Things on my mind
There has been a large outpouring of writing and thoughts about abuse and victim blaming. I have had some thoughts on the subject but I think I may take this in a bit of a different direction for a moment. Please forgive the rambling that will more than likely ensue.
I have a problem (yeah imagine that) I HATE the word drama. And I do mean HATE as in I cringe at the very mention of the word. That word had become to easily thrown around and used to point fingers, accuse and hurt people.
I also HATE the term "can't we all just get along". That fucking turn of words is also something I loathe with a burning passion.
Guess what everybody, we can't all get along. We are not wired that way. What we can do is be polite and respectful though. But recently even that seems to be an undertaking that many cannot seem to grasp.
I have seen to much lack of's recently to really feel I should not keep my moth shut anymore.
Before we get into any recent events though let me delve into my own personal history. I entered into this thing that we do a little over ten years ago. I made my mistakes and my share of bad choices. Due to some of those bad choices I got raped by someone in the lifestyle. (don't ask-cause I'm not telling) For a period of time I sat on my hands and kept my mouth shut. My abuser told me that I did this to myself, I asked for it and deserved it. Then my abuser promptly forgot what they did and denies it to this very day.
So now I imagine you are asking yourself what in the hell does that information have to do with anything I just talked about..well hear goes. I finally told people. Quietly and behind the scenes. I tried to be polite and just give warnings about someone I knew was unsafe and a boiling pot.
Wanna know what I got in return, mostly crap. I got a few people to listen and heed my words but mostly I got called a drama starter. I got called a liar, and I even had people tell me I probably did get what I deserved. WOW I got the basic response of, if it was so bad why did I not call the authorities.
So I buried my head and tried to pretend it never happened. Now skip ahead several years. I saw things in my local community go to shit. I tried to sit on my hands, I tried to walk away, but I am not that kind of person. I stood up for what I believed in, in the most respectful manner I knew how. Guess what, I got yelled at, cussed at and called a drama monger.
Now skip ahead again a year or so. I see new people coming in. I see them getting involved with people I know to be dangerous. I tried to talk to them polity and got the word drama thrown my way yet again.
Noticing a trend here. I am.
So, since when did the word drama come to symbolize and define anything that may cause waves. Is it not those waves that allow us to grow, to learn, to be who we are? Without waves we become stagnant pools that breed disease and death.
I know people are going to form there own opinions and each new group has to scrape their own knees, but why is the word drama automatically attached to something that makes a person uncomfortable.
Since when did warnings of bad things become a form of drama? Would you rather not have a heads up before the fact than to say after the fact, "why didn't you warn me?"
If I feel passionately enough to warn someone then it means I care. I can only speak for myself on that though. And if I am proven wrong, well then all the better actually because it means something has improved somewhere. But that improvement can never happen without a wave being caused somewhere.
Now onto the lets all get along thing..(deep sigh and eye roll) Again I loathe those words. I do not wish to get along with everybody. There are people I cannot stand and you know what....I am okay with that and you should be too. I will not go out of my way to be rude or obnoxious but I will not "get along" with you just because someone else doesn't want "drama" around them.
There are people who my friends are friends with that I don't like. I am fine with that. There are people who will attend the same events I do, again I am okay with that. But guess what boys, girls and everybody, there are bad people out there and I am not going to get along with them just to satisfy YOU! And if I know someone is a bad person I will speak up. Not loudly or rudely but rest assured I will speak out.
So if you can't deal with that kind of "drama" I suspect we will be better off not being friends or getting along.
Life is full of rainbows and sunshine, but life is also full of shadows and not so pleasant things that go bump in the night. How would you feel if you had been hurt and then blamed and told to stop starting drama.
Get a backbone, start living life to the fullest because if you think we will ever "all just get along" you are living a very false perception of life and will constantly find yourself let down and angry.
Yes, there are always two sides to every story and yes, people do need to own their shit. But sometimes, just sometimes, wrong and bad are nothing more than just wrong and bad.
I have a problem (yeah imagine that) I HATE the word drama. And I do mean HATE as in I cringe at the very mention of the word. That word had become to easily thrown around and used to point fingers, accuse and hurt people.
I also HATE the term "can't we all just get along". That fucking turn of words is also something I loathe with a burning passion.
Guess what everybody, we can't all get along. We are not wired that way. What we can do is be polite and respectful though. But recently even that seems to be an undertaking that many cannot seem to grasp.
I have seen to much lack of's recently to really feel I should not keep my moth shut anymore.
Before we get into any recent events though let me delve into my own personal history. I entered into this thing that we do a little over ten years ago. I made my mistakes and my share of bad choices. Due to some of those bad choices I got raped by someone in the lifestyle. (don't ask-cause I'm not telling) For a period of time I sat on my hands and kept my mouth shut. My abuser told me that I did this to myself, I asked for it and deserved it. Then my abuser promptly forgot what they did and denies it to this very day.
So now I imagine you are asking yourself what in the hell does that information have to do with anything I just talked about..well hear goes. I finally told people. Quietly and behind the scenes. I tried to be polite and just give warnings about someone I knew was unsafe and a boiling pot.
Wanna know what I got in return, mostly crap. I got a few people to listen and heed my words but mostly I got called a drama starter. I got called a liar, and I even had people tell me I probably did get what I deserved. WOW I got the basic response of, if it was so bad why did I not call the authorities.
So I buried my head and tried to pretend it never happened. Now skip ahead several years. I saw things in my local community go to shit. I tried to sit on my hands, I tried to walk away, but I am not that kind of person. I stood up for what I believed in, in the most respectful manner I knew how. Guess what, I got yelled at, cussed at and called a drama monger.
Now skip ahead again a year or so. I see new people coming in. I see them getting involved with people I know to be dangerous. I tried to talk to them polity and got the word drama thrown my way yet again.
Noticing a trend here. I am.
So, since when did the word drama come to symbolize and define anything that may cause waves. Is it not those waves that allow us to grow, to learn, to be who we are? Without waves we become stagnant pools that breed disease and death.
I know people are going to form there own opinions and each new group has to scrape their own knees, but why is the word drama automatically attached to something that makes a person uncomfortable.
Since when did warnings of bad things become a form of drama? Would you rather not have a heads up before the fact than to say after the fact, "why didn't you warn me?"
If I feel passionately enough to warn someone then it means I care. I can only speak for myself on that though. And if I am proven wrong, well then all the better actually because it means something has improved somewhere. But that improvement can never happen without a wave being caused somewhere.
Now onto the lets all get along thing..(deep sigh and eye roll) Again I loathe those words. I do not wish to get along with everybody. There are people I cannot stand and you know what....I am okay with that and you should be too. I will not go out of my way to be rude or obnoxious but I will not "get along" with you just because someone else doesn't want "drama" around them.
There are people who my friends are friends with that I don't like. I am fine with that. There are people who will attend the same events I do, again I am okay with that. But guess what boys, girls and everybody, there are bad people out there and I am not going to get along with them just to satisfy YOU! And if I know someone is a bad person I will speak up. Not loudly or rudely but rest assured I will speak out.
So if you can't deal with that kind of "drama" I suspect we will be better off not being friends or getting along.
Life is full of rainbows and sunshine, but life is also full of shadows and not so pleasant things that go bump in the night. How would you feel if you had been hurt and then blamed and told to stop starting drama.
Get a backbone, start living life to the fullest because if you think we will ever "all just get along" you are living a very false perception of life and will constantly find yourself let down and angry.
Yes, there are always two sides to every story and yes, people do need to own their shit. But sometimes, just sometimes, wrong and bad are nothing more than just wrong and bad.