But why is the rum gone?
Some facts:
1. Johnny Depp is actually kind of ugly.
2. Sword fights are boring.
3. Scruffy men with long dirty hair are not attractive.
4. Frock coats look silly.
5. Orlando Bloom is a much better actor than that Depp bloke.
6. Pirates are stupid and so last year.
7. All pirates are 100% straight.
8. I saw PotC2 this weekend. Twice.
Please note that only one of the above facts is actually true, the rest are malicious lies. To be fair, number 5 should have given the game away.
My life is complete, for I have seen a Mexican stand-off with cutlasses - a Caribbean stand-off, perhaps? - Captain Jack Sparrow saying 'shiny' and wanton piratey slashiness.
I'll get my one complaint out of the way first - well, the only real complaint - 'lack of actual pirate threeways' doesn't really count. My only complaint is that the film doesn't work on its own: it is most definitely the middle film of a trilogy. Neither the beginning or the end work as a standalone film. It's very much like The Empire Strikes Back - you could watch it without having seen A New Hope, but you'd be missing out on the references and wouldn't understand how those people came to be thrown together, and of course you have to see Return of the Jedi to find out what happens to Han - or in this case Jack - same character, different setting. I do so love my pirates and rogues, whether at sea or in space.
Apart from the story not working on its own, much of the humour of Dead Man's Chest refers to Curse of the Black Pearl. "Why is the rum always gone? *staggers* Oh, that's why" is highly amusing, but only really if you've seen the speaker previously standing on a desert island in front of a massive plume of rum smoke yelling "Why is the rum gone?!".
So, yes, all the references to the first film don't work if you haven't seen the first film. Of course, if you've seen the first film too often to be healthy - including eight times at the cinema - these silly references are, to quote Jayne, hi-larious.
There is silliness and it is good.
There is also a sword fight that goes on the list of greatest cinematic sword fights ever, along with the Dread Pirate Roberts and Inigo Montoya duelling in the ruins and the Duel of the Fates. Sadly, LotR didn't really have a one-on-one sword fight to offer up to the list, it was more about the big battles. Strider v the Nazgul on Amon Sul was pretty damn cool, but there wasn't enough of it to make the list.
How do you improve on the fight in the smithy from the first film? Easy, you make it a threeway. Ooh err missus. Jack, Will and James all getting their swords out and banging away at each other is a sight not to be missed. And there's that intentional slashiness I may have mentioned. I really should have timed how long the whole fight took, from the Caribbean stand-off on the beach to the Highlander style fight on the ruined tower to the hamster wheel of doom. Brilliance. Wonderfully choreographed, constantly exciting and well acted throughout the whole fight, with a brief pause for Norrington to try to decide who who wants dead more - the pirate who escaped and shamed him or the boy who freed said pirate and stole the girl he loved. Decisions decisions.
And look how long I've gone without mentioning the pretty. Three devilishly handsome rogues in frockcoats and waistcoats should be illegal. I've definitely decided that damaging Johnny physically in any way would be a crime against art, beauty, nature and possibly G-d. How can anyone have a bone structure that perfect? That utterly straight nose? Imagine the horror of breaking that perfect nose!
Add to the perfection of Johnny the Errol Flynness of Orlando - the boy does look good standing on deck railings or hanging off ringging - and the beautifully-spoken bitter acid of Jack Davenport and you have the makings of a very happy SheBit.
Is it wrong that I found filthy, bitter, drunken James so much more attractive than the Commodore Whippy of the first film? I mean, I adore Jack Davenport and have done for a long time, but he did look somewhat akin to a parade float in the first film. Now he's all mean and moody and grubby. This is a good thing. Is it also wrong that I found Norrinton kicking Will in the chest and sending him sprawling rather sexy? Yeah, I might be a bit weird.
Also: leather frockcoat. Guh. I like leather. I like frockcoats. I like Orlando Bloom...
Will Turner in a dark green leather frockcoat...
That might be enough with the perving.
I should mention that I thought that Bill Nighy was wonderful and made a valiant effort at acting Johnny off the screen - without eating the furniture as Geoffrey Rush had done to marvellous effect the first time around. Even under all of the tentacles it was very much a Bill Nighy performance - the eyes, mouth and manerisms were wonderfully Nighy-y.
Ragetti and Pintell are R2D2 and C3PO, but what would Star Wars be without the comedy droids and what would PotC be without its comedy pirates? For weird-looking, black-hearted pirates they're rather adorable.
Orlando has a new facial expression! First there was Blue Steel, then there was Magnum, now there is Flagellation. Poor flogged Will. One of his old faces definitely made an appearance, though: when he drinks to Jack in that final scene at Tia Dalma's he wore exactly the same expression as when he drank to the fallen at Meduseld. None of the fallen Rohirrim or elves had, to my knowledge, snogged his girlfriend. Or Aragorn.
Jack said shiny!
*bang* "Undead monkey"
I didn't realise until the second viewing that the boots that Monkey Jack ran straight to upon release were those of his master.
Opinion seems to be divided on Tia Dalma's association with Davey Jones. the_ladylark is sure that she's not the woman Jones loved, but it has been pointed out to me that the necklace on her table, the lock on the chest and the artifact on Jones' organ were all matching hearts.
Hehe, Davey Jones has a huge organ.
Speaking of, the crew of the Flying Dutchman looked great, with all of the fishiness. Nice work by ILM on the effects, and great work by the designers.
Hmm, I've said quite a lot. I'm sure there were other things I wanted to say. There's the score. Zimmer nicely took cues from the original PotC score and reworked them, along with the massive orchestrations that the original lacked. I was particularly fond of his Davy Jones organ theme/leitmotif, which I've had in my head repeatedly since the second viewing, yesterday.
Oh, and there's the whole Jack/Elizabeth thing. She... with Jack... I mean, I know it was mostly to distract him while she shackled him to the Pearl, but gosh. And when she'd been cruelly seducing him earlier. I actually felt sorry for Jack - the evil girl was waving it in front of him and then saying no. Tease. My poor pirate.
Hamster wheel of doom!
All in all, this film had a hell of a lot to live up to, but I think it delivered pretty well. Curse of the Black Pearl was an unexpected wonder - it should have been terrible, for it was both based on ride and a pirate movie, and everyone knows both of those factors are recipes for disaster. Against all odd, and largely thanks to Cap'n Jack, the film was glorious. This meant that expectations were high for the sequels. I'm not sure whether PotC2 is as good as the original. There are some things that are better: more swashbuckling, more sex, a better-made score, Will and James have both evolved into more interesting characters etc. There was something about the original that sparkled, though. Perhaps that it was utterly original. It was funny and actiony and scary and wonderful. And Jack was new and shiny.
It doesn't have quite the same sparkle, but it's still damnably good.
And there are so many questions to be answered that the year I have to wait for the conclusion will be interminable. How will Jack be saved? Will Whippy and the Shortarse strike a bargain? Who was Squiddy's lost love? Will Barbossa really help them? Why did Jack ask Squddy to raise the Pearl in the first place? What will become of Will and Elizabeth? Somehow I doubt the excuse "it's not like that - he's my brother" is going to wash here.
And a final note: I like ships. Ships are people too. I was upset almost as much by what was done to a ship in a certain film last year as by what became of her crew. What's to become of the Pearl?
1. Johnny Depp is actually kind of ugly.
2. Sword fights are boring.
3. Scruffy men with long dirty hair are not attractive.
4. Frock coats look silly.
5. Orlando Bloom is a much better actor than that Depp bloke.
6. Pirates are stupid and so last year.
7. All pirates are 100% straight.
8. I saw PotC2 this weekend. Twice.
Please note that only one of the above facts is actually true, the rest are malicious lies. To be fair, number 5 should have given the game away.
My life is complete, for I have seen a Mexican stand-off with cutlasses - a Caribbean stand-off, perhaps? - Captain Jack Sparrow saying 'shiny' and wanton piratey slashiness.
I'll get my one complaint out of the way first - well, the only real complaint - 'lack of actual pirate threeways' doesn't really count. My only complaint is that the film doesn't work on its own: it is most definitely the middle film of a trilogy. Neither the beginning or the end work as a standalone film. It's very much like The Empire Strikes Back - you could watch it without having seen A New Hope, but you'd be missing out on the references and wouldn't understand how those people came to be thrown together, and of course you have to see Return of the Jedi to find out what happens to Han - or in this case Jack - same character, different setting. I do so love my pirates and rogues, whether at sea or in space.
Apart from the story not working on its own, much of the humour of Dead Man's Chest refers to Curse of the Black Pearl. "Why is the rum always gone? *staggers* Oh, that's why" is highly amusing, but only really if you've seen the speaker previously standing on a desert island in front of a massive plume of rum smoke yelling "Why is the rum gone?!".
So, yes, all the references to the first film don't work if you haven't seen the first film. Of course, if you've seen the first film too often to be healthy - including eight times at the cinema - these silly references are, to quote Jayne, hi-larious.
There is silliness and it is good.
There is also a sword fight that goes on the list of greatest cinematic sword fights ever, along with the Dread Pirate Roberts and Inigo Montoya duelling in the ruins and the Duel of the Fates. Sadly, LotR didn't really have a one-on-one sword fight to offer up to the list, it was more about the big battles. Strider v the Nazgul on Amon Sul was pretty damn cool, but there wasn't enough of it to make the list.
How do you improve on the fight in the smithy from the first film? Easy, you make it a threeway. Ooh err missus. Jack, Will and James all getting their swords out and banging away at each other is a sight not to be missed. And there's that intentional slashiness I may have mentioned. I really should have timed how long the whole fight took, from the Caribbean stand-off on the beach to the Highlander style fight on the ruined tower to the hamster wheel of doom. Brilliance. Wonderfully choreographed, constantly exciting and well acted throughout the whole fight, with a brief pause for Norrington to try to decide who who wants dead more - the pirate who escaped and shamed him or the boy who freed said pirate and stole the girl he loved. Decisions decisions.
And look how long I've gone without mentioning the pretty. Three devilishly handsome rogues in frockcoats and waistcoats should be illegal. I've definitely decided that damaging Johnny physically in any way would be a crime against art, beauty, nature and possibly G-d. How can anyone have a bone structure that perfect? That utterly straight nose? Imagine the horror of breaking that perfect nose!
Add to the perfection of Johnny the Errol Flynness of Orlando - the boy does look good standing on deck railings or hanging off ringging - and the beautifully-spoken bitter acid of Jack Davenport and you have the makings of a very happy SheBit.
Is it wrong that I found filthy, bitter, drunken James so much more attractive than the Commodore Whippy of the first film? I mean, I adore Jack Davenport and have done for a long time, but he did look somewhat akin to a parade float in the first film. Now he's all mean and moody and grubby. This is a good thing. Is it also wrong that I found Norrinton kicking Will in the chest and sending him sprawling rather sexy? Yeah, I might be a bit weird.
Also: leather frockcoat. Guh. I like leather. I like frockcoats. I like Orlando Bloom...
Will Turner in a dark green leather frockcoat...
That might be enough with the perving.
I should mention that I thought that Bill Nighy was wonderful and made a valiant effort at acting Johnny off the screen - without eating the furniture as Geoffrey Rush had done to marvellous effect the first time around. Even under all of the tentacles it was very much a Bill Nighy performance - the eyes, mouth and manerisms were wonderfully Nighy-y.
Ragetti and Pintell are R2D2 and C3PO, but what would Star Wars be without the comedy droids and what would PotC be without its comedy pirates? For weird-looking, black-hearted pirates they're rather adorable.
Orlando has a new facial expression! First there was Blue Steel, then there was Magnum, now there is Flagellation. Poor flogged Will. One of his old faces definitely made an appearance, though: when he drinks to Jack in that final scene at Tia Dalma's he wore exactly the same expression as when he drank to the fallen at Meduseld. None of the fallen Rohirrim or elves had, to my knowledge, snogged his girlfriend. Or Aragorn.
Jack said shiny!
*bang* "Undead monkey"
I didn't realise until the second viewing that the boots that Monkey Jack ran straight to upon release were those of his master.
Opinion seems to be divided on Tia Dalma's association with Davey Jones. the_ladylark is sure that she's not the woman Jones loved, but it has been pointed out to me that the necklace on her table, the lock on the chest and the artifact on Jones' organ were all matching hearts.
Hehe, Davey Jones has a huge organ.
Speaking of, the crew of the Flying Dutchman looked great, with all of the fishiness. Nice work by ILM on the effects, and great work by the designers.
Hmm, I've said quite a lot. I'm sure there were other things I wanted to say. There's the score. Zimmer nicely took cues from the original PotC score and reworked them, along with the massive orchestrations that the original lacked. I was particularly fond of his Davy Jones organ theme/leitmotif, which I've had in my head repeatedly since the second viewing, yesterday.
Oh, and there's the whole Jack/Elizabeth thing. She... with Jack... I mean, I know it was mostly to distract him while she shackled him to the Pearl, but gosh. And when she'd been cruelly seducing him earlier. I actually felt sorry for Jack - the evil girl was waving it in front of him and then saying no. Tease. My poor pirate.
Hamster wheel of doom!
All in all, this film had a hell of a lot to live up to, but I think it delivered pretty well. Curse of the Black Pearl was an unexpected wonder - it should have been terrible, for it was both based on ride and a pirate movie, and everyone knows both of those factors are recipes for disaster. Against all odd, and largely thanks to Cap'n Jack, the film was glorious. This meant that expectations were high for the sequels. I'm not sure whether PotC2 is as good as the original. There are some things that are better: more swashbuckling, more sex, a better-made score, Will and James have both evolved into more interesting characters etc. There was something about the original that sparkled, though. Perhaps that it was utterly original. It was funny and actiony and scary and wonderful. And Jack was new and shiny.
It doesn't have quite the same sparkle, but it's still damnably good.
And there are so many questions to be answered that the year I have to wait for the conclusion will be interminable. How will Jack be saved? Will Whippy and the Shortarse strike a bargain? Who was Squiddy's lost love? Will Barbossa really help them? Why did Jack ask Squddy to raise the Pearl in the first place? What will become of Will and Elizabeth? Somehow I doubt the excuse "it's not like that - he's my brother" is going to wash here.
And a final note: I like ships. Ships are people too. I was upset almost as much by what was done to a ship in a certain film last year as by what became of her crew. What's to become of the Pearl?