And one day the dried fig of her heart stops its beating
These last two weeks have been an extreme combination of ups and downs. The academic/work life is going quite well, it seems like the good news just keeps on coming. I have a great staff, and I get along with my coworkers. I was just offered another academic job, and given a promotion in the reslife one. I gave probably one of the most important presentations of my life two Sundays ago. I'm interviewing to teach an American government class. Things are going good, how can I complain? I somehow find a way to. The other side of the coin, my relationships with other people, are in a state of major flux. It's hard to put words to what I am feeling, but I feel like there is some sort of shroud of melancholy that constantly is draped over me, preventing me from enjoying the good things that are happening. It's hard to come to terms that this friendship is potentially over. Looking back, did it ever really begin? I'm starting to see that I might have just been a convenient fall back, someone who would be there at 3:30 AM when no one else would be, someone at a beck and call, someone who would always be there. Never a priority. No one understands this relationship, or why I put so much into it. I honestly don't understand either. But somehow I can't get rid of this deep sadness - it's a sadness that no one person should be allowed to invoke. But it's there, and it casts its hue on everything. It's why I stay up, can't focus, and can't really be present. I miss the simplicity of my travels. But those are not real life. Real life is messy, complicated, difficult. I need to come to terms with the fact that this chapter is over.