sorting it all out/picking up the pieces?
well i woke up this morning, switched on my computer and found...a long email from nicole. your right, i cant start over and yes that pisses me off. i cant just extract myself from ym in a fingersnap. ive been thinking long and hard. should i just forget all about ttc and just go to uni? it doesnt even have to be overseas. shes right life isnt a video game, i cant restart and play again, or change my character and play it differently. instead of going what if i had...that i always seem to be doing, why arent i going so whats next? i want to change the game i wanna rip the cartridge out and put in a different one. its. not. going. to happen.
oh and thanks for the gruesome picture you depicted. moment of insanity was well and truly over seriously. i think id be too afraid to do anything that stupid. maybe it was a rant. i dunno.
when two worlds clash...work and home...how how how do i seperate them? its not things with my dad. iv handled my dad for the past 10 years and il continue to handle him. no matter how hurtful he is. its everything else.
and yes i havent been listening to the still small voice that seems to be miraculously on mute now, well compared to the other screaming, shouting voice. but how long can you go with it before you start believeing it?
im sorry, im so sorry for last night. it was thoughtless. i didnt mean to make you guys worry. everytime i thought i was calm enough to talk id start crying again.
i seem to always be at the brink. i never seem to be somewhere safe.
yes i didnt need the consolation. i needed the slap in the face, which was so effective. but iv made my decision. im not going to back out of it. not cause i think its cowardly to change your decision. it takes guts to do something like that. but no. this is something i need to do on my own.
i dont want to completely extract myself from ym cos its my life. not just part of my life. its been my life for 6 years. school and everything else was just things i had to do besides ym.
and yes i do know that my life will not be miraculously turned around by leaving ym, i just need to go it on my own.
nicole, i didnt delete, i didnt dare to. thanks.
oh and thanks for the gruesome picture you depicted. moment of insanity was well and truly over seriously. i think id be too afraid to do anything that stupid. maybe it was a rant. i dunno.
when two worlds clash...work and home...how how how do i seperate them? its not things with my dad. iv handled my dad for the past 10 years and il continue to handle him. no matter how hurtful he is. its everything else.
and yes i havent been listening to the still small voice that seems to be miraculously on mute now, well compared to the other screaming, shouting voice. but how long can you go with it before you start believeing it?
im sorry, im so sorry for last night. it was thoughtless. i didnt mean to make you guys worry. everytime i thought i was calm enough to talk id start crying again.
i seem to always be at the brink. i never seem to be somewhere safe.
yes i didnt need the consolation. i needed the slap in the face, which was so effective. but iv made my decision. im not going to back out of it. not cause i think its cowardly to change your decision. it takes guts to do something like that. but no. this is something i need to do on my own.
i dont want to completely extract myself from ym cos its my life. not just part of my life. its been my life for 6 years. school and everything else was just things i had to do besides ym.
and yes i do know that my life will not be miraculously turned around by leaving ym, i just need to go it on my own.
nicole, i didnt delete, i didnt dare to. thanks.