Repeat, repeat, delete, delete.

[she_rolls_a_7]

I have decided. There are two parts of me and they battle against each other constantly and horribly. I am, on one end, superficial, needy, emotional, sensitive, jealous, and mostly, needy. I have undergone many social ups and downs but I only remember the ups. So when I go down, I feel cheated, I feel I have been under cutted, under paid. This is the part of me that has been growing and festering as a result of growing up, puberty, society, adolescence. I am also, on the other hand, deep and vague and simplistic, mystic, mysterious, understanding, other worldly. These two sides are swiftly and deftly clawing at one another, fighting for my piece of mind. These sides have one thing in common. They can control nothing. No one. Whether its one side, the other, or me, I cannot control anyone else on this planet. I can only win the lottery and hearts of others before falling short sooner or later to someone. I can fight as hard as I want, but I will still end up at the mercy of someone who doesnt deserve it. It is foolish of me to think I could keep this going for ever. This is said by side two. Side one says it's me, I'm not interesting enough, I don't offer enough. Side one can fuck off. Side one is much too persistent.
Throughout all of this thought and rambling I have come to only one conclusion. How sure am I of it? Not one bit. Not one fucking bit. But here it is. Reinvention. It is time, again, to start over, fresh, different but back to the basics and roots of my self. The first few times I got by on accident, sheer luck. This time I actually have to...execute.

And my dear god I cannot fix this Livejournal for shit.