ‘n . . . your friend get him off to sleep OK?”
Jack came into the room, pushing the door all the way open behind him in case Ennis got worried about what might be going on in here. He sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Lureen’s arm. “He’s fine. So tired, he practically put himself to bed. You feelin’ any better?”
“Yeah . . . I had some a that soup you brought in here before, think that was a good idea.” She sighed and pushed the hair that had fallen, damp and heavy, across her face. “Remember this was how it was with Bobby, too. Felt like shit for a couple a weeks, seemed like a year, but then everythin’ was OK again. Till I started gettin’ big as a house, that is.”
Jack squeezed her arm gently, then took his hand back and let it rest in his own lap. Lureen had closed her eyes again and was lying back, looking relaxed. This probably wasn’t the best time to raise what was on his mind, but he was damned if he could think of a time that would be better. “Lureen? Hon?”
“Hmm?”
“I was just wonderin’ . . . when you first realized that you were, well, expectin’ again.” Jack cleared his throat. “You never said nothin’ ‘fore I left home, ‘n it’s been a good three weeks since then. Not to mention . . . I know I ain’t exactly been the best husband in attendin’ to certain of your needs. Personal ones, I mean.” His cheeks felt hot, and he was glad the light wasn’t on.
Lureen said nothing for a minute or two, and Jack thought maybe she was asleep. It pained him to think of having to drag these words out into the open again, but he’d do whatever he needed to, and maybe it’d be a little easier the second time. Then he heard a distinct sniff, and he realized she was crying. “Babe,” he said softly. “Don’t cry. We can figure it out. I’m here now, ‘n I ain’t gonna leave you ‘n Bobby alone.” Please, Ennis, he thought, forgive me. I jus need a little time to get things straightened out.
“It’s all my fault,” she wept, barely able to get the words out. “If I hadn’t . . . kept talkin’ to Patrick . . . jus got so lonely after you left. Before, even. Know I told you . . . wouldn’t see him no more . . . but I . . . needed someone.” She wiped one hand across her face and hiccupped. “You know what I mean?”
“Aw, honey,” Jack said, feeling only all too familiar with the pain he saw in her eyes. “I sure do. So sorry I ain’t been what you needed.”
“But maybe you was what I needed, Jack!” Lureen sounded frustrated now. She coughed once, trying to pull herself back together. “You was, but I was never what you needed. Don’t you think I saw that? All them nights I tried to reach out ‘cross this big ol’ bed, tried to touch you. I knew you wasn’t asleep. Jus fakin’, so’s you didn’t hafta pretend somethin’ you didn’t feel.”
Jack looked down at his hands, clenched in his lap. He couldn’t speak.
“What is it, Jack? What do you really need?”
Jack cleared his throat. “I need to know, Lureen. Was you . . . sleepin’ with Patrick? This his baby you’re carryin’?”
Lureen laughed suddenly, a high and wild sound that cut sharply through the heavy air of the bedroom. Jack thought he heard movement from the floor below, a rustle on the stairs, but he couldn’t be sure. “That matter to you, Jack? You find out it’s his kid, you gonna leave me ‘n Bobby high ‘n dry again?”
“No, Lureen, I ain’t gonna leave you like that. Not till we find out what’s best to do. For all a us.” Jack leaned forward until his forearms were propped on his thighs. “Jus give it some time. It’s gonna be OK.”
“No, Jack, I don’t think it’s gonna be all right. Not this time.” Lureen turned onto her side, away from Jack. “I’d better get some sleep now, gotta get up early with Bobby in the mornin’.”
Jack stood up slowly. He looked down at her still form for a moment, then decided they weren’t going to accomplish anything else this night. He left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Ennis was standing at the front window looking out when Jack found him. He had his hands jammed into his jeans pockets, and Jack knew he was wishing for a cigarette. “Ennis,” he said, stopping about five feet away. “You OK?”
Ennis turned to look at him, offered a small smile. “Yeah,” he said. “You? You was up there quite a while.”
Jack felt exhausted, unable to imagine how he’d begin to answer this question. He sat down heavily on the coffee table and stared at the floor. “Lureen ‘n me . . . shoulda talked ‘bout this stuff a long time ago. I knew she was seein’ another guy, but she said nothin’ really happened. Believed her, even though it felt wrong, cause I jus couldn’t deal with her ‘n the whole . . . situation no more.”
“What’re you sayin’, Jack?” Ennis was looking at him keenly, arms crossed over his chest.
“I been wantin’ to . . . tell her. For all these months.” Jack shook his head.
“‘Bout what? You ‘n me?”
“Yeah, though . . . ‘bout broke my heart to think a it. Thought I wasn’t never gonna see you again, after that last time. But I thought it’d show how I-that it ain’t jus her. I ain’t interested in bein’ with her, or with any woman.” Jack looked up at Ennis. His face was shadowed, his back to the moonlight shining in the front window, his expression impossible to read. “You always been the one I wanted, ever since that first day in front a Aguirre’s trailer. Got married cause it seemed the thing to do, ‘n like I said, it put an end to my starvin’ days. But I always had a hard time, bein’ the kind a man Lureen wanted. I know I wasn’t never really there, not as a friend, not as a part a her daddy’s business, not as a part a the family . . . not in the sack, neither. Don’t hardly blame her for cheatin’, seein’s how I had my eye turned elsewhere ‘fore we ever met.” He put his face in his hands for a moment, gathering the strength he needed to finish the conversation, but before he could raise his head again, he felt Ennis’s hand on his shoulder.
“You been the father that Bobby needed,” Ennis said. His lips were very close to Jack’s ear. “I only been here a couple a hours, ‘n I can see that clear as day. ‘N if it turns out this kid ain’t yours, well, I know you. You ain’t gonna just leave her alone to deal with it.” He sat down next to Jack and slipped an arm around his back.
Jack sat very still, not trusting himself to speak just yet. To hear Ennis articulate the very thoughts so lately on his mind seemed like a miracle. It was going to be hard enough dealing with Lureen through this, especially given what he was planning to tell her about him and Ennis. But to know that Ennis wasn’t going to give him any problems on top of that-well, it was about the greatest gift he could have received, and he was grateful.
Ennis rubbed his hand up and down Jack’s back a few times. “You tired?” he asked. “Need to go to bed?”
Jack grinned; he couldn’t help it. “Well, my wife’s sleepin’ in our bed. Somehow I don’t think she’d be too thrilled if I climbed in next to her right now. ‘N we can forget ‘bout the guest room-Lureen’s got her daddy’s account books all set up in there. It’d cost more’n my life’s worth to disturb them.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Guess you could always try bunkin’ on the floor a Bobby’s room, if you don’t mind baby squeaks ‘n farts. Myself, friend, I’m thinkin’ the couch seems like the best option right now.”
“Think there’s room on there for me too?”
“Don’t see why not. It’s a big one, ‘n I don’t need to be too far away from you, if you get my meanin’.” Jack winked at Ennis, before bending over to slide his boots off.
Ennis copied him, then unbuckled his belt and slid it out of the loops. “Can’t sleep with the damn thing on,” he offered as explanation, seeing Jack’s raised eyebrow. “Not thinkin’ . . . a doin’ nothin’, not with Lureen ‘n Bobby right upstairs.”
Jack smiled at him, stretching out on the couch and pulling the afghan over himself. “C’mere, Ennis,” he said. “Kinda chilly in here. Think I might need some help stayin’ warm.”
Ennis lay down on the couch on his side, his back pressed up against Jack’s front. Jack slid an arm around his waist, nuzzled his nose against Ennis’s neck, and draped the afghan over them both. “This is nice,” Ennis said after a minute.
“Yeah,” Jack said, his eyes closed. “Real nice.”
“Sure’s hell never thought I’d be sleepin’ in your livin’ room in Texas, but if it’s gotta happen, this is the way to go.” Ennis shifted slightly, feeling Jack’s groin hard and hot against his ass. He pushed back against him, enjoying the way Jack inhaled sharply and tightened the arm around his waist. Jack’s hand smoothed up and down his torso a few times, then tugged on his shirt to pull it out of the waistband of his jeans. “Hey there,” Ennis said, without any real heat in his voice. “Better not start anythin’ you can’t finish.”
“Jus wanna touch you a little, that’s all,” Jack said, his voice muffled against Ennis’s neck. “Can’t get to sleep without feelin’ you right next to me.” He slid his hand under Ennis’s shirt and stroked his belly softly before running his hand up to tweak his nipples, first one and then the other.
Ennis twisted within Jack’s embrace, arching his back against the fire banked between his legs. Jack’s hand trembled a little against his chest before sliding back down and coming to rest again, cupped firmly against his belly. Ennis closed his eyes, preparing to settle into sleep, but then Jack moved his head forward, nipping at the back of his neck and licking the tender area just beneath his ear. Ennis could no longer resist; he turned over to face Jack, sliding his arms around his back and bringing their mouths together.
Jack sighed into Ennis’s mouth, drawing his tongue along Ennis’s and pressing his hands to the sides of Ennis’s face. “Jus can’t keep my hands off you, cowboy,” he murmured.
Ennis held the back of Jack’s head with one hand and used the other to work on the buttons of his shirt. Once Jack’s chest was bare, Ennis ran his hand across it, tracing circles around the hard pebbles of his nipples, listening to the gasps and hitches of his breathing. He moved his hand lower, feeling Jack’s stomach rising and falling against his hand, seeking out the warmth that only Jack could give him. Fumbling for a moment with Jack’s zipper, he chuckled low in his throat.
“What’s so funny?” Jack asked, the words seeming to catch in his heaving chest. “You got somethin’ there tickles your funnybone?”
“No, it’s jus . . . here we are, makin’ out on the couch like a couple a teenagers. Can’t keep my hands to myself to save my life.” He kissed Jack’s cheek, then slid his mouth along Jack’s jaw line so he could suck on his neck in the way that he knew drove Jack wild. His hand found its way into Jack’s jeans and closed over the hardness waiting there.
Jack groaned softly, angling his hips to allow Ennis’s hand more room. His own hand glided lower, unsnapped and unzipped, and drew Ennis’s cock out into the space between them. They moved together, rocking as one on the narrow shelf of the couch, breathing along one another’s skin and releasing a half-choked chorus of moans and grunts until pleasure overtook them, and they both shot out into the warm and scratchy darkness.
“Whoa,” Jack breathed a few minutes later. “Can’t say I ever did that before in this room.” He leaned in and kissed Ennis’s forehead. “Hold on here, lemme grab a tissue.” Propping himself up on one arm, he reached over Ennis to grope around on the coffee table.
Ennis smiled. “Like I said, couple a teenagers, can’t be trusted to sit in the livin’ room without some kinda chaperone.”
Soon, curled around each other under the afghan, they let sleep take them. Tomorrow would bring its own set of problems and discontents. Let those obstacles trouble later waters; tonight was for being alone. Alone with each other, isolated from the world outside and even upstairs, alone in a guarded pocket of nighttime reverie.
~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed like only a short time later when Ennis awoke with a start and realized Jack was no longer beside him. He sat up, rubbing at his eyes, feeling groggy and disoriented. Was it morning already? If so, he’d better get himself put back together. He had to take care of Bobby today and do his best to make peace with Lureen, a woman who was not only ill and carrying another man’s child but also about to learn the truth about her handsome but evasive husband’s heart. It would not be an easy day for any of them.
Just as Ennis finished buckling his belt, wondering where on earth he had left his hat, Jack came bounding back down the stairs. His eyes were wild and his hair rumpled, sticking straight up on one side. “Ennis!” he said. “I need your help right away. Can you get Bobby up ‘n take him with you in your truck?”
“A course,” Ennis replied, looking at him closely. “You got an appointment with the doc this early?”
“Early? Hell, you got no idea what time it is, do you? It’s four a.m.” Jack ran his hands through his hair. “I was sleepin’, thought I heard somethin’ from upstairs. Went up to check on Lureen ‘n found her lyin’ on the bathroom floor.” He shook his head and put a hand over his eyes. “Somethin’s wrong, Ennis, real wrong. I’m takin’ her to the emergency room at St. John’s. Know where that is? Damn, course you don’t. It’s over on 19th Street, near the entrance to the highway-remember we drove past there when we got off yesterday?”
“Think I can find it.” Ennis’s chest felt tight. It was difficult to breathe. “Yeah, you go ahead. Me ‘n Bobby’ll meet you over there, OK?”
Jack nodded, apparently unable to speak. He was leaning over, hands braced on his thighs, and Ennis was uncomfortably reminded of their bitter parting in Riverton.
“Bud,” Ennis said. “It’s gonna be all right. Doctors can fix jus ‘bout anythin’ these days. You jus take care a Lureen, ‘n . . . well, I’ll do what I can too.” He looked at Jack, not liking the sudden whiteness of his cheeks or the way his hands had begun shaking. “To take care a you, I mean. You don’t gotta worry ‘bout nothin’. I’ll be here.”
Jack straightened and gave him a wan smile. “Thanks, Ennis. It’s true . . . ain’t got the first clue what I’d do if you hadn’t come with me.” He dug in his pocket and found his keys. “Can you get my truck warmed up? I’m gonna hafta get her dressed and carry her out.”
Ennis nodded, and caught the keys when Jack tossed them to him. He started both trucks, Jack’s in the driveway and his own pulled up to the curb in front, then went back inside to scoop Bobby out of the warm nest of blankets in his crib. He barely stirred in his sleep, just whimpered a little in Ennis’s arms before settling again in the car seat Ennis had secured in the passenger’s seat.
Ennis stood at the open door of his truck, watching while Jack brought Lureen out and kicked the front door shut. He lay her down across the seat and stood looking down for a moment, then looked out the back window and caught sight of Ennis. Jack raised his hand briefly, and then they were both starting their engines, turning toward the next fork in the road of their lives. At least this time they were traveling this way together.