All is not lost
I have had a difficult time finding the motivation to update recently. The tab has been left open on my computer several times throughout the past few months, only to be ultimately left unused and closed. Even writing this now I feel like I'm stalling...so here goes nothing. Might as well force myself out of this apathetic state, or 6 years will go by again with no update. And besides, if you can't dive head first into the pool then you shouldn't be at the pool party (said the girl who never dives in head first).
Life here in Malaysia has continued to be a series of highs and lows, as predicted. Well, I wouldn't categorize them as being either high or low...more like slight fluctuations around a plateau that has normalized. I'm finally into a routine with regards to my life in and out of school. Case in point: I go to school everyday, teach what I need to teach, and have a few projects on the side. When I'm not in school I feel that I have an adequate amount of "me" time to keep me sane. I mostly watch movies with Ashley or read a book. It seems to be working for me, for the most part at least. So far I've also had the chance to travel to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Thailand. They have been amazing, but I can feel myself needing to slow down and simply be for a while. I know this is an amazing opportunity and theoretically I should take advantage of all the unique things I have available to me (i.e. cheap AirAsia flights), but what good are those opportunities if I'm treating them like a list that needs to be checked off? The only other places that hold a significant amount of interest for me are Indonesia and Borneo. I'm pretty sure I'm planning to travel to those places, but besides those two I plan to travel around Malaysia for the remainder of my time here, and save as much money as possible.
In other news, during the month of July Muslims celebrate Ramadan, and living here in Malaysia has given me the chance to celebrate it in a unique way. Because Malaysia is a Muslim country the people here truly look forward to this month and celebrate in style. Everyone fasts between sunrise and sunset, and they seem to get a lot of satisfaction and happiness from this experience. I will definitely be fasting myself during the third week of the month, both for the cultural experience and to show solidarity with my students. Things around school and town significantly slow down as well. The students are let out of school a little earlier in the day so they can rest, and a lot of businesses are not open until later because everyone is fasting. All the hostel students also go home every weekend so they can be with their families, which they really seem to look forward to. Overall I'm really glad I have been able to experience Ramadan here, as not everyone gets the chance to be truly exposed and immersed in another culture during a time of celebration. Most people can only hope to be outsiders looking in. Meaning they get a snapshot, or a glimpse, at what makes another culture tick. They get the juice, but none of the fruit. I'm happy to say that presently I feel like an insider, experiencing the things that matter during this time. I get to not only see the anticipation and elation of Ramadan, but I also get to witness the times when the students are hungry, and reveal that they are in fact human at their core.
I'm also beginning to enter a panic mode for what my future will be. Not just in theory, but in actual practical application. There are approximately 103 days remaining until I leave Malaysia and return home to the states. Most of that remaining time is already planned and spoken for, including travel dates and English camps. It seems like a lot of time, but in actuality it is about 3 months and 2 weeks. Not long at all. So what in the world am I going to do with myself when I get back home? Starting in August I am going to start searching for a job, starting with TFA. While teaching is not necessarily what I want to do with the rest of my life, I admit that I do enjoy it, and I also get a high degree of satisfaction from helping my students learn as well. Therefore, TFA is not a bad place to start. It would help me to get my foot in the door at a school, and I would be able to get some more practical experience that it seems most schools are looking for in potential employees. And, in my wildest fantasies, I would be able to somehow combine teaching and counseling together in a type of hybrid position, instead of teaching a core subject or going into special education. I realize the likelihood of that happening is slim, but I will hold out hope because it keeps me going. I also recognize that I have numerous options open to me, and I will not be left without choices when I return home. Most of these jobs (KidsPeace, Willow Glen, etc.) are just that- jobs. I theoretically want a career, mostly so I can begin paying back my students loans and not be under a mountain of crippling debt for my entire life. I would also like to be in a position to help my parents out a lot more, because they have helped me tremendously and will continue to do so to the best of their abilities. That type of sacrifice deserves to be repaidd and rewarded tenfold, and I wish I were in a position to do so. But if I didn't have a dire money situation and my parents to worry about I would definitely want to jump around a little more before I "settle down" and begin making my roots somewhere. Somewhere deep inside me I fear that I am addicted to change, making me somehow unable to stay in one place or at one job for too long. Most people have the opposite problem, instead fearing change and wanting everything to stay the same, but I always seem to swim against the current in my own unique way. I guess time will tell what my future holds. For the moment, I am going to try and remember to stay in the moment and enjoy my short remaining time here in Malaysia.
Life here in Malaysia has continued to be a series of highs and lows, as predicted. Well, I wouldn't categorize them as being either high or low...more like slight fluctuations around a plateau that has normalized. I'm finally into a routine with regards to my life in and out of school. Case in point: I go to school everyday, teach what I need to teach, and have a few projects on the side. When I'm not in school I feel that I have an adequate amount of "me" time to keep me sane. I mostly watch movies with Ashley or read a book. It seems to be working for me, for the most part at least. So far I've also had the chance to travel to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Thailand. They have been amazing, but I can feel myself needing to slow down and simply be for a while. I know this is an amazing opportunity and theoretically I should take advantage of all the unique things I have available to me (i.e. cheap AirAsia flights), but what good are those opportunities if I'm treating them like a list that needs to be checked off? The only other places that hold a significant amount of interest for me are Indonesia and Borneo. I'm pretty sure I'm planning to travel to those places, but besides those two I plan to travel around Malaysia for the remainder of my time here, and save as much money as possible.
In other news, during the month of July Muslims celebrate Ramadan, and living here in Malaysia has given me the chance to celebrate it in a unique way. Because Malaysia is a Muslim country the people here truly look forward to this month and celebrate in style. Everyone fasts between sunrise and sunset, and they seem to get a lot of satisfaction and happiness from this experience. I will definitely be fasting myself during the third week of the month, both for the cultural experience and to show solidarity with my students. Things around school and town significantly slow down as well. The students are let out of school a little earlier in the day so they can rest, and a lot of businesses are not open until later because everyone is fasting. All the hostel students also go home every weekend so they can be with their families, which they really seem to look forward to. Overall I'm really glad I have been able to experience Ramadan here, as not everyone gets the chance to be truly exposed and immersed in another culture during a time of celebration. Most people can only hope to be outsiders looking in. Meaning they get a snapshot, or a glimpse, at what makes another culture tick. They get the juice, but none of the fruit. I'm happy to say that presently I feel like an insider, experiencing the things that matter during this time. I get to not only see the anticipation and elation of Ramadan, but I also get to witness the times when the students are hungry, and reveal that they are in fact human at their core.
I'm also beginning to enter a panic mode for what my future will be. Not just in theory, but in actual practical application. There are approximately 103 days remaining until I leave Malaysia and return home to the states. Most of that remaining time is already planned and spoken for, including travel dates and English camps. It seems like a lot of time, but in actuality it is about 3 months and 2 weeks. Not long at all. So what in the world am I going to do with myself when I get back home? Starting in August I am going to start searching for a job, starting with TFA. While teaching is not necessarily what I want to do with the rest of my life, I admit that I do enjoy it, and I also get a high degree of satisfaction from helping my students learn as well. Therefore, TFA is not a bad place to start. It would help me to get my foot in the door at a school, and I would be able to get some more practical experience that it seems most schools are looking for in potential employees. And, in my wildest fantasies, I would be able to somehow combine teaching and counseling together in a type of hybrid position, instead of teaching a core subject or going into special education. I realize the likelihood of that happening is slim, but I will hold out hope because it keeps me going. I also recognize that I have numerous options open to me, and I will not be left without choices when I return home. Most of these jobs (KidsPeace, Willow Glen, etc.) are just that- jobs. I theoretically want a career, mostly so I can begin paying back my students loans and not be under a mountain of crippling debt for my entire life. I would also like to be in a position to help my parents out a lot more, because they have helped me tremendously and will continue to do so to the best of their abilities. That type of sacrifice deserves to be repaidd and rewarded tenfold, and I wish I were in a position to do so. But if I didn't have a dire money situation and my parents to worry about I would definitely want to jump around a little more before I "settle down" and begin making my roots somewhere. Somewhere deep inside me I fear that I am addicted to change, making me somehow unable to stay in one place or at one job for too long. Most people have the opposite problem, instead fearing change and wanting everything to stay the same, but I always seem to swim against the current in my own unique way. I guess time will tell what my future holds. For the moment, I am going to try and remember to stay in the moment and enjoy my short remaining time here in Malaysia.