it's not that i hate you i just can't stand you near me
pretty self-explanatory, right? i feel stupid even writing this because i just caught up with friday till now tumblr dash and there's already been three people writing negative posts so. but fuck that. fuck everything. i'm feeling so angry and so lonely and so given up on everything. too many people touching my things. just get away from my dishes will you. don't use my ladle. are those my handkerchiefs. close the door to the pantry for fuck's sake they're not there for fun. don't throw the coffee residue into the sink it's dirty for hours is it really so hard to put it in the toilet or trashbin. and for fuck's sake throw out the hair from the bathtub. and don't turn off the radiator when i wanted the bathroom warm for when i shower. and don't open the fucking window! the warm water isn't working for fuck's sake just GO AWAY. and while we're at it what the fuck did i do to you that you can't take my dogs out too. not a fucking word. okay then. can everyone just piss off already.
so yup, apparently one of these days is gonna be the period day but seriously, can't deal. don't use my dishes was the first thing i told you when we moved in. just don't. you don't have to know which are mine. rule of the thumb: what's not yours is not yours to use. and you can recognise what's yours, right?
yeah weekend was nice. herding lecture that i wasn't signed up to but to see darcia and shiva work with sheep was nice. also nice that shay got his chance too, my clever pup. too bad i wanted to study during the weekend. but i studied yesterday night and i answered (eh, more maths than answers i never thought i'd ever use my super tech-y hyper maths calculator from high school) each question and even did the extra question so i can't wait to hear how i did. because i want to know if studying before tests makes an actual difference between the results. because i didn't learn shit in kosice and oh how much i regret it. also why i'm so curious about the fur animals test from last week because i wrote three and half pages when there were only four questions. hopefully it won't be terrible?
i miss babies though. i want to take them all in my arms and hide them from everyone and bite everyone who tries to come near. i wanna draw them all the time and show nobody because nobody cares to see and to me that means they don't deserve to see. or know. nobody. i can do everything on my own. i don't need anyone. people are trash. it's so freeing to fall apart with her[1] because it was really inconvenient to miss her when we couldn't be together last year. yes, get your own friends and go have fun together. shut the door on me and stop talking to me. i'll be happy for it, it's a bother to care about someone, and dangerous to trust them. i don't need anybody. and if she[2] wants to concentrate on school, on her starry career, let her. i don't need her. let her get famous and get ten jobs and earn shitload of money. not middle europe after all. "this is so u cant get mads when i puti t on the tumblrs." not because she wants to show you or cares about your opinion or any other shit. so don't ask to see. fuck off. don't show. don't see. don't comment. don't get angry. don't care. nobody cares to hear. honesty puts even more distance between you and everyone. but silence puts a wall there, that will do. that will do. stop talking. stop sharing. stop caring. nobody wants to hear. piss off. mind your own shit. don't stick your nose into anyone's shit. they don't want you to care. piss off. piss off. good.