Stay
Title: Stay
Rating: PG-ish, I guess
Genre: Angst/Fluff, the best combo of all time.
Timeline: Post The Other Side of This Life
A/N... soo the theme of this story really is Meredith & Derek Talk. I KNOW I KNOW! A novel concept, right? Whoda thunk it??? Clearly, NOT Shonda Rhimes & Co. At least, not as of "press time."
Unfortunately, these characters still belong to her so any issues, take it up over there.
The fact that she was drunk made it much easier to make the phone call. So did the fact that she missed him. And she was going crazy thinking about having to sleep alone tonight. She was crying and shaking and being drunk didn’t help either of those factors.
She called him once and he didn’t pick up. She raged inside, instantly ready to give up. But the fear kicked in and she flipped her phone back open and dialed again.
When he picked up this time, she nearly collapsed with relief.
“Hey.” He sounded tired.
“Hey,” her voice was shaky. It was hard to think properly, let alone talk. There was so much to say. I thought you were coming over. I’m drunk and horny. I’m depressed and dying inside and all I want is you. Instead, she asked, “where are you?”
A pause. “At the hospital.”
She was shaking, and it was hard to stop, to control it. “I need you.”
“Mere-”
A sob escaped and she gasped, cursed herself, bit her lip. “Please.”
There was no pause now. “I’m on my way.”
Once she hung up she moved slovenly toward the bed, dropping down onto it with a sigh. The room spun slightly, but not in a nauseating way. Knowing he was coming and she wouldn’t have to sleep alone comforted her. She knew it was wrong to have pushed him away after Thatcher . . . but she was embarrassed and horrified and broken and she had just wanted to be alone.
She didn’t want to be alone now.
After she and Alex and Izzie had finished their drinking games and binge-eating and gossiping, they’d all gone to their rooms. And she’d realized just how depressing being alone truly was. Everything about her bedroom now reminded her of Derek. And without him there, all that was left to do was wallow and cry her self to sleep for the billionth time in her life.
She didn’t want that. She wanted Derek. She needed Derek.
Curling into a ball, she cuddled his pillow close to her chest and buried her face deep into its cushy confines. Counted to ten over and over, listened to what sounded like rain outside - go figure - and waited. And counted.
She didn’t hear the front door open or close, but she heard him on the stairs, coming down the hall. When her door opened and the dim light of the hall flooded into her darkened room, she didn’t move, just waited, listened to him shut the door and kick off his shoes.
And then the bed was tilting with his weight and she turned over to look at him.
“Hey,” she whispered, forcing a smile.
His hand was on her face, rubbing away some of the tears she hadn’t realized she’d shed. “I’m here.”
She nodded, and then, just like that, her façade crumbled, her eyes exploded with tears as a wailing sob came from her chest. “I’m sorry,” she wept, dropping her head onto his chest.
He had no idea what to do. “Mere,” his hands were in her hair, pulling her closer to him. His legs slid over hers and he was kissing her forehead, rubbing her back, murmuring her name.
“I’m so screwed up,” she managed, nuzzling his sweater, inhaling his scent, overdosing on it.
“You’ve had better days,” he suggested with a shrug and tightened his arms around her when she laughed bitterly.
“Understatement of the century, Derek.” She brought her head up so her ravaged eyes could meet his. “I want to push you away. I want to tell you to go.”
His face dropped and his eyes suddenly, brilliantly, filled with tears. “What?”
“But when you’re gone . . . I need you. I need you and that scares me. Because everyone leaves me, Derek. Everyone.” The certainty in her tone tore him apart. She gasped, sucked in deep breaths, dropped her head in shame.
But there was his hand, tilting her face up so she had to look at him. “I’m not leaving.”
“But you want to!” She wept, “I can feel you pulling away! And the only way I know how to keep you is to seduce you, but then the look is still there, in your eyes, after sex and I know that-”
He shook his head, interrupted her. “I’m not leaving,” he repeated, his voice firmer this time.
“Don’t let me push you away,” Meredith pleaded, gripping his sweater in her hands.
He sighed, looked down at her tiny ineffectual fisting of his shirt. “Mere, I know . . .” He licked his lips and blinked a tear back. “I know I broke you when . . . Addison . . . I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you don’t . . .” He fought for the right words. “You don’t trust that I love you. You don’t trust me.”
“I don’t trust me,” she insisted fiercely, pointing to herself. “Deep down, I’m still that sad little girl whose mother told me repeatedly that I was never good enough. I’ve never been good enough, that’s what . . .” Her voice trailed off for a second. “And you chose your wife. Now? My father . . .” Thinking about him would drive her crazy so she moved on. “Both my mothers are dead. Everyone leaves.” She shrugged as if it were the simplest thing in the world, as if tears weren’t streaking down her cheeks.
Derek gripped her face in his hands, stared her down. “I’m not leaving,” he said passionately. “I love you. I want you. I need you.” He thought about it for a minute. “I need you to let me in. I need you to trust me. I know maybe that’s asking a lot but . . . I need to know you’re all mine, Mere. Cuz I’m all yours. I’m not leaving because I can’t. Cause I’d never get over you and I’m done trying.”
She just stared at him. Stared. Maybe blinked once or twice, but didn’t move a muscle, didn’t say a word, just took him all in. Somewhere in the back of her mind she processed how insanely lucky she was and reminded herself that maybe she was good enough after all. “I’m letting you in now,” she whispered, leaning up to softly kiss his lips.
He pushed hair from her forehead and followed it with his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I saw you with Alex and Izzie and . . .”
“Why didn’t you come in!?”
He shrugged, sighed. “I don’t know. They’re your family. I didn’t think you’d want me-”
“You’re my family too!” Meredith hissed. “You’re It, Derek, you’re The One. I’m never gonna love anyone ever again, you’re all I got. I’d want you there. I want you here. Always.”
He grinned. “Good to know. Because I want to be here. So I’ll come in next time.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” she sighed, snuggling against him. “I need you,” she repeated, kissing his chest through his sweater.
“I’m not leaving,” he said for the last time, so she really got it.
She didn’t sleep alone that night.
I was gonna write more... but I kinda wanna see for sure how the finale turns out before I do. So I def will, either as a continuation fo this or as something completely different, all depending upon how the finale ends. Feedback is love
Rating: PG-ish, I guess
Genre: Angst/Fluff, the best combo of all time.
Timeline: Post The Other Side of This Life
A/N... soo the theme of this story really is Meredith & Derek Talk. I KNOW I KNOW! A novel concept, right? Whoda thunk it??? Clearly, NOT Shonda Rhimes & Co. At least, not as of "press time."
Unfortunately, these characters still belong to her so any issues, take it up over there.
The fact that she was drunk made it much easier to make the phone call. So did the fact that she missed him. And she was going crazy thinking about having to sleep alone tonight. She was crying and shaking and being drunk didn’t help either of those factors.
She called him once and he didn’t pick up. She raged inside, instantly ready to give up. But the fear kicked in and she flipped her phone back open and dialed again.
When he picked up this time, she nearly collapsed with relief.
“Hey.” He sounded tired.
“Hey,” her voice was shaky. It was hard to think properly, let alone talk. There was so much to say. I thought you were coming over. I’m drunk and horny. I’m depressed and dying inside and all I want is you. Instead, she asked, “where are you?”
A pause. “At the hospital.”
She was shaking, and it was hard to stop, to control it. “I need you.”
“Mere-”
A sob escaped and she gasped, cursed herself, bit her lip. “Please.”
There was no pause now. “I’m on my way.”
Once she hung up she moved slovenly toward the bed, dropping down onto it with a sigh. The room spun slightly, but not in a nauseating way. Knowing he was coming and she wouldn’t have to sleep alone comforted her. She knew it was wrong to have pushed him away after Thatcher . . . but she was embarrassed and horrified and broken and she had just wanted to be alone.
She didn’t want to be alone now.
After she and Alex and Izzie had finished their drinking games and binge-eating and gossiping, they’d all gone to their rooms. And she’d realized just how depressing being alone truly was. Everything about her bedroom now reminded her of Derek. And without him there, all that was left to do was wallow and cry her self to sleep for the billionth time in her life.
She didn’t want that. She wanted Derek. She needed Derek.
Curling into a ball, she cuddled his pillow close to her chest and buried her face deep into its cushy confines. Counted to ten over and over, listened to what sounded like rain outside - go figure - and waited. And counted.
She didn’t hear the front door open or close, but she heard him on the stairs, coming down the hall. When her door opened and the dim light of the hall flooded into her darkened room, she didn’t move, just waited, listened to him shut the door and kick off his shoes.
And then the bed was tilting with his weight and she turned over to look at him.
“Hey,” she whispered, forcing a smile.
His hand was on her face, rubbing away some of the tears she hadn’t realized she’d shed. “I’m here.”
She nodded, and then, just like that, her façade crumbled, her eyes exploded with tears as a wailing sob came from her chest. “I’m sorry,” she wept, dropping her head onto his chest.
He had no idea what to do. “Mere,” his hands were in her hair, pulling her closer to him. His legs slid over hers and he was kissing her forehead, rubbing her back, murmuring her name.
“I’m so screwed up,” she managed, nuzzling his sweater, inhaling his scent, overdosing on it.
“You’ve had better days,” he suggested with a shrug and tightened his arms around her when she laughed bitterly.
“Understatement of the century, Derek.” She brought her head up so her ravaged eyes could meet his. “I want to push you away. I want to tell you to go.”
His face dropped and his eyes suddenly, brilliantly, filled with tears. “What?”
“But when you’re gone . . . I need you. I need you and that scares me. Because everyone leaves me, Derek. Everyone.” The certainty in her tone tore him apart. She gasped, sucked in deep breaths, dropped her head in shame.
But there was his hand, tilting her face up so she had to look at him. “I’m not leaving.”
“But you want to!” She wept, “I can feel you pulling away! And the only way I know how to keep you is to seduce you, but then the look is still there, in your eyes, after sex and I know that-”
He shook his head, interrupted her. “I’m not leaving,” he repeated, his voice firmer this time.
“Don’t let me push you away,” Meredith pleaded, gripping his sweater in her hands.
He sighed, looked down at her tiny ineffectual fisting of his shirt. “Mere, I know . . .” He licked his lips and blinked a tear back. “I know I broke you when . . . Addison . . . I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you don’t . . .” He fought for the right words. “You don’t trust that I love you. You don’t trust me.”
“I don’t trust me,” she insisted fiercely, pointing to herself. “Deep down, I’m still that sad little girl whose mother told me repeatedly that I was never good enough. I’ve never been good enough, that’s what . . .” Her voice trailed off for a second. “And you chose your wife. Now? My father . . .” Thinking about him would drive her crazy so she moved on. “Both my mothers are dead. Everyone leaves.” She shrugged as if it were the simplest thing in the world, as if tears weren’t streaking down her cheeks.
Derek gripped her face in his hands, stared her down. “I’m not leaving,” he said passionately. “I love you. I want you. I need you.” He thought about it for a minute. “I need you to let me in. I need you to trust me. I know maybe that’s asking a lot but . . . I need to know you’re all mine, Mere. Cuz I’m all yours. I’m not leaving because I can’t. Cause I’d never get over you and I’m done trying.”
She just stared at him. Stared. Maybe blinked once or twice, but didn’t move a muscle, didn’t say a word, just took him all in. Somewhere in the back of her mind she processed how insanely lucky she was and reminded herself that maybe she was good enough after all. “I’m letting you in now,” she whispered, leaning up to softly kiss his lips.
He pushed hair from her forehead and followed it with his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I saw you with Alex and Izzie and . . .”
“Why didn’t you come in!?”
He shrugged, sighed. “I don’t know. They’re your family. I didn’t think you’d want me-”
“You’re my family too!” Meredith hissed. “You’re It, Derek, you’re The One. I’m never gonna love anyone ever again, you’re all I got. I’d want you there. I want you here. Always.”
He grinned. “Good to know. Because I want to be here. So I’ll come in next time.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” she sighed, snuggling against him. “I need you,” she repeated, kissing his chest through his sweater.
“I’m not leaving,” he said for the last time, so she really got it.
She didn’t sleep alone that night.
I was gonna write more... but I kinda wanna see for sure how the finale turns out before I do. So I def will, either as a continuation fo this or as something completely different, all depending upon how the finale ends. Feedback is love