Purple...
Random comment from work: "Let's get together and be purple."
(We were musing about a moving light that gets the cyan and magenta colours stuck together to produce purple, we think they're in love and can't be without each other. White Light think it's a faulty colour module, they have no sense of romanticism.)
It's that time of the week!
1. Five embarrassing deductions Holmes made while he and Watson went on their walk about town. (Watson hurried away from him while he made the second deduction. The man in black was not amused.)
1. "Been eating beans again eh, Watson?"
2. "The man in black, that one there, look, see him? Anyway, he's wearing no underclothing, has a hole in his left pocket and is watching that group of soldiers... Watson, where are you going?"
3. "Hello there Inspector Gregson, that's a lovely frock you're wearing, hardly recognised it was you under that make-up."
4. "That couple have just spend a no doubt delightful view minutes expressing their mutual appreciation for each other under the bandstand. The fact that he is married, but not to her, certainly increased the thrill."
5. "That gentleman owns a medium sized dog, you can tell by the stain just below his right knee."
2. Five presents Young!Holmes gave his mother. (She kept the first one, cried over the second, and cringed at the third)
1. A kitten.
2. A pressed flower. (She suddenly realised that there was no way Sherlock was giving her any grandchildren)
3. Something Sherlock had made all by himself... (she's still not sure what it is)
4. Bunch of flowers.
5. A luxury box of chocolates.
3. Five reasons Watson didn't dare delve further into the matter of the Worthington Gang Bank Robbery. ("To protect the innocent," he claimed.)
1. It was a collection of particularly revealing pornographic photographs that were stolen...
2. Holmes originally claimed that Moriarty was behind it all and spent an extensive three weeks on a complicated surveillance mission.
3. He's a big scardy cat.
4. Holmes's mother was involved, he didn't want to break to Sherlock that his mother was a criminal mastermind, probably bigger than Moriarty.
5. There was no bank robbery.
4. Five deductions Holmes made about Watson's mother. (The first one caused Watson to leave Baker St for a week.)
1. "She hates the moustache."
2. "She's been living with a fishmonger in Skemersdale."
3. "I hate to break it you, but your 'mother' is obviously your father."
4. "You were clearly adopted."
5. "She'd have preferred to have a kitten but your father was very insistent on trying out sex."
5. Five things that happened when Watson awoke to find Holmes standing over his bed in his dressing gown. (Of course, he cleaned it up for publication purposes...)
1. He thought it was a lovely dream and it took six weeks to get the stain of the bedsheets.
2. He screamed.
3. Holmes smiled at him, flung off the dressing gown and ravished Watson several times.
4. "Umm... Holmes? This isn't the lavatory and that's my pot plant!"
5. He mumbled something about Lestrade, Holmes threw a slipper at him and refused to talk to him for three days.
Bonus:
Five gifts Mycroft didn't give his mother. (Holmes found them years later in a box in the hayloft.)
1. The handmade card with "For my amazing mummy" written on it.
2. The box of chocolates (the box was empty)
3. A cuddly toy.
4. A bouquet of flowers.
5. A very bad poem.
Watson's five favorite obscure monographs. (Nervous lesions isn't even in the top ten)
1. "Ants on the Table Cloth: The Perfect Picnic."
2. "Observing the Sexual Life of the Giant African Snail."
3. "Stains on the Bedsheets: The Perfect Excuses for the Nosy Landlady."
4. "Squeaky Bedsprings: Finding the Best Mattress."
5. "Butter side Down: A detailed exploration as to why toast lands butter side down."
Five things to do with a flushed, sweaty Holmes. (Watson has written a secret monograph on the subject)
1. Run the bath, sweaty Holmes = stinky Holmes.
2. Take him to bed and see if you can get him sweatier.
3. Ask why he's flushed and sweaty.
4. Nothing. He'll usually collapse on the sofa and remain there for several days.
5. Kiss him.
Five times Holmes faked catalepsy. (Twice he did it saved his life)
1. To show Watson how it was done.
2. To show Trevelyan how it was done.
3. When Mycroft asked him to visit mother.
4. Pretending to be a living statue in a tourist area whilst being chased by Moriarty's gang, it's a blessing.
5. On April Fool's Day.
And from the "Oh, All Right Files":
Five treats Young!Moran baked for his mom. (She hated them all, which is why he turned to crime. And cinnamon cake.)
1. A vanilla sponge cake, with an actual sponge (he got confused)
2. Chocolate cake with suspicious sprinkles.
3. Charcoal (they were supposed to be biscuits...)
4. She's not sure but she could have sworn it winked at her.
5. Arsenic cake