(no subject)
actually, everyone is pretty lonely when i think about it. i wish i could have spent time with taylor today but when i talked to him on the phone an hour ago, all he really told me was that he wastes my time and ruins my life. all i could say is "that's not true". i wanted to do something nice for him for his birthday, and i thought it would be fun to get friends over here and i would pick him up from school, you know the very standard surprise all of your friends are here type of thing, but then i remembered that we don't really have many friends anymore, and i wouldn't know what to do with everyone once we all said happy birthday when he walked in anyway. i wish i could be nicer to taylor and not make him so upset. i look forward to the summer and camping in caitlin's trailer with her (is that going to happen still?)and tennessee and midnight movies and having taylor secretly spend the night and going swimming and playing a show or two and probably getting drunk. yes, that's good enough. then college if i get accepted, god i won't know what to do with myself. ohyeha my mom bought me a new nikon manual camera for my graduation present, and it was really nice of her. i'm glad she didn't get me a laptop, i was so afraid of that. i just don't want a stupid laptop, more responsibility, more to feel crappy about. when i was taking a shower tonight i started to feel bad for "cheating" on jordan so frequently and without guilt, but then i remembered that i had broke up with him seven times and it wasn't until the third time that i started.