So alive
You know how sometimes just hearing a caring voice is enough to make you lose it? My mom just called and said "you're not okay, I can hear it in your voice. What's going on?" and I just started crying. I didn't even know I was upset. This is what happens when I'm sleep deprived, I guess.
For the third day in a row my Dad was rude to me. I'm no longer okay with it.
I am not 100% (or rather, I'm not as I used to be. The pregnancy keeps me from doing things) and so my house is falling apart. I can't clean or cook or shop like I used to and Ali seems unable to see that it needs to be done. So the dirt piles up, the fridge empties out, and I become bitter.
Ali's birthday is Friday and Ezra's was last week and I feel like I'm not strong/rich/present/creative/fun/awake enough to make either of the days special. And no one else is around to help. My dad has pretty much forsaken us all which is a shame because Ez is only here another week before he moves away and we don't get to see him til Thanksgiving. Then again, it's not a shame, because he's an asshole.
Hopefully tonight the cramps will lessen and I'll be able to sleep and I can stop being emotional.