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Nov 15, 2004 10:00


kathleen and rachel both need to come home NOW. thanks bye

anywho-my classes got concelled today, so me and jill said FUCK IT and came home. I wanted to come home and go back to sleep, but unfortunately for me, once I'm up, I'm UP. bleh. so now i'm writing in this freakin thing..cuz im bored. I'm talking to Jtell right now, he skipped his class this morning, so we're on the same boat right now, bored and nothing to do.

yesterday was quite the funny. I had work at 12 yesterday at the catering hall, and there was NO BAR. so of course, I took that as a BIG no no and i went and got alchohol and made malibu bay breezes and vodka and cranberries and got the DJ's drunk and my black ass drunk as well hehe i was bouncing off the walls. and i hardly did any work which was weird..i was basically telling 'gerry' and chris what to do muahahaha..it was funny tho. rose thinks that im dating the DJ now..and so does mike..actually he thinks im just banging him..that perve. but no -then after work i came home and i conked out for like an hour, got a call from jesse and we went to starbucks and got some hot chocolate and sniffed coffee beans..good times. we were both scrubbed out and tired..just talking, it was goodness

this weekend all i really did was work. becky's confirmation was on thurs. and she looked fucken amazing. I was her sponsor (but of course hehhe) and it was really sweet. she had her hair all curly and prettyful, and her dress was fucken georgious. I loved every moment of it. Shes such a tomboy that when  i saw her it was so surreal, i was like is this my sister? my little hockey playing sister? lol then we went to the milleridge inn and got some eats. clare came home early to spend time just for becky..so cute. Me and clare bonded by talking about butter and sugar..and how funny it really can be to eat it. -u had to be there...- and btw clare is still my fav. haha she will always be the #1 sislaw

been really stressed out this passed week. i was so stressed out on friday that i went to visit kimmi and brought her hot chocolate from starbucks after work and she was just as stressed out too. lol we both hate the world on the same days which is always fun times. tried to visit christa at her job, but i was not aware of which michaels she worked at...so i looked like an idiot standing in the candle aisle just looking at the feathered butterfly decorations over and over again waiting for the non existant christa to just pop out at any moment, not knowing that the whole time i was in the wrong fucken store. supposively kimmi and christa done play in commack-i was unaware lol and what really pissed me off was that it was POURING out that day and i got the BEST parking spot and i was all ready to brag about it to both of them..but it turns out that i was the dumbass lol SPAZZZZ

has anyone ever been so stressed out and so paranoid and so worried that u honestly thought u were like gonna have a heart attack cuz ur heart beats so fast and theres just so much pressure on ur chest? cuz thats what happened to me this past week. everyday just added on more and more pressure..and i felt like the was no give. i tried talking to numerous people for once..i never talk to anyone about my problems except for writing shit down like this..and no one was willing to listen to me. (and then ppl wonder why i dont open up more and wonder why im so quiet all the time...BEACUSE I AM NOT USED TO OPENING UP CUZ NO ONE EVER GAVE ME THAT CHANCE) wooh, go me. i cant stand it when ppl just dont even let u talk and they just say..ohh shan im sorry or ohh stop i dont wanna hear it or shan dont say that...like fucken let me say it for once. god damnit lol its so annoying. i felt like i had no one this past week. i miss the good old days when i had the shannon kathleen notebook and i used to be able to vent to my kathleen thru that ( i still can vent to her i know that, cuz shes my exception to the rule in this case ) but im just saying..those were good days lol i miss when allison was here and we didnt have mis communications all the time due to long distance..its so fucking annoying..i miss just walking up to her house when i was sad.. or just meeting her at our "corner" to have our long talks. I miss our walks. I miss her being there for me (physically) when a guy that i liked gave me the time of day..or kissed me or whatever and i'd run to her house and tell her and shed be so happy for me cuz she knows how much i get excited over stupid shit like that. i miss her being there ten houses away. I miss rachel being here..and having someone to do silly things with. Someone to get lost on 347 with while listening to ashlee simpson. i miss being able to just go over rachels house and look at pictures and remeniss-abc check on that one..about the good old days of KP. i miss having her around to go shopping with and to go to the movies with. rachel..there are three types of people in this world..pussys dicks and ass holes! lol i just miss a lot of things and a lot of people, and i just wish i had someone or something right now that would make me feel loved and not so alone. thats all I want.

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