Carpet Catastrophe
People seem to enjoy hearing about my self-inflicted (and usually much-deserved) injuries, so here's the lastest.
For the faint of heart, we'll just say it involved grading papers, Neil Diamond, carpet skating, a misplaced physics test, and a face plant into dumbells and leave it at that."
For those of you who have ventured further, we'll add the sound effects first.
(terrible singing*) "SWEET CAROLINE! GOOD TIMES NEVER SEE....EEEE...AAAAH" *thud*
Now we back up a bit and set the scene: the Bortcave. Bortman is just getting home from a long day and has acquired a new toy: carpet skates. He has physics tests to grade, so Bortman lays the tests out on the floor of the living room and goes to turn on the computer so as to grade with music. Unbeknownst to him, a stray physics test has somehow drifted away from the pile and embarks on a treacherous mission.
Meanwhile, while waiting for the computer to boot up, Bortman dons his new carpet skates. Setting Neil Diamond to play, Bortman, now all but free of friction's tyrannical rule, skates around his bedroom testing his new sliding powers. They seem to work better while (making an effort at) singing "Where it began, I can't begin to knowin'...."
As the Neil and Bortman reach the first chorus, Bortman plants, launches, and glides through the corridor to living room. "SWEET CAROLINE...!" The lone physics test springs it's trap. There is paper where Bortman does not expect it! He has prepared for one level of frictional freedom, but this is something else entirely! Left leg shoots to the right and twists. Toe of carpet skate snags. Right leg impacts left leg, stops. Bortman is airborn!
Briefly.
While having thwarted friction to a degree, Bortman remains heavily (rim-shot!) in gravity's thrawl. And it drags him down. Face first. Fortunately, his pair of twenty-pound dumbells are there to arrest his dive. Which they do. Abruptly. And it hurts. A lot.
Frozen peas pressed to his face, Bortman realizes that this was pretty funny and sets out to write it down.
The end.
Oh, yeah. And Bortman kept the carpet skates on. Because he's a dumbell, too. And an hour later managed to hit his funny bone on a corner so hard he can still only kind of feel his left arm below the elbow. But damn these things are fun.
Freedom From Friction!
*If you could even call it that
For the faint of heart, we'll just say it involved grading papers, Neil Diamond, carpet skating, a misplaced physics test, and a face plant into dumbells and leave it at that."
For those of you who have ventured further, we'll add the sound effects first.
(terrible singing*) "SWEET CAROLINE! GOOD TIMES NEVER SEE....EEEE...AAAAH" *thud*
Now we back up a bit and set the scene: the Bortcave. Bortman is just getting home from a long day and has acquired a new toy: carpet skates. He has physics tests to grade, so Bortman lays the tests out on the floor of the living room and goes to turn on the computer so as to grade with music. Unbeknownst to him, a stray physics test has somehow drifted away from the pile and embarks on a treacherous mission.
Meanwhile, while waiting for the computer to boot up, Bortman dons his new carpet skates. Setting Neil Diamond to play, Bortman, now all but free of friction's tyrannical rule, skates around his bedroom testing his new sliding powers. They seem to work better while (making an effort at) singing "Where it began, I can't begin to knowin'...."
As the Neil and Bortman reach the first chorus, Bortman plants, launches, and glides through the corridor to living room. "SWEET CAROLINE...!" The lone physics test springs it's trap. There is paper where Bortman does not expect it! He has prepared for one level of frictional freedom, but this is something else entirely! Left leg shoots to the right and twists. Toe of carpet skate snags. Right leg impacts left leg, stops. Bortman is airborn!
Briefly.
While having thwarted friction to a degree, Bortman remains heavily (rim-shot!) in gravity's thrawl. And it drags him down. Face first. Fortunately, his pair of twenty-pound dumbells are there to arrest his dive. Which they do. Abruptly. And it hurts. A lot.
Frozen peas pressed to his face, Bortman realizes that this was pretty funny and sets out to write it down.
The end.
Oh, yeah. And Bortman kept the carpet skates on. Because he's a dumbell, too. And an hour later managed to hit his funny bone on a corner so hard he can still only kind of feel his left arm below the elbow. But damn these things are fun.
Freedom From Friction!
*If you could even call it that