Prompt Post Part XXVIII
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IMPORTANT! Spoilers for aired episodes are now being allowed on this area of the meme, without warning. If you do not want to encounter spoilers, please prompt at our Spoiler-Free Prompt Post.
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IMPORTANT! Spoilers for aired episodes are now being allowed on this area of the meme, without warning. If you do not want to encounter spoilers, please prompt at our Spoiler-Free Prompt Post.
( Read more... )
You are John Watson. You are taking your best friend and now lover out on a date and wish to impress him and give him a good time. Where will you take him? Choose your options below but choose wisely.
A) Fancy Restaurant
B) Bart's Morgue
C) Crime Scene
D) A Planetarium
E) Anderson's Flat
Select: C) Crime scene
What type of crime has been committed?
A) Murder
B) Theft
C) Arson
D) Piracy
Select: A) Murder
Unfortunately, no murders have been recently committed.
A) Rectify this
B) Alright then (Return to date selection options)
C) Are you sure? What about a suicide that looks like a murder?
D) What the hell do you mean ‘rectify this’?!?
Select: D) What the hell do you mean ‘rectify this’?
For a nominal fee, we’re offering a Special Turn-Up Edition Secretly Moriarty All Along DLC. Would you like to unleash you inner criminal mastermind and kill someone just to capture Sherlock’s attention?
A) God, Yes
B) No
Select: B) No
Are you sure? Sim coders gotta get paid Watson.
A) Yes, I care enough about my best friend and now lover to spend a nominal fee to impress him.
B) Yes, I would hate for the coders and their families to die from exposure when they couldn’t afford their rent because no-one would buy their DLC.
C) Yes, as a man who is more than gifted in both intelligence and good looks, I see the opportunities that only this DLC can offer me.
D) No. I have learned nothing from my many battles with chip-and-pin machines. If I tried to pay for DLC I’d probably just end up setting myself on fire. (Return to date selection options)
Select: D) I’m not responsible enough to control my own finances anyway (Return to date selection options)
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A) Fancy Restaurant
B) Bart's Morgue
C) Crime Scene
D) A Planetarium
E) Anderson's Flat
Select: E) Anderson’s Flat
Are you sure?
A) No
B) Yes
Select: B) Yes
Fine. You take Sherlock to Anderson’s Flat. He is not aroused.
A) Start singing Barry White
B) Seduce him by committing arson
C) Explain how having sex on Anderson’s bed would be the Funniest Thing Ever
D) Say hello to Mrs. Anderson
E) Steal something
Select: E) Steal something
You’re sure you don’t want that DLC?
A) Yeah, okay, I’ll take it
B) I said no, damn it!
Select B) I’m going to keep being a prick
Whatever. You steal something. I hope you feel good about yourself. It’s not as though Anderson’s ever done anything to you. But I’m sure petty theft is the key to your flatmate’s heart. Congrats.
A) Call the authorities and turn yourself and Sherlock in as thieves
B) Hide your ill-gotten gains
C) Show Sherlock what you stole
Select C) Show Sherlock what you stole
You proudly display the evidence of your inability to follow simple societal rules.
Sherlock is intrigued. He examines the object closely.
A) Explain how an overheard conversation led you to believe that Anderson was supplementing his income by performing smuggling services for an international drug cartel. Reveal your suspicion that the figurine you have stolen is filled with enough of an illicit substance to guarantee anyone caught with it would serve a very long prison sentence
B) Consider his history and reconsider the wisdom of handing your flatmate a figurine filled with drugs
C) Realise that you’ve made a series of hideous mistakes. Sheepishly reclaim the figurine and return it. Embrace the inevitability of dying alone
Select: A) You think you know what you’re doing
Reply
A) Identify the drug
B) Laugh nervously and awkwardly
C) Note that Anderson might want to keep these even more secret than any more strictly classified drugs
D) Grab a pill and consume it
Select: A) Identify the drug
You manage to say “Sildenafil” before Sherlock cuts you off.
“Yes, I know what Viagra looks like.”
A) Wink at him roguishly
B) Admit you’re a bit horrified that Anderson thinks he has reason to need so many.
C) Accept the situation and admit defeat. Realise that you’re standing in front of your best friend and now lover on what was supposed to be a date, that he is holding a handful of Viagra, and that even so, there is no way you’re getting off tonight. Sob at the injustice of life.
D) Craft a convincing tale crediting the unexpected contents of the figurine to one of Moriarty’s plots
Select: B) Admit you’re a bit horrified that Anderson thinks he has reason to need so many.
Sherlock stares at you for a moment. His expression turns to shock as his hand closes around the pills.
“Oh,” he exclaims, “Obviously!”
Then he runs off without you.
A) Accept your failure. Abandon the concept of a date and attempt to walk home in shame. Remember that you live together. Realise that you can never go home again. Flee to Bermuda
B) Find a pub. Drink until shame is meaningless
C) Follow him
Select: C) Follow him
You follow him back to Anderson’s Flat. There is a woman sitting on the floor with her back to the wall. She is curled into a ball, sobbing into her knees.
A) Join her
B) Turn around. Walk away. Wash your hands of this entire business
C) Steal something else
D) Reach down to comfort her
E) Call Lestrade
Select: E) Call Lestrade
You use your mobile to phone Lestrade.
A) Flirt
B) Tell him that you and Sherlock have broken into Anderson’s Flat and found a ridiculous amount of Viagra
C) Tell him that Sherlock has solved a mystery no-one even knew existed. Tell him to come to Anderson’s Flat
D) Tell him you’ve broken into Anderson’s Flat and Sherlock has made Mrs. Anderson cry
Select C) Tell him that Sherlock has solved a mystery no-one even knew existed. Tell him to come to Anderson’s Flat
You get as far as “Sherlock has solved a mystery” before Sherlock jumps in with “and prevented a murder.”
“Sherlock has solved a mystery and prevented a murder,” you restart, “at Anderson’s Flat.”
You inform Lestrade that the sobs in the background are Mrs. Anderson’s and that he should come to collect her and the evidence.
Reply
A) Ask what the hell just happened
B) Go in for a grope
C) Comfort Mrs. Anderson
D) Taunt Mrs. Anderson
E) Steal something else. They have nice silverware
Select: A) Ask what the hell just happened
“It was obvious,” Sherlock assures you, “I would have seen it easily if I’d been looking.”
A) Cut off Sherlock’s explanation. Tell him you can contain your lust no longer
B) Listen to him in wonderment
C) Pretend to listen to Sherlock while distracting yourself with fantasies
D) Listen patiently
Select: B) Listen in wonderment
You listen raptly as Sherlock explains how Mrs. Anderson discovered Anderson’s affair. He reports the signs and recounts how Mrs. Anderson planned the method of murder as an ironic poisoning, an overdose of the drug ground into Anderson’s food. He describes how she acquired so much of the drug, how that must have led to the conversation you overheard. He describes how tonight’s events brought everything to light in his mind, and how his confrontation with Mrs. Anderson led to her confession.
A) Praise his genius verbally
B) Praise his genius by telling him you can no-longer contain your lust. Jump him
C) Remind him that it’s Anderson’s life he just saved
D) Propose marriage
E) Explain in detail how impressed you are and exactly how you intend to express that when you get back to your flat
Select: A) Praise his genius verbally
Pleased colour rises in Sherlock’s cheeks. He is not so aroused that he forgets the presence of Mrs. Anderson. The police arrive and Sherlock feeds them an abridged explanation. You leave together as soon as you can. He walks close enough that your sleeves brush.
A) Pull him into an alley before you return to your flat
B) Attempt to initiate sexual congress upon return to your flat
C) Kiss him with tongue upon return to your flat
D) Kiss him chastely upon return to your flat
E) Initiate a discussion about heliocentricism as you return to your flat
Select: C) Kiss him with tongue upon return to your flat
He responds well, twisting his tongue and pressing his body close to yours.
A) Put your hands in the air like you just don’t care
B) Put your hands on your pants and shake ‘em like they’re full of ants
C) Put your hands in his pants and perform a mating dance
D) Propose you move this to the bedroom
E) Tell him this is moving too fast. You need more time before you can go any further
Select: D) Propose you move this to the bedroom
He accepts your proposal.
Would you like to download the Cheesy ’80s porn music Sponsored by Viagra free add-on?
A) Yes
B) No
Select: B) No
Are you sure? It comes highly recommended.
A) Give it to me baby
B) No means no
Select: B) No means no
Fine. Whatever. This is a dating sim, not a porn game. It’s fade to black anyway. The fade is much cooler with the music, but you’ve made your decision. Enjoy.
Congratulations. You have attained a GOOD END. I’m sure your mother would be proud of you.
If you’ve enjoyed this title, you may further enjoy:
Mormor collector’s edition: More, more, more matchmaking grandmothers than one sniper can handle!
Umbrella Massacre No: Ninjas have abducted a civil servant. Can you save the ninjas?
and
Mortuary Molly: R18. Must have identity indicating birth date to purchase. Extreme gore, violence, sexuality, and disturbing themes.
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Of course only praising Sherlock verbally would get him aroused enough to jump on John and LOL at this involving Anderson at all
I would definitely like to check
Mormor collector’s edition: More, more, more matchmaking grandmothers than one sniper can handle! lmao
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The Mormor game would have to have a sniping mini-game. An assassination > chocolate.
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Why are you upset with the gaming industry, by the way?
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Ah, I’m mad because it seems as though in-game marketing is getting more and more aggressive, and it’s left me with the feeling that I’m not getting what I’ve paid for. Sometimes it feels like they’re just chopping things out of a completed game and then selling them back. You pay the box price plus whatever they choose to charge for DLC just to have a complete game if you don’t pirate.
To make an example of Dragon Age: Origins, from launch day there was a man in my party camp telling me that my dead mentor had promised to help him, I really owe him, etc. While speaking with him you can either decide to be like “that sucks man, but I’m way too busy to deal with your problems,” or - if you don’t want to be a massive dick to this guy and do want to reap the significant rewards of the dungeon that he tells you about - you can be like, “Oh, yes, I would like to purchase this DLC,” which I for one found rather broke the immersion. It’s persistent too, things like this tend to leave you with quests you can’t complete or get rid of. So you’re walking around with a constant reminder that’s like, “Hey, people are dying. For about 10$ you can prevent that. But hey, if you just want to keep walking over dialogue initiation points trying to get Leliana to make out with you that’s cool too, I guess. If you want some backstory for your love-interest you can have it... for about 10 more dollars. You interested?”
So I felt hassled and got ragey. I tried to channel that into comedy. I’m so happy that I managed to make you laugh!
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All those options were priceless and made me wish this was an actual game I could play so I could try all of those options. You have no idea how badly I wanted to chose the ones that would have me jump on Sherlock... even if it led to the bad ending.
You seem pretty bitter about the gaming industry but that frustration added the humor of this.
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I’m pleased to hear that the frustration ended up adding to the humour. I didn’t actually realise how bitter I must have been until I proofread through it. When I did I hoped that my frustration would come off as inherently ridiculous enough to be funny itself, so I am really, really, really glad that it worked out to be a positive.
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