(no subject)
I kinda left home for a bit cuz I still feel shallow about my dishonesty and I took a LONG walk from the neighborhood all the way to Speers + Dorval. During my walk I slept under the stairwell outside near Oakville Place mall is, where no one can see you. I slept there for a good 20-30 mins before the weather got worse. I felt the feeling of shallowness, where no one cares about you and you're under everyone's feet like you don't exisit. They see you but don't want to talk to you they just look and walk away as if you're nothing to them. God in my mind was telling me " Jay, come home. I say back " why should I come home, all I'm going to face is getting crapped on and bad mouth and low blows. I don't want to go back home and talk about it. " " Well at least come out from under the stairwell. " said God. " no not yet, I'm too much of a bad person to come home, I writen an apology letter to make truces. I try getting ahold of Laurie. No anwser. " So I start crying " So this is the true feeling of having no one care about you. I'm such a bad person for what I did and I told my Mom I'll make it right. Despite of what I did. " God said again " Jason come home. " I ignore and continue walking to speers road up the hill. While on the walk " Jason come home. " I get angry and continue to ignore. Walks into shoppers to warm up and look around. 15 minutes finish I leave. Next I tried calling Laurie again no anwser? Laurie you done work yet?
" Jason come home. " Finally I surrender to God and submit to him and I back towards home. Walked from Speers down to the GO Station and take the bus home. As I'm approuching home I have a feeling of I don't want to go back. God said again " Jason come home, we'll talk about it. " Walks into house and sees Mom on the phone talking. I don't said anything and I just take out the garbage and stays in my room and waits to see what happens and thinks. That's all. I can't call Laurie cuz mom is on the phone.
Night
I hope we can make truces and Friday becomes a better day cuz I had a hell of a guilt trip and I don't want to feel guilt anymore for my dishonesty but I came to God for forgiveness.
" Jason come home. " Finally I surrender to God and submit to him and I back towards home. Walked from Speers down to the GO Station and take the bus home. As I'm approuching home I have a feeling of I don't want to go back. God said again " Jason come home, we'll talk about it. " Walks into house and sees Mom on the phone talking. I don't said anything and I just take out the garbage and stays in my room and waits to see what happens and thinks. That's all. I can't call Laurie cuz mom is on the phone.
Night
I hope we can make truces and Friday becomes a better day cuz I had a hell of a guilt trip and I don't want to feel guilt anymore for my dishonesty but I came to God for forgiveness.