we used to listen to each other...and that's why we got along. you don't listen anymore...and you can finish the rest.
and now i am by myself. and i can taste what he used to. i bite my tongue because i am jealous. i am tired. i wish he hadn't smashed that thing. i really liked it and that's a sad thing to say. i don't want to stop doing these things. i don't really think i should either. i don't really care anyhow. i haven't been feeling much but i don't think i'm doing so well.
you don't pay attention. i feel neglected.
you're different now and i feel like a burden.
i'm failing school. i had three f's last semester. i already have another year of high school added and that's not counting summer school, online classes, or night school. i hate that i did this to myself and i hate that i cannot seem to understand these subjects. school just isn't for me and i just can't seem to make it. i'm fucking trying. i don't want any help. i can't ask for any either. after all, this is my problem.
i'm really enjoying re-reading the perks of being a wallflower. i want to make a list of all the books that the main character has read/is reading and then i would like to read them. i see some similarities between him and myself, but i guess everyone that's ever read that book does too. i guess it's just one of those books. like catcher in the rye.
i want to spend valentines day with kristen, but my mom said no. i feel bad because i was grounded last valentines day as well and i wasn't able to spend it with her. i've never had a real valentine and i want her to be my first. and by-the-way, i know you're all looking out for me and whatnot, but i still like her and i can take in all your opinions and whatnot but they aren't going to change the way i feel about her. so when you get pissed off: keep it to yourself and get over it. the relationship between her and i have nothing to do with you. i am glad that you care though, but you have a terrible way of showing it.
i keep trying to mold myself into this better person and it isn't working. i'm also trying to be more like who i used to be and that isn't working out so well either. i've been thinking and i found out that i am not really myself. i have absorbed a little bit of everyone i know, all their idiosyncrasies and what have you and i display them every day through everything that i do. i guess i've always done this. there's nothing special about me.. i'm not even myself. this is too hard. i'm confused and i'm rambling.
i've wanted to be alone lately.
i've never ever wanted to be alone because i've always been scared to be.
i think i just need to be by myself.
maybe being grounded might be a good thing?
i sort of doubt it though because i can't think too well while i'm in my house.
fuck.
some advice: you don't fucking own everything.
i got a new screenname, again.