Week One: Here There Be Dragons
When the topics were given to us this week I had no ideas at all. Which is unusual. Generally when a topic is posted some sort of idea pops into my head right off. Even if it's a rough idea, I almost always get some sort of direction. This time, both topics left me blank. I was seriously considering using a bye this week. And using a bye for the first week? Not something I wanted to do. But then, at the insane hour of three o'clock this morning inspiration struck. World of Warcraft. Yes, you read that right. The inspiration for this entry is a silly video game.
Back in January of '08 the SO convinced me to buy him World of Warcraft. It was supposed to be something for him to do when he is out of town for work and stuck sitting in the hotel. Lots of other guys from the railroad play and they had him interested in it. Thanks to the information highway that is LJ, I had concerns about buying it and him playing. But, he swore he wouldn't play at home. So, I caved. And was almost instantly sorry that I had. There was never a time that WoW was only played when he was out of town. It quickly turned into something that he was in front of from the time he got out of bed until he went to bed. And then all four kids started playing too.
I hated and despised that game. I had to make a rule that WoW was not discussed during meals. Otherwise that was all I heard about. When I made the kids get off of the computer, they went and played WoW outside. Pretending to be their characters and fighting with play swords. Our house was a 24/7 WoW zone. And I was miserable and angry and resentful.
World of Warcraft invaded every bit of my life. Sex was scheduled around raids and guild meetings. Kids fought over computer time to play. And Robert had on headphones and a mic 18 hours a day. I couldn't even carry on a conversation with my husband. I finally banned the headset and mic which became a topic among his guild. It was terrible that I wouldn't let him put the damned things on. I didn't care. I was tired of being in the same room and completely unable to talk to him. Not that banning the headset made much difference. He was still so wrapped up in the game that he didn't listen to anything I said anyway. I felt like he had completely checked out of our life and left everything to me. Bills, housework, the kids... everything was left for me to deal with.
I hoped that as the new wore off, WoW would become less interesting and that I'd get my family back. Especially Robert. I missed spending time with him. I missed being able to talk to him. I missed sneaking away from the kids for sex whenever we could. I missed going to bed together at night. WoW was clearly more important than I was. He knew how I felt. I told him. Over and over and over. But nothing changed. So, I withdrew too. I stopped worrying so much about housework, meals, laundry... even sex. I gave up. Raids and the guild were a priority. I was not. Our life was not. Our family was not. Nothing mattered more than the game.
Now here is the part where I'm a hypocrite. I started playing World of Warcraft around the middle of September. We desperately needed something that we could do together. And his job schedule or lack of a schedule, pretty much eliminates things like bowling leagues or anything like that. Most of the time he is away more than he's at home. And WoW is something we can do together no matter where he is. So he bought me the game and expansion packs and a headset. And an authenticator. And has pre-ordered the new expansion for me too. My main character is almost to level 74 now and he's been playing an alt with me since his main is already an 80.
I'm hoping that playing together will open more communication and maybe help us in learning to do things together. We have to talk about the quests and the best way to get them done. Maybe some of that will spill over into our daily life. Maybe this game that I have resented and hated for almost three years will redeem itself somehow. I have to admit though, in lots of ways I still resent it. And I don't know if that will ever change. I am taking it a day at a time. Or maybe I should say a level at a time. And I am enjoying the time it gives us together.
Today we start questing in Dragonblight. And here, there be dragons.
Back in January of '08 the SO convinced me to buy him World of Warcraft. It was supposed to be something for him to do when he is out of town for work and stuck sitting in the hotel. Lots of other guys from the railroad play and they had him interested in it. Thanks to the information highway that is LJ, I had concerns about buying it and him playing. But, he swore he wouldn't play at home. So, I caved. And was almost instantly sorry that I had. There was never a time that WoW was only played when he was out of town. It quickly turned into something that he was in front of from the time he got out of bed until he went to bed. And then all four kids started playing too.
I hated and despised that game. I had to make a rule that WoW was not discussed during meals. Otherwise that was all I heard about. When I made the kids get off of the computer, they went and played WoW outside. Pretending to be their characters and fighting with play swords. Our house was a 24/7 WoW zone. And I was miserable and angry and resentful.
World of Warcraft invaded every bit of my life. Sex was scheduled around raids and guild meetings. Kids fought over computer time to play. And Robert had on headphones and a mic 18 hours a day. I couldn't even carry on a conversation with my husband. I finally banned the headset and mic which became a topic among his guild. It was terrible that I wouldn't let him put the damned things on. I didn't care. I was tired of being in the same room and completely unable to talk to him. Not that banning the headset made much difference. He was still so wrapped up in the game that he didn't listen to anything I said anyway. I felt like he had completely checked out of our life and left everything to me. Bills, housework, the kids... everything was left for me to deal with.
I hoped that as the new wore off, WoW would become less interesting and that I'd get my family back. Especially Robert. I missed spending time with him. I missed being able to talk to him. I missed sneaking away from the kids for sex whenever we could. I missed going to bed together at night. WoW was clearly more important than I was. He knew how I felt. I told him. Over and over and over. But nothing changed. So, I withdrew too. I stopped worrying so much about housework, meals, laundry... even sex. I gave up. Raids and the guild were a priority. I was not. Our life was not. Our family was not. Nothing mattered more than the game.
Now here is the part where I'm a hypocrite. I started playing World of Warcraft around the middle of September. We desperately needed something that we could do together. And his job schedule or lack of a schedule, pretty much eliminates things like bowling leagues or anything like that. Most of the time he is away more than he's at home. And WoW is something we can do together no matter where he is. So he bought me the game and expansion packs and a headset. And an authenticator. And has pre-ordered the new expansion for me too. My main character is almost to level 74 now and he's been playing an alt with me since his main is already an 80.
I'm hoping that playing together will open more communication and maybe help us in learning to do things together. We have to talk about the quests and the best way to get them done. Maybe some of that will spill over into our daily life. Maybe this game that I have resented and hated for almost three years will redeem itself somehow. I have to admit though, in lots of ways I still resent it. And I don't know if that will ever change. I am taking it a day at a time. Or maybe I should say a level at a time. And I am enjoying the time it gives us together.
Today we start questing in Dragonblight. And here, there be dragons.