Boogedy FUck
ok so i decided that i'm goin to start using this again.
since most of the time i think that the right people are reading it. and regardless of what i say, they'll take it the RIGHT way.
and if they dont, then thats ok too, because i've never been good enough to please anyone anyway.
so
the reason why i'm starting this over again today, is because something strange happened today. for a fleeting second i was kinda proud of myself. and that my friends, that shit, never ever ever happens. however, it was a fleeting moment! i cant feel good all the time, or else something really bad will happen.
the reason why i was happy with myself was because i took some really neat pictures last night at cait's house. of her animals and some neat pics of jeremi and ric onstage that crack me up, and i have a pic of me and the spencer's guy. i forget his name, but he's friggin sweet...and he reminds me of travis...and i never really see him anymore.
i wonder if i could make money with my pictures? i doubt it. perhaps i just liked my own work for a second, and no body else could appreciate that. i suppose that would make more sense.
cait's mom wants me to help her break horses and show them this year. that would be so neat. i dont know whats goin on the rest of this year, i'm utterly flying by the seat of my pants right now.
i'm buying a plane ticket to alaska this monday!!!! *glows* its nearing $800, but every penny is accounted for because i will get to spend time with brandy and paul. paul is goin to take me to have cheese steaks and go to the hot springs and such. i told him i'd be weirded out in a bathing suit, and he said he'd wear a thong. awww. hehe. he wants us to spend some time together...he told me he has ideas but, he's going to save them for when i get there. i'm so glad we're talking again.
*paul i love you*
and brandy and i have shit to do too. she hasnt given me any ideas, but i have some of my own. i'm going to midway, which is half way between eielson and birch lake, its a hick restaurant with the hugest hamburgers ever. we're goin to go to the knotty shop and get ridiculously large scoops of ice cream. we're going to the santa claus house and i'm goin to talk to kris kringle again. i'm goin to four wheel, dirt bike, crotch rocket...hopefully even drive to anchortown. or tok or something. i need alaska. do i ever.
another thing that makes me excited...i get all my pics from high school back. i left them up there when i divorced nick, because i didnt want to see him (in allll those years of pictures) but i didnt throw them away, because i knew i'd want them again someday, when i start my lifetime project.
well i could go on and on about my state but i wont. i know it bores closeminded people who live in the shoebox they were born in.
nobody was specifically targeted with that comment, its just how i feel when i try to talk to people about it. they dont know how big the world is.
about the band...well i dont know.
no body talks to me.
i've been practicing, but, i dont know if jake and tracer were able to get the money for the rest of the deal or not. i'm really optimistic about our music, even if this deal falls through. i went to Brokn Bones last night...Sever Red was playin and me and jeremi are still really good friends. (he is sooo gay, hehe, i heart you jp). cait begged me to go and i didnt have to pay anything. anyway the club is really not all that cool. i wish i could have went to see antoin. i miss him so much. i felt like shit all day and knew i wouldnt be able to get up in time to get to work today. and i wasnt very much fun all night, i just sat on the floor, trying miserably to get enough air into my lungs (since my nose is fucked) and swallowed as rarely as possible, because it killed me.
i met a fan at the show tho. she pointed at my sweatshirt. she was like, "arent you supposed to be playing here soon?" jacob talks to her i guess. which doesnt surprise me. jake talks to everyone.
anyway i told her i didnt know.
something that bothers me....
"spit for athena"
it sounds like everything else. and everything else sounds the same too. its working for us and against us. BECAUSE, our shit is tweaked and so much rarer of a find than everyday bands. like i said, i have faith in us, but PEOPLE NEED TO GET OFF OF THEIR ASSES and get JOBS. i talked to caits mom about workin at ConAgra or the DC. i can put her as a reference, and i can request third shift (12 hour shifts) three days a week. that gives me enough money to get my stack, a new guitar, possibly lessons, and gas to go to the band house. obviously, if i'm working in coldwater, i wont be able to live there, but they start you at almost 13 an hour. and i'm a rational money spender.
travis motivated me to spend, but thats love for ya baby. i just wanted him to be happy, and i cant do it any other way.
florida wont happen if ken doesnt get his money. so i dont know where we're at with that.
anyway, my eyes hurt, i'm tired, headache, fucked up nose, sore feet. and i hate work...which i have at 11 am.
later to all who actually read this long ass entry...
*me
since most of the time i think that the right people are reading it. and regardless of what i say, they'll take it the RIGHT way.
and if they dont, then thats ok too, because i've never been good enough to please anyone anyway.
so
the reason why i'm starting this over again today, is because something strange happened today. for a fleeting second i was kinda proud of myself. and that my friends, that shit, never ever ever happens. however, it was a fleeting moment! i cant feel good all the time, or else something really bad will happen.
the reason why i was happy with myself was because i took some really neat pictures last night at cait's house. of her animals and some neat pics of jeremi and ric onstage that crack me up, and i have a pic of me and the spencer's guy. i forget his name, but he's friggin sweet...and he reminds me of travis...and i never really see him anymore.
i wonder if i could make money with my pictures? i doubt it. perhaps i just liked my own work for a second, and no body else could appreciate that. i suppose that would make more sense.
cait's mom wants me to help her break horses and show them this year. that would be so neat. i dont know whats goin on the rest of this year, i'm utterly flying by the seat of my pants right now.
i'm buying a plane ticket to alaska this monday!!!! *glows* its nearing $800, but every penny is accounted for because i will get to spend time with brandy and paul. paul is goin to take me to have cheese steaks and go to the hot springs and such. i told him i'd be weirded out in a bathing suit, and he said he'd wear a thong. awww. hehe. he wants us to spend some time together...he told me he has ideas but, he's going to save them for when i get there. i'm so glad we're talking again.
*paul i love you*
and brandy and i have shit to do too. she hasnt given me any ideas, but i have some of my own. i'm going to midway, which is half way between eielson and birch lake, its a hick restaurant with the hugest hamburgers ever. we're goin to go to the knotty shop and get ridiculously large scoops of ice cream. we're going to the santa claus house and i'm goin to talk to kris kringle again. i'm goin to four wheel, dirt bike, crotch rocket...hopefully even drive to anchortown. or tok or something. i need alaska. do i ever.
another thing that makes me excited...i get all my pics from high school back. i left them up there when i divorced nick, because i didnt want to see him (in allll those years of pictures) but i didnt throw them away, because i knew i'd want them again someday, when i start my lifetime project.
well i could go on and on about my state but i wont. i know it bores closeminded people who live in the shoebox they were born in.
nobody was specifically targeted with that comment, its just how i feel when i try to talk to people about it. they dont know how big the world is.
about the band...well i dont know.
no body talks to me.
i've been practicing, but, i dont know if jake and tracer were able to get the money for the rest of the deal or not. i'm really optimistic about our music, even if this deal falls through. i went to Brokn Bones last night...Sever Red was playin and me and jeremi are still really good friends. (he is sooo gay, hehe, i heart you jp). cait begged me to go and i didnt have to pay anything. anyway the club is really not all that cool. i wish i could have went to see antoin. i miss him so much. i felt like shit all day and knew i wouldnt be able to get up in time to get to work today. and i wasnt very much fun all night, i just sat on the floor, trying miserably to get enough air into my lungs (since my nose is fucked) and swallowed as rarely as possible, because it killed me.
i met a fan at the show tho. she pointed at my sweatshirt. she was like, "arent you supposed to be playing here soon?" jacob talks to her i guess. which doesnt surprise me. jake talks to everyone.
anyway i told her i didnt know.
something that bothers me....
"spit for athena"
it sounds like everything else. and everything else sounds the same too. its working for us and against us. BECAUSE, our shit is tweaked and so much rarer of a find than everyday bands. like i said, i have faith in us, but PEOPLE NEED TO GET OFF OF THEIR ASSES and get JOBS. i talked to caits mom about workin at ConAgra or the DC. i can put her as a reference, and i can request third shift (12 hour shifts) three days a week. that gives me enough money to get my stack, a new guitar, possibly lessons, and gas to go to the band house. obviously, if i'm working in coldwater, i wont be able to live there, but they start you at almost 13 an hour. and i'm a rational money spender.
travis motivated me to spend, but thats love for ya baby. i just wanted him to be happy, and i cant do it any other way.
florida wont happen if ken doesnt get his money. so i dont know where we're at with that.
anyway, my eyes hurt, i'm tired, headache, fucked up nose, sore feet. and i hate work...which i have at 11 am.
later to all who actually read this long ass entry...
*me