I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
I never write. I always start and then end up erasing the whole thing because every time I write, it's always something negative. I don't want to be that girl that has nothing good to say but I can't help but dwell on the bad things. Once I sit down to write, I've forgetten the compliments I've received but the insults are still fresh in my mind. Pessimism is a disease.
Focusing on the brighter side of life, I got straight A's last semester. I guess that shows that if I want something badly enough, I can achieve it. School has been my major focus since I started in the fall. I am 1/3 of the way through right now so it is very likely that I will be transferring for the fall semester of 2006 and if I play my cards right, maybe by next spring. That is a big maybe, however, and I don't know if I would want to transfer in the middle of the year like that, anyway. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. In the meantime, my classes are great. I'm just in that panic mode I'm always in the first few weeks of school. Once I relax and settle in, I'll start sleeping again. Then again, in the world of Shannon there if no such thing as relax. This semester will be a little more challenging than the last one. I'm really only worried about English and poly sci. English is full of Dickens and Shakespeare and pretty challenging literature I have to force my way through but my professor is a riot so I think it will be bearable at the very least. Poly sci terrifies me and excites me at the same time. It is a political theory class so the subject matter is right up my alley but I am very intimidated. I am the youngest in the class (everyone else looks considerably older, like mid-20's) and all of the other students are brilliant. I feel like a moron in comparison. It's a discussion-based class so I don't want to humiliate myself by having nothing to contribute. The only other drawbacks of this semester are my weird times. I don't start until 12 every day, except Friday. That sounds great because I can sleep in, but it isn't very time efficient because the time I'm using to sleep in is being wasted instead of utilized to do something productive like read or work. I have two 3-hour night classes and it takes double the discipline to force myself to make the second trip and go back for them. I also have another Friday 9-12. Bummer, man. On the plus side, I have all male teachers. I needed some testosterone in my life.
Work is great. I enjoy it as much as one can enjoy their part-time retail job. People are assholes but you get over it. I mostly enjoy all of the unlikely friends I've made. Everyone is so different and that is really refreshing. I also really appreciate the fact that my work doesn't interfere with my life. I don't work 8 hour shifts and I'm rarely scheduled to work nights on the weekend. I think I wouldn't like my job if it cut into the time I would normally spend studying, having some me time, or hanging out with my friends. I can do it all.
I went through a phase. I touched upon this in the last entry but I have just gotten fed up with being involved in so many one-sided friendships. I like planning things but I get so tired of always being the one that calls them and always being the one that plans every single thing we do. If my friends don't call me when I live 2 miles away, they won't call me when I live 1,000 miles away. When Christmas break started, I let go a little. I stopped calling those people that take a mile when I give an inch. They didn't miraculously start calling me and I didn't expect them to but I doubt they even gave the absence of my calls a second thought. Consequently, I had a lot of spare time. I worked, I read, I went to the movies alone, and I went out with friends when the mood struck me and when they called me and I wasn't the one that organized the thing. A friendship is a relationship that involves effort from both parties and I refuse to do 95% of the work anymore. If that means letting go of some people that once meant a lot to me, then maybe that's how it has to be. I don't have the time or energy to hold everything together. It's not healthy, but I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship in my life. I talked to Stephanie tonight and came to the conclusion that we all have paranoid delusions that everyone else is hanging out with each other and purposely not including us when in actuality we're all just sitting alone at our houses wondering what the other one is doing. Whatever the case may be, I don't mind calling people and planning things if those people are also willing to do the same. I need some balance in my life. I need to meet some new people, hold onto the ones that matter most, and dump the rest. So there's your dose of negativity.
Nothing is ever new with me. I need a change. A good change would be nice. But for now, I need to go to bed so I can wake up for my lovely 9:00 Friday class. Peace.
Focusing on the brighter side of life, I got straight A's last semester. I guess that shows that if I want something badly enough, I can achieve it. School has been my major focus since I started in the fall. I am 1/3 of the way through right now so it is very likely that I will be transferring for the fall semester of 2006 and if I play my cards right, maybe by next spring. That is a big maybe, however, and I don't know if I would want to transfer in the middle of the year like that, anyway. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. In the meantime, my classes are great. I'm just in that panic mode I'm always in the first few weeks of school. Once I relax and settle in, I'll start sleeping again. Then again, in the world of Shannon there if no such thing as relax. This semester will be a little more challenging than the last one. I'm really only worried about English and poly sci. English is full of Dickens and Shakespeare and pretty challenging literature I have to force my way through but my professor is a riot so I think it will be bearable at the very least. Poly sci terrifies me and excites me at the same time. It is a political theory class so the subject matter is right up my alley but I am very intimidated. I am the youngest in the class (everyone else looks considerably older, like mid-20's) and all of the other students are brilliant. I feel like a moron in comparison. It's a discussion-based class so I don't want to humiliate myself by having nothing to contribute. The only other drawbacks of this semester are my weird times. I don't start until 12 every day, except Friday. That sounds great because I can sleep in, but it isn't very time efficient because the time I'm using to sleep in is being wasted instead of utilized to do something productive like read or work. I have two 3-hour night classes and it takes double the discipline to force myself to make the second trip and go back for them. I also have another Friday 9-12. Bummer, man. On the plus side, I have all male teachers. I needed some testosterone in my life.
Work is great. I enjoy it as much as one can enjoy their part-time retail job. People are assholes but you get over it. I mostly enjoy all of the unlikely friends I've made. Everyone is so different and that is really refreshing. I also really appreciate the fact that my work doesn't interfere with my life. I don't work 8 hour shifts and I'm rarely scheduled to work nights on the weekend. I think I wouldn't like my job if it cut into the time I would normally spend studying, having some me time, or hanging out with my friends. I can do it all.
I went through a phase. I touched upon this in the last entry but I have just gotten fed up with being involved in so many one-sided friendships. I like planning things but I get so tired of always being the one that calls them and always being the one that plans every single thing we do. If my friends don't call me when I live 2 miles away, they won't call me when I live 1,000 miles away. When Christmas break started, I let go a little. I stopped calling those people that take a mile when I give an inch. They didn't miraculously start calling me and I didn't expect them to but I doubt they even gave the absence of my calls a second thought. Consequently, I had a lot of spare time. I worked, I read, I went to the movies alone, and I went out with friends when the mood struck me and when they called me and I wasn't the one that organized the thing. A friendship is a relationship that involves effort from both parties and I refuse to do 95% of the work anymore. If that means letting go of some people that once meant a lot to me, then maybe that's how it has to be. I don't have the time or energy to hold everything together. It's not healthy, but I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship in my life. I talked to Stephanie tonight and came to the conclusion that we all have paranoid delusions that everyone else is hanging out with each other and purposely not including us when in actuality we're all just sitting alone at our houses wondering what the other one is doing. Whatever the case may be, I don't mind calling people and planning things if those people are also willing to do the same. I need some balance in my life. I need to meet some new people, hold onto the ones that matter most, and dump the rest. So there's your dose of negativity.
Nothing is ever new with me. I need a change. A good change would be nice. But for now, I need to go to bed so I can wake up for my lovely 9:00 Friday class. Peace.