Epic Fail (Part III)
The domestic situation had begun to reach critical mass. First, Tiny got in some legal trouble"
Tiny (IMing): I has your IP nao you nOOb. Give me your credit cards and no one gets hurt.
nOOb2525: This is really Agent Smith, FBI, stay where you are and prepare for a full cavity search.
Tiny: OH SHI-
And insanity was growing worse in others:
Naomi: OMG, being dead is so goffik! Hey, I'm totally dead on the inside. Let's be friends.
Ghost: Who are you and why are you talking to me?
Finally, Paul attempted to liven up a party he considered boring:
Paul: Bitches don't know about my fireworks.
It was time to go on the lam, I mean, vacation. Naomi contacted Harmony Fail, the sister none of them ever liked to talk about. Just like that, the Fails were headed for Egypt.
Harmony: I hate them...I hate them...
After arrival, they received rumors of a deadly and ancient curses upon various ruins. This sounded cool. Various expeditions were planned.
Acid Bob: Where am I?
Becky: I don't care, leave me alone.
Naomi: the sun is ruining my pale skin, but pretty, pretty, pretty...
Then Acid Bob came upon a terrible, terrible book, which contained hideous secrets of unspeakable, fathomless centuries of EVIL.
Bob (Reading aloud): Cthulhu F'tagn R'Lyeh...
And Naomi had an apocalyptic vision:
The Fails went looking for the wretched artifact said to doom the human race.
Amy: as a writer, this will provide some material. Where's that stupid necro thingie? I see one stupid sand dune, another...
Well, Tiny didn't exactly join the search. The camp didn't have WIFI or even dial up. Deprived of all internets, he went to the city square. There was a quiet, twitchy moment. Then, Tiny began to serenade passersby with Rick Ashtley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."
Native: (Arab cursing)
Tiny: NO U!
Paul was less than impressed by everything:
Paul: (turns around) Damn I'm smooth.
There was a domestic situation:
Harmony: that's right! I just kicked YOU in the SPINE!
Ezekiel: b-but what if he dies? (Nervous glance) I WAS NEVER HERE! (Runs)
Naomi: That ship is really old, like something made back in the 60s. Hey, then, the people who made it, are, like, dead now. That's SO deep. Where's my poetry notebook?
Eventually, the Sekrit Information was located, but not after much bonding with the locals:
Ezekiel: is this the country whut did 9-11?
Clerk: Look, I'll give you the map if you promise to never, ever come back here.
The tomb raid began.
Becky: we are inside the Pyramid. You might be want to be careful, there are all kinds of traps and even undead creatures. A mummy can curse you for a thousand years...
Paul: (interrupts Becky) too long, didn't listen (Jams hand inside wall)
Dark passageways were often blocked by huge rubble piles.
Melody(thinking): Naomi is SO sweaty. Why does that turn me on?
There was no shortage of traps. Epic agility was required to cross them.
Naomi: Go girl go. HI-YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (hurtles across to safety), Wow, that was crazy close. I almost got exploded. (Reflects) Too bad.
The old man found an electricity trap:
Ezekiel (spits up blood): Boy
No one died, but the terror grew:
Becky: intolerable vibrations in this place, fear and loathing...
Paul located a fire trap:
Paul: I'll just step on this suspicious circular object here. (Catches on fire)
Naomi: OH NOEZ!!!
Paul (screams): SO HARDCOAR! Ow! Ow! Ow! BAD ASS! Ow!
Deep in the catacombs, the shifting of a great weight reverberated through the Pyramid of Doom. With a horrifying silence of horror, the deathless monsters rose from their eldritch homes, to attack:
Mummy: silly mortal girl, you shall puke up locusts for a thousand years!
Naomi: are you sure your really undead? You don't even sparkle.
Mummy: DAT...ASS...
Amy: I know.
TO BE CONTINUED!
In the next episode, danger, madness, and...
...LOVE!?
Tiny (IMing): I has your IP nao you nOOb. Give me your credit cards and no one gets hurt.
nOOb2525: This is really Agent Smith, FBI, stay where you are and prepare for a full cavity search.
Tiny: OH SHI-
And insanity was growing worse in others:
Naomi: OMG, being dead is so goffik! Hey, I'm totally dead on the inside. Let's be friends.
Ghost: Who are you and why are you talking to me?
Finally, Paul attempted to liven up a party he considered boring:
Paul: Bitches don't know about my fireworks.
It was time to go on the lam, I mean, vacation. Naomi contacted Harmony Fail, the sister none of them ever liked to talk about. Just like that, the Fails were headed for Egypt.
Harmony: I hate them...I hate them...
After arrival, they received rumors of a deadly and ancient curses upon various ruins. This sounded cool. Various expeditions were planned.
Acid Bob: Where am I?
Becky: I don't care, leave me alone.
Naomi: the sun is ruining my pale skin, but pretty, pretty, pretty...
Then Acid Bob came upon a terrible, terrible book, which contained hideous secrets of unspeakable, fathomless centuries of EVIL.
Bob (Reading aloud): Cthulhu F'tagn R'Lyeh...
And Naomi had an apocalyptic vision:
The Fails went looking for the wretched artifact said to doom the human race.
Amy: as a writer, this will provide some material. Where's that stupid necro thingie? I see one stupid sand dune, another...
Well, Tiny didn't exactly join the search. The camp didn't have WIFI or even dial up. Deprived of all internets, he went to the city square. There was a quiet, twitchy moment. Then, Tiny began to serenade passersby with Rick Ashtley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."
Native: (Arab cursing)
Tiny: NO U!
Paul was less than impressed by everything:
Paul: (turns around) Damn I'm smooth.
There was a domestic situation:
Harmony: that's right! I just kicked YOU in the SPINE!
Ezekiel: b-but what if he dies? (Nervous glance) I WAS NEVER HERE! (Runs)
Naomi: That ship is really old, like something made back in the 60s. Hey, then, the people who made it, are, like, dead now. That's SO deep. Where's my poetry notebook?
Eventually, the Sekrit Information was located, but not after much bonding with the locals:
Ezekiel: is this the country whut did 9-11?
Clerk: Look, I'll give you the map if you promise to never, ever come back here.
The tomb raid began.
Becky: we are inside the Pyramid. You might be want to be careful, there are all kinds of traps and even undead creatures. A mummy can curse you for a thousand years...
Paul: (interrupts Becky) too long, didn't listen (Jams hand inside wall)
Dark passageways were often blocked by huge rubble piles.
Melody(thinking): Naomi is SO sweaty. Why does that turn me on?
There was no shortage of traps. Epic agility was required to cross them.
Naomi: Go girl go. HI-YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (hurtles across to safety), Wow, that was crazy close. I almost got exploded. (Reflects) Too bad.
The old man found an electricity trap:
Ezekiel (spits up blood): Boy
No one died, but the terror grew:
Becky: intolerable vibrations in this place, fear and loathing...
Paul located a fire trap:
Paul: I'll just step on this suspicious circular object here. (Catches on fire)
Naomi: OH NOEZ!!!
Paul (screams): SO HARDCOAR! Ow! Ow! Ow! BAD ASS! Ow!
Deep in the catacombs, the shifting of a great weight reverberated through the Pyramid of Doom. With a horrifying silence of horror, the deathless monsters rose from their eldritch homes, to attack:
Mummy: silly mortal girl, you shall puke up locusts for a thousand years!
Naomi: are you sure your really undead? You don't even sparkle.
Mummy: DAT...ASS...
Amy: I know.
TO BE CONTINUED!
In the next episode, danger, madness, and...
...LOVE!?