okay blah blah blah
once again i'm in my mood again, where i sit and contemplate why i don't have a bf....and normally my reasoning always falls on my faults...so just as a pre-warning....
i think the biggest reason why is that i'm too self conscious about my appeareance and i'm always thinking why would people want to date me? when there's so many other better looking guys out there? i mean honestly, not to sound cocky, but i think i have a pretty good personality and good morals; i can be a bit shallow at times; but over all i think my personality is pretty groovin; lol. it's just my looks where i think i faulter.
to be more precise; i think my biggest fear is people's perception of my arm/hand. i mean a lot of people don't even notice it right away, but sometimes when they do; they're totally thrown for a spiraling of thoughts; some can't seem to handle it and totally are like "ummm....i gotta go" while others could care less. the part that really gets to me is that normally the guys that i'm interested in can't get over my "difference" (if you will), which makes me always hesitant to tell people about it for fear that they will run in the other direction. i know, if you're reading this you're probably saying "jason those people don't matter, you'll find someone that doesn't even care" which part of me knows this is true; i mean i've been in relationships before and my partner hasn't cared about it and we went on being a normal couple. but now being single i'm left to find someone that can look past my physicalities and to my inner self; which in this world it seems pretty hard to do.
when i start talking to a guy online that i like and i'm thinking he is quite possibly bf material, the next thought in my mind is normally should i tell him about my hand before we meet or should i just meet him in person and hope for the best; sometimes i can't deal with the pressure and i just spill the beans up front online thinking if the guy truly is interested in me then he won't care and will still want to meet me. although depending on my mood i might just not mention anything and hope for the best in person....but either way it hurts when they suddenly stop talking to you after i tell them about it....and it's something i have to live with everyday of my life...
i s'pose i can only keep on hoping and waiting for that dream guy to come along that loves me for me....
~~jai
i think the biggest reason why is that i'm too self conscious about my appeareance and i'm always thinking why would people want to date me? when there's so many other better looking guys out there? i mean honestly, not to sound cocky, but i think i have a pretty good personality and good morals; i can be a bit shallow at times; but over all i think my personality is pretty groovin; lol. it's just my looks where i think i faulter.
to be more precise; i think my biggest fear is people's perception of my arm/hand. i mean a lot of people don't even notice it right away, but sometimes when they do; they're totally thrown for a spiraling of thoughts; some can't seem to handle it and totally are like "ummm....i gotta go" while others could care less. the part that really gets to me is that normally the guys that i'm interested in can't get over my "difference" (if you will), which makes me always hesitant to tell people about it for fear that they will run in the other direction. i know, if you're reading this you're probably saying "jason those people don't matter, you'll find someone that doesn't even care" which part of me knows this is true; i mean i've been in relationships before and my partner hasn't cared about it and we went on being a normal couple. but now being single i'm left to find someone that can look past my physicalities and to my inner self; which in this world it seems pretty hard to do.
when i start talking to a guy online that i like and i'm thinking he is quite possibly bf material, the next thought in my mind is normally should i tell him about my hand before we meet or should i just meet him in person and hope for the best; sometimes i can't deal with the pressure and i just spill the beans up front online thinking if the guy truly is interested in me then he won't care and will still want to meet me. although depending on my mood i might just not mention anything and hope for the best in person....but either way it hurts when they suddenly stop talking to you after i tell them about it....and it's something i have to live with everyday of my life...
i s'pose i can only keep on hoping and waiting for that dream guy to come along that loves me for me....
~~jai