LWM: Lost Baby Pictures
The image of Karen and the below mentioned photos popped into my head suddnely and I knew that I needed to get teh words down. So, I litterally dropped everything and opened a new file. Thsi is raw, beat out in less than 20 minutes and a needed to be said.
Bittersweet warning.
++ Karen ++
"Hey Monkey," I call out softly to my darling daughter. "Have you seen these?"
The photos have been rattling around a plastic box for a long time. A few of them are dented, but most are showing more the signs of bittersweet love than neglect. Hopefully, Darya won't mind my prying.
"What are they, Kryn?" She asks quietly, climbing into my lap to see what I hold. At more than six now, she's getting big enough for me to feel her weight.
"A long time ago, your mommy and I showed you these, but you were much younger then. Maybe now things will make a little more sense, hmm?" The first is a strange one, all black with blurry streaks of pale gray scattered over the surface. "This is a sonogram, your very first baby picture."
With a distasteful look, Emily squints at the pattern and I wait for her to pick out the pattern of her fetal self. With a sharp squeal, she grabs the photo and squints closely at it. "I see a baby!"
"Yep," I encourage. "That's you when you were still inside mommy."
Puzzled, but thinking it over, she casts about her memories and experiences. "Like the ugly pictures of Trisha and Dobby?"
"That's exactly right. There's a special tool that doctor's use to take pictures inside the body."
"Like x-rays."
"Similar, yes."
There are some gory birthing shots that make us 'eew' and giggle, before we come to one that puts us both in a contemplative silence.
Frozen forever in time, she bends over Darya, who struggles in her birth throes, the camera catching every muscle straining, from forehead to toes. Blonde hair tickling over Darya's flushed skin, she presses her lips to the sweaty temple with obvious adoration.
"Mimi," Emily breathes softly.
With the slide of my fingers, a last shot appears from behind the one we stare at. This one is haunting and beautiful in equal measures. In the glare of the flash, Emma proudly holds the small bundle of newborn Emily to her cheek with a wild, adoring smile and teary eyes. It is a snapshot of absolute love, for in that moment, there is no knowledge of what will come to pass with time. In that moment, she is a new mom, holding her child for the first time and all is good in the world.
"Mimi," Emily says again, tracing the happy face of her lost other mom with a gentle finger.
"I wanted you to see how much she loved you, Emily," I whisper around the lump in my throat. "And she should be remembered by those she loved. I know she's gone and will never come back, but I wanted you to remember her."
Guileless blue eyes stare into mine and I am stunned to be reminded of the toddler I met all those years ago. "Do you love me too?"
Dropping the photos back into their box I squeeze her to me. "Oh, Emily mine, I will love you forever. Nothing will ever stop that. Just like her being gone forever won't stop your Mimi from loving you. don't ever think that I don't adore you completely."
Emotional, we cling together for a very long time. But at last Emily leans away only enough to look at the box, where the photo is half exposed beneath another. There is Emma's smiling face and the squidgy little mug of her baby self. "Thank you Kryn. I don't want to forget either. I love you."
"I love you too, Emily."
Bittersweet warning.
++ Karen ++
"Hey Monkey," I call out softly to my darling daughter. "Have you seen these?"
The photos have been rattling around a plastic box for a long time. A few of them are dented, but most are showing more the signs of bittersweet love than neglect. Hopefully, Darya won't mind my prying.
"What are they, Kryn?" She asks quietly, climbing into my lap to see what I hold. At more than six now, she's getting big enough for me to feel her weight.
"A long time ago, your mommy and I showed you these, but you were much younger then. Maybe now things will make a little more sense, hmm?" The first is a strange one, all black with blurry streaks of pale gray scattered over the surface. "This is a sonogram, your very first baby picture."
With a distasteful look, Emily squints at the pattern and I wait for her to pick out the pattern of her fetal self. With a sharp squeal, she grabs the photo and squints closely at it. "I see a baby!"
"Yep," I encourage. "That's you when you were still inside mommy."
Puzzled, but thinking it over, she casts about her memories and experiences. "Like the ugly pictures of Trisha and Dobby?"
"That's exactly right. There's a special tool that doctor's use to take pictures inside the body."
"Like x-rays."
"Similar, yes."
There are some gory birthing shots that make us 'eew' and giggle, before we come to one that puts us both in a contemplative silence.
Frozen forever in time, she bends over Darya, who struggles in her birth throes, the camera catching every muscle straining, from forehead to toes. Blonde hair tickling over Darya's flushed skin, she presses her lips to the sweaty temple with obvious adoration.
"Mimi," Emily breathes softly.
With the slide of my fingers, a last shot appears from behind the one we stare at. This one is haunting and beautiful in equal measures. In the glare of the flash, Emma proudly holds the small bundle of newborn Emily to her cheek with a wild, adoring smile and teary eyes. It is a snapshot of absolute love, for in that moment, there is no knowledge of what will come to pass with time. In that moment, she is a new mom, holding her child for the first time and all is good in the world.
"Mimi," Emily says again, tracing the happy face of her lost other mom with a gentle finger.
"I wanted you to see how much she loved you, Emily," I whisper around the lump in my throat. "And she should be remembered by those she loved. I know she's gone and will never come back, but I wanted you to remember her."
Guileless blue eyes stare into mine and I am stunned to be reminded of the toddler I met all those years ago. "Do you love me too?"
Dropping the photos back into their box I squeeze her to me. "Oh, Emily mine, I will love you forever. Nothing will ever stop that. Just like her being gone forever won't stop your Mimi from loving you. don't ever think that I don't adore you completely."
Emotional, we cling together for a very long time. But at last Emily leans away only enough to look at the box, where the photo is half exposed beneath another. There is Emma's smiling face and the squidgy little mug of her baby self. "Thank you Kryn. I don't want to forget either. I love you."
"I love you too, Emily."