Ouch.
Tonights ASL class was hard. She showed a movie about hearing children growing up with deaf parents.. the content made me cry, but more my own drama made me cry.
I have been deaf in my right ear since I was 19. Car accident #3. When the car flipped the side of my head hit the window and my eardrum was injured. Anyways my ear bled a lot from the inside, and even after I healed everything sounded muted.. I could only hear mid range tones. Through the years I have realized that I can only hear things if they are really loud, and it sounds like it is coming from far away, or underwater and doesn't make sense.
About a year ago I noticed that I have to keep turning up music too loud even for my left ear. Recently in crowds I lose entire sentences from people, or the noise takes over and I can't understand what people are saying. I used to watch TV when I was sewing, doing homework, whatever. I would put on the movies. I realized the other night that I couldn't hear the movie, it sounded low.. so I turned it up.. and up.. and up... all the way to high. I thought maybe the set was broken..till our neighbor knocked on the door and asked me to turn it down, as they could hear it in their apartment. In conversations, if I am not looking at people sometimes I don't realize they were talking. I am not ignoring them.. I can't hear it sometimes. So yeah, sorry for that.
I started ASL because I felt I should learn it for the OTHER deaf people I know. But I had to admit today that I probably need it for me too. I don't have the medical insurance to go find out how I am losing my hearing, or what can be done.
I won't have the medical insurance until I finish my degrees out. I hope that my hearing won't completely go for a few years. At least until I can learn more how to read lips, do ASL.. and dance to a rhythm without hearing the song... I really like singing though, and I will miss that. I try not to think about all the sound I will be missing, because it is depressing.
Today I met one of my fellow bellydancers at school! I didn't even know she was attending ARC, and she was talking in ASL to other deaf people. I am entirely relieved now, because I could get her help with dancing later if my hearing really fails me.
I understand more how our friend Blue feels. I don't want to lose music, and the many tones of speech, or having actually WATCH movies instead of listen to them while doing other things. I don't want this at all, but maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should do less listening, more painting.
I hope in my next car accidents I will not lose my hands.. because then I will be really pissed.. That is all I am sayin. I think losing one sense and gaining a lot of weight due to recovery is enough. No dismemberment please ok? Whomever is up there? Can we make that deal? Thanks. And I would like to keep my sight too. kthxbai.
I have been deaf in my right ear since I was 19. Car accident #3. When the car flipped the side of my head hit the window and my eardrum was injured. Anyways my ear bled a lot from the inside, and even after I healed everything sounded muted.. I could only hear mid range tones. Through the years I have realized that I can only hear things if they are really loud, and it sounds like it is coming from far away, or underwater and doesn't make sense.
About a year ago I noticed that I have to keep turning up music too loud even for my left ear. Recently in crowds I lose entire sentences from people, or the noise takes over and I can't understand what people are saying. I used to watch TV when I was sewing, doing homework, whatever. I would put on the movies. I realized the other night that I couldn't hear the movie, it sounded low.. so I turned it up.. and up.. and up... all the way to high. I thought maybe the set was broken..till our neighbor knocked on the door and asked me to turn it down, as they could hear it in their apartment. In conversations, if I am not looking at people sometimes I don't realize they were talking. I am not ignoring them.. I can't hear it sometimes. So yeah, sorry for that.
I started ASL because I felt I should learn it for the OTHER deaf people I know. But I had to admit today that I probably need it for me too. I don't have the medical insurance to go find out how I am losing my hearing, or what can be done.
I won't have the medical insurance until I finish my degrees out. I hope that my hearing won't completely go for a few years. At least until I can learn more how to read lips, do ASL.. and dance to a rhythm without hearing the song... I really like singing though, and I will miss that. I try not to think about all the sound I will be missing, because it is depressing.
Today I met one of my fellow bellydancers at school! I didn't even know she was attending ARC, and she was talking in ASL to other deaf people. I am entirely relieved now, because I could get her help with dancing later if my hearing really fails me.
I understand more how our friend Blue feels. I don't want to lose music, and the many tones of speech, or having actually WATCH movies instead of listen to them while doing other things. I don't want this at all, but maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should do less listening, more painting.
I hope in my next car accidents I will not lose my hands.. because then I will be really pissed.. That is all I am sayin. I think losing one sense and gaining a lot of weight due to recovery is enough. No dismemberment please ok? Whomever is up there? Can we make that deal? Thanks. And I would like to keep my sight too. kthxbai.