Misery loves my company
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what the hell I am even doing here. I left Regina running from the past, trying to get away from something, hoping that it would be different here. It's not. It's just the same. The same people, just different faces. Coming here has me lost, I don't where to go, what to do or even how to get there if I did. Is this all its going to be? Is this all that will become of me? Should I keep running? I've been running from people I love for a very long time at least I know why now. I don't want someone to love me, I don't want children to let down, I don't want a family to leave behind. I know what its like to be left behind. To lose the most influential person in your life. I've watched a strong women turn into something frail, scared and alone. I've watched her cry. I don't want to have that impact on anyone, I don't wish this sort of pain on anyone. I don't want it to be repeated. I want to die alone. After my kin, leaving no one hurt behind. This is the only thing that keeps me going. The only thing I seem to strive for. I don't want to be like my father. I do it in spite, for what he did to me, for leaving me with the burden of looking after her, with watching out for her, and for not leaving anyone to watch over me, for leaving me like he did, lost, alone, scared and with no one to turn to anymore. I don't want to be that person and I hope I never will.