DBSK Fic: Half of The Moon (10/15)
Title: Half Of The Moon
Main pairing: Changmin x Junsu
Other pairings: Yunho x Jaejoong; Yoochun x Yoohwan; Kangin x Leeteuk;
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: R in this chapter, NC-17 overall
Warnings: THIS FIC CONTAINS LOTS OF ABUSE AT THE BEGINNING, INCLUDING DISTURBING RAPE SCENE, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE WHICH MIGHT BE DISTURBING FOR SOME. It also contains very submissive Junsu and INCEST. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBSK/JYJ/Super Junior
Summary: Werewolf!Verse. Junsu was a submissive werewolf in his pack. He was a human once until a pack of rogue werewolves killed his entire family and made him a werewolf. There was nothing more he wanted more than to be dead. Unfortunately fate seemed to have different ideas.
Credit: Thank you for mearii87at Live Journal who has allowed me to use some of her ideas from this gorgeous 'Clair De Lune' universe she has created. Anyone who hasn't read her fics, you really should. They're amazing.
Beta-Ed by harunotenshi, thank you very much! ^^
This universe I've borrowed has been inspired by Patricia Briggs.
---
Author’s Note/warning (?): I’m playing Junsu’s 11AM on repeat as I wrote this chapter.
Half of the Moon
Chapter Ten
By: Sharl/zielddhy
There was something oddly comforting when you find yourself in The Marrock’s pack, especially when you were well-taken care of. Changmin realized that the moment he woke up and Leeteuk was hovering nearby. There was Yesung too in the room, but it was Leeteuk who spoke to him first. The man was obviously worried and had waited for Changmin to wake up for a while. “How are you feeling?” Leeteuk asked him.
“Like I’ve been run over by a truck,” Changmin answered in hoarse voice. That was the truth, his whole body hurt and he could still feel some silver remaining in his body. It left him feeling weak. Changmin hated it and he was sure Hedwig hated it more. The Marrock’s mate stood up and poured some water for Changmin to drink. Yesung moved closer to the bed and that’s when Changmin realized he wasn’t lying in the silver cage anymore.
Yesung checked him over before giving him a satisfied nod. “You’re better already. I’ll get some meat right now, it’ll help you heal faster.” He then left the bedroom, leaving Changmin alone with Leeteuk who still looked concerned. They spoke briefly and after he was satisfied that Changmin wouldn’t do something stupid anytime soon, Leeteuk finally left.
Changmin closed his eyes. At the back of his mind he could feel his Alpha’s concern and Jaejoong’s relief when they sensed that Changmin had woken up. He reassured them instantly, telling Yunho that he just needed some rest. Stupid, idiot, dim-witted Changmin, Jaejoong grumbled fondly and it made Changmin smile.
I’ll be back on my feet tomorrow, I promise. Send someone to drive me home?
Minho will do that, Yunho replied.
Changmin sighed and closed the pack bond just a little, he needed some privacy at the moment. The last thing he remembered before passing out was the feeling of sheer pain as the silver touched his body over and over again. Everywhere he moved, everywhere he touched, and there was only the pain. His wolf, Hedwig, protested when Changmin told him about this crazy plan of his, but if it made Junsu feel safer during the full moon, then Changmin would do it again willingly.
Speaking of Junsu…
He thought he heard Junsu’s voice in his mind when he was in the silver cage back then, but it was impossible. Junsu was not there, couldn’t be there at the Marrock’s house. Yunho and Jaejoong would’ve kept a hawk eye on the submissive for Changmin had requested them to do so. Most likely he was only seeing things because back then he could also feel Junsu’s sadness and regret trickled down through their mate bond.
Suddenly something crossed his mind and urged him to check on it. What if… what if he wasn’t imagining things and that he actually could feel what Junsu felt and hear what he said? But no, it was impossible. Junsu and his wolf had made it impossible when they blocked the bond. Or maybe maybe maybe they have taken it down.
But what if the block is still there?
Changmin sighed. He didn’t want any hope for now, only to be disappointed at the end. And so he didn’t touch the bond, choosing to focus on the pack’s instead. At least he’d get some comfort and reassurances from there.
The next day, as Yunho had promised, Minho drove him back to the pack house.
He had expected warm welcome from the members, or maybe a lecture from Jaejoong or Yunho about his stupid decision on spending the last full moon in a silver cage, or maybe the usual ruckus noises every time Siwon, Donghae and Eunhyuk were in the house together (the three of them could be such children). But he definitely didn’t expect seeing Junsu so soon, not when Changmin literally had just arrived one minute ago.
The submissive was standing in front of Changmin’s room and Changmin had to clamp down the giddy feeling he felt when he realized that Junsu was waiting for him. He stopped a few steps away from Junsu, sending his mate an awkward smile and an even more awkward ‘hi.’ Changmin swallowed heavily, “Something I can help you with?”
Junsu was shifting from one foot to the other, but when he looked up Changmin saw a determination glint on his eyes. “Yes,” Junsu nodded stiffly, “I need to talk to you.”
+
Even without touching their mate bond, Changmin knew Junsu was nervous. Or maybe he was scared, or a bit of both but Changmin wanted to calm him down if Junsu allowed him to. However that was impossible so Changmin tried to appear as unintimidating as possible.
They were in Changmin’s room and with the door closed, trying to get as much privacy as possible from a house full of werewolves. Changmin also had the radio turn up so that it would be very hard for any member to eavesdrop on them. He was flicking through the frequencies when he heard Junsu said something, so soft and quiet he almost missed it. “I’m sorry you have to go through the silver. Are you feeling better now?”
Changmin blinked. Crap, did Jaejoong tell on him? He must have been, otherwise how could Junsu know about the silver cage? Counting out Kangin’s pack, he only told two people, Yunho and Jaejoong. Even Yoochun didn’t know the reason why Changmin was absent from the full moon hunt, but he supposed Yunho had told the pack some believable excuses. And out of those two only the Alpha’s mate would be this busy body. Meddlesome bastard.
He didn’t bother to hide his irritation towards the older male and he was sure Jaejoong picked up on it. But it was very understandable why Changmin would be mad and so even Yunho didn’t say anything to him. Junsu, however, was a different case.
“Don’t be mad,” the submissive said, “I’m glad he told me. Because then I can say that you don’t have to do that next time. I’ll be the one who leave during the full moon and so you can stay here with Yunho’s pack.”
Changmin’s mind was whirling and his heart dropped. Junsu was leaving? “No!” he blurted out before he could stop himself, “You can’t leave! You have to stay!”
This time Junsu was the one who blinked. He bit his lip before replying, “But it’s my fault that you’re in that…silver cage.” Changmin could see the slight tremble that went through Junsu when he said those words, as if he had some experiences regarding them.
“It’s not your fault. That was my choice.” Changmin took a deep breath and finally said the words he supposed to say ages ago. “I’m sorry I rejected you before.”
Junsu was quick to reply. The way he spoke was casual. Like they were discussing weather instead of mate bond between werewolves. “Oh, no, I understand why you did that. I mean, I’m a submissive and you’re the Second most dominant in the pack, we’re too different.” I understand why you don’t want me, was the unspoken words, but Changmin could read them clearly even though Junsu hid them with an apologetic smile.
A pain flashed through him. His mate just apologized, as if it was his fault he was now a submissive while in fact he wasn’t given a choice in the first place. However there was something more urgent than worrying about that, he had to convince Junsu that he does in fact, want him. Unconsciously he licked his lips, summoning the courage to say, “But what if I do?”
Junsu blinked again and for the first time Changmin thought his mate was so adorable looking so confused. But then the confusion was replaced with shock, and then disbelief. Maybe there was a flash of glimmering hope that went through the submissive’s eyes, but it was gone too fast before Changmin could focus on it. “No you don’t,” Junsu said finally although the way he said it was more to reassure himself rather than anything else.
That determination on Junsu’s face that was there when he waited for Changmin had gone completely, replaced with a dejected, forlorn look. “You don’t mean that. Why would you want me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Junsu sighed, “Changmin-“
“Junsu,” he cut him off, “I won’t lie to you. Right now I want you because of the mate bond. But give me some time and I believe that once I know you better, I’ll be able to love you, regardless of the bond and all. I just need you to give me that chance.”
Junsu shook his head negatively. He had his arms crossed as a poorly disguised attempt to hide his trembling body. “You won’t Changmin, trust me.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that for myself?” Changmin took a step closer to Junsu. His hands itched to hug his mate but he knew better than to do that. He was still curious as to what had happened to Junsu. Why would Junsu scream when Changmin merely touched him? He finally resorted to begging, the only thing he could do right now. “Please, whatever you’re hiding, show it to me.”
To his frustration, Junsu still shook his head. “You’ll hate me, you’ll be disgusted with me even more,” Junsu was near tears and it was all Changmin could do before again taking one daring step closer, searching his mate’s eyes.
“I can never hate you,” he whispered. “Please Junsu, let me get to know my mate.”
Maybe it was the word ‘my mate,’ maybe it was Changmin’s pitiful pleading and begging ways, or maybe it was Junsu who was just trying to make Changmin shut the hell up, leave me alone damn it but finally, finally the submissive looked at Changmin with shimmering eyes and said, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
The first thing Changmin did was slumping forward, collapsed down to his knees and then he screamed mentally at Yunho for help, scrambling to get a hold on his Alpha because the sudden pain was just too freaking much. Yunho responded immediately and gave Changmin something to concentrate on. With the last of his strength, Changmin remembered asking Yunho to block the rest of the pack, because he knew how painful these memories could be. The less people who knew about this, the better.
And then he focused on his mate.
Junsu was leaning back against the wall, and Changmin could only watch as his mate slide down. The other had his head buried between his knees, the shaking tremor of his body was enough to let Changmin knew that Junsu was crying. If he thought his heart was hurt when Junsu avoided him again and again, it was nothing compared to what he felt right now, to what he knew Junsu was feeling all the time without anyone helping him.
Changmin didn’t care that he was crying, he didn’t care that if the whole pack could hear his sobbing mess because right now it was not important. Not when Junsu was crying too and the submissive was hurting so bad it was breaking Changmin’s heart to pieces.
“Junsu, Junsu, Junsu,” he whispered over and over again. He choked back a sob and moved forward to hug his mate, his beautiful, precious mate. He could feel Junsu went still and struggled out of reflex, but Changmin didn’t let him go. He poured down all his feeling down to their mate bond, flooding it with as many assurances and asking Junsu to share the pain please.
He was beyond livid to his mate’s old pack, but he knew it was useless at this point. They were all dead and besides if he was angry he would only scare Junsu further.
Changmin felt so helpless. Where was he when Junsu was hurting? How could he let that happen again and again? His mate had suffered so much and yet Changmin rejected him that very first time. He was so useless and stupid and Junsu deserved a better mate, someone who was stronger and appreciated him better than Changmin.
But then suddenly Junsu’s arms came around him and he was clinging onto Changmin like a lifeline. Sobs wrecked through Junsu’s body and Changmin tightened his hold on his mate. He realized then that perhaps Changmin’s own doubt had seeped to their bond. Junsu had obviously picked up on it and the fact that Junsu needed him just as much as he needed Junsu gave him a little hope. Maybe… maybe, maybe it wasn’t too late for them.
Maybe the two of them can get through this. But it was all for the next step, right now Changmin did the only thing he could, hugging Junsu close as they cried together.
+
Changmin didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but he couldn’t stop the tears even when he wanted to. As long as Junsu was crying, Changmin was sure he would cry too. Not only because they could feel each other’s emotion, but because he also felt the pain every time he saw tears pouring down his mate’s cheeks. One of them moved first and Changmin realized one moment too late that it was Junsu. The submissive shifted a bit. He was trying to wipe his tears, but one blink later they all came pouring down all over and Changmin felt useless again.
“You’re not useless,” Junsu mumbled, “don’t say that.”
Suddenly Changmin felt so relieved and despite the tears he tried to smile. “Okay I won’t.” He finally let Junsu go, giving him the personal space he might need but still close enough so that he could hug him again. Changmin was still feeling all kinds of awful and sad but gradually his mate stopped crying. Junsu was sniffing now and Changmin stood up to get them some tissues.
Many crumpled sheets later, they both finally felt a bit calm. Changmin couldn’t, didn’t want to take his eyes off his mate. He knew how much it took for Junsu to open up to him like that and the Second couldn’t help but feel proud. He trickled it down through their bond so that Junsu knew and received a blush in return.
Changmin thought the blush looked good on Junsu. He said this out loud and Junsu looked sideways, trying to escape from Changmin’s smiling eyes.
And suddenly Junsu frowned. Changmin followed his mate’s gaze and realized that the submissive was looking into the mirror Changmin kept in his room. Through the reflection, Changmin watched painfully as the loathing look and self depreciation came across Junsu once again. He knew then he had to do something about it and soon, preferably now. Meeting Junsu’s gaze in the mirror, he asked in whispered tone, “What do you see there?”
Junsu looked away. Shame with mixed bit of pain was written all over his face. “Disgusting, filthy, weak.”
Changmin shook his head. “That’s not what I see.” He took Junsu’s hand and waited until the submissive looked back at him before saying, “I see beautiful, pure, strong. The most precious person in the world, and whoever is saying otherwise is lying.”
He didn’t get any reply, but then again he wasn’t expecting any. They stayed silent for a while and Changmin thought they had made a good step forward, a change towards the better. Junsu must’ve caught that thought because he then whispered, “People change, Changmin, memories don’t.”
The words still sounded so broken, so dejected, but Changmin wouldn’t let that get in their way. “Then let’s make a new one, together, the ones that are full with happiness and smiles and laughter. We will replace every single one of them and then you can remember those instead.”
+
The emotional day finally took a toll on them both and they were so exhausted they fell asleep before realizing it happened. When Junsu woke up hours later it was already dark outside. He looked around and saw Changmin sleeping on the chair, mindful that maybe Junsu wasn’t ready yet if they sleep together on the same bed. Feeling slightly guilty, Junsu draped a blanket over Changmin, relishing in how his mate stirred a bit but not waking.
He then opened Changmin’s bedroom door, wanting to go wash his face because he must’ve looked like crap right now. Outside the door was two trays loaded with food, Jaejoong’s neat handwriting was on a piece of paper folded next to them.
Junsu felt thankful for having such understanding Alpha’s mate in the pack. No one had bothered him and Changmin so Yunho must’ve kept the pack members away, maybe even go as far as leaving the pack’s house.
He pattered down the hallway and went into the bathroom. The first thing he noticed was that yes, he really looked like crap. His eyes were all bloodshot and puffy but of course that was expected. After all, he had spent hours crying his eyes and heart out, literally. Remembering Changmin’s words, Junsu stepped closer to the mirror. His haggard and gaunt reflection looked back at him just as determined. He grimaced a bit; I see nothing but a dead, lost, lonely soul, waiting to be found. Help me. Please.
And suddenly as if it was all real, he could hear Changmin’s voice calling back to him. Stay there, I’m coming.
-End of Chapter Ten-
Chapter Eleven: The Calm Before the Storm
Chapter Nine: The Losing Battle
Chapter Eight: The Memories
Chapter Seven: The First Step
Chapter Six: The Point of No Return
Chapter Five: The Defiance
Chapter Four: The First Hunt
Chapter Three: The Mate
Chapter Two: The New Pack
Chapter One: The Rescue
The Prologue
The Foreword
Main pairing: Changmin x Junsu
Other pairings: Yunho x Jaejoong; Yoochun x Yoohwan; Kangin x Leeteuk;
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: R in this chapter, NC-17 overall
Warnings: THIS FIC CONTAINS LOTS OF ABUSE AT THE BEGINNING, INCLUDING DISTURBING RAPE SCENE, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE WHICH MIGHT BE DISTURBING FOR SOME. It also contains very submissive Junsu and INCEST. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBSK/JYJ/Super Junior
Summary: Werewolf!Verse. Junsu was a submissive werewolf in his pack. He was a human once until a pack of rogue werewolves killed his entire family and made him a werewolf. There was nothing more he wanted more than to be dead. Unfortunately fate seemed to have different ideas.
Credit: Thank you for mearii87at Live Journal who has allowed me to use some of her ideas from this gorgeous 'Clair De Lune' universe she has created. Anyone who hasn't read her fics, you really should. They're amazing.
Beta-Ed by harunotenshi, thank you very much! ^^
This universe I've borrowed has been inspired by Patricia Briggs.
---
Author’s Note/warning (?): I’m playing Junsu’s 11AM on repeat as I wrote this chapter.
Half of the Moon
Chapter Ten
By: Sharl/zielddhy
There was something oddly comforting when you find yourself in The Marrock’s pack, especially when you were well-taken care of. Changmin realized that the moment he woke up and Leeteuk was hovering nearby. There was Yesung too in the room, but it was Leeteuk who spoke to him first. The man was obviously worried and had waited for Changmin to wake up for a while. “How are you feeling?” Leeteuk asked him.
“Like I’ve been run over by a truck,” Changmin answered in hoarse voice. That was the truth, his whole body hurt and he could still feel some silver remaining in his body. It left him feeling weak. Changmin hated it and he was sure Hedwig hated it more. The Marrock’s mate stood up and poured some water for Changmin to drink. Yesung moved closer to the bed and that’s when Changmin realized he wasn’t lying in the silver cage anymore.
Yesung checked him over before giving him a satisfied nod. “You’re better already. I’ll get some meat right now, it’ll help you heal faster.” He then left the bedroom, leaving Changmin alone with Leeteuk who still looked concerned. They spoke briefly and after he was satisfied that Changmin wouldn’t do something stupid anytime soon, Leeteuk finally left.
Changmin closed his eyes. At the back of his mind he could feel his Alpha’s concern and Jaejoong’s relief when they sensed that Changmin had woken up. He reassured them instantly, telling Yunho that he just needed some rest. Stupid, idiot, dim-witted Changmin, Jaejoong grumbled fondly and it made Changmin smile.
I’ll be back on my feet tomorrow, I promise. Send someone to drive me home?
Minho will do that, Yunho replied.
Changmin sighed and closed the pack bond just a little, he needed some privacy at the moment. The last thing he remembered before passing out was the feeling of sheer pain as the silver touched his body over and over again. Everywhere he moved, everywhere he touched, and there was only the pain. His wolf, Hedwig, protested when Changmin told him about this crazy plan of his, but if it made Junsu feel safer during the full moon, then Changmin would do it again willingly.
Speaking of Junsu…
He thought he heard Junsu’s voice in his mind when he was in the silver cage back then, but it was impossible. Junsu was not there, couldn’t be there at the Marrock’s house. Yunho and Jaejoong would’ve kept a hawk eye on the submissive for Changmin had requested them to do so. Most likely he was only seeing things because back then he could also feel Junsu’s sadness and regret trickled down through their mate bond.
Suddenly something crossed his mind and urged him to check on it. What if… what if he wasn’t imagining things and that he actually could feel what Junsu felt and hear what he said? But no, it was impossible. Junsu and his wolf had made it impossible when they blocked the bond. Or maybe maybe maybe they have taken it down.
But what if the block is still there?
Changmin sighed. He didn’t want any hope for now, only to be disappointed at the end. And so he didn’t touch the bond, choosing to focus on the pack’s instead. At least he’d get some comfort and reassurances from there.
The next day, as Yunho had promised, Minho drove him back to the pack house.
He had expected warm welcome from the members, or maybe a lecture from Jaejoong or Yunho about his stupid decision on spending the last full moon in a silver cage, or maybe the usual ruckus noises every time Siwon, Donghae and Eunhyuk were in the house together (the three of them could be such children). But he definitely didn’t expect seeing Junsu so soon, not when Changmin literally had just arrived one minute ago.
The submissive was standing in front of Changmin’s room and Changmin had to clamp down the giddy feeling he felt when he realized that Junsu was waiting for him. He stopped a few steps away from Junsu, sending his mate an awkward smile and an even more awkward ‘hi.’ Changmin swallowed heavily, “Something I can help you with?”
Junsu was shifting from one foot to the other, but when he looked up Changmin saw a determination glint on his eyes. “Yes,” Junsu nodded stiffly, “I need to talk to you.”
+
Even without touching their mate bond, Changmin knew Junsu was nervous. Or maybe he was scared, or a bit of both but Changmin wanted to calm him down if Junsu allowed him to. However that was impossible so Changmin tried to appear as unintimidating as possible.
They were in Changmin’s room and with the door closed, trying to get as much privacy as possible from a house full of werewolves. Changmin also had the radio turn up so that it would be very hard for any member to eavesdrop on them. He was flicking through the frequencies when he heard Junsu said something, so soft and quiet he almost missed it. “I’m sorry you have to go through the silver. Are you feeling better now?”
Changmin blinked. Crap, did Jaejoong tell on him? He must have been, otherwise how could Junsu know about the silver cage? Counting out Kangin’s pack, he only told two people, Yunho and Jaejoong. Even Yoochun didn’t know the reason why Changmin was absent from the full moon hunt, but he supposed Yunho had told the pack some believable excuses. And out of those two only the Alpha’s mate would be this busy body. Meddlesome bastard.
He didn’t bother to hide his irritation towards the older male and he was sure Jaejoong picked up on it. But it was very understandable why Changmin would be mad and so even Yunho didn’t say anything to him. Junsu, however, was a different case.
“Don’t be mad,” the submissive said, “I’m glad he told me. Because then I can say that you don’t have to do that next time. I’ll be the one who leave during the full moon and so you can stay here with Yunho’s pack.”
Changmin’s mind was whirling and his heart dropped. Junsu was leaving? “No!” he blurted out before he could stop himself, “You can’t leave! You have to stay!”
This time Junsu was the one who blinked. He bit his lip before replying, “But it’s my fault that you’re in that…silver cage.” Changmin could see the slight tremble that went through Junsu when he said those words, as if he had some experiences regarding them.
“It’s not your fault. That was my choice.” Changmin took a deep breath and finally said the words he supposed to say ages ago. “I’m sorry I rejected you before.”
Junsu was quick to reply. The way he spoke was casual. Like they were discussing weather instead of mate bond between werewolves. “Oh, no, I understand why you did that. I mean, I’m a submissive and you’re the Second most dominant in the pack, we’re too different.” I understand why you don’t want me, was the unspoken words, but Changmin could read them clearly even though Junsu hid them with an apologetic smile.
A pain flashed through him. His mate just apologized, as if it was his fault he was now a submissive while in fact he wasn’t given a choice in the first place. However there was something more urgent than worrying about that, he had to convince Junsu that he does in fact, want him. Unconsciously he licked his lips, summoning the courage to say, “But what if I do?”
Junsu blinked again and for the first time Changmin thought his mate was so adorable looking so confused. But then the confusion was replaced with shock, and then disbelief. Maybe there was a flash of glimmering hope that went through the submissive’s eyes, but it was gone too fast before Changmin could focus on it. “No you don’t,” Junsu said finally although the way he said it was more to reassure himself rather than anything else.
That determination on Junsu’s face that was there when he waited for Changmin had gone completely, replaced with a dejected, forlorn look. “You don’t mean that. Why would you want me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Junsu sighed, “Changmin-“
“Junsu,” he cut him off, “I won’t lie to you. Right now I want you because of the mate bond. But give me some time and I believe that once I know you better, I’ll be able to love you, regardless of the bond and all. I just need you to give me that chance.”
Junsu shook his head negatively. He had his arms crossed as a poorly disguised attempt to hide his trembling body. “You won’t Changmin, trust me.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that for myself?” Changmin took a step closer to Junsu. His hands itched to hug his mate but he knew better than to do that. He was still curious as to what had happened to Junsu. Why would Junsu scream when Changmin merely touched him? He finally resorted to begging, the only thing he could do right now. “Please, whatever you’re hiding, show it to me.”
To his frustration, Junsu still shook his head. “You’ll hate me, you’ll be disgusted with me even more,” Junsu was near tears and it was all Changmin could do before again taking one daring step closer, searching his mate’s eyes.
“I can never hate you,” he whispered. “Please Junsu, let me get to know my mate.”
Maybe it was the word ‘my mate,’ maybe it was Changmin’s pitiful pleading and begging ways, or maybe it was Junsu who was just trying to make Changmin shut the hell up, leave me alone damn it but finally, finally the submissive looked at Changmin with shimmering eyes and said, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
The first thing Changmin did was slumping forward, collapsed down to his knees and then he screamed mentally at Yunho for help, scrambling to get a hold on his Alpha because the sudden pain was just too freaking much. Yunho responded immediately and gave Changmin something to concentrate on. With the last of his strength, Changmin remembered asking Yunho to block the rest of the pack, because he knew how painful these memories could be. The less people who knew about this, the better.
And then he focused on his mate.
Junsu was leaning back against the wall, and Changmin could only watch as his mate slide down. The other had his head buried between his knees, the shaking tremor of his body was enough to let Changmin knew that Junsu was crying. If he thought his heart was hurt when Junsu avoided him again and again, it was nothing compared to what he felt right now, to what he knew Junsu was feeling all the time without anyone helping him.
Changmin didn’t care that he was crying, he didn’t care that if the whole pack could hear his sobbing mess because right now it was not important. Not when Junsu was crying too and the submissive was hurting so bad it was breaking Changmin’s heart to pieces.
“Junsu, Junsu, Junsu,” he whispered over and over again. He choked back a sob and moved forward to hug his mate, his beautiful, precious mate. He could feel Junsu went still and struggled out of reflex, but Changmin didn’t let him go. He poured down all his feeling down to their mate bond, flooding it with as many assurances and asking Junsu to share the pain please.
He was beyond livid to his mate’s old pack, but he knew it was useless at this point. They were all dead and besides if he was angry he would only scare Junsu further.
Changmin felt so helpless. Where was he when Junsu was hurting? How could he let that happen again and again? His mate had suffered so much and yet Changmin rejected him that very first time. He was so useless and stupid and Junsu deserved a better mate, someone who was stronger and appreciated him better than Changmin.
But then suddenly Junsu’s arms came around him and he was clinging onto Changmin like a lifeline. Sobs wrecked through Junsu’s body and Changmin tightened his hold on his mate. He realized then that perhaps Changmin’s own doubt had seeped to their bond. Junsu had obviously picked up on it and the fact that Junsu needed him just as much as he needed Junsu gave him a little hope. Maybe… maybe, maybe it wasn’t too late for them.
Maybe the two of them can get through this. But it was all for the next step, right now Changmin did the only thing he could, hugging Junsu close as they cried together.
+
Changmin didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but he couldn’t stop the tears even when he wanted to. As long as Junsu was crying, Changmin was sure he would cry too. Not only because they could feel each other’s emotion, but because he also felt the pain every time he saw tears pouring down his mate’s cheeks. One of them moved first and Changmin realized one moment too late that it was Junsu. The submissive shifted a bit. He was trying to wipe his tears, but one blink later they all came pouring down all over and Changmin felt useless again.
“You’re not useless,” Junsu mumbled, “don’t say that.”
Suddenly Changmin felt so relieved and despite the tears he tried to smile. “Okay I won’t.” He finally let Junsu go, giving him the personal space he might need but still close enough so that he could hug him again. Changmin was still feeling all kinds of awful and sad but gradually his mate stopped crying. Junsu was sniffing now and Changmin stood up to get them some tissues.
Many crumpled sheets later, they both finally felt a bit calm. Changmin couldn’t, didn’t want to take his eyes off his mate. He knew how much it took for Junsu to open up to him like that and the Second couldn’t help but feel proud. He trickled it down through their bond so that Junsu knew and received a blush in return.
Changmin thought the blush looked good on Junsu. He said this out loud and Junsu looked sideways, trying to escape from Changmin’s smiling eyes.
And suddenly Junsu frowned. Changmin followed his mate’s gaze and realized that the submissive was looking into the mirror Changmin kept in his room. Through the reflection, Changmin watched painfully as the loathing look and self depreciation came across Junsu once again. He knew then he had to do something about it and soon, preferably now. Meeting Junsu’s gaze in the mirror, he asked in whispered tone, “What do you see there?”
Junsu looked away. Shame with mixed bit of pain was written all over his face. “Disgusting, filthy, weak.”
Changmin shook his head. “That’s not what I see.” He took Junsu’s hand and waited until the submissive looked back at him before saying, “I see beautiful, pure, strong. The most precious person in the world, and whoever is saying otherwise is lying.”
He didn’t get any reply, but then again he wasn’t expecting any. They stayed silent for a while and Changmin thought they had made a good step forward, a change towards the better. Junsu must’ve caught that thought because he then whispered, “People change, Changmin, memories don’t.”
The words still sounded so broken, so dejected, but Changmin wouldn’t let that get in their way. “Then let’s make a new one, together, the ones that are full with happiness and smiles and laughter. We will replace every single one of them and then you can remember those instead.”
+
The emotional day finally took a toll on them both and they were so exhausted they fell asleep before realizing it happened. When Junsu woke up hours later it was already dark outside. He looked around and saw Changmin sleeping on the chair, mindful that maybe Junsu wasn’t ready yet if they sleep together on the same bed. Feeling slightly guilty, Junsu draped a blanket over Changmin, relishing in how his mate stirred a bit but not waking.
He then opened Changmin’s bedroom door, wanting to go wash his face because he must’ve looked like crap right now. Outside the door was two trays loaded with food, Jaejoong’s neat handwriting was on a piece of paper folded next to them.
Junsu felt thankful for having such understanding Alpha’s mate in the pack. No one had bothered him and Changmin so Yunho must’ve kept the pack members away, maybe even go as far as leaving the pack’s house.
He pattered down the hallway and went into the bathroom. The first thing he noticed was that yes, he really looked like crap. His eyes were all bloodshot and puffy but of course that was expected. After all, he had spent hours crying his eyes and heart out, literally. Remembering Changmin’s words, Junsu stepped closer to the mirror. His haggard and gaunt reflection looked back at him just as determined. He grimaced a bit; I see nothing but a dead, lost, lonely soul, waiting to be found. Help me. Please.
And suddenly as if it was all real, he could hear Changmin’s voice calling back to him. Stay there, I’m coming.
-End of Chapter Ten-
Chapter Eleven: The Calm Before the Storm
Chapter Nine: The Losing Battle
Chapter Eight: The Memories
Chapter Seven: The First Step
Chapter Six: The Point of No Return
Chapter Five: The Defiance
Chapter Four: The First Hunt
Chapter Three: The Mate
Chapter Two: The New Pack
Chapter One: The Rescue
The Prologue
The Foreword