(no subject)
I have to wonder exactly how it happened that one person can make me feel that much like shit. This is exactly why I shouldn't be an actress.
So, to prelude this story, the experience that follows is one I am extremely proud of, no matter how embarrassing or degrading it wound up feeling.
So I got an e-mail from SAG looking for females age range 18-23 for a commercial. So I submitted. I noticed who was casting it, and even though it was the same woman who fired me, I thought to myself, "I'll never be able to make progress if I don't let it go." So I let it go, and sent in my headshot and resume.
A few hours later I got a response asking my age range, 20-29 or so, and she then replied telling me to call in the morning for an appointment time. So I did. I wasn't sure if she knew who I was, but I didn't care, if she did excellent, if she didn't then maybe it won't matter anyhow.
So I go in for my appt. and I'm all dressed for it and everything, and first of all, I understand why she was doing this, but I hate it. She pulled us in in groups of 8 and did an open audition. I'm mostly not a fan of this just because I think its unprofessional depending on the situation, auditions should be private, a time between you and whoever is part of the project, you don't interview people for a job in groups like that. But at the same time it can benefit an actor to see what they like and don't like...or aka what not to do.
Now, a friend of mine was in the audition room with me as well. She is extraordinarily talented, but by no means should her presence intimidate anyone, myself included. I don't know if I'm as talented as she is, I like to think so, but given my track record compared to hers that's neither here nor there.
So anyways, I'm standing there and the casting director gets up and starts to explain something and then stops mid sentence looks at me and points and says quite abruptly, "You, I know you, where do I know you from? What's your name?" And I replied. She stared contemplating for a split second and then in a look of negative recognition goes..."Oooohh...did you see the film?"
I replied that I had...I hadn't...doesn't matter. Asked what I thought...told her it was hilarious...i doubt I care...doesn't matter. She said she didn't see it hasn't had a chance, etc. "So you're acting now?" and in a sheer nervous embarrassment I said, "Yeah I'm back, I've been working at Theatre By the Sea" (now where that is relevant in regards to the question is beyond me) "Good." and she moved on.
At this moment I'm thinking phew! That was a little less painful than the worst i could have been.
And then she proceeded to conduct the audition much like class in a way which in some respects I liked, until my friend auditioned.
She did a decent job, better than the other girls but no different than I would have done or did give or take a few personality traits.
And then the casting director proceeds to say, "She nailed it girls, I don't mean to put you on the spot but she nailed it!" And just went on and on about my friend. Good for my friend. I'm proud of her. Incredibly awkward for every other girl in the room. Independently if I hadn't known her I would have been pretty pissed off at how unprofessional that is. I understand if that's what you want the other girls to do or encourage them to step up to the plate, but...that's why you have closed auditions. Maybe its just a directorial choice or it depends on what the project is, but...needless to say her choice of words was rather unfortunate. The last thing I want to do is make someone more nervous.
So a few minutes later I get up and do my thing. I did a decent job...she says she likes the way I loosened the hat, it was smart....and then...as I'm walking out of the room, now I don't know if I imagined it or if this actually happened, but I turned around to look at her before leaving the room and her back was to me but her facial profile was visible. She turned to the girl next to her made a nasty face and said, "Not really right..." or something like that.
That last part could totally be in my head but needless to say it seemed as though my presence in that room was not a positive step forward.
I wish I knew whether or not I will be blacklisted from her casting company. Because if so, if I wish to continue any form of film pursuit, I'm screwed if I stay in the local area. That would incredibly unfair and unfortunate.
Not to mention that the entire experience of having worked for her and what happened during that time is a haunting memory that I am reminded of everyday and how much it hurt and constant struggle to understand why.
She must think I'm a shady actress that worked there to try to schmooze my way in to her eye as an actor. So not the truth. Couldn't be further. If I had the choice to be a casting director I would do it full time. I enjoy it, but she ruined the entire experience for me. Part of it is my own fault, and part of it is fate. Things just happened that way and it was a tough personal time and bad time to be in a position such as that for me. Under the circumstances, there was no way I could do that job at that time. That's not her or my fault. That's just the way it was, and she recognized that at the time. It was just an unfortunate situation.
But given what happened this leads me to believe that there was something else I did wrong that NO ONE told me. Even if that's why I was fired...tell me about it. Don't lie to me and give me some story about my schedule if its me that's the actual problem.
After that, wanting and trying very hard to overcome that particular obstacle and rise above and show her that I'm not in the same place now as I was then, its just very sad to see that the maturity of the business and respect for and individual without personal bias is unacheivable. Not one moment I was in that room from the moment she recognized me did I have a chance.
Doesn't matter. I'm still gonna submit. I'm still gonna send my headshot to her and try and get work. But if I really am blacklisted? What do you do? What do you do if you get blacklisted from one of the only people that has a say where you are? Especially when you're someone like me and not some know nothing.
Sucks big time. I just hope something else happens that I won't ever have to worry about this particular situation and relationship affecting my life anymore.
So, to prelude this story, the experience that follows is one I am extremely proud of, no matter how embarrassing or degrading it wound up feeling.
So I got an e-mail from SAG looking for females age range 18-23 for a commercial. So I submitted. I noticed who was casting it, and even though it was the same woman who fired me, I thought to myself, "I'll never be able to make progress if I don't let it go." So I let it go, and sent in my headshot and resume.
A few hours later I got a response asking my age range, 20-29 or so, and she then replied telling me to call in the morning for an appointment time. So I did. I wasn't sure if she knew who I was, but I didn't care, if she did excellent, if she didn't then maybe it won't matter anyhow.
So I go in for my appt. and I'm all dressed for it and everything, and first of all, I understand why she was doing this, but I hate it. She pulled us in in groups of 8 and did an open audition. I'm mostly not a fan of this just because I think its unprofessional depending on the situation, auditions should be private, a time between you and whoever is part of the project, you don't interview people for a job in groups like that. But at the same time it can benefit an actor to see what they like and don't like...or aka what not to do.
Now, a friend of mine was in the audition room with me as well. She is extraordinarily talented, but by no means should her presence intimidate anyone, myself included. I don't know if I'm as talented as she is, I like to think so, but given my track record compared to hers that's neither here nor there.
So anyways, I'm standing there and the casting director gets up and starts to explain something and then stops mid sentence looks at me and points and says quite abruptly, "You, I know you, where do I know you from? What's your name?" And I replied. She stared contemplating for a split second and then in a look of negative recognition goes..."Oooohh...did you see the film?"
I replied that I had...I hadn't...doesn't matter. Asked what I thought...told her it was hilarious...i doubt I care...doesn't matter. She said she didn't see it hasn't had a chance, etc. "So you're acting now?" and in a sheer nervous embarrassment I said, "Yeah I'm back, I've been working at Theatre By the Sea" (now where that is relevant in regards to the question is beyond me) "Good." and she moved on.
At this moment I'm thinking phew! That was a little less painful than the worst i could have been.
And then she proceeded to conduct the audition much like class in a way which in some respects I liked, until my friend auditioned.
She did a decent job, better than the other girls but no different than I would have done or did give or take a few personality traits.
And then the casting director proceeds to say, "She nailed it girls, I don't mean to put you on the spot but she nailed it!" And just went on and on about my friend. Good for my friend. I'm proud of her. Incredibly awkward for every other girl in the room. Independently if I hadn't known her I would have been pretty pissed off at how unprofessional that is. I understand if that's what you want the other girls to do or encourage them to step up to the plate, but...that's why you have closed auditions. Maybe its just a directorial choice or it depends on what the project is, but...needless to say her choice of words was rather unfortunate. The last thing I want to do is make someone more nervous.
So a few minutes later I get up and do my thing. I did a decent job...she says she likes the way I loosened the hat, it was smart....and then...as I'm walking out of the room, now I don't know if I imagined it or if this actually happened, but I turned around to look at her before leaving the room and her back was to me but her facial profile was visible. She turned to the girl next to her made a nasty face and said, "Not really right..." or something like that.
That last part could totally be in my head but needless to say it seemed as though my presence in that room was not a positive step forward.
I wish I knew whether or not I will be blacklisted from her casting company. Because if so, if I wish to continue any form of film pursuit, I'm screwed if I stay in the local area. That would incredibly unfair and unfortunate.
Not to mention that the entire experience of having worked for her and what happened during that time is a haunting memory that I am reminded of everyday and how much it hurt and constant struggle to understand why.
She must think I'm a shady actress that worked there to try to schmooze my way in to her eye as an actor. So not the truth. Couldn't be further. If I had the choice to be a casting director I would do it full time. I enjoy it, but she ruined the entire experience for me. Part of it is my own fault, and part of it is fate. Things just happened that way and it was a tough personal time and bad time to be in a position such as that for me. Under the circumstances, there was no way I could do that job at that time. That's not her or my fault. That's just the way it was, and she recognized that at the time. It was just an unfortunate situation.
But given what happened this leads me to believe that there was something else I did wrong that NO ONE told me. Even if that's why I was fired...tell me about it. Don't lie to me and give me some story about my schedule if its me that's the actual problem.
After that, wanting and trying very hard to overcome that particular obstacle and rise above and show her that I'm not in the same place now as I was then, its just very sad to see that the maturity of the business and respect for and individual without personal bias is unacheivable. Not one moment I was in that room from the moment she recognized me did I have a chance.
Doesn't matter. I'm still gonna submit. I'm still gonna send my headshot to her and try and get work. But if I really am blacklisted? What do you do? What do you do if you get blacklisted from one of the only people that has a say where you are? Especially when you're someone like me and not some know nothing.
Sucks big time. I just hope something else happens that I won't ever have to worry about this particular situation and relationship affecting my life anymore.