(no subject)
So I am slowly but surely working Eli out of my life. It took me this damn long to realize that he is not healthy for me or my son. So I am focusing on the realization that it is just going to be me and Ashton for a little while. I don't think I want a serious relationship right now....maybe I just need a friend with benefits. Yes. I think that's what I need. It seems like everytime Eli and I aren't together, I reek of some single hormone...because guys start talking to me all the time, more than when I was with him. There is this guy, named KO(who I was kind of seeing when Eli and I split the first time) and he's a great guy. KO is his nick-name..it's actually TKO ("technical knockout") from when he use to be a boxer, his real name is Trevor (he's italian!) He just turned 27 Wednesday. I went out with him a couple times, and he is SO sweet. He calls me on the phone and leaves me the sweetest voicemails. I work with his sister, and somehow it came up that I should meet him. He is going through a divorce and has full custody of his 9 month old son, Dalton. (Who is SO cute!) Well I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore back in feb. because eli and I were going to *work shit out*. His feelings seemed a little hurt, but he expected it I suppose. Well now I am wondering if that was such a good idea. I talked to him today, and he was like "Jessica, I really like you and I know it's rough when you first break up with someone. I've been seperated for almost nine months. It hurts for a little while. But you have to ask yourself, does it hurt worse to be with him or to be without him?" And that made me think. I hurt worse when I was with him. I miss him when he's gone, but the shit that he puts me through when I am with him is so not worth it. We barely even tolerate each other. And I know I was just holding on because of how in love with him I use to be. I thought that love didn't just disappear. But it did. I will always LOVE him...but I'm not in love with him. So KO called me on my cell phone about 20 minutes ago and I missed the call because I'm @ work and I was with a patient. It's 5 in the morning here. He's a med student and has been up all night cramming. He left a voicemail and said "I've been up all night studying for the test Monday, but I figured it was time to go to sleep since i have to get up with Dalton in a couple hours. So I layed in bed and tried to sleep, but all I could think of was you. I think it's worth giving us a chance. I won't hurt you like he did. You're not a rebound for me, I hope I'm not one for you. Anyway, your legs have got to be tired because you've been running around in my head for the last 2 hours! Ok sorry that was corny, but it's still true. Call me when you get this princess" ..... .... .... I could have melted. I guess after being talked to like a dog for so long, when you hear a sincere man say sweet (though goofy) things to you, it just melts ya like butter. So I'm going to call him back. I am tired of playing games with childish boys. Maybe he's my Mr. Right. (Whoa...let's not get ahead of ourself) I will call him anyway. I might go to his house and sleep tomorrow instead of going to mine. He has a really nice house, his son is only 9 months old and has the master bedroom...aww. That is SO something that I would do. We'll see....I hope this isn't just an attempt for me to make sure I'm over that dumb fuck. Because he's a really good guy, and I really need someone like him in my life. Or atleast I want someone like him in my life. And it doesn't hurt that he's so sexy that he makes my heart pound of my chest. Ha. That was so 9th grade.