Being Carried
Going back to old school Newsboys... I can't get this one out of my head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you are waiting on a beach
for a healing word to come
maybe an apology in a bottle
maybe a flower that says, "I'm sorry."
and the hurting leaves you numb
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you don't understand it
let it go
you are waiting on a beach
this is where the east meets west
and as another sun sets on your anger
the darkness laughs, as the wound destroys
and it turns your prayers to noise
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
this bitterness you hide
it seeps into your soul
and it steals your joy
'til it's all you know
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
beneath the cross
you hear His words,
"Father, forgive them,"
and you know
you can't understand it
let it go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went dancing this evening after a long day of painting. I had felt tired, and kind of sad, seeing as I had called me friend that afternoon saying I didn't think I'd be able to make it. I didn't want to abandon Christina and make her do the rest of the work, as its my apartment as much as hers. Not 30 seconds after I called, Kim called and asked if I'd like to go contra dancing in Montpelier. I had to turn down that offer as well. So I was gross, covered in paint, achy and stiff, when I get a call from Paul, saying they hadn't left yet, and was I available to go? I woke up in a snap.
As much as I love it, I just don't have the grace or the style. Oh, I wish I did. A klutz I'll always be. However, it was great watching all of the glamorous and talented twirl and glide. Even more amazing how they can move together so perfectly without having to say or word, the men guiding the women with barely noticeable pressure. Even though there were some eye catching professionals on the floor, more than them, I appreciated the older couples. Some knew their stuff, but it was the shuffling couples that held each other close that just made my heart swell.
This last Sunday I rode my bike to church, but on the way I stopped at North Beach. I stripped off my shoes and socks and rolled up my pants to the knee, wading out into the clear water. It was quiet, a slight lake breeze complimenting the warm sun on my face. I thought about how much I had been trying to hold on to something I couldn't have, and how it had made me feel. Every time I had put in the effort to achieve this goal I had created, I felt rejected, unworthy, and the night before I had snapped into anger mode. It just wasn't healthy.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous.
I was bitter.
I was unpatient.
I was jealous.
I was selfish.
I was most probably annoying.
So I thought to myself. This isn't what the Lord wants me to be. I need to let this go for so many reasons. As I walked along the sandy beach, I realized how difficult it was to walk along the water. The more I tried, the more I sank into that sand, making little progress and getting slightly frustrated. The story of the footprints in the sand comes to mind, when there is only one set because Jesus was carrying the author during the hardest of times. Why do we think we can MAKE everything happen the way we want it. That we have the control (and the good judgement) to set up our lives exactly as we think they should be?
I decided to let the water wash my stubborness and hard headed determination away. I knew it wouldn't be the easiest as I watched the waves wash fresh sand onto my toes, but I gave it up to him at that moment.
And I felt the burden lifted.
I almost cried while singing worship songs a little while later.
Little did I know I'd be tested later that afternoon. But it was ok. And it still is a week later. The bitterness is gone. I don't feel the pressure to pretend I'm someone who I'm not. And there is relief knowing my life is in the hands of someone way more competent than myself. Why do I make such work for myself when good things always seem to happen once I put my faith in him?
Plus, its kind of exciting not knowing what is around the corner.
So as I watched the older couples move around the dance floor, I felt that familiar longing, but knew I was going to be ok as long as I just listen to what he says. But boy there were small moments when temptation sang to me like a siren on the rocks!
And I need to stop listening to what other people say. Sometimes what they consider support (as do I in the moment) sets me up for a greater fall once I realize I'm off the path I need to be on.
Oof! That's a lot of personal reflection :-)
Anyways. Church in the morn. Painting in the afternoon. Worship in the woods (complete with tiki torches) in the evening. Then a week of unplanned vacation, minus a little interview Monday. Boy I'd like to find some hiking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when all is said and all has come undone
when the sun, the moon and stars grow dark
before the days of youth are left in vain
before the dust reclaims its own again
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of God
Breathe on me
`til my heart is new
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of Life
Breathe on me
`til I'm resting in you
when all is said and all has come undone
restore the promise I made when I was young
now unto Him who can keep us from falling
and present us faultless before His glory
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of God
Breathe on me
`til my heart is new
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of Life
Breathe on me
`til I'm resting in you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you are waiting on a beach
for a healing word to come
maybe an apology in a bottle
maybe a flower that says, "I'm sorry."
and the hurting leaves you numb
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you don't understand it
let it go
you are waiting on a beach
this is where the east meets west
and as another sun sets on your anger
the darkness laughs, as the wound destroys
and it turns your prayers to noise
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
this bitterness you hide
it seeps into your soul
and it steals your joy
'til it's all you know
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
He left his rights
will you leave yours?
you won't understand it
let it go
will you forgive?
will you forget?
will you live what you know?
beneath the cross
you hear His words,
"Father, forgive them,"
and you know
you can't understand it
let it go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went dancing this evening after a long day of painting. I had felt tired, and kind of sad, seeing as I had called me friend that afternoon saying I didn't think I'd be able to make it. I didn't want to abandon Christina and make her do the rest of the work, as its my apartment as much as hers. Not 30 seconds after I called, Kim called and asked if I'd like to go contra dancing in Montpelier. I had to turn down that offer as well. So I was gross, covered in paint, achy and stiff, when I get a call from Paul, saying they hadn't left yet, and was I available to go? I woke up in a snap.
As much as I love it, I just don't have the grace or the style. Oh, I wish I did. A klutz I'll always be. However, it was great watching all of the glamorous and talented twirl and glide. Even more amazing how they can move together so perfectly without having to say or word, the men guiding the women with barely noticeable pressure. Even though there were some eye catching professionals on the floor, more than them, I appreciated the older couples. Some knew their stuff, but it was the shuffling couples that held each other close that just made my heart swell.
This last Sunday I rode my bike to church, but on the way I stopped at North Beach. I stripped off my shoes and socks and rolled up my pants to the knee, wading out into the clear water. It was quiet, a slight lake breeze complimenting the warm sun on my face. I thought about how much I had been trying to hold on to something I couldn't have, and how it had made me feel. Every time I had put in the effort to achieve this goal I had created, I felt rejected, unworthy, and the night before I had snapped into anger mode. It just wasn't healthy.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous.
I was bitter.
I was unpatient.
I was jealous.
I was selfish.
I was most probably annoying.
So I thought to myself. This isn't what the Lord wants me to be. I need to let this go for so many reasons. As I walked along the sandy beach, I realized how difficult it was to walk along the water. The more I tried, the more I sank into that sand, making little progress and getting slightly frustrated. The story of the footprints in the sand comes to mind, when there is only one set because Jesus was carrying the author during the hardest of times. Why do we think we can MAKE everything happen the way we want it. That we have the control (and the good judgement) to set up our lives exactly as we think they should be?
I decided to let the water wash my stubborness and hard headed determination away. I knew it wouldn't be the easiest as I watched the waves wash fresh sand onto my toes, but I gave it up to him at that moment.
And I felt the burden lifted.
I almost cried while singing worship songs a little while later.
Little did I know I'd be tested later that afternoon. But it was ok. And it still is a week later. The bitterness is gone. I don't feel the pressure to pretend I'm someone who I'm not. And there is relief knowing my life is in the hands of someone way more competent than myself. Why do I make such work for myself when good things always seem to happen once I put my faith in him?
Plus, its kind of exciting not knowing what is around the corner.
So as I watched the older couples move around the dance floor, I felt that familiar longing, but knew I was going to be ok as long as I just listen to what he says. But boy there were small moments when temptation sang to me like a siren on the rocks!
And I need to stop listening to what other people say. Sometimes what they consider support (as do I in the moment) sets me up for a greater fall once I realize I'm off the path I need to be on.
Oof! That's a lot of personal reflection :-)
Anyways. Church in the morn. Painting in the afternoon. Worship in the woods (complete with tiki torches) in the evening. Then a week of unplanned vacation, minus a little interview Monday. Boy I'd like to find some hiking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when all is said and all has come undone
when the sun, the moon and stars grow dark
before the days of youth are left in vain
before the dust reclaims its own again
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of God
Breathe on me
`til my heart is new
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of Life
Breathe on me
`til I'm resting in you
when all is said and all has come undone
restore the promise I made when I was young
now unto Him who can keep us from falling
and present us faultless before His glory
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of God
Breathe on me
`til my heart is new
Breathe on me
Breathe oh Breath of Life
Breathe on me
`til I'm resting in you