a boogie boogie boo
Those are magic words, "a boogie boogie boo." They make Keats smile even when he's trying not to. Ali and I will tell him that that sentence, in our secret language, means "I love you."
He's over 4 months old. It's speeding by. Everyone was right. What else is speeding by is the time I'm able to stay home with him. Work is slowly creeping back into my life and so is this: panic.
It's something I haven't had for 10 years. It's something I don't even really believe exists. It's a madison avenue illness, it's something that people with too much leisure have to deal with. And here it is, served to me pipin' hot. Panic attacks in the middle of the night, mostly. I've been heavily medicated for them before, I won't go that route again. But jeebus, what is wrong with me?
The horrid painful thing has returned and Ali says that's probably got me stressed out and it's true, it has. But is that all?
I love my job, yet my freak-outs seem to occur the nights before I have to go in for a session. But then once I'm there I'm happy as a clam. Is it possible I'm actually crazy?
Cass once told me that crazy people don't have a clue they're crazy so if I think I might be crazy then it's proof that I'm not. I don't think I buy that anymore.
When I'm not panicking, life is pretty good. I want a million babies but will probably stick with one. We are pretty much trapped at home because of the carseat aversion but it bothers me much less than it might should. It's hard, this whole Mom thing, but it doesn't matter that it's hard because it's so wonderful. Does that make any sense? I am strong and because of that the rewards are many.
He's over 4 months old. It's speeding by. Everyone was right. What else is speeding by is the time I'm able to stay home with him. Work is slowly creeping back into my life and so is this: panic.
It's something I haven't had for 10 years. It's something I don't even really believe exists. It's a madison avenue illness, it's something that people with too much leisure have to deal with. And here it is, served to me pipin' hot. Panic attacks in the middle of the night, mostly. I've been heavily medicated for them before, I won't go that route again. But jeebus, what is wrong with me?
The horrid painful thing has returned and Ali says that's probably got me stressed out and it's true, it has. But is that all?
I love my job, yet my freak-outs seem to occur the nights before I have to go in for a session. But then once I'm there I'm happy as a clam. Is it possible I'm actually crazy?
Cass once told me that crazy people don't have a clue they're crazy so if I think I might be crazy then it's proof that I'm not. I don't think I buy that anymore.
When I'm not panicking, life is pretty good. I want a million babies but will probably stick with one. We are pretty much trapped at home because of the carseat aversion but it bothers me much less than it might should. It's hard, this whole Mom thing, but it doesn't matter that it's hard because it's so wonderful. Does that make any sense? I am strong and because of that the rewards are many.