open letter to me
First of all, this is NOT she_t. Please don't get the notion that she's more pathetic and depressing than usual. Call me f_chise,and for the past two years (until recently), I have been her better half. I know it's sleazy to steal her account and all, but please bear with me. You'll understand when the situation presents itself to you.
Anyways, for the past two years or so, we've been very happy. We were best friends, family, lovers, and everything in between. Of course there's been some down moments, too, but the good would always outweigh the bad. She's the one that lit up my life each day. She could take any pain away. She could cool me down or heat me up. She's the one that could make me laugh, either intentional or not. She's always been there for me, even when I didn't want her to. To borrow a cliche, she completes me. Words alone can't explain what we've had, and I could go on and on about how much fun we've had together. And I know that if ever she gets the chance to declare all this, she''ll basically say the same things. We were young, we were in love, and back then, that was all that mattered.
But things change. People do stupid things. People make mistakes. They don't hear a spoken word. They don't listen and feel what's wrong. They miss out on special dates. They have affairs. They fall out of love. They fall in love with other people. Shit happens, that's the world, that's what makes us US.
So she called it quits. After all the ranting, arguments, yelling, and whatever on both parts, we're no longer together. After two wonderful years, it's over. She said she still loves me, but she's no longer in love with me. I said I still loved her, and that I cannot be myself without her. We tossed around blame, we pointed fingers, but at the end of it all, we were both at fault.
They say that if you really love someone, you have to learn to let them go. Well I think that's bullshit. We can argue all day long about it, but it's my opinion so you really don't have a say. I'm a fighter, and nothing came to those who didn't try.I (was) trying to win her back, using all tactics in my arsenal, dirty or clean. She said she believes that I do love her, and that I really will do anything just to get her back. Still, I don't have her. She doesn't trust me enough. She's no longer willing to try. She wants to be free. She wants me to give up, let go, move on.
Well I haven't given up, but I've let go. I haven't moved on, and I probably won't for a good long time. I'll let her find her happiness wherever she may get it. I'll just be here holding on to what we had, and hoping for what we may have. I'll be here for as long as I can. I'll keep on loving her though I won't really be there anymore. I'll be her ghost, her secret lover. I'm gonna wait for her.But time is really something that we could not run from. I just hope that if and when she decides to come back, I am still holding on to that dream.
Right now, all I want is to be with her. The hell with everything, call it obsessive, call it pathetic, call me a crybaby, I don't really care. It's my turn, she's had her share. To all of you reading this, I make a vow - I will wait for her to come back. For as long as I can. I'll still dream of holding her hand while watching the rain. I'll still hope that I could laugh at her and laugh with her. I'll hold on to my fantasies of being with her for as long as she wants to, again and again, for as long as it takes.
I love her. And i hope that she gets to read this on good faith that all I really want is her happiness, though there is that hope that she could find it with me again. I love her. So much. I just want her back.
- F_Chise f.k.a. F/Lash
Anyways, for the past two years or so, we've been very happy. We were best friends, family, lovers, and everything in between. Of course there's been some down moments, too, but the good would always outweigh the bad. She's the one that lit up my life each day. She could take any pain away. She could cool me down or heat me up. She's the one that could make me laugh, either intentional or not. She's always been there for me, even when I didn't want her to. To borrow a cliche, she completes me. Words alone can't explain what we've had, and I could go on and on about how much fun we've had together. And I know that if ever she gets the chance to declare all this, she''ll basically say the same things. We were young, we were in love, and back then, that was all that mattered.
But things change. People do stupid things. People make mistakes. They don't hear a spoken word. They don't listen and feel what's wrong. They miss out on special dates. They have affairs. They fall out of love. They fall in love with other people. Shit happens, that's the world, that's what makes us US.
So she called it quits. After all the ranting, arguments, yelling, and whatever on both parts, we're no longer together. After two wonderful years, it's over. She said she still loves me, but she's no longer in love with me. I said I still loved her, and that I cannot be myself without her. We tossed around blame, we pointed fingers, but at the end of it all, we were both at fault.
They say that if you really love someone, you have to learn to let them go. Well I think that's bullshit. We can argue all day long about it, but it's my opinion so you really don't have a say. I'm a fighter, and nothing came to those who didn't try.I (was) trying to win her back, using all tactics in my arsenal, dirty or clean. She said she believes that I do love her, and that I really will do anything just to get her back. Still, I don't have her. She doesn't trust me enough. She's no longer willing to try. She wants to be free. She wants me to give up, let go, move on.
Well I haven't given up, but I've let go. I haven't moved on, and I probably won't for a good long time. I'll let her find her happiness wherever she may get it. I'll just be here holding on to what we had, and hoping for what we may have. I'll be here for as long as I can. I'll keep on loving her though I won't really be there anymore. I'll be her ghost, her secret lover. I'm gonna wait for her.But time is really something that we could not run from. I just hope that if and when she decides to come back, I am still holding on to that dream.
Right now, all I want is to be with her. The hell with everything, call it obsessive, call it pathetic, call me a crybaby, I don't really care. It's my turn, she's had her share. To all of you reading this, I make a vow - I will wait for her to come back. For as long as I can. I'll still dream of holding her hand while watching the rain. I'll still hope that I could laugh at her and laugh with her. I'll hold on to my fantasies of being with her for as long as she wants to, again and again, for as long as it takes.
I love her. And i hope that she gets to read this on good faith that all I really want is her happiness, though there is that hope that she could find it with me again. I love her. So much. I just want her back.
- F_Chise f.k.a. F/Lash