we need to talk about protection
I had a horrible day. Not really so horrible, in the grand scheme of things, but in the small-minded way, a horrible day. But today was Ali's birthday, so I put a smile over it all and tried to focus on celebrating him.
I had terrible nightmares last night in which he was behaving atrociously and I woke up mad at him but kissed him anyway and then made him my own invention of ice cream french toast.
Then I worked from home and waited for the cable man to arrive. My birthday gift to Ali, in addition to this, is three months of HD cable and a cable phone. It's somehow much more expensive than I thought and also I find it revolting, but Ali loves it. I wish I had been more clever with his gift instead of the cable, because now I am here with a husband whose eyes are glazed over and a house that is dominated by hundreds of channels. I feel shame. I comfort myself by eating his birthday cake. More shame.
I have decided: I need to stop giving into indulgence. But at the same time I need to be nicer to me.
More happened today to make me grumpy but I don't need to go into it. I will remember: an almost lost wedding band, a ruined shelf in pottery, tight clothes, bad hair, empty bank account, responsibility, sadness. I need to remind myself that my family is well (mostly), my life is full of glory and priviledge and tomorrow's another day.
Dad's birthday song for Ali, which he recorded in the Buda laundry room.
I had terrible nightmares last night in which he was behaving atrociously and I woke up mad at him but kissed him anyway and then made him my own invention of ice cream french toast.
Then I worked from home and waited for the cable man to arrive. My birthday gift to Ali, in addition to this, is three months of HD cable and a cable phone. It's somehow much more expensive than I thought and also I find it revolting, but Ali loves it. I wish I had been more clever with his gift instead of the cable, because now I am here with a husband whose eyes are glazed over and a house that is dominated by hundreds of channels. I feel shame. I comfort myself by eating his birthday cake. More shame.
I have decided: I need to stop giving into indulgence. But at the same time I need to be nicer to me.
More happened today to make me grumpy but I don't need to go into it. I will remember: an almost lost wedding band, a ruined shelf in pottery, tight clothes, bad hair, empty bank account, responsibility, sadness. I need to remind myself that my family is well (mostly), my life is full of glory and priviledge and tomorrow's another day.
Dad's birthday song for Ali, which he recorded in the Buda laundry room.