Not a kiss unless
"It's not a kiss if you don't kiss back."
Ugh, bad memories keeping me awake >< remind me not to read stories that have to deal with rape. Brings back memories that really have nothing to do with actual rape but then again in my mind they do. Stupid . . boy . . . stupid stupid stupid. Don't just assume someone's feelings! and I realize it's been more then 6 years since that incident but it's still so fresh in my mind I don't think it will ever go away. Just because you dated every girl in high school doesn't mean that automatically gave you a chance with me. A no is a no, you might want to listen to that on occasion. And I realize you might have grown up some by now considering you're soon to graduate college and you already have jobs lined up and that you'll probably not like you used to be, but I still can't bring myself to fully forgive you. That incident still haunts me and keeps me from wanting to be with anyone. The moment I even think it my whole body freezes and I'll start to tremble. I had to crawl out of bed just to type this up to try and get it off my mind, because otherwise I would have been curled up on my bed crying my eyes out, which I came close to doing.
I hate that this rules my life but I don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping that one day I'll find someone that will be willing to pull me through it, but as of yet I'm with no luck.
And I'm sure someone who might read this knows the person I'm talking about. They may not know it themselves though, and I know that he doesn't read this on here, so really I'm just ranting to myself. But I need at least one place to rant right? LJ seems like that place to me.
If you read all this thank you. Really it's just me spilling my mind. My room mate already knows and I would have gone to her but considering it's past 4 in the morning and she's asleep I didn't want to bother her. But yeah, she found out when it happened and she's made her point be known.
and I'm gonna go try to sleep . . I'm a little bit better now that I've gotten that all out. And sorry for the double post today. It just hasn't been the best.
Ugh, bad memories keeping me awake >< remind me not to read stories that have to deal with rape. Brings back memories that really have nothing to do with actual rape but then again in my mind they do. Stupid . . boy . . . stupid stupid stupid. Don't just assume someone's feelings! and I realize it's been more then 6 years since that incident but it's still so fresh in my mind I don't think it will ever go away. Just because you dated every girl in high school doesn't mean that automatically gave you a chance with me. A no is a no, you might want to listen to that on occasion. And I realize you might have grown up some by now considering you're soon to graduate college and you already have jobs lined up and that you'll probably not like you used to be, but I still can't bring myself to fully forgive you. That incident still haunts me and keeps me from wanting to be with anyone. The moment I even think it my whole body freezes and I'll start to tremble. I had to crawl out of bed just to type this up to try and get it off my mind, because otherwise I would have been curled up on my bed crying my eyes out, which I came close to doing.
I hate that this rules my life but I don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping that one day I'll find someone that will be willing to pull me through it, but as of yet I'm with no luck.
And I'm sure someone who might read this knows the person I'm talking about. They may not know it themselves though, and I know that he doesn't read this on here, so really I'm just ranting to myself. But I need at least one place to rant right? LJ seems like that place to me.
If you read all this thank you. Really it's just me spilling my mind. My room mate already knows and I would have gone to her but considering it's past 4 in the morning and she's asleep I didn't want to bother her. But yeah, she found out when it happened and she's made her point be known.
and I'm gonna go try to sleep . . I'm a little bit better now that I've gotten that all out. And sorry for the double post today. It just hasn't been the best.