kiss me deadly
I've been staring at this fucking box for about an hour now trying to formulate thoughts into words. Words you can all understand and relate to. I doubt I'll reach that goal though. If you don't want to try and understand the things going on in my head, you can just look at pictures from a show.
I've been thinking a lot about the past lately. Having Monica around has been a breath of fresh air for me. The reason for us breaking up has been floating around both of our minds and I don't think either of us could understand why we did it. I certainly couldn't tell you off the top of my head why I let someone like her go. She had her reasons, but I don't think I had mine. If you've been in at least two relationships you know those words that are going to dictate the rest of the conversation. I think we need to talk.. Those are the words she brought into conversation. I panicked. I knew what was coming, but I kept my cool. I didn't let her know that my heart had crumbled into a million pieces. I'm not stupid. I knew she wasn't going to bring up a conversation about the Orlando Magic. Before she could say anything, I told her I needed some time. That our relationship was going to be too hard to maintain with both of us working and that we should just not be involved anymore. She seemed to breathe a sign of relief and took my hand. She smiled and nodded in agreement. That was what she wanted. I didn't know what her reasons were, but I wanted her happy. Why not make it seem like that's what I wanted too?
About a year has passed since then. The two of us ran into each other a few times between now and then and we never did share much conversation. It hurt too much to talk to her. To see her without being able to hold her. To feel her skin against mine and those full beautiful lips pressed against mine. I don't know what came over me when I invited her out here. I thought I was going to be okay with seeing her. I wanted her to see the show. I'd been with her for a few months and she never saw us perform. I got so nervous. Jesus fuck, I cleaned my house. I never clean my house. I wasn't sure what to do. I'll admit right now, I, Shannon Bruce West, lost my cool over a girl.
We've been having fun the last couple days. Spending every moment together, laughing, joking, teasing, cuddling, sharing jokes and moments. Last night we even shared a kiss. A kiss that felt so right. So perfect. So familiar. I don't want her to go back to New York. I don't want to go off and start filming my movie, leaving things as is. I've never had so many mixed emotions about one subject before in my life.
Where do we go from here?
I've been thinking a lot about the past lately. Having Monica around has been a breath of fresh air for me. The reason for us breaking up has been floating around both of our minds and I don't think either of us could understand why we did it. I certainly couldn't tell you off the top of my head why I let someone like her go. She had her reasons, but I don't think I had mine. If you've been in at least two relationships you know those words that are going to dictate the rest of the conversation. I think we need to talk.. Those are the words she brought into conversation. I panicked. I knew what was coming, but I kept my cool. I didn't let her know that my heart had crumbled into a million pieces. I'm not stupid. I knew she wasn't going to bring up a conversation about the Orlando Magic. Before she could say anything, I told her I needed some time. That our relationship was going to be too hard to maintain with both of us working and that we should just not be involved anymore. She seemed to breathe a sign of relief and took my hand. She smiled and nodded in agreement. That was what she wanted. I didn't know what her reasons were, but I wanted her happy. Why not make it seem like that's what I wanted too?
About a year has passed since then. The two of us ran into each other a few times between now and then and we never did share much conversation. It hurt too much to talk to her. To see her without being able to hold her. To feel her skin against mine and those full beautiful lips pressed against mine. I don't know what came over me when I invited her out here. I thought I was going to be okay with seeing her. I wanted her to see the show. I'd been with her for a few months and she never saw us perform. I got so nervous. Jesus fuck, I cleaned my house. I never clean my house. I wasn't sure what to do. I'll admit right now, I, Shannon Bruce West, lost my cool over a girl.
We've been having fun the last couple days. Spending every moment together, laughing, joking, teasing, cuddling, sharing jokes and moments. Last night we even shared a kiss. A kiss that felt so right. So perfect. So familiar. I don't want her to go back to New York. I don't want to go off and start filming my movie, leaving things as is. I've never had so many mixed emotions about one subject before in my life.
Where do we go from here?