I Have a Confession.
If not to you then at least I owe myself an explanation.
So, as of late I've had a tendency to...push people away. Whether I was doing it indirectly, by simply always being standoffish to you, or whether I was telling you flat out that you shouldn't talk to me anymore 'for your own good' or whatever self-destructive reason I was spouting off at the time, I was still defriending you all the same.
Let me now say that if there was ever a time for the "it's not you it's me" speech, it is now. It really isn't you. I don't actually enjoy pushing you away. In fact, it makes me all the sadder that we can't talk anymore. I miss you, despite what I might say if you were to ask.
But if you did ask, I probably dismissed it or threw it in your face. I did this because I don't think that I deserve you. I dislike myself too much, and it has made me become increasingly bitter, self-loathing, and selfish. I guess in some very misguided way, I decided to do you a favor and just cash in and let you go free. Free of my constant state of negativity. Free of my few quirks that kept you hanging in there.
As far as I know, those quirks are slowly depleting. Maybe I thought if I just ended it now, that you would just hate me, but at least that if you hated me, you would remember me. If you simply got bored and grew out of me, I would forever be a fading memory.
I'm still not so sure that you should waste your time with me. I only do out of binding obligation. But if you are still here, for whatever the reason, I won't try to be an asshole that drives you away. I won't directly tell you to leave me alone. I won't make you hate me on purpose. I'll just let you get bored on your own, so that you are free let me be a faded memory, and not be tricked into forever remembering.
I just remembered one last and mostly unrelated thing: why is it that anytime I think of something that I feel I need to write down, I'm usually driving away from my home, giving me ample time to forget by the time I'm finally home?
So, as of late I've had a tendency to...push people away. Whether I was doing it indirectly, by simply always being standoffish to you, or whether I was telling you flat out that you shouldn't talk to me anymore 'for your own good' or whatever self-destructive reason I was spouting off at the time, I was still defriending you all the same.
Let me now say that if there was ever a time for the "it's not you it's me" speech, it is now. It really isn't you. I don't actually enjoy pushing you away. In fact, it makes me all the sadder that we can't talk anymore. I miss you, despite what I might say if you were to ask.
But if you did ask, I probably dismissed it or threw it in your face. I did this because I don't think that I deserve you. I dislike myself too much, and it has made me become increasingly bitter, self-loathing, and selfish. I guess in some very misguided way, I decided to do you a favor and just cash in and let you go free. Free of my constant state of negativity. Free of my few quirks that kept you hanging in there.
As far as I know, those quirks are slowly depleting. Maybe I thought if I just ended it now, that you would just hate me, but at least that if you hated me, you would remember me. If you simply got bored and grew out of me, I would forever be a fading memory.
I'm still not so sure that you should waste your time with me. I only do out of binding obligation. But if you are still here, for whatever the reason, I won't try to be an asshole that drives you away. I won't directly tell you to leave me alone. I won't make you hate me on purpose. I'll just let you get bored on your own, so that you are free let me be a faded memory, and not be tricked into forever remembering.
I just remembered one last and mostly unrelated thing: why is it that anytime I think of something that I feel I need to write down, I'm usually driving away from my home, giving me ample time to forget by the time I'm finally home?