"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."
Election time is fast approaching. I can't wait until it's over so all the horrible radio and TV commercials will come to a screeching halt. I'm sick of hearing how Darcy Burner wants to raise taxes and has never held any kind of public office, and I'm sick of hearing about how Mike McGavick ran Safeco into the ground but still gave himself four million dollar bonuses, and I'm sick of hearing about how Dave Reichert is pretty much just George W Bush Lite. I'm tired of "I'm so-and-so, and I approve this message." "Vote NO (or YES) on 933" has lost all its charm. November 2nd cannot come and go fast enough.
I am not a responsible citizen. I confess, I am 23 years old and not currently registered to vote. I was registered to vote when I lived downtown, and I started to register a couple of times after I moved home, but I decided not to register until I had a place of my own, which I do now, and I still have yet to register. Part of me is ashamed, and part of me just doesn't give a shit. Honestly, I would be one of those "warm body" voters who fill out the ballot and mail it in, but really have very little idea what weight their decisions will make. In other words, I'm not the most educated voter. I don't keep up with current events, and I don't care enough to read up on the candidates, so....part of me feels like I shouldn't vote, because my choices would not be informed, and therefore could do more harm than good.
But really I need to stop being lazy and register to vote. I'll tell you something, I'll be voting in the next presidential election for CERTAIN. Too bad that's still another two years down the road. Boo.
The last few weeks have been a real roller coaster for me. It's been a whirlwind of emotions, from anger to pity to grief to elation to disappointment to contentedness.....and more. I'm not really sure what my life is all about right now, all I know is that I need to keep going because that's the only logical solution. I have to come to work because I need to pay my mortgage, and I have to eat because I can't waste away (though I'm far from that), and I need to sleep because I can't be passing out or walking around like a total zombie forever. It's just not practical.
I don't have a clue how the holidays will be this year. I'm afraid, but at the same time, I know that'll be the biggest step to healing. Once we all get through the holidays, it's back to business as usual, and we can start our rebuilding year.
In the meantime, I've really struggled with the balance between my own emotions, needs, and wants, and those of the people who surround me. To some extent, there's nothing I can do to make anything any easier. But I want to help, I want to do something to feel useful. It's hard to reconcile the two sides. And life goes on all around us.
Should I feel guilty for feeling happy? Should I somber myself up a bit and try to push happy thoughts away? I don't think so. If there's anything John wants, it's for us all to be happy and enjoy our lives as well as we can. So.....yeah.....roller coaster.....whirlwind.
Sam, I love you. I'm here if you want to talk, or not. You know how to reach me. And there's nothing wrong with picking out what you're going to wear. I'm guilty of the same. I can't pretend that I understand how you're feeling, or that I feel the same way, but I can offer my sympathy and compassion. And I can tell you that you are very, very loved. By many.
=D